Chapter Sixteen

Hannah

I was so nervous. I knew it was stupid. I knew I shouldn’t be. If anything I should have been nervous last night when I had sex with Brad. Facing having a family dinner with him shouldn’t make me nervous.

As soon as I got back to the clubhouse Eve grabbed me. I saw the annoyance in Brad’s face as Eve pulled me away from him.

He had planned on me being in his sight all day. Well, at least that’s what he said. Maybe he had forgotten all about me as soon as he’d started working on the car or motor.

Yeah, I bet he did. I bet he was regretting all of last night.

I think that’s why I was so nervous because I knew he would be regretting it by now. He wouldn’t be wanting to lay claim on me. He wouldn’t want me to have the label as ‘his’. He wouldn’t want me thinking that either.

I took a steady breath in. I couldn’t put it off any longer; it was already ten past six, which meant Dad would be cooking.

I glanced back at Eve’s completed homework. I knew the doctors said to limit anything that might cause me stress and to not put my body under extra stress during treatment but I couldn’t say no to Eve. Not when she was really struggling.

She wouldn’t pass without my help. And today she had dumped a week’s worth of work on me. But she stayed in my bedroom while I worked on it, explaining about the latest television reality drama she was watching.

I opened the bedroom door and headed for the stairs. I could do this. It stopped raining this afternoon and the sun was out. Didn’t help me though. I was still freezing. I looked down at my ripped jeans and white jumper. I wasn’t screaming ‘sex appeal’. Which maybe I should be?

At least the white jumper didn’t cling to me too tightly and show how thin I was. I didn’t need Mum questioning me on my weight. Eve had brought it up this afternoon and said something along the lines of how she was going to exercise more because she didn’t want to be the dumb and fat twin.

I told her she wasn’t stupid. If she really wanted to do the school work, I think she had it in her but she saw it as too big of a hurdle. So she wouldn’t even attempt to jump it.

I felt sorry for her.

I saw the disappointment in her face when she said that. She really thought she was stupid. And after she said that, she stopped talking.

My hand ran over the rail. How was I going to make her see there were different forms of smart? Not just book smart. Like the way she could handle a gun. She didn’t need many lessons from Dad. There was a stage when she was even better than Tyson.

But that didn’t last long. Once Tyson realized he had real competition, he felt he had something to prove and became an expert.

I walked down the stairs. Eve was really smart when it came to logical things as well, like a puzzle or cooking. She was a really good cook; she could take barely anything and make a great meal. She also rode a motorbike like a man, flipping and jumping everything she could, and nobody, not even me, loved as much as her.

Also, when she laughed she made everyone smile. No matter how flat you felt, hearing her laugh would make you smile.

Didn’t she realize there was so much more to her? So much more defined her and who she was. Who cared if she needed help when it came to school. Heck, school work shouldn’t define how you saw yourself as a person. Some people have to read it over and over again and ask questions till it makes sense.

I was just lucky that it came to me naturally.

I stopped at the bottom of the stairs, hearing laughter from outside.

I was more worried about Eve than I was about seeing Brad. She was my twin, and it was like our hearts had been sliced and we were given half of each other’s hearts. We were always close and the only reason we had more distance between us right now was because of my cancer.

She was the hardest one to lie to. She was like me and could tell when I was lying. So I had to put more effort into my lies, or dodge around the facts and only tell the truth. Like if she asked me how I spent my day I’d tell her all about what I did with Layla but leave out the part where we spent two hours at the cancer hospital.

I walked through the lounge and into the open living room and kitchen.

“Hannah, about time.” Mum glanced up. “You shouldn’t be studying so hard on a Sunday. You need a break.”

I walked toward her. “I like studying on a Sunday, as it starts my week calm and structured.” And I wasn’t lying. I guess I was a bit odd when it came to school work. “Do you need any help with tea?”

Mum rolled her eyes. “What tea? We aren’t going to have one.”

I frowned. “Why, is Dad too busy or something?” Maybe he got caught up with something at the clubhouse. Usually he always made sure to put the club on the back burner on Sunday. It was the one day of the week you could guarantee he would be in the house. Though some days he and Mum would take the bike out and disappear for the afternoon.

“No.” Mum reached for her vodka and walked out of the kitchen. “He is teaching Tyson to cook.”

I smiled. “So, we are in for a burnt tea then.”

“I spend hundreds of dollars on high-quality meat, just for Tyson to burn it, because we all know he won’t be listening to his father’s instructions.” Mum paused at the back door which was wide open. “Can you grab the plates?”

“Sure.” I headed back and grabbed the plates. I saw Mum walk out the back door and then I hovered in the kitchen for a few more seconds.

Okay, now was time to face Brad. What I was about to face occurred to me. My heart sunk; he was totally going to ignore me and pretend like last night didn’t happen.

I took a sharp breath in. Well, I had told him it was just a one night deal. I couldn’t be acting brokenhearted now because he wasn’t keeping the fairy tales he told me this morning. Nope. I had no right to hold him to anything he’d said this morning.

It was best if I wasn’t left alone with him. That way he wouldn’t feel awkward. I should just pretend it didn’t happen. Like I said, it was a one night deal.

He gave me one night and it was over now.

I walked through the back door and wiped my expression clean as I walked onto our enclosed porch.

Dad looked frustrated as he watched Tyson at the BBQ. Mum was talking to Eve but Eve wasn’t listening; she was staring out into the backyard and she had the same expression she had on her face when she left my room this afternoon.

I placed the plates down on the table. One person was missing. The person I was so scared to face: Brad.

I took an easy breath in. I think the fact that he wasn’t there said enough. It confirmed my thinking. A deflated smile went across my face. I’d known that what he’d said this morning couldn’t be true.

Good thing I didn’t get my heart set on what he promised.

I walked around the table and sat down next to Eve. Mum had given up talking to her. It was clear to see Eve wasn’t here, she was somewhere else. Well, I was going to change that.

