Chapter Seventeen
THEA
“—so you just need to act as though everything is normal,” Dani said, as she and Thea made their way to the nearest portal. “The only time he gets confused is when people act like he’s weird, then he starts to second guess himself and his memories lose their strength.”
“Okay,” Thea said, trying to remember everything she was saying about her dad. It was hard to believe he would actually be lucid and communicable when she saw him. A tinge of both excitement and nausea kept her wired.
Dani stopped outside a tall soft-pink building. Thea had learned during the searching of her mother’s charges, that portals in the Angel Realm were golden archways attached to the side wall of most of the buildings. It seemed like any who used them would walk directly into the wall of the building, but actually, the archways took angels to the portal nearest to the place they intended to go. However, on the return, angels would materialize at certain areas called ‘arrival grounds.’ There were only two in the small area she had become familiar with during her time in the Angel Realm, and everyone was almost anal about keeping those areas clear at all times.
“Ready?” Dani asked.
“We have to wait for Cam,” Thea said, glancing up at his building to see if he was on his way. She left earlier than him so they wouldn’t arrive together.
Dani’s eyes widened. “Camael is coming with us?”
Thea nodded. “He wants to make sure we’re safe.”
Dani frowned. “Why wouldn’t we be?”
“He’s been on a dangerous assignment lately, and since he trained me, he wants to make sure I’m not targeted,” Thea said, trying to stick to the truth as much as possible.
Dani practically melted and went all dreamy-eyed. “That’s so sweet of him.”
Thea couldn’t help but grin with her. “Yeah, it is.”
“You never know,” Dani said, giving Thea a knowing look, ”maybe he’s ready for another mate.”
Thea’s grin faltered. “Another mate?”
“Yeah. I don’t think I’ve heard of him doing anything like that for someone before.” Dani shrugged. “Maybe he’s healed now. That’s great.”
Thea frowned. “Healed from what.”
“His intended mate dying.”
Thea’s mouth dropped open, a sinking feeling coiled in her stomach. “What?”
“Well, angels can arrange to have mates—”
“Yeah, yeah, I know all that,” Thea said hurriedly.
“Well Cam’s mate died,” Dani said. “I think it was in some demon attack. I don’t know the full story but apparently, it was pretty brutal.”
Thea struggled to breathe. Cam had a mate before? Why the fuck didn’t he ever say anything? “How do you know?”
“Oh, everyone in the Realm knows Camael’s story. He had a seriously hard time when he lost his mate and vowed never to take another one. Such a sad thing to happen before they were even mated. It was after her death that he did his most impressive kills. He killed demons like a machine for two millenniums. He’s always come across moody, grumpy, serious… at least, that what people have always said. I don’t think he’s like that at all.”
Thea hummed in response but her mind raced, searching for any memory where Cam had mentioned a past mate. She couldn’t recall any.
“Was she an arranged mate or a natural mate?” she asked.
“Arranged,” Dani said. “But they were obviously close if he went a bit crazy after her death. Maybe he did truly love her. I don’t know.” She gave Thea a sideways glance. “But I do know I’m never asking him that question.” As she chuckled, Thea smiled, trying to hide the disappointment resounding in her.
Cam had had a mate once before that he cared for deeply. And he chose not to tell her, even after she had clearly told him she wanted to know everything. Maybe he didn’t think it was important—it did happen way before they even met. And yet part of her still felt betrayed. This history about him was important, and he had decided to keep it from her. Maybe he thought she couldn’t handle it after how she behaved with him when she had arrived in the Realm. Maybe with all of this new information about her mother, he didn’t want to add more to her plate. But that wasn’t a good enough reason. Not when everyone else in the Realm knew. Not when their actual relationship started way before she even arrived here.
“Ah, here he is,” Dani said, her voice in awe.
Thea lifted her gaze to watch him descend, and couldn’t help but smile. He had such a powerful nature everything seemed to stop when he was near.
“Dani, Thea,” he said curtly, nodding to them both. He gestured to the archway and said to Dani, “After you.”
As Dani headed through the archway, Cam shot a smile at Thea and she blew him a kiss, instantly deciding she would focus on her father for now. She could always talk to Cam before he went back on the assignment and find out what had happened and why he hadn’t told her. He had done so much for her—he deserved the chance to explain.
