Chapter Eighteen
THEA
Cam didn’t return that night, or the next. It was the first time he had been away for two nights in a row.
Thea lay curled in bed at night thinking about him, wondering if he was okay. Thoughts of her parents rolled through her mind over and over as she marveled at their story and agonized over her dad’s brain damage. Although she was incredibly relieved that she was truly a Nephilim and that her parents had definitely been in love, more questions had risen after speaking to her father. She could no longer hate her mother, not after seeing her through her dad’s eyes. But she still wanted to know what had happened that caused her to leave and inflict such damage on the man she Fell for.
On the third day, the Dominion League summoned her and Zak for their full report. She responded in the most factual way possible choosing to give yes, no, or maybe answers. They hadn’t been honest and upfront with their concerns about what she was, and she could not hide her disgust and annoyance with them. She was not going to be all smiles now she was deemed as ‘safe.’ They questioned her about what her father had said about the Stream. She shrugged and stared back at them, almost rudely. She would not speculate about what might have happened. If Cam wanted to, he could, but she was done with them. She’d rather deal with just Zak from now on and she told them that. However, Asteroth took issue with her.
“I am truly sorry, Thea,” he said, leaning forward on the large desk they all sat around.
She shrugged. “I’m learning not to expect much from angels.”
“You should have expected exactly what we did.”
“Why?” she shot back. “Didn’t you think I had a right to know what I might be?”
“No,” Asteroth replied, simply. “You would have worried for no reason, which is exactly what happened. If we truly thought you were a dark being, you would have been a danger to us. We would have had to detain you and watch you. No one truly thought that. It was just one of the concerns we had about this assignment and certainly not a reason to give you undue stress and worry.”
Thea’s brow lifted. “You had more concerns?”
“Yes,” Asteroth said, evenly. “And before you ask what they were, be sure you want to know.”
Thea took a breath and some of her anger calmed. She definitely didn’t want to know, not right now. “So why are you apologizing?”
“Because I am sorry that you had such a hard time emotionally. You have done much better than most would have in this situation. I think it is a testament of your strength as an angel.”
“A Nephilim,” Thea correct.
Asteroth lifted his shoulders, a glint of mischievousness in his eye. “I don’t really see any real difference in distinction between you and an angel now, Thea. Do you?”
Thea glanced around and none of the angels seemed unhappy with Asteroth’s conclusion. All of them were smiling at her or nodding in approval. Her heart lifted somewhat.
Zak questioned them about the next steps and they explained that Thea’s mother still needed to be found but Thea could choose if she wanted to continue. Thea left the meeting in deep thought. She definitely wanted to find her mother and find out what had happened, and not just for her sake, but for her father’s as well.
***
Cam returned the next night, but Thea was shocked at the state of him.
She jumped out of her doze hearing crashing, splintering and roars coming from the living area. Getting to her feet, she tiptoed to the doorway. Cam was in the social room ripping everything to shreds. She gasped at the sight of him. Blood soaked his shirt and jeans, and a deep gash was carved into his neck. He kicked and punched the couch, ripped the paintings from the walls, smashed the lamps against the wall, almost at the speed of light. When he heard her gasp, he turned toward her and then her worry rose to panic. His eyes were so distorted with darkness that he looked like a different person. He snarled at her, though he didn’t move.
She stepped toward him. He watched her, his face contorted, his body tense. She moved slowly and purposefully, a smile on her face while she battled with her alarm at the state of him. As she approached him, a low growl began in the back of his throat but she continued on, confident he wanted her close.
She placed her palm on his warm cheek. “Hello, my mate,” she whispered to him. “It’s good to see you.”
Immediately, tension left his body. His eyes remained on her, but his expression was vacant. She kept talking to him gently as she undressed him and led him to the bedroom. She treated his wounds and healed him the best she could, but it was clear he had been attacked with demon blades, possibly more than two at a time. Stab wounds covered his arms, legs, and torso. By the time she had seen to them, they had only half-healed, but at least they were no long bleeding. The gash in his neck was the hardest to treat, and it was a few hours before it began to look like anything she did made any difference.