I nudged her shoulder and her head snapped sideways. She hadn’t even realized I’d sat down next to her.

“I hacked your iPhone music library.” I gave her a smile.

She rolled her eyes. “I thought I picked a stronger password.”

“Eve, ‘fuck off’ isn’t a strong password.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll add a number.”

“I bet you are thinking of number one, aren’t you?”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Get out of my head.”

I kept grinning. “Nope, your head is more fun than mine.”

She scoffed and reached for her beer. “Trust me, it’s not.”

I looked at her a bit harder. Something was wrong with her. Something she was hiding. I could see it. I was glad she couldn’t see through my walls.

“Eve,” I leaned in, “do you want to talk about it?”

Her eyes locked with mine. She slowly shook her head, keeping her lips clamped shut. I watched the tears build up in her eyes. What had her so upset?

I placed my hand on her knee. “Admitting you have a problem is the first step. Next step is that we handle it.”

She turned fully to face me. “I’m failing.”

“At what?”

“Life.”

My expression softened. “Eve, you aren’t failing. You can’t just define whether you are successful or not by school work.”

She shook her head. “Come on, Hannah, you and I both know there is no way I’m going to be able to handle university.”

“I can help you.”

“I don’t want you doing my bachelor! If I can’t do it, I shouldn’t be in it.”

“No, I mean I can help you with the coursework so you can do it,” I clarified. “Where you have questions, I can have answers.”

“School work isn’t my biggest problem, Hannah.” She threw back some of her beer and looked at Dad. “I’m letting him down.”

I glanced at Dad; he had his back to us.

“Just because you’re not doing your school work doesn’t mean you are letting him down.”

She took her eyes off him and looked at me. “I’m…” she sighed and ran a hair through her blonde hair, which was the same length as mine. “I’m just a fucking idiot.”

“Think a bit higher of yourself, will you? School work doesn’t define you.”

“Maybe not, but when you put together everything I’m doing, well, I’m not just disappointing Dad, I’m basically giving the finger to the life he has planned for me.”

Okay. What else was going on here? “Eve, what are you not telling me?”

She shook her head. “Nothing. Nothing at all.” She got up. “I’m going to get another.”

I watched her walk around the table and disappear inside. Just as she disappeared, out walked Brad. He scanned the area, and then his eyes landed on me, like he was looking for me. Why did he look slightly panicked?

Like he hadn’t wanted me to be here.

He had changed his shirt since this morning, most likely because he had gotten oil and grease all over it. I could tell by the look in his eyes he was hoping I wouldn’t be here. I guess we really did have a one night thing.

Just what I expected.

Then someone stepped around him and my expression didn’t change when I saw Andrea.

“Oh, Andrea, I’m so glad you came.” Mum smiled at her, and went to give her a hug.

I wasn’t doing regrets. Since I’d been diagnosed with cancer, I simply wasn’t doing them. So I wasn’t about to feel guilty, stupid, or regret last night with Brad.

I enjoyed myself and now, now I was going to do what I’d promised him. I was going to be mature and level-headed. And act like nothing had happened.

His eyes were still on me, and I think he was waiting for me to react, but I just stood up and grabbed the jug of water and poured myself a drink.

“I didn’t want to invade your family dinner, Abby,” Andrea said, half-hesitant, like she felt she shouldn’t be here.

“Don’t be stupid! You aren’t invading anything. You are with Brad, after all, and that basically makes you family.”

Andrea and Brad had been together a while. It made sense that people looked at them like they were a couple.

I glanced up and saw him still staring at me. Again, it was like he was waiting for me to snap or something.

Did he really expect me to throw a fit because he’d gone back to her? I’d told him to go back to her. I was the one who had made them make up the other night on the phone. I’d told him one night was all I wanted. He’d given me that and now I was going to keep my end of the agreement.

Andrea handed Mum the wine she’d brought and they started chatting while I sipped my water and checked my phone for the first time today.

Nothing from Layla. That was odd. Like, really odd. I brought up her number and messaged her, asking if she was okay.

Then I had an unread message from Tatz this morning: ‘Am I ever going to see your face again?’

A tiny smile spread across my lips. He was quoting the lyrics from the Angels to me. Because I had been singing along to it when it was on the radio and he said I was singing badly when we went and picked up the pizzas the other night.

‘No way, get fucked, fuck off.’ I sent back to him, knowing he would get it.

“Hey, Hannah!”

I looked up. Andrea had sat directly across from me. I put my phone down and smiled. I was going to be mature.

“Hey, Andrea, how are you?” I kept a smile on my face and reached for my water. “Do you want something to drink?” I automatically went into host mode.

“Um, I’ll think I’ll join you and just have water,” she smiled. Andrea was extremely pretty. She was a gifted model. And I don’t know what brought her into the club but Brad took notice of her as soon as she appeared.

I poured her a glass of water. Just as I handed it across to her, Brad appeared at her side.

“Hey, Brad, do you want something to drink?” I asked, keeping my eyes on Andrea. I was going to treat him like I always had done before. As a friend.

When he didn’t answer, I looked at him. Why was he staring at me like that? I arched my eyebrows.

“Do you want anything to drink, Brad?” I repeated myself. God, I was the only making sure no one thought anything was off. He was the one being a mute.

“I think Abby’s already getting him a beer,” Andrea answered for him and then glanced up at him. “You sitting down, babe?”

His eyes broke off me for the first time since he’d got here. Thank god for that. Maybe now he could act normal. I was acting normal! He could at least try. I think him seeing me naked was factoring in. It was like he couldn’t look at me now without being ashamed of what he’d done.

“So, how’s school, Hannah? You still dominating your lessons?” Andrea sipped her water and waited for me to reply.

“I don’t know about dominating. But I am getting through it. And because I’m doing advanced units already for next year, there really isn’t anything for me to study at a level I haven’t completed.”

“God, I never had that problem!” Andrea shook her head. “So what does that mean?”