***
Dani led Thea and Cam from the portal along a quiet street to the care home. As they went, Dani chatted about the different caregivers; which ones looked after Thea’s father and which ones were only there for the money. As they approached and entered the home, nervousness fluttered within Thea and she slowed, her heart racing. She hadn’t seen her father in so long, she wasn’t even sure how much time had passed in the human world since she said goodbye to him when she left with Cam. Her nerves gave way to guilt.
Cam slipped his hand into hers and squeezed. She glanced up at him and he nodded at her, before moving away as Dani turned to them both.
“When we go in, don’t mention anything about me to Mark, I mean your dad,” Dani said. “He has never seen me and I think, if you want to get answers, it has to feel like it’s just you and him—no new stimulus for his brain to have to wrap around.” She smiled at Cam. “That means you can’t let him see you either. It’s probably best we don’t even speak at all, in case he senses us. His mind is already sensitive.”
Cam grunted in response.
“Once we’re in there,” Dani continued, turning back to Thea, “just talk to him like everything’s normal and then ask your questions.”
“But will he remember why he’s even in here?” Thea said. “Will he remember our previous conversations? How can I act like everything’s normal?”
“Most of his memory is healed,” Dani explained. “So he remembers everything up to a certain point. But where there has been severe damage, things will slip by him that he can’t hold on to or might not remember at all.”
Thea’s throat closed up. “Severe damage?”
Dani nodded, sympathy all over her face. “There’s some severe damage there, Thea. There are things he’ll never remember. That’s why we needed to do this now. As time goes on, his memories may become distorted. Some things he will be clear about for the rest of his days, whereas other things, he’ll need help.” She glanced at his door and then peered back at Thea. “Ready?”
Thea nodded, squaring her shoulders. The receptionist signed her in and led her to his door. Thea knocked and her father called from the inside. She opened the door into a large, colorful room with a bed in one corner and a TV in another. In front of the TV was an armchair, where her father sat. He still looked the same—gray hair and gentle eyes—but seemed much healthier, with a colorful glow to his skin, and an alertness she hadn’t seen before. As he saw her, his face stretched in clear surprise and he jumped up.
“Thea!” He rushed over to her, hugging her. “Where have you been, sweetheart? I’ve been waiting for you to come and visit for ages!”
“Sorry, Dad,” Thea said, hugging him back. “I was away.”
Her dad pulled back, a frown on his face. “Oh yeah, traveling, right? Amber said you were enjoying it, but she hasn’t heard from you in a while. You should call her.”
Thea couldn’t stop the grin from forming on her face as he led her into his room. He remembered!
“You know it’s dangerous for a young girl to go about traveling the world on her own,” her dad said, dropping into his armchair and giving her a disapproving look. “You had me worried. If I had known you’d be away this long, I’d never have allowed it.”
Thea laughed as she sat opposite him on the end of his bed. “Allowed it? Dad, I’m twenty-two. I’m a big girl now,” she said, somewhat sarcastically.
Her dad snorted. “A big girl who can’t even remember her age. Twenty-three, Thea.”
She paused, confused.
“You didn’t call on your birthday,” he continued.
Thea glanced at Cam and he nodded. Her birthday had already passed in the human world, but she didn’t even feel like she had gotten used to being twenty-two. No wonder all the angels in the Angel Realm looked like they never aged.
“Amber has been going out of her mind. She said you’ve never spent a birthday apart since you were seven.”
Oh no, poor Amber. Cam had said she couldn’t visit Amber yet but that she could call her. She would have to grovel to get out of not at least calling on her birthday.
He rose from his chair. “You know, I should let her know you’re here.”
“No, wait Dad,” Thea said quickly. “I’m going to call her as soon as I leave, I promise.”
Her dad pressed his lips together. “Make sure you do,” he said sternly, returning to his seat. “That girl has been coming to see me for ages and she’s not even my own daughter. You shouldn’t make her worry.”
Guilt surged again in Thea, but she pushed it away. She had to get to the point of why she was there.
“I need to talk to you about the angels. Again.”
Her dad stiffened.
“About Mom. I need answers, Dad.”