She fed him fruit from the kitchen, brought water to his lips to drink and continue to speak softly, telling him about the last few days and her meeting with the Dominion League. His eyes never left her the whole time, though they remained dark. Once he drank enough water and she’d treated as much as she was capable of, she settled next to him continuing to talk until he was asleep.
Thea stayed awake, worry beginning to gnaw at her as she realized even his sleep was disturbed. He twitched and rolled and growled throughout the rest of night, clenching his fists and shifting in and out of his angel-form. Was this how he always was on a assignment? How could this be normal? She had been willing to give him the benefit of the doubt when he was coming home filled with darkness, but this anger and violence couldn’t be healthy.
As morning approached, she checked his wounds and they were almost gone. She applied more healing energy and some of them closed up while others still remained. By the time she had finished the cuts on his lower legs, he was awake and looking down at her, his eyes almost clear from the darkness. Almost.
She kneeled next to him on the bed. “Did you have a good sleep?”
He didn’t answer but lifted a hand to brush along her thigh, his eyes still on her. Goosebumps rose all over her at his touch, and an erratic tingle swept down her spine. He pulled her into a cuddle, one arm across her back scooping her in, the other pulling her leg over him. His mouth rested on her head and he gave her a tiny kiss. She sighed deeply, and promptly fell asleep.
***
“What the fuck is wrong with him?”
Zak observed her from his chair behind his desk, his expression giving nothing away. “What happened?”
“He came home bloodied, hurt, and angry. He was out of control, Zak. He trashed the place.”
Zak stood up slowly. “Is he okay?”
Thea threw her hands up in frustration. “I don’t know. I think so. He was gone when I woke up.”
“Did you manage to get anything out of him about the assignment—how much longer he has left?”
Thea stared at him, amazed. “You’re kidding, right? That is not the most pressing concern right now!”
“We need to know how long he’s got left so we can make sure he can get through it,” Zak said.
Thea narrowed her eyes. “You’ve done this before.”
“No. Well, not quite.”
Thea marched up to his desk and slammed her fists on it. “What the fuck is going on with him? This can’t be normal.”
Zak held her eye for a long moment, and lowered back to his chair. He gestured for Thea to sit down, and then rubbed his chin. “I’ll try to explain what I think is happening,” he said. He paused for a moment. “The Angel Realm has a number of different ways to tackle demons. Nephilim deal with the lower demon classes, Dominion warriors tend to deal with crimes of intelligence while Power angels deal with the harsher, grittier physical side of things. Of the three, Powers have the highest potential for darkness because of all they have to deal with. It’s part of what makes them good at what they do. As they get older the Thrones try to make sure they are mated and have a healthy social balance in their lives.”
“Cam told me Powers are not that social.”
“Yes. The ones that kill the most and complete the more difficult assignments tend to be loners. We try to encourage them to engage with other angels regularly. But they are most complete with their mates.”
Thea shook her head. “Cam’s not doing well, Zak, and he has a mate.”
“Actually, you’re not his mate yet, Thea,” Zak pointed out. “You haven’t actually mated.”
Thea exhaled in frustration. “But we have to wait for permission from the Thrones.”
Zak nodded. “Yes, but also Cam’s problem is a little more complex than just having a mate.”
“Because his previous mate died?” Thea asked.
Zak eyed her, his jaw hard. “Did he talk to you about it?”
Thea shook her head but didn’t say any more. It didn’t matter how she knew.
Zak’s hazel eyes swept over her face for a moment before he continued. “I would like to say that was true, but Cam and Kara didn’t actually mate. They were best friends and partners. She was the only other being Cam had been close to and cared about. They made a pact to mate and always look out for each other.”
“Did he… love her?” Thea asked, having to force the words out. She didn’t realize how difficult it would be to ask.
Zak’s hazel eyes bore into her. “Before seeing how he is with you, I would have said yes. But it was different. Nothing like what he feels for you.”