“Means university,” I grinned and actually sounded excited about it. I wasn’t, though. I reckon come next year I’d be spending more time at the hospital being poked and studied. I’d probably be sicker, not heading to university early.

If anything, I was facing an early death. But I kept a smile on my face.

“Local or interstate?” Andrea asked.

That was a question I didn’t have an answer for. “Actually, it could be overseas.”

“What!”

I looked at Brad who was looking at me like what I had just said was smashing his world apart.

“What do you mean overseas?!” he rudely snapped at me. “You’ve never mentioned that as an option!”

God, he needed to calm down. Andrea frowned at him. Yeah, his reaction was over the top.

I wasn’t shutting him out of my life or anything. “Um, yeah, I got a few letters offering me a spot. And I don’t know where I’m heading right now.” I tried to keep my answer simple. “But it would kill me to be that far from Mum and Dad, so that’s factoring in.”

Brad scoffed and shook his head, not happy with my answer.

Well, I was just telling the truth.

His eyes were back on me and it was like I had broken an unspoken rule or something. Mum was back and handing him a beer but he didn’t even say thank you as he was too busy looking at me; well, not looking, more like glaring.

I didn’t know what to say so I just looked away.

“So, when did you decide heading overseas was an option?” Brad snapped at me. He was rude. And if Mum and Dad had overheard that, he would have been scoring their attention.

I wanted to roll my eyes. I did tell him that I couldn’t be away from Mum and Dad, right? God, why was he acting like I was about to disappear?!

I looked back at him. He really needed to pull his shit together. “It’s just an offer. Not like I’m accepting it.”

“Sounds to me like you’re thinking about it.” He wouldn’t let the subject drop.

I rolled my eyes.

“Brad, stop grilling the girl. She’s smart. The type of smart that could go to Harvard.” Andrea sipped her water and then looked back at me. “We are happy for you, Hannah. Brad and I only want what is best for you.” She gave me a heart-warming smile, and it hit me hard in that very second. She was Brad’s other half.

I knew that. So why did it only hit home now? The thought of Brad having children with her, marrying her, spending the rest of his life with her—it hit me. I took my eyes off Andrea and looked at Brad.

What the fuck did we do last night?

He shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t have done it at all! This woman sitting next to him wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. He already had his partner.

I should never have kissed him. I should never have convinced him to come into my hotel room.

I’d had my one night and now I was getting my eye-opener. Brad and Andrea were a couple. She wasn’t a fling or someone he just liked having sex with.

Hell, look at them now. At our family dinner. Because she’s attached to Brad she’s seen as Brad’s other half.

I saw it now and I couldn’t undo seeing it. Brad was in a relationship. And I had no right whatsoever to tempt him last night.

I said I wouldn’t feel guilty but I was feeling guilty. Because what I made him do last night, well, it could have cost him his future wife.

I wasn’t his friend. I wasn’t his girlfriend. I wasn’t a member. I wasn’t family.

I was nothing.

I was so busy in my realization that I was ignoring the aching in my breast. Finally, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Why the hell was it aching? I touched it just slightly and the pain got worse.

I needed Panadol or something.

“You okay, Hannah?” Andrea asked as I got up.

“Yeah, just a headache,” I half-lied and didn’t even put any effort into my lie before I walked away. It was burning. Not aching. I’d got it wrong. I walked into the kitchen and went to the medication drawer.

I hoped this Panadol took the pain off my headache as well.

I pulled my jumper away from my skin and looked down at my breast. It was red. Looked like a rash. I sighed. Guess this was only the beginning. Everything I was feeling before disappeared as the battle I was fighting slapped me across the face once again.

Breast cancer. I was facing breast cancer.

Tears welled up in my eyes. The burning feeling from my breast, the rash and the reality check were all too much for me.

“Hey Nice, can you grab me a beer?” Tyson sung out from the back door.

I blinked and the tears fell. I just had to get through tea, that’s it. I grabbed the Panadol from the drawer.

I quickly wiped my cheeks and I was thankful I wasn’t having a full-on crying session like normal because then my face would be tear-stained and red.

I grabbed a beer from the fridge and opened it before throwing back the Panadol and heading back for outside.

I just had to keep a front on for an hour or two and then I could escape.

The food was on the table now and everyone was sitting down. Looked like they were waiting for me.

“Well, at least it isn’t all burned,” Eve muttered, looking at the meat.

“Shut up, Eve. Like to see you do better,” Tyson snapped at her.

Eve turned to look at him with a smug expression. “You know I can do better.” Eve turned to look at Dad who was sitting at the head. “Isn’t that right, Dad?”

Dad nodded his head.

Everyone knew Eve could cook.

Tyson muttered something under his breath which I don’t think anyone caught.

I sat in between Tyson and Eve and placed Tyson’s beer in front of him.

“Thanks, Nice,” Tyson said, reaching for it right away.

I wasn’t like the rest of my family who all drank and smoked. I guess I was the odd one out. I felt like the odd one out as everyone laughed and ate and I just sat there trying to not let the fear of cancer scare me.

But it was scaring me. To the core.

I glanced up and Brad happened to be looking at me with concern in his eyes, as if he could see how upset I was. I looked down at the meat and I knew I should be filling my plate and pretending to eat.

“Was that the doorbell?” Tyson’s words snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah,” Mum said and got up.

I didn’t care who it was. I didn’t even give it a second thought. I needed to put on a front. Smile, Hannah. Just smile.

“Hannah, are you going to eat or what?” Dad said to me, clearly noticing I wasn’t filling my plate up like everyone else.

Dad wasn’t the only one watching. Brad was watching too.

“Actually, Dad, I’m not feeling well.” I wasn’t lying. I felt like shit. And I think Dad could tell by one glance at me.

“What’s wrong?” He was concerned. He was always concerned when I got sick. When I was little, he wasn’t like the typical Dad that didn’t come near you when you’re sick. Nope, Dad was hands-on. Always had been. His concern for me, well, it was the main reason I didn’t want to tell him I had cancer.

“I don’t know,” I lied. “Just not hungry.”