He fidgeted in his chair. “Do we need to talk about it again?”
“We didn’t talk about it properly last time,” Thea said, almost defensively.
Dani moved to face her, behind her dad, shaking her head. She turned her attention to Thea’s father, her palms twisted to face him. She was clearly working on his mind, probing it with her abilities. Her dad relaxed into his chair, his eyes on the TV. Thea waited until Dani nodded at her before she continued.
“I need you to tell me about Mom,” Thea said, her voice quiet. “We haven’t talked much about her, but there’s something I need to know. I need you to tell me everything, Dad.”
Her father looked at her, guilt and regret clear on his face. “You told me you could see them. Is that still true?”
Thea nodded.
He sighed. Then after a long moment, he nodded.
“I used to work uptown for a marketing firm,” he began. “I was a favorite on the design team because clients always wanted my ideas. I made the company loads of money and got them great attention and referrals, and so I earned a lot of perks. I started to spin out of control—drinking, partying, girls, drugs…” he glanced away from Thea. “Many things I’m not proud of now. I began to struggle to create the ideas that my company hired me for, and soon my boss was giving me ultimatums to come up with ideas for the many clients that wanted to utilize my talent, or he would demote me. We argued constantly. I was under a lot of stress, I started to lose weight, my hair began falling out—I was a mess.
“I starting walking in the city at night to clear my mind and began to feel better, calmer. I felt like someone was walking with me. I thought it was my muse, so I began to talk to her. I told her about the pressure I was under, how annoyed I was that my creativity was being forced. I complained about my life, about being alone, how disappointed I was with my behavior, how much I missed my parents, how I expected to have a big family by now with loads of children.” He paused, tears forming in his eyes. “And my muse listened and inspired something so strong in me I couldn’t name. She gave me courage, faith, and resolve to improve. Before I knew it, I was back on top. I was healthy, my ideas were some of the best I’d ever had, my boss loved me again, and I was once again the golden child. I won design awards and became hot property. Other companies began offering me jobs all over the country, but I didn’t take them. I stopped going on my nightly walks but still felt the presence of my muse and still spoke to her.
“Then…” he paused, swallowing. “I became infatuated with one of my clients. She was the CEO of a women’s sports brand and wanted to work with me on my ideas. We had many late nights at the office and one thing led to another. We were terrible for each other and the relationship was destructive. She used the fact she was my client to force me into things I didn’t want to do on the project. I began to drink again, I stopped talking to my muse and lost my creative edge again. Finally, the result of the campaign was terrible. The client walked away from it, and me, and my boss was furious and fired me. I lost my apartment and moved to a crappy part of town. I ended up going back to walking during the night, and then I realized; I could no longer feel my muse. That scared and worried me more than anything else. I felt abandoned and fell into a horrible despair. I didn’t even know when the feeling had gone, but I was desperate to get it back so I did everything I could; took classes, prayed, traveled, made amends with anyone I had wronged, even endangered my life doing mad stunts to try and get some of that feeling back. When I realized I’d never get it again, I didn’t see any point in living. My creativity was all I had and if it was gone, I was nothing. I bought enough alcohol to drown my sorrows and settled myself on the roof of a building. I didn’t expect to wake up the next day.”
Thea’s dad lowered his eyes, and the sense of horror that had risen in Thea threatened to choke her.
“I happily started drinking,” he said. “Then your mother showed herself to me. She just appeared in her full angel-form standing before me.”
Thea held her breath.
“And she was furious.”
“What?” Thea snorted. “She was mad at you for going through all of that?”
“She said she had helped me get over my issues the first time when I had confided in her and spent all that time with her on our long walks, and she encouraged me to get back on track. She had even made sure I was offered other jobs because my boss was unreliable and didn’t respect my talent, but I didn’t take any of them.” He sighed, smiling at the memory. “I stood up, marveling at her beauty and her wings and how… gorgeous she was. She told me I wasn’t worth her time, and that she couldn’t believe she had spent so much time on me and neglected all her other charges. And now I was trying to kill myself like everything she did hadn’t been worth it, and I was a wimp.
