“You’ve lost weight,” mom said, looking me up and down with a critical eye.

“Have I?” I asked uncaringly.

“Your cheekbones look like they’re about to pop out of your face.”

“Don’t exaggerate.”

“You look malnourished.”

“Mom,” I said, rolling my eyes at her.

She had just finished work, and she had popped over to see me. Seth was working a late shift today, so he would probably join us later in the night. Until then, it was just mom and me, eating the pizza and ice cream and trying not to talk about Devlin. At least I was trying, mom seemed intent on discussing the topic to death.

“I’m just saying… there’s no point starving yourself over a man,” mom said.

“Seriously?” I asked. “Have you forgotten the time that one of your boyfriends called you ‘pudgy’ and you went on a liquid diet for two weeks right after?”

“I must have blocked that out,” she said with a smile that told me she knew exactly what I was talking about.

I shook my head at her. “First of all, I am not starving myself for anyone. Look at me… I’m eating ice cream and pizza.”

“No, you’re picking at that piece of pizza, and all your ice cream has melted because you’re not actually eating any of it.”

I sighed. “I’m not hungry,” I said, pushing away my plate and closing the lid on the ice cream tub.

“You haven’t been hungry for a month.”

“I’m preoccupied.”

“Darling… maybe you should talk to him—”

“This has nothing to do with him,” I snapped. Of course, I was lying. It had everything to do with him, but I was just in one of those rebellious moods that meant I just wanted to disagree with everything mom said. “I’m just… I need to find a real job, and I need to find a place to live. I can’t stay here with Seth forever… and anyway there’s no room.”

“You can stay with me if you want,” mom said.

“Thank you, but no,” I said firmly. “Your apartment isn’t much bigger and… it gets crowded over there.”

“Are you referring to my… friends?”

“You mean your boyfriends?” I corrected. “Yes, I am.”

“They’re not really boyfriends.”

“Fine then,” I said. “Booty calls.”

“Zoey.”

“Do you deny that’s what they are?” I demanded. “I mean they’re here one day, and then they’re gone the next. What do you need them for if not for sex?”

“Maybe I just don’t want to be tied down.”

I scoffed. “Or maybe you just don’t know how to pick a man.”

“That’s interesting coming from you,” mom said, cocking her head to the side.

I paused and then sighed. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m just—”

“It’s ok, darling,” mom said gently, putting her hand on my arm. “I know what’s it’s like to go through a breakup. God knows I’ve had plenty of them. I understand.”

“I’m taking this out on you, and that’s not fair.”

“Like I said, just forget about it.”

I smiled at mom and nodded in gratitude. She may not have been the perfect mother, she may not even be the most traditional mother but she was there for me when I needed her, and that really was all you needed.

“What was it like?” I asked suddenly. “Your first big breakup I mean… with your first serious boyfriend?”

Mom raised her eyebrows and let out a low breath. “Well that would be Seth’s father,” she said. “I was so young… only seventeen when I found out I was pregnant. I had been with his father since we were both fourteen years old and I thought we’d be together forever.”

“Of course that changed the moment he found out I was pregnant. We didn’t even have a breakup… he was just there one day and gone the next. He never even said goodbye. Later I found out that his parents had convinced him to go to college abroad and to forget about me.”

“And Seth,” I added.

Mom nodded. “They felt it was my problem… not their son’s. It took me a long time to get over that though… I really loved Seth’s father.”

“How long?”

“More than a year,” mom admitted.

“A year?”

“He was my first love,” mom explained. “And I was a young single mother who wanted some care and love and… support. For a long time I blamed his parents, but then as I got older, I forced myself to see the truth. They would never have been able to convince him to leave if he had wanted to stay and do the right thing by Seth and me.”

“And with… my father?” I asked.

“That took a shorter time,” mom replied. “I was prepared for that breakup. We had been unhappy for a while, and I think I knew he was going to leave before he actually left. That was hard for me because I had you… and I didn’t know how to explain. But somehow… we managed to get through it, didn’t we?”

“I was young,” I said. “And anyway, he wasn’t that great a father while he was around… I guess I didn’t notice that much when he left. You and Seth really made sure I didn’t feel it.”

Mom smiled. “You don’t have to say that for my benefit,” she said. “I know that Seth was the one who really helped you through that period.”

“You helped too… in your own ways,” I said.

Mom gave me a kiss on the forehead as she headed to the sink to wash her plate. “You’re a good kid, Zo,” she said. “You always have been. But you’re stronger than I am, and you’ll get over this break up soon. Don’t worry.”

“It’s been a month mom,” I said. “And… I still think about him constantly. I love him… and nothing about that love has changed.”

“He was your first,” mom pointed out. “First loves tend to be the hardest to get over. You’ll need to be patient and strong.”

I sighed and leaned back in my seat. “I actually thought about calling him yesterday.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I’m still angry with him,” I said, and then I looked at the clock. “Seth should be home by now.”

“Is there a reason you’re waiting for him?” mom asked shrewdly.

“I… well…”

“Devlin’s starts his community service today, huh?” mom asked.

“Did Seth tell you that?” I asked.

“He didn’t have to,” mom replied. “I guessed.”

“Am I that transparent?”

“To me… yes,” mom nodded.

A few moments later, we heard Seth’s key in the door, and I waited expectantly. He walked in looking tired and slightly grumpy, but I pushed the remaining pizza towards him and tried not to look too eager.