He put his knife and fork down, and it looked like he wasn’t letting me go. “When was the last time you ate?”

“Yesterday.”

“What did you have?”

“Um, chips.” I looked at Brad, not even surprised to see him staring at me. “I had them with Brad.”

Andrea knew Brad and I were together last night. And now I was counting on him to confirm what I’d eaten.

He shook his head, knowing what I wanted. “She had, like, one chip, Reaper. She didn’t eat.”

I crossed my arms. I didn’t know why he was bothering to still care about me not eating. Why didn’t he just take that concern and direct it as his girlfriend.

As soon as I thought that thought, I knew it was wrong. Brad was still going to look at me as a friend in a way. So this was him looking out for me. I wouldn’t be jealous of his relationship.

Mum walked outside and I glanced at her and then did a double take at the person who was walking out behind her.

“Tatz?” I couldn’t believe he’d come here to my house while knowing very well Dad would be here. I quickly glanced at Dad, hoping he wasn’t already charging at Tatz for even coming here.

Dad wasn’t though, but he was glaring at Tatz.

“Found this in my car.” He held up a textbook.

Immediately a grin spread across my face, a real grin, and I moved around the table. “How did you know it wasn’t Layla’s?”

“I know Layla and not even she would tackle The Biology of Chemistry Advanced Edition.” Tatz stood dominating and tall in front of me with a smile on his face. “Thought you would want it for tomorrow.”

I nodded my head. “Yeah, it’s my first class. Can’t believe you remembered that, though.”

“What can I say, I listen when you speak.” He shrugged.

“Even when I sing?” I smirked at him.

“You know very well that’s impossible when you make me go deaf.”

“I’m offended you would say that, Marshall.” I faked an insult. Most people called him Tatz, but I tended to not do what everyone else did. So I sometimes called him by his real name when we mucked around.

“Only you, Hannah, would say my first name without me wanting to kill you.” He handed me the textbook.

“Come on, Marshall, you love it.”

“Stop it.”

I grinned. “Thanks for the book. You didn’t have to bring it. I know you’re usually busy on a Sunday.” I glanced down at my textbook and then looked back up at him, seeing him frowning.

“Are you okay?”

I was taken aback for a second. “Um, yeah, I’m fine.”

“Don’t look fine.”

I swallowed sharply. My breast was burning like someone had lit it on fire. I don’t know why it had come out of nowhere but it had. I had been warned about it. Sometimes it happened, sometimes it didn’t. I was hoping that it wouldn’t be a regular thing. That it was a one-off.

“I’m just not feeling well.” I told him the truth. I was surprised he noticed. “Don’t look so concerned, Tatz, people will think you’ve got a heart.” I forced myself to smile at him.

But he knew I was forcing it. “What have you eaten today?” He looked at me, determined.

I rolled my eyes. “People need to stop thinking it’s okay to ask about my diet!” I was sick of it. So what if I didn’t eat? It wasn’t like I was bothering anyone!

“Hannah.” His voice went stern and he stepped in closer to me, which was a brave move to do in front of Dad. “What happens when you don’t eat?”

“I’m not that type of sick,” I whined. Why couldn’t people leave me alone?

“So, tell me what you’ve eaten today.” He wasn’t backing down.

I huffed. “I haven’t.”

“What have you drunk today?”

“Water.” I dodged his question and then sighed. “Half a glass.”

“Let me guess. You’ve been studying all day.” Tatz shook his head. “Guessing you’ve got a headache and feel like spewing when you look at food?”

How did he know that? My breast was burning but I also had a rotten headache and the smell of food was making me sick.

Tatz looked over my shoulder. “Did you know your daughter has an eating problem?” He spoke directly to Dad and he wasn’t polite; if anything he was rude.

I turned, seeing Dad standing up. “It’s come to my attention, yes.”

“Have you also noticed she studies harder when she doesn’t eat?” Tatz said that like he knew me back to front. “Then it reaches a point where she’ll shut down, stop talking and then within an hour of that she will be in the bathroom.”

This couldn’t be happening. Tatz was sharing information with Dad that I didn’t want him to know. That was stuff that happened at Layla’s—that was stuff I didn’t want my family to know. I wasn’t eating because I was stressed, which was making me sick. And why was I stressed? Because I have cancer!

The only person that got me, that got my situation, was Layla. Which was why I was always at her house.

Dad was staring at me, looking disappointed.

I wanted to groan. Great, now I was a disappointment! “I’m fine, Dad,” I reassured him, hoping that look in his eyes would disappear. “I’m not hungry. I’m just under a lot of stress. And it is affecting my appetite.”

“To the point you’re not eating at all?” Dad said and walked away from the table and toward me. “How long have you been like this?”

I wanted to bolt. I wanted to bolt so bad. I went to leave but Tatz stepped in my way.

“Last three weeks I’ve noticed,” Tatz answered Dad’s question. “She also has some boyfriend she won’t mention.”

I narrowed my eyes at Tatz. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

He arched his eyebrows and I knew I was going to regret something I’d told him. “Then who is the guy who is always leaving a mark on your neck? Who is the guy that has you turning every male down?”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Brad get up. Oh my god, he better bloody not say anything!

I had to speak and fast in case Brad was about to do something incredibly stupid.

“He’s history. He has a girlfriend. He is in love with her. I was a fling. There, I said it. Okay? I had an affair with him and now it’s over. So there, there is your answer. I don’t have a guy. Not anymore.”

It was the truth. I realized that what Brad and I had had, well, it was nothing but a fling. A one night deal. Hell, it didn’t even class as a fling! It was stupid of us to even have that one night. It was all a mistake. Brad had a woman that loved him.

I turned and looked at Brad who was standing up like he was ready to defend our mistake.

I looked into his eyes. I think he needed to hear this more than anyone else. “He is a great guy. I fell in love with him too easily. But he has a woman. One that will always stand by him. One he will have children with. He has a whole life ahead of him with her.” I smiled dimly at Brad; it was taking all my strength to not cry. “He has moved on. And I will too.”