“As she tore me to pieces, I edged closer and closer to her, trying to figure out if she was real, or if I was hallucinating, or even high. Then she started ranting about the client I had been involved with, and I could hardly believe it, but it was clear as day… she was jealous. She wouldn’t let me get a word in, even when I grabbed her hand. But once I realized I could touch her, I kissed her. It was the only way to shut her up anyway.”
Thea smiled, a deep sense of satisfaction building within her. Her parents’ story seemed so… romantic. She suddenly noticed Cam looking at her pointedly and lifting his eyebrows. She frowned at him but he pointed at her and mouthed ‘Like mother, like daughter.’ She stifled a grin.
“We were inseparable after that,” her father continued. “She told me all about the Angel Realm and about demons and the different angels. She helped me set up my own consulting agency and get it off the ground. We were together happily for eight years, but as I got older, she began to worry she couldn’t satisfy me without giving me children. I told her she was enough but she never believed me, not with the amount of emphasis I had placed on it during our initial walks, when I didn’t know she existed. She petitioned the Thrones to mate with me but they refused.”
Thea started in surprise. “Angels can mate with humans?”
Her dad nodded. “It’s uncommon, and it’s only one way, but it can happen.”
Thea frowned. What did he mean by one way? She opened her mouth to ask but Dani shook her head.
“After their refusal she became desperate. Three more years passed and she felt sure she would lose me. So she Fell.” Tears trickled down his cheeks and he closed his eyes at the memory. “I was so mad at her. She had no idea how to navigate the world as a human, and I had to work. I couldn’t be with her all the time. And all those other charges she gave up on needed her, too. She enjoyed helping them, and I knew she would be lost without doing what she was made to do.” He opened his eyes. “Fallen angels can end up going mad. They miss the feel of the Creator and crave that feeling. The absence of it makes them do undesirable things and the pressure of the human world, the horror of all the things that happen here, can be distressing to them. So I was really worried about her. But then you came along. And it all seemed worth it.”
Thea exhaled slowly. Her parents had seemed very much in love, and her mother seemed to have been a decent angel but there were still many things unexplained. Thea leaned forward, almost holding her breath as she asked, “Was she pregnant before she Fell? Or after?”
“Initially I thought it was after,” her dad said. “But it became very clear that she had been pregnant before she Fell.”
Thea nodded, but she was still tense. “How? How did she do that?”
Her dad fidgeted, and his face actually began to redden. He avoided looking her in the eye and mumbled his answer.
“Dad,” Thea said, kneeling on the floor beside him and taking his hand. “Nothing you say will embarrass me. Big girl, right here, remember?”
Her dad exhaled. “Okay, sweetheart.” He gathered his thoughts. “When your mom started to get worried about losing me, we always… um… made love with her in her angel-form.”
Thea nodded, encouraging him on.
“She didn’t go into the Angel Realm for months at a time, but when she did, she would connect to the Stream for hours.”
“Why?”
“She told me she thought that the Stream energy would encourage the growth of the baby if she was already pregnant, instead of preventing it.”
Thea didn’t understand that, but Dani indicated for her to let him move on.
“Then, after years of trying and seeing no results, she decided to Fall. She sent all of her energy into the Stream and woke up in the human world.”
Thea watched him closely. “Is that how to do it? Is that how angels Fall?”
“Yes, that’s how I understood it.” Her father looked utterly miserable and she squeezed his hand. “For a few weeks, we had a hard time adjusting. I was so angry with her, but I couldn’t hold onto it forever. I mean, she Fell to be with me, to give me what I wanted.” He shook his head. “I’ve never known of someone to make that kind of sacrifice.”
Thea’s throat ached as unspent tears built up and she blinked them away. “What happened next?”
“She discovered she was pregnant and that she was already three months along. The pregnancy helped her from falling into the depression that most fallen angels suffer from.” More tears fell. “She was so excited,” he whispered.
Dani was standing right behind him now, her brows furrowed, her hands up hovering around his head as her whole body flickered.
“Then what,” Thea murmured. “Why did she leave?”
“Then…” his face contorted. “Then we moved a few times…” his shook his head and lowered it. “She didn’t like… she wasn’t happy…”
Dani shook her head wildly and Thea squeezed her father’s hands again.
