Chapter Twenty-Two
THEA
Thea hovered on the edge of consciousness, drifting in a sea of silent, fragmented images she couldn’t quite grasp. They rushed by her, just out of her reach, passing with muffled sounds, smells and noises she thought she recognized. One image came toward her and enveloped her; a woman, smiling, laughing, talking. Dark hair framed her face and her eyes were a deep, glassy grey-blue. She was beautiful. She leaned in for a kiss and sharp pain shot through Thea. She woke with a start, her heart pounding.
She looked for Cam but he wasn’t there. Everything was blurry. She blinked several times for the room to come into focus. Where was she? She gazed around at her unfamiliar surroundings trying to remember how she got there. It was a plain room, mostly white with a bed, a few chairs and a table with compartments next to her bed, a jug of water, bottles, and containers on it. The window was covered, but daylight shone through. She decided to get up and explore but an explosive pain shuddered through her whole body, and a sharp stabbing attacked her left shoulder and chest. Her mind began to ache and her mouth was as dry as cotton. What the hell was going on?
She lay still, willing the pain away while thinking back to last thing she remembered. Amber. Maddy. Yes, she’d gone into the human world. Then… Cam.
It came back to her; the brutal fight, the gore and mess, the knife rushing past her, the darkness in Cam’s eyes, the dizziness, the darkness. She swallowed with some difficulty. What had he done after she’d fallen unconscious? He hadn’t known who she was. Judging by the stiffness of her limbs and the soreness in her body, he could have continued attacking her. She was surprised she wasn’t dead. Maybe at some point, he’d realized who she was.
She glanced around the room again trying to figure out how long she’d been there but there was no indication. She tried to reach for the jug of water on the table, but her muscles wouldn’t comply without pain and she figured she’d be too weak to lift it.
She lay back down and her thoughts returned to Cam, unable to ignore the despair that rose in her. It was foolish of her to go anywhere near him when he was in his fighting mode. He wouldn’t have known she was even in the human world. It had been stupid; she should have stayed silent until he had finished or just left him to it. But the shock of what she had seen hit her too hard.
The first time she’d seen him fight, when he’d saved her from the Spectras, he had been brutal then too, hadn’t he? Had it been as bad as what she’d seen in the alley? At the time, she thought nothing of it, nor did she think about it whenever they fought together. What she had seen in the alley, what he had done to the demons was a different breed of violence, one that she hadn’t thought he was even capable of, even in his rage. During that fight, he had been so different—he looked at her with a harshness and indifference that shattered her heart. He basically snarled at her like she was the dark being he’d been convincing her she wasn’t. Cam had vehemently promised not to let anyone hurt her, and yet ultimately, that’s exactly what he had done. Tears pooled in her eyes at the thought of the Cam she’d lost.
The door opened and Zak and another angel she didn’t recognize entered the room in low conversation. Zak saw her first and froze, then a grin spread on his face.
***
Thea spent a long week in bed being prodded and checked and examined. She was told she’d only been unconscious for a day, but her body felt as though she’d been there weeks. She slept a lot at the beginning of the week but, as the exhaustion wore off, she soon became bored. Only her healer and Zak came and went; nobody else was allowed in the room with her. Though she insisted she would heal better with company, the healer just gave her stern looks and told her that she needed as much rest as possible. She had gone a long time with Legion blood in her body, and the healer said it would take a long while for her to fully recover. Zak explained to her what had happened when Cam’s blade cut her and the potency of demon blood and its effect on humans and angels. It made sense why Cam was always so insistent about her keeping her shield up all the time but clearly he didn’t.
She didn’t ask about Cam. The question was always on her tongue, but she couldn’t bring up a subject that made her want to bawl her eyes out. She needed to be stronger first. Zak never mentioned him, though sometimes he regarded her thoughtfully.