I had to let Brad go. I would always love him. But he couldn’t love me. Not when he had a woman like Andrea wanting to be his.

“What a fuckwit. Who would want someone else over you?!” Tatz snapped. “Seriously, what’s the dick’s name?”

“Yeah, Hannah, who was it?” Dad’s hand landed on my shoulder. He had an edge to his voice. He didn’t approve of me being a part of an affair. But he wasn’t judging me on that right now. He just wanted to know who it was so he could hurt them.

“A man who is better off without me. I can never give him what he wants.” I looked at Brad, giving him an accepting smile. “I’m just a young, stupid teenager. He can do better and has.” I took my eyes off Brad and looked at Dad. “He didn’t know what he was thinking. It was all my fault. I drew him in and nearly ruined his life. Trust me, Dad, you couldn’t make his life worse. I’ve already done the damage by nearly costing him his future wife.”

And that was the truth. I nearly cost Brad his future wife, Andrea. How could he even take that sort of risk on me? Was he that stupid that he would give up a woman like her for me? I wasn’t special. I wasn’t a model. And I could list a thousand reasons why he shouldn’t want me but there was one strong reason why I shouldn’t have encouraged him. And that was that I had cancer. What type of life was I offering him?

Say we did fall in love and on some rare miracle Dad let us be together. Say we were madly in love. I was still dying young. That wasn’t changing. I couldn’t offer him even a future any more than two years. He didn’t realize I couldn’t offer him more. But I should have factored that in last night. Instead of pulling him in, I should have pushed him away.

I shouldn’t have given into the need to touch him, love him, be with him—yeah, I should have fought it. I was so stupid for even having one night with him.

“Hannah, can I talk to you?” Brad was at my side.

That was the very last thing I wanted to do. I saw Dad’s eyes narrow on him. Oh my god, Brad, what are you thinking?! I had to come up with a reason over why he would want to talk to me because Dad wasn’t fucking stupid! He had eyes! And the way Brad was looking at me right now, with so much anger, passion and hurt—well, a fucking blind man could see there was more between us!

“Brad,” I turned to face him. Okay, lie, Hannah, and lie well. I put on a fake smile. “Thanks for yesterday. But I don’t need your concern anymore. Everyone knows now. It’s no secret. I fell in love with a taken man. I’m an idiot. Like you said, I’m rebelling.” I gave him a bitter smile.

I just prayed that Dad and the rest of my family believed what I’d just said. The look in Brad’s eyes didn’t go away—it got worse and I saw the edge to him. He looked determined to make a point to me.

God, why was he looking at me like that? He had Miss Perfect behind him! He had a model girlfriend claiming him! What the hell was he thinking giving me a look like I had just insulted him, rejected him, broke his heart, and then lit a fire in his stomach?

Everyone—EVERYONE—was watching us. He needed to pull his shit together.

“Can everyone stop staring at me?!” I snapped, sick of feeling every pair of eyes on me like I was a science experiment! “I fucked up! I said it! God, is it so hard to believe that even I am capable of making a fucking mistake?!”

My voice went up with my anger, as Mum, Dad, Tyson, Eve and even fucking Andrea were looking at me like I had grown another head! Brad, on the other hand, was now glaring at me. Well, at least he wasn’t insulted or heartbroken anymore. He seemed to have gotten over that.

“Dad, I have studying to do. Can I go now?” I pleaded with him.

“Not till you eat.” Dad crossed his arms. He was triple my size and his large dominance was making me feel even smaller. “More than a salad, too, Hannah.”

“I’ll just spew it up!”

“In that case, we will be going to the doctors tomorrow, and I’ll get them to measure you, weigh you and if you even come close to having anorexia, I’ll be personally taking you to every doctor’s appointment and counseling session from there on till you are well again.” Dad’s eyes told me he meant every word. “And if you still won’t eat then, I’ll get you admitted to the best possible hospital that deals with eating disorders. And I’ll be there, day in day out, till you fucking eat.”

“What about the club?” I challenged him. “You really going to let the mother charter not have a President because your daughter just isn’t hungry?” He loved the club. He was responsible for thousands of men, at least a hundred clubs, and most importantly he was responsible for all of Satan’s Son’s criminal activity.

He trafficked all their drugs through the clubs. He had every President answering to him every month with the takings. He was in charge of all the money that ran through the clubs.

He wasn’t just the heart of Satan’s Son, he was also the fucking nervous system. Everyone knew that the Reaper didn’t just run Satan’s Sons, he was Satan’s Sons. He wasn’t just a mother charter President. Not like how Granddad was. The Reaper increased the empire of Satan’s Son. Within a few short years of him leading them, clubs were opened in towns that had never even had biker activity.

Dad spread Satan’s Sons around the country like it was virus. And just like the common cold, it spread and spread everywhere to tiny corners of the country. He had more men. More clubs. More money. And the thing he carried the most was power. He had the power to kill and destroy and also grow something if he wanted to.

Dad was, well…my eyes ran up him. How do you explain the Reaper? You can’t.

I saw Dad’s eyes harden. I watched his expression tighten and then I heard Mum standing up behind me. Dad was about to lose his temper.

“I’ll walk from the motherfucking club. I’ll wipe all my responsibilities. If it means I have to get every tattoo blacked out, I will. Fuck, they can burn them off if they want!”

I scoffed. “You can’t walk from the club. You ARE the club!” God, he couldn’t be serious. He couldn’t turn his back on something he lived and breathed and grew and fucking loved to death! He wouldn’t last one day not being a member.

“My family comes before the club.” He said that like it was true.

And yeah, I guess he had always put us first but if it came down to him leaving the club over one of us, well, that was like asking him to do something he physically couldn’t do.

“Yeah, whatever,” I muttered. I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to get out of here.

I turned to leave but Dad wasn’t letting this argument end. He gripped my arm, pulling me back to face him.