“Hi,” I said. “How was your day?”

“Fine,” he shrugged, grabbing a piece of pizza. “I already ate… but what the hell.”

I didn’t want to seem too eager, but he was also chewing really slowly, and I was starting to grow impatient. “So,” I said. “How was your day?”

Seth frowned and looked up at me. “You asked me that already.”

“Did I?”

Seth glanced at mom and then back at me. “You want to know if Devlin showed up, huh?”

“Well… yeah,” I nodded, giving up on appearing uncaring and indifferent. “Did he?”

“He did,” Seth nodded, taking another bite of pizza.

“And?”

“And nothing,” Seth said. “He showed up, I checked him in and then gave him a bunch of work to do. I made sure to stick him with the shitty jobs.”

I tried to smile, but my face didn’t seem to want to listen. “Did you talk to him?”

“I kind of had to,” Seth replied.

“About… anything personal I mean,” I said, trying to contain my impatience.

Seth wiped his hands and looked at me pointedly. “It doesn’t look like you’re doing a very good job trying to get over him,” he said.

I sighed. “Seth.”

“Ok, ok,” Seth nodded. “We spoke a little.”

“What did he say?”

“He asked about you,” Seth replied. “He asked how you were.”

“And what did you say?”

“I said you had moved on and you already had a new boyfriend.”

“What!” I gasped. “You didn’t.”

“What does it matter if I did?” Seth asked.

“It’s untrue.”

“We don’t owe him the truth.”

“Maybe not but… I just…”

“Calm down,” Seth said quickly. “I didn’t tell him that. I just said you were doing better every day… which is kind of true.”

“Anything else?” I asked.

“One more thing,” Seth nodded.

I raised my eyebrows and waited.

“He’s moving out of his apartment.”

“Really?” I asked, in surprise. “Why?”

“He can’t afford to keep it now.”

“He can get another roommate,” I said.

“I don’t think he wants another roommate,” Seth said.

“Did he say that?”

“He didn’t have to,” Seth replied. “It was implied. Anyway, he’s leaving at the end of the month, and he wanted me to pass on the message to you… in case you wanted first dibs.”

“Oh,” I said, letting the offer sink in. “Ok…”

I saw Seth and mom exchange a glance. “So… what do you think?” Seth asked.

“I don’t know… I’d have to think about it,” I said. “I mean I couldn’t afford to live there by myself.”

“But you could always advertise for a roommate,” mom pointed out. “You do love the place.”

“I do,” I nodded. “But… I’m not sure if I loved that apartment because of it or… because of him.”

“Well you don’t have to make a decision immediately,” Seth said. “Take a few days and think about it.”

“He’s really moving out?” I asked Seth.

“Yes.”

“Where will he go?”

“I didn’t ask… and he didn’t volunteer the information,” Seth said. “It shouldn’t matter to you either way though.”

“I know,” I said. “And I don’t want to care but… I do.”

“Well, he mentioned that he was going to have his work exhibited soon,” Seth told me.

“Really?” I asked. “White lines Gallery?”

“Um… I’m not sure; I can’t remember if he mentioned the name of the gallery.”

“Well, I’m glad for him… he’s an amazing painter… he deserves to have his work put on display.”

We fell silent, and I felt like my head was going to explode from all the questions circling around inside it. I wanted to get over Devlin, but at the same time, I didn’t want to get over him. I loved him, and I had loved being in love with him. He had lied to me… and he had betrayed my trust but… it didn’t feel over between us.

“Seth?”

“Yes?”

“I want to ask you a question, and I need you to put aside your personal feelings about everything and answer me honestly… ok?”

Seth frowned, but he nodded in the end. “Ok,” he promised.

“Do you think Devlin is a decent guy?”

Seth took a deep breath. “Yes… I do.”

“Really?” I asked, a little taken back by his answer. It had come so quickly that it had taken me off guard.

“If I’m being honest, he reminds me a lot of myself… back when I was doing drugs and slacking off on work and making excuses for myself. But I had you guys, and that was what helped me find myself again. Devlin doesn’t have that support.”

“He had me,” I pointed out. Again, I felt that little spasm of hurt and disappointment. Was I not enough for him?

“I think that was the whole reason he was trying so hard to change,” Seth said.

“Wait… you really think he was trying hard to change?” I asked.

“I actually do,” Seth said.

“I thought you were pissed off at him?” I asked.

“I am pissed off at him,” Seth said vehemently. “He hurt you and every time I think about it I want to kick his ass… but that doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of separating what he wanted to do with what he ended up doing.”

“What would you say if I told you I was thinking of giving him another chance?” I asked.

Seth raised his eyebrows. “Are you?”

“No,” I said. “Yes… urgh… I honestly don’t know. I’m just confused and sad at the moment, and I can’t think straight because of it. I haven’t made a decision yet. I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust him again. And even if I can learn to trust him again, I don’t know if I should. That’s why I just… I guess I just want to know what you think.”

“What I think is that no one knows Devlin like you do,” Seth replied. “This is your relationship and your life… if you choose to give him a chance I will support you. If you choose to move on, I will support you. And if you want me to kick his ass for you, all I need is an address.”

Mom chuckled, and I laughed. “Thank you… I’ll keep that in mind.”