Relief trickled through her, quickly followed by sadness that he lost his friend. “How did she die?”
“A Legion task force,” Zak said simply.
Thea covered her mouth with her hand, horror spiking. “No.”
Zak nodded. “Cam was working with her on an assignment and… he actually saw her murder.”
Thea inhaled sharply. “He was there?”
“Yes. And they killed her viciously. Since then he’s been more dedicated to killing demons than other Powers.”
And suddenly Thea remembered. She leaned forward. “Actually he did tell me about her. He didn’t tell me she was his mate but he said he lost someone once and that’s why he was so passionate about what he did.”
Zak nodded. “For the last two millenniums he has lost himself to kills, building up a rage for vengeance, inflicting as much pain as possible on demons for what they did to Kara. Virtue angels tend to do the clean-up after demon kills, and some of them have reported to concerns about what they have seen after Cams’ battles. It disturbed them.”
“So why haven’t you done anything?” Thea cried. “How could you let this continue?”
“There isn’t much I can do unless he’s willing,” Zak said, sharply. “He won’t connect to the Stream, he ignores the Creator’s soothing, he does everything he can to hold onto that anger. The only thing I’ve seen that’s changed him at all in the last two millenniums is you.”
Thea stared at him for a moment. She leaned back in her chair, lifted her head to the ceiling and sighed. “He said something like that.”
“That’s the only reason I let him go on this assignment,” Zak said. “Because he said as long as he had you, he could complete it.”
“Sure, he probably can complete it,” Thea said, lowering her head. “But he’s losing himself in the process.”
“He needs to connect with the Stream,” Zak said. “That’s the only way I think he will be able to let it go. Otherwise…”
Thea narrowed her eyes. “Otherwise what?”
“Otherwise the Dominion League may intervene.”
Fear gripped Thea. “Do they know?”
“Not yet. The Virtues that do clean-up are never told which angel has been at the site. Though most of them can probably guess by now which ones are Cam’s. Sooner or later one of them will go to the League if they think I’m not dealing with it.”
Thea breathed deeply then stood up, a calm determination soothing her fear. “I’ll do what I can to get him to connect to the Stream.”
Zak dipped his head in a sharp nod and she turned to head out of his office.
“Thea.”
She paused and turned back.
“When he came in last night, were you scared?”
Thea thought for a moment. “I was shocked and panicky. Worried… I don’t remember feeling scared.”
Zak nodded again. “Good. I’ll stop by later to help you clean up.”
Thea hesitated and then stepped back toward him. Since Cam had been on his assignment, she had updated Zak on how he was doing now and then, but this was the frankest conversation they’d had. She wanted to make use of it. “You said that Dominion angels deal with crimes of intelligence.”
“Dominion warriors, yes. There are less of them than Power angels, but they usually infiltrate higher society and deal with non-violent crimes that can’t be easily seen, although they are trained in physical combat as well.”
“Is that what you used to do?” Thea asked, slowly. “Is that how you got that scar?”
Zak’s head shot up and his gaze intensified. He was silent for a long moment, observing her.
She shrugged. “I wasn’t aware angels could get scars. Cam’s an accomplished warrior and he doesn’t have any so I just wondered—”
“That will be all, Thea.”
Thea didn’t move. “Zak, you don’t have to dismiss me like I’m your subordinate because you don’t want to talk about something,” she said, softly. “I thought we were friends. Are we?”
Zak struggled to answer, seeming to battle with himself. “Yes,” he decided. “We are. But that is a difficult story for another time. Let’s help Cam first.”
Thea tilted her head and smiled, then left his office.
***
Cam arrived home that evening, just before it got dark. He stalked into the living area and headed straight to Thea, who jumped up, wondering what he was going to be like. She and Zak had managed to clear most of the destroyed furniture, and Zak had helped her replace most of it and the bloodied bed sheets, but it still looked rough.