“Just let me go!” I hissed. He didn’t get it! I didn’t have a fucking eating disorder. I had CANCER! CANCER! And he was standing here demanding that I eat something. I couldn’t give a darn about food. I was dying! Literally something inside me was eating me alive!

He shook his head with a look on his face that I’d never seen. What look was it? It was the Reaper look. The expression that scared every man away. I expected this was the look he gave his prey before he killed them. As Mum said, sometimes he’s more Reaper than Kade and right now he was a hundred percent Reaper and not even a glimpse of my dad was in sight.

“So, we are going to the doctors tomorrow?” His grip tightened. “I thought you were doing okay. I thought you were fine. I was fucking wrong. You should have come to me if you were sick.”

I rolled my eyes. Shaking my head. “You don’t fucking get it! DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU DON’T GET IT!” I screamed at him, trying to pull my arm from his grip. I didn’t have an eating disorder! I had cancer, which made me stress, which resulted in me not being able to stomach food.

It was a vicious circle! One I was being forced to live every day. He didn’t understand the core problem, so how the hell could he help me? He actually expected me to come to him if I was sick? This was his reaction for me not eating a meal!

He gave me a look, telling me to calm down. Well, if he was going to force me to a doctor tomorrow I was going to make sure I went kicking and screaming. Because one look at my file would scream one thing: CANCER! And then he would know. And I didn’t want that happening.

So, I had two options. I either stormed out of there and went to Layla’s or I backed down and ate something…or…well, I wasn’t seeing another option. But I was too worked up to simply eat now just to shut him up. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I guessed I’d just continue the argument.

“The club comes first, Dad. Because when it comes down to it, you wouldn’t last one day away from it. But you would live if you didn’t have me,” I finally said and pulled on my arm but he wouldn’t let go. It was like he was holding me so tight because he thought he was losing me. I looked up at him. “You’ll be fine without me.” And that was the truth. He was going to have a day without me in the near future. They were all going to have to face it.

At least I wasn’t the center of anyone’s world. So it wasn’t like I was destroying someone’s life when I died.

Dad’s eyes said it all: disbelief. “Brad.” He turned. “I need to step down for a while. You’re in charge.”

He could not be serious! “Dad, are you fucking deaf?!” I roared up at him. “I’m fine!”

“Don’t yell at me! You aren't fine! There is nothing left of you and it took a fucking stranger to make me see it!” Dad let his temper go and I didn’t even flinch from his tone. He was yelling at me like I was a member that had disobeyed a direct order or something.

“Kade. Calm down.” Mum stepped to my side as Dad’s grip tightened to the point I didn’t think blood was passing through my veins in my arm. “Let go of her, Kade,” Mum said firmly and grabbed his hand, trying to pry his grip off me.

“You hear what she is saying, Abby?! She’s acting like I wouldn't care if she died!” Dad was not calming down.

God, all I’d said is he would survive without me. He wouldn’t survive without the club.

Dad looked at me with such rage. I had never seen it before and admittedly he was starting to scare me.

“YOU THINK I’D JUST LET YOU STARVE YOURSELF TO DEATH?!” he kept roared at me, and this time I did flinch from his tone. “YOU THINK I WOULD ALLOW YOU TO KILL YOURSELF?!”

God, he needed to stop. I didn’t eat a meal! That’s it. God, if I told him the truth right now, I think he would kill me FOR having cancer. Like I was doing it to hurt him!

“KADE! LET GO OF HER!” Mum yelled at him and both her hands went to his, trying to get him to let go. My arm was going numb.

“NO! SHE THINKS THAT I’M SO COLD THAT I WOULDN’T CARE IF SHE DIED! SHE IS STANDING HERE SAYING I WOULD SURVIVE WITHOUT HER!” Dad’s grip tightened. He took a step closer to me, closing the gap between us. “I WON’T LET YOU KILL YOURSELF.”

That was it. I snapped. The calmer side of me, well, it disappeared and my anger that I’d never expressed exploded.

“YOU’LL FUCKING GET OVER IT. IT’S MY LIFE AND I CHOOSE HOW I SPEND IT AND IF THAT’S IN AN EARLY GRAVE THEN YOU CAN’T STOP ME!” It was only facts! Facts he would have to wake up to one day. It was my life—and I was trying to fight the cancer—but I wasn’t God. I didn’t decide who lived and died. And I knew the odds were against me.

So I wasn’t being mean, telling him that. I wasn’t trying to hurt him. Dad let go of my arm like I had just burned him and he turned his hand and I knew what was going to happen. He was about to violate my one and only rule.

But I didn’t flinch or deflect his hand as it was coming for me—someone else did.

Brad pushed Dad back firmly, and then basically Tyson and Brad had to hold Dad back as he tried his very best to get to me.

“Tatz, can you take Hannah to Layla’s,” Mum said, her eyes on Dad. “Now.”

Dad was getting free of Brad and Tyson and I was really interested in what he would do. Did he think hitting me would make me back down? Did he really think that a firm hand from him would suddenly—magically—stop me from thinking I was dying?

My breast started to burn more and my hand went to it. I knew it made sense to go to Layla’s. I knew Dad needed time to calm down before he acted on his rage.

I looked up when I saw Dad had broken free of Brad and Tyson’s grip. I didn’t even have a second to turn, a second to run; one minute I was standing and the next his hand whipped across my cheek and my body fell to the ground, blood filling my mouth. The power of his hand took me to the ground, literally.

I could blearily hear the screaming from Mum and Tyson as they roared at Dad. I couldn’t focus on one word that was being said. Dad had just broken our relationship. And most of all, it was my fault. I pushed him to do it. I think I was stunned that Dad had hit me. He actually lost control and hit me.

I wiped the blood from my mouth and went to get up, and then I was lifted up from the ground by someone else. I didn’t need to even guess who was helping me to my feet—I knew the safety I always felt in his arms. But as soon as my feet were back on the ground, I made sure to push Brad’s hands off me.