At the end of the week, when Thea thought she couldn’t take the isolation anymore, there was a knock on the door and Zak entered with Dani, who beamed at Thea and bent down to give her a hug.
“How are you doing?” Dani said.
“Better now that you’re here,” Thea said ruefully.
Dani settled into the chair beside her. “I’m so glad you’re okay, but you and Cam?” She pursed her lips. “You could have told me.”
Thea opened her mouth to speak, but Dani just kept going.
“I mean, I knew he kinda liked you, he was always looking out for you all the time and did things he didn’t do for anyone else, but the way he went after Eylon? Phew! That was hot—the most incredible thing I’ve seen. I had no idea he was into you like that. You two so suit!”
As she went on, Thea wondered how much she knew. How much had been told to the rest of Angel Realm about her and Cam, and about the cause of her injuries?
“I missed you so much,” Dani said. “You’ll never guess what? I’m kind of partnered with Arik.” Arik was another Virtue angel, who Dani had been highly aware of while she was assigned to Thea’s dad. He was slim as a reed, a little nerdy looking and almost as sweet as Dani. Thea found herself smiling for the first time since she’d been awake as Dani told her all about their first assignment together. It made Thea miss Cam desperately, but it was still a relief to hear Dani talk about something, anything, that might get Thea’s mind out of the four walls she had been stuck in. After Dani was finished gushing about Arik, she looked at Zak with a start, her violet eyes widening as she seemed to only just remember that he was there. She blushed as Zak struggled to keep the smile off his face.
“Umm… I think I have a meeting with him now, actually,” Dani said hurriedly, getting up. She kissed Thea on the cheek and almost stumbled out of the room.
Thea couldn’t help but laugh heartily as Zak approached her bed. It felt good to see Dani again, she was such a character. In fact, it felt good to just laugh again.
Zak took Dani’s seat and reached over to squeeze Thea’s hand.
“How are you feeling, Thea?” he asked softly.
Thea was comforted by his presence. She was thankful that he was there for her. “You tell me, doctor,” she replied, with a half-hearted smile.
He lifted a brow.
“I’m fine,” Thea said, exhaling heavily. “I’m feeling better. I still have a headache but I want to get out of this damn room.”
Zak dipped his head. “I know you do. You’re healing nicely.”
“Good.” Thea smiled at him. “I heard you’re the one that actually saved me.” The healer had told her Zak had worked hard to stop the demon blood from reaching her heart. “Thank you, Zak.”
“I only did what any angel trained in blood healing would have done,” Zak said. “It was Cam that got you here in time.”
Thea drew a breath in. It was the first time he’d mentioned him. She didn’t know how to reply.
“Thea, Camael has been waiting outside your door every day since the attack,” he said. “I told him not to come in until you said it was okay. I assumed you wouldn’t want to speak with him right away.”
Thea looked down at her hands. “You’re right. I don’t know if I can face him.”
“That’s understandable. What he did to you was unforgivable.”
“He didn’t mean to.” Thea couldn’t look Zak in the eyes. It sounded wrong to defend Cam, but she did believe he hadn’t hurt her on purpose. “He just lost control.”
“I know,” Zak said. “Tell me what happened—what you remember.”
Thea thought back and hesitantly recounted the events.
Zak digested the information, his hazel eyes clouded for a long moment. “Why did you leave the Angel Realm, Thea?”
“I needed to see Amber, Zak. I needed someone to talk to who knows me and who understands who I am. Not as a Nephilim, not as Cam’s mate or as a subordinate, but just me.”
Zak held her eye. “You left immediately after coming to see me. You knew you were going and you said nothing. I could have had someone escort you.”
“And risk Cam attacking you because you allowed it? You saw what he did to Elyon,” she exclaimed. “No, I’d rather him be angry with me.”
Zak was silent for a moment, his eyes watching her every move. “How did you feel when you saw him coming toward you?”
Thea’s hands clenched and her heartbeat increased. “I was scared of him,” she whispered.