Cam didn’t seem to notice or care. He encircled her in his arms and kissed her, deep and strong. The passion in his kiss made her weak. Her nipples hardened, the hair on her arms stood up.
By the time he pulled away, her knees trembled and she was breathing heavily. “Cam,” she said, trying to catch her breath. “Are you okay?”
He looked into her eyes, pressing his forehead again hers. “Yes, thanks to you.” His eyes were clear from darkness and Thea took a breath, glad she would be able to speak to him while he had a clear mind.
But before she could say anything, he lifted her up into his arms and carried her to the bedroom.
“Wait, Cam,” Thea said, as he put her on the bed. “I need to talk to you.”
He growled in annoyance as he hitched her skirt up to her waist. “It seems you always need to talk to me when I’m desperate for you.” He pulled down her panties and lifted an eyebrow, a gleam in his eyes. “Are you doing that on purpose?”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “No, it’s just I—” Everything went out of her head as his mouth touched her pussy. He kissed slowly along her slit, sucking the lips and swirling his warm tongue around her clit. Pleasure rippled through her and she writhed and whimpered, trying to remember what she had been trying to say.
“Look at me,” he demanded, his mouth full.
She looked down to see his gray eyes watching her and moaned at the beauty of his stare—desire, passion and demand all in that one gaze. She lifted herself up onto her elbows and spread her legs wider as he tongued her clit in a steady rhythm. The sensations built and her breathing deepened as he sped up.
She pulled up her top and bra in one go and squeezed one of her breasts then began playing with a nipple as she rolled her hips.
Cam moaned at the sight, the intensity in his eyes increasing. Thea noticed his arm moving steadily below him and knew he was fisting himself. That sent her over the edge. She grabbed the hair at the back of his head as she came, her feet as far apart as she could get them, grinding into his face while steadying herself with the other hand on the bed. Before she had even finished coming, Cam rose up and slammed inside her.
“Fuck, Thea,” he moaned as he worked in and out of her. “Just when I think you can’t get any sexier, you go and ride my face like that.”
Thea replied but had no idea what she said. She lifted her knees so he could get deeper, reveling in the pure intense feel of his hard cock.
He lifted her hips and dragged her to the edge of the bed so he could stand, hold her hips up and fuck her hard. He angled her hips, driving deep inside her with each thrust. “Play with your breasts again,” he ordered, his sexy mouth still glistening from her juices.
Once she did, it didn’t take long for her to come again, and as she clenched down on him, he exploded, moaning her name and jerking into her, his lidded eyes on her.
They collapsed into a heap on the bed, breathing hard. Cam pulled her into his arms and kissed her over and over.
“Cam,” Thea said, laughing.
“What?” Cam said, chuckling. “I’m trying to keep your mouth busy so you don’t bring up something depressing.”
Thea sobered. “You mean like Kara?”
Cam froze, his jaw clenched. “Where did you hear that name?”
“Why wouldn’t I hear it?” Thea said, watching him closely. “Everyone knows about her.”
He sat up, a mix of emotions playing out on his face, as his shoulders tensed. “Are you annoyed I didn’t tell you?”
“No. Yes. I…” Thea gathered her thoughts. “I was annoyed at first. But now I’m more worried about your… conduct.”
Cam scowled. “You sound like Zak. Have you been speaking to him about me?”
Thea sat up. “Cam, do you remember what happened the last time you came here?”
His eyes lowered. “Some of it.”
“You trashed the place,” she said. “You were angry, angrier than I’ve ever seen you. You’d been stabbed repeatedly and were bleeding everywhere. You growled at me—”
“I would never hurt you, Thea,” he said sharply.
“I know,” Thea said. “But you’re holding onto a past hurt, a past pain, that’s not going to help you.”
“Look, Thea,” Cam said. “I wasn’t angry over Kara when I came back here. A couple of the Legion task force found out who you were.”
Thea took a breath in.
“They started taunting me about you and threatening to… do things to you. I had to ask a few Powers to watch Amber and your father, just in case.”
Thea’s eyes widened. “Are they okay?”