I didn’t need to be comforted by Brad right now. I didn’t need pity. I looked Dad in the eye, seeing his rage slowly fade and the realization of what he had just done creep across his face.

Everyone was deathly silent as they looked between Dad and me.

Mum and Tyson had stopped roaring at Dad. Or maybe I had just tuned out all noise. I felt the blood dripping off my lip. I touched it and I didn’t flinch from the pain.

I saw Dad’s mouth open and I didn’t need to hear a word he was going to say because he knew and I knew he wasn’t coming back from this.

Even though it was my fault. I think I was doing the right thing anyway—he needed to be pushed away.

I couldn’t have him seriously dropping the club to make sure I ate. I couldn’t have him taking an interest in my health. It was best that the relationship we did have died and I distanced myself from him.

I saw panic cross his face just as Mum stepped in my view of him.

“Please, Hannah, don’t run.” Mum was basically begging me. I thought Dad was panicking but his panic was nothing compared to Mum’s. “He didn’t mean it. Please, don’t cut us off.” The fear and panic in Mum’s voice was clear. She was basically having a panic attack. “I know you want to run, but please handle this better than what I did when my dad hit me.”

Granddad may have hit Mum, but I was positive that her relationship with her dad was different to the one I had with mine. Our relationship was based on trust and respect, and him hitting me ruled both of those out.

It hurt, and I wasn’t talking about the blood that kept filling my mouth, I was talking about ending the relationship that Dad and I had. I knew this was just one of the stages that had to happen if I was going to keep me having cancer to myself.

Dad knew. I knew. Mum knew. The damage was done.

I opened my mouth, but Mum’s panic overcame her.

“Please, Hannah, you know your Dad didn’t mean it. Don’t move out. Don’t leave. Please.” Mum nervously took my hands. “Don’t run.”

“I’m not running.” I took my hands from her, and Dad pushed her out of the way. But I couldn’t look at him. Instead, I turned, seeing Tatz standing there, shocked—like he didn’t know what to say or what to do or who to look at. “Thanks for the textbook.” I scooped down, picking it up. “I’ll, um, walk you out.”

Tatz was staring at me, like he hadn’t heard me correctly. His eyes bounced off Dad who was standing behind me. Then his eyes hardened on him before slowly coming back to me.

“You made a decision on the Jeep yet?” Tatz reached out, his fingers brushing across my lip. I saw the blood which he wiped on his jeans. “You haven’t eaten, right?” He was trying to be casual but I could hear the anger in his voice.

Tatz and I were acting like no one else was around us. Like my family wasn’t waiting to see whether I was running or moving out or both.

“Still thinking,” I smiled at him and it hurt. “I’m still not hungry.” I wasn’t even going to eat now just to please my family. I couldn’t stomach food. So I wasn’t going to eat, not even to ease the worries of everyone around me.

“Well, are you going to be at Layla’s this week?” Tatz still wasn’t leaving me. His eyes ran around the people watching me. “I could give you a ride there now. Or you can come back to my place and we can pick up where we left off?”

That may have sounded dirty to everyone else, but he was referring to our television marathon.

Suddenly I was pushed to the side and Dad was in Tatz’s face. “You think I’m going to let Hannah go back to your place? You think I’m going to let you take my daughter?” Rage was back in Dad’s voice. He was all Reaper again and not Kade.

“Kade, leave him alone!” Mum snapped at Dad, and went to push him away from Tatz. “You will just drive Hannah more into his arms.”

I frowned. They didn’t understand mine and Tatz’s relationship.

Dad was yelling at Tatz like Tatz was going to take me away from him. I wasn’t running away with Tatz.

“You know, you live up to your reputation, Reaper. Right down to hitting women. Fuck, she’s your daughter!” Tatz’s voice had a lot of venom and disbelief. “Who the fuck hits their own daughter!?”

Dad stopped in his tracks before Tatz carried on.

“You worried about me taking her? Fuck man, you are driving her to me!” Tatz was never one to back down. He was cocky. He had an attitude to match his cockiness. He lived to piss people off.

I knew no angel was found in a motorcycle club, especially a one percent club. So I didn’t expect Tatz to behave like someone different than what he was. But right now he wanted a fight with Dad, who had already lost control with me and was still raging underneath, and I didn’t want Tatz coping that.

I gently pulled on Tatz’s arm and hoped he would take a step away from Dad before Dad’s fists got involved.

“Come on, Tatz, just leave it. It isn’t a big deal.” I kept pulling on his arm. “I’ll see you out.”

Tatz’s eyes snapped to me. “You aren’t seriously thinking of staying here, are you?” The disapproval was clear in his voice. “You are leaving.”

I guessed any sane person would leave. Maybe just out of pain, they’d leave. Just to make a point. Well, I was going to make a point. It just didn’t involve me leaving to make it.

“I’ll be fine. Come on, I’ll show you the way out before you get blood on your good clothes.” I linked my hand with his. “Come on, seriously. Oh, and talking about clothes, are you on your bike or did you bring the car?”

Tatz’s eyes snapped back off Dad, who he had been busy glaring at. He frowned at me. “Car, why?”

“I left my good hoodie in it from the other night.” I kept pulling on his hand and he slowly followed me.

“The one you sleep in?” Tatz’s attention was slowly going off Dad and onto me.

I smiled, “Yeah, the black one.” My smile dropped because it hurt. I didn’t intend to bring attention to my cheek but my hand automatically went to it when I felt the pain.

I turned, putting my hand down, but my small reaction was noticed by everyone. I kept my eyes on Tatz who was shaking his head slightly. I knew what sort of man Tatz was. I knew the things he stood for. So I knew any second he was going to turn around and start the fight he had baited Dad with.

So I was relieved when Tyson pushed Tatz on the back toward me and away from Dad. Like Tyson knew that Tatz was about to react.

“You still driving that fucking expensive Jeep, Tatz?” Tyson started a conversation with Tatz while giving him another firm push in the back.

Tatz sighed but started to walk toward me and away from Dad with Tyson still following us.