“Don’t worry, Dad,” she said. “That’s enough for today. Thank you for telling me.”
He murmured something she didn’t hear, then pulled her into a hug. “There’s some things I don’t remember, Thea,” he whispered to her. “I don’t know why. There’s big gaps. Especially about times with you and your Mom together, when you were growing up.” He pulled back and looked at her. “Is it because I’m getting old? Is that why I’m in this place?”
Thea couldn’t help but let the tears fall, her heartbreak racking through her chest. “No, Dad. I just wanted to make sure someone kept an eye on you when I went away.”
He seemed comforted by that, but then looked at her closely. “But your mother and I got married, didn’t we? I was a good husband and father, right?”
The memory of his bewildered expression that had been burned into her mind throughout the years swam in her mind. The one she’d seen after every birthday, every missed dinner, every time he couldn’t remember what he had forgotten. “O-of course, Daddy,” Thea said, smiling through her tears as she hugged him again. “The best.”
***
Thea walked back toward the portal, her head crowded with all the information about her family, a jumble of emotions trembling through her. Her mom and dad had been so in love, so clearly perfect for one another. She had sacrificed everything she loved, and everything she was, to be with him and to give him what she thought he needed, and had even gotten pregnant against all odds. And what had it all been for? How could things have gone so terribly wrong? Why would her mom torture him after all she had done for him beforehand?
“Thea.”
She looked up. She had stopped in the middle of the pavement and Cam stood before her.
“Thea.” The concern in his eyes calmed her, somewhat. “Talk to me.”
She shook her head, afraid she would burst into tears if she tried to speak. Her dad had been so clear about so much, and she could just imagine what kind of relationship they may have had if he hadn’t been so damaged. And now, he was lost and confused about his situation. He thought her mom had died, not left. He didn’t know how shit Thea’s childhood had been, or how long she had blamed him for it. She pressed her lips together but the sobs forced their way out.
Cam pulled her to him as she broke, sobbing into his chest as he stroked her hair. “I’m so sorry, Elithea. I’m so sorry.”
She breathed him in, pressing herself to him, sobs racking her body until she calmed.
Pulling away, she wiped her eyes. “At least we know the truth about what I am.”
Cam nodded, his eyes searching her face. “A Nephilim, just like I said.”
She smiled up at him, gladness and admiration spreading in her for his unfailing belief. “Yes, you were right, Cam.”
He gave her a soft snort. “Did you doubt? I’m always right.”
She giggled, and the pressure weighing down on her lightened. She sighed. ”I didn’t understand some of the things he said. I still don’t get how my mom got pregnant.”
Cam sobered. “She was taking energy from the Stream.”
“Taking energy? Is that possible?”
“I’ve only heard about some angels doing it, but yes, it’s possible. Your father said she was using energy from the Stream to make sure her pregnancy remained even though she had entered the Realm, which would have canceled it out. But if she was pregnant while she was taking energy from the Stream, that could also be what has made you so strong.”
Thea nodded. That made sense. “But did she know it would do that?” she wondered out loud. Cam didn’t answer, and when she looked up his eyes were flicking over her head, taking in their surroundings.
She tensed. “What, Cam?”
“You need to get back to the portal.” He sounded serious. “I sent Daniah on to wait for you there. I’ll watch until you’ve gone through.”
“I need to call Amber.”
He glanced at her. “I’m sorry, Thea. It’s not possible now. I’ll try and escort you another time.”
A mild sense of alarm tingled at the fact he was going straight back onto the assignment without giving her chance to speak to him. “When will you be back? I need to talk to—”
“Now, Thea. Quickly.”
She turned and hurried back to the portal, where Dani was waiting, looking more serious than she had ever seen.
“I’m sorry, Thea.” She said, placing a hand on her arm. “I had no idea.”
Thea smiled at her. “Thanks for healing him, Dani, I really appreciate it.” She glanced back and saw Cam watching them. Then she felt it—a tingle of energy coming from beyond Cam. It was harsh, crinkled and rough, nothing like how an angel’s energy felt. Demons. “Cam said we need to go.”
As they stepped through the portal, Thea battled with the feeling of dread as she wondered if Cam would be all right, when she would see him next, and which Cam he would be.