“Are you still scared of him?”
Thea lifted her shoulders. “I don’t know.”
Zak leaned forward. “When he attacked you, that wasn’t him. That wasn’t the angel you love.”
“I know, Zak.” She strengthened her voice. “But he came toward me and threw the knife. I was calling to him and he still didn’t stop. If the rage can take him over to that degree… I don’t know where the angel I love is.”
Zak held her gaze. “As soon as he realized it was you, he brought you here for me to heal you. He hasn’t left your room door. The assignment is over, and you can both decide how to move forward. Please give him a chance. You know he loves you.”
“If he loved me, he would have connected to the Stream before it got to this,” Thea said, evenly. “And you should’ve done something earlier.”
Zak inhaled and leaned back in his chair, head to the ceiling. “I know.” He closed his eyes. “I didn’t take you seriously enough. I had no idea the impact you had on him.”
Thea frowned. So this was her fault? “What?” she said, sharply.
“It’s you, Thea,” Zak said, lowering his head to look at her. “You’re the reason his anger disappeared before. Since you’ve been in his life, he’s not been the same, and yet he’s been approaching his assignments as though he is. He told me when he fights with you, he feels more in control, that you make him better. He thought he had to submit to the anger in order to do the same job he did two millenniums ago when, really, all he needed was you. You should have been mated to him before he went on the assignment, or you should have at least been on the assignment with him.”
Thea shook her head. “No, Zak, it’s the Stream he needed. Remember? And the Creator’s soothing.”
“Partly, yes,” Zak said. “But he can live without that. He can’t live without you.” Zak stood slowly. “Please, please do not allow yourself to be afraid of him. Speak to him and let him remind you of who he really is. It would destroy him if you were afraid. He’s already been ripping himself apart at your door.” Zak quirked a corner of his mouth. “And I haven’t given him an easy time either.”
A warm flush rippled through Thea at Zak’s words. “You think I should see him straight away, don’t you?”
“Yes. I don’t want an unhealthy fear to build up at the thought of him. He is still the same person who came to train you, who stood up to the Dominion League for you, who helped you find the truth about your mother. He is more that person than the one you saw in the alley.”
Thea breathed out and nodded, realizing he was right. The sooner she got over the fear of what she’d seen in the alley, the sooner she and Cam could move forward, so they could return to how they used to be. Just the thought of Cam before he started the assignment made her realize how much she needed him, how badly she wanted to see that part of him again.
She couldn’t deny that she was now truly scared of the rage-fueled side of Cam. That was a different person from the one she fell in love with—the sweet side, the one that took care of her, protected her, and made her laugh—the one she wanted to mate. That was the side that Thea couldn’t let go. She glanced up at Zak. “I want to see him, but not now. I need to let Amber know I’m okay. It’s been over a month for her since I left and she hasn’t heard from me. I need to send her message.”
Zak nodded. “I can ask Dani to send her a letter for you?”
Thea pressed her lips together to prevent a laugh escaping. “A letter? Are you going to provide a quill and inkwell too?”
When Zak looked at her blankly, she did laugh a little. “Zak, this is the age of technology. I just need someone who can go into the human world and send her a text for me.”
Zak huffed, though there was a smile in his eyes. He was definitely losing his stern, commanding exterior.
“I’ll ask Dani to come in and get the message from you to send to her,” he said, moving to the door. “Dani’s doing assignments now so she going to the human word regularly. If she doesn’t mind, you can keep in touch with Amber that way until you’re able to go and see her.” He paused at the door. “What about Cam?”
“I need to sleep after I see Dani,” Thea said. She just needed to prepare herself—she felt too emotional right now. Once she slept she’d be fine. “Tell him to come in later this evening.”
Zak dipped his head. “I will let him know.”
“Thank you.” Thea watched him leave and took a breath. She was prepared to try to let go of her fear and discuss things with Cam, but some things were easier said than done.