“Yeah but I’ve upgraded,” Tatz actually answered Tyson. I was somewhat surprised Tyson knew anything about Tatz. “I’m trying to give the Jeep to your sister.”

Tyson’s head snapped back, and we hadn’t walked inside yet, so everyone was still listening. The situation wouldn’t have diffused until Tatz was completely away from Dad.

“You’re trying to give her a hundred grand car?” Tyson’s eyes were on Tatz and then slowly went to me. I saw something in his eyes, something he never showed: fear. “You don’t give anything without expecting something in return.” Tyson’s eyes were back on Tatz. “My sister is off limits.”

Tyson had gone from somewhat friendly to a poisonous snake.

Tatz smirked, giving Tyson a wink. I wanted to whack Tatz for doing it. He already had baited my dad into a fight, and now he was trying to get into a fight with my brother!

I gripped on Tatz’s hand tighter and pulled him into the house.

“Seriously, you had to mention the Jeep?” I snapped at him, knowing everyone could still hear us.

Tatz shrugged and then stopped walking, just when we were about to get out of my family’s hearing distance.

“Can I ask you something, Hannah?” The cockiness that was usually in his voice wasn’t there. I turned to look back at him. I had been busy trying to drag him to the front door, away from Dad and Tyson.

I sighed and came to a stop, knowing that my family was still busy listening in case I said I was leaving with him. “Sure, Tatz go ahead.” I didn’t see what was so important.

He glanced down at our linked hands. And then looked back up, looking me in the eye. “Are you off limits?” He said it slowly. “Like, to me?”

I frowned, not understanding the question. Was he trying to ask if Tyson and Dad had the power to keep me from him? Or if I looked at him like that to begin with?

I shook my head. “You shouldn’t even be asking me that question.” Whether it was about Tyson and Dad, or whether I liked him, it wasn’t something we could talk about in hearing distance of my family.

“Yet, I’m asking. So, Hannah, yes or no. Are you out of my league or not? I get you need to get over the bloke that hurt you. But if Tyson is right, and you are out of my limits, I just want to know.”

I sighed. My cheek was sore, my breast was burning and Tatz wanted to have a deep and meaningful conversation while my whole family and fucking Andrea could hear us.

“No,” I looked up at him. “No, I’m not out of your league.” When it came to it, I was never out of anyone’s league; it was the guys who were out of mine. Like Brad, for example. “But I know you. So I know what you want, and so my answer remains the same and it is no. I’m not out of your league.”

Tatz wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. He was looking for a girl he liked enough to have regular sex with. That was it. No emotions, no strings, no labels. Just sex.

Tatz smirked. “So you already know what I want, hey?”

“You do realize my parents and brother can hear every word, right?” I challenged him.

“Fine, let’s get out of their hearing distance then.” He was the one pushing me up the hallway now. I laughed and it immediately hurt. “You okay?” His voice dripped into concern, as he must have seen my expression when the laughter caused pain.

I opened the front door and closed it after us. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.” I would smile at him but smiling hurt too. “Thanks for, well, you know.” I came to a stop on the porch. “For not getting in a fight with them. I know it goes against your blood not to get into a fight.” My eyes dropped to the ground. “Sorry you had to see that.”

I wished everyone that had seen Dad hit me hadn’t. At least then it would be between Dad and I and that would be it. Mum wouldn’t be panicking that she was losing a daughter and Tyson wouldn’t be thinking I was about to take off with Tatz.

Tatz’s fingers gently lifted my head up. He touched me so softly. “I’m going to ask again, are you okay to stay here? Cause your Dad just gave you a good reason to move out.”

Move out. I guess I had always said that I would if Dad ever hit me. Everyone knew Dad had a temper—he barely ever had control over it. But when it came to me, he kept a firmer grip over it because he knew that I would never take him hitting me as acceptable.

I think I was five or maybe six, I don’t remember the age, but I remember the day clearly. Tyson lived to test Dad’s limits. I walked into Dad’s study seeing him raise his hand at Tyson, about to hit him, and then he saw me and stopped.

Dad never hit us. Well, I think he had got into the odd drunken fight with Tyson now. Now that Tyson could handle himself in a fight he was actually a good match to Dad. I think it was because Tyson had been Dad’s example on how to fight.

Anyway, on that day I was so scared that one day Dad would hit me. I got so upset about it that he promised me that he would never hit me, and if he did, I could leave. Dad was the one to tell me what I could do if he hit me. I remember a few of things he mentioned. The two main ones were that I never had to speak to him again and I could leave and not tell him where I’d gone to. He said if he ever hit me then he didn’t deserve to be in my life to begin with.

However, tonight’s events hadn’t meant a clean black and white decision.

So I knew I could leave with Tatz now and never come back. And Dad wouldn’t come after me. He would respect it.

But I also knew I had caused Dad to snap tonight. I was the one to push him to do what he did.

So I nodded my head to Tatz. “I’ll be fine.” And I tried to give him a smile, but it hurt too much.

Tatz sighed. “Fuck, I hate it when women don’t listen to me.”

I smirked just a little. “No, you hate it when I don’t listen to you.”

He dipped his head, nodding, “Exactly.” He slowly moved forward and kissed my non-damaged cheek lightly. “I’ll pick you up in the morning for school.”

I frowned. “You don’t have to.”

“Layla is forcing me to drive her around all week while I fix her car. So picking you up comes with her demands.” He smiled a real smile. “I’m going to be taking the extra time with you as an advantage.”

I put a hand on his chest and pushed him back slightly and toward his car. “You are such a flirt,” I said, trying hard not to let the smile capture my face. “Oh, and I want my jumper!”

“I think you care more about this jumper than you do people,” Tatz grinned at me and then kissed my cheek once again before leaving.

When he pulled away I actually felt somewhat better till I turned and looked at my front door.

I sighed. Well, at least they would be out back. I could slip away upstairs and just keep to myself. In fact, from now on that was exactly what I was doing. I was keeping away from them.