“They’re fine,” Cam reassured her. “Nothing happened to them, they are none the wiser.”
“Okay,” Thea breathed. “So what happened?”
“I became so distracted by their threats about you that I missed an important action they took to achieve their goals. I think at least one of their intended goals will happen now. I had the chance to stop them completing a main part of their operation and I missed it.”
“I distracted you,” Thea said, quietly.
Cam shot her a sharp look. “No. I was trying too hard to fight the rage. If I had submitted to it, I wouldn’t have missed it. So… I decided to submit to it.”
“Cam,” Thea groaned.
“I had to,” he said firmly. “It helped me to fight my way into their headquarters and disrupt their plans.” His eyes narrowed. “There were a lot of them and I had to get close enough to kill them so they wouldn’t reform from hell. The two that knew about you escaped but I couldn’t follow them in my condition so I had to return. And I was angry—about everything.” He gave her a tight smile. “After you patched me up. I tracked them down.” He grit his teeth. “And killed them.”
Thea digested this. “How long have you had that rage?”
Cam averted his eyes. “For two millenniums.”
“So it was caused by your pain about Kara, and you’ve had it all this time?”
He shrugged in annoyance. “So?”
“So why didn’t you connect to the Stream and be comforted by the Creator?”
Cam scowled. “Because it is the Creator that caused this. Kara’s death is on her.”
Thea battled the urge to ask him to explain. It was no good to encourage him to sink deeper into the emotions she was trying to get him to discard by forcing him to talk about it. “So it is about being hurt about Kara, Cam. That’s where the rage comes from.” She paused, sighing. “When you go back to working on assignments after we’re mated, are you going to submit to the rage to do your job?”
Cam’s face became impassive as he watched her. “Would that be a problem for you?”
Thea snorted. “It’s one thing to be with a man who has anger issues,” she said. “But quite another to be with a powerful warrior angel who behaved the way you did last night.”
Cam’s eyes ran over her face. “Were you scared?”
“No, Cam, but it’s not about that. You could get worse, you could lose it completely and get in trouble with the Dominion League.”
“You have been talking to Zak,” Cam said, sharply. He got up off the bed. “Have you been spending a lot of time with him?”
“No, of course not,” Thea snapped, anger building in her. “But I had to know if you’d done anything like this before. I had no idea about any of this, Cam. You didn’t tell me you had this problem when you were selling this dream of living here with you.”
Suddenly Cam stilled, looking down at her through hooded eyes. “So you don’t want to live here with me if I need my rage?”
Thea held his gaze. “Do you need it?”
Cam was quiet for a moment, staring at her. “Thea, this is the only way I know how to be. It’s what has made me the Power I am. I don’t know how to be successful without it. Being with you made the rage disappear, so I thought it was gone. But when I’m back out there facing demons, it returns and it’s what I need to survive and do what the Realm needs me to do.”
“Do you intend to stay partnered with me on assignments?” Thea asked. “Because you’ve never had a partner since Kara, have you? How is it going to work with your rage if I’m on assignments with you?”
“The League gave you one assignment. It doesn’t mean you’ll be on them frequently.” He lowered to sit back on the bed. “I would prefer if you stayed here.”
Thea laughed. “Yes, of course, because this is the perfect life. Stuck here with nothing to do but tame you, patch you up and send you back out. Can’t see my family because I might endanger your assignments, can’t make friends because you won’t allow it—exactly what you promised.”
“Thea!” Cam growled.
She got up from the bed and spoke firm. “Cam. I want you to connect to the Stream and let the Creator’s energy soothe this anger.”
Cam held her gaze for a moment. He stood and pulled her to him, lowering to kiss her neck. “I love it when you’re like this.”
“I’m serious, Cam,” Thea said, pushing against him, even though her stomach twisted with arousal.
“I know,” he said. He began to unzip her skirt. “You know what else I know? It’s been about a month for me since I was last in bed with you, and that little quickie we just had is not going to cut it. We’ll talk about this later.”