Chapter Six

Hannah

It was Sunday. After a big party, no one was usually up, so Sunday mornings were the most peaceful times at home. The clubhouse still had people drinking in it, for those few that hadn’t got enough during the night.

I was becoming a hermit. Well, not a hermit that lived at home. A hermit that hid at her friend’s house. I didn’t have to put up a front at Layla’s. I didn’t have to pretend like everything was okay. I felt safe there. She didn’t question me. When the tears came when I thought about it, she was there for me.

I had never met anyone as loyal as her.

She held my hand the whole time through the biopsy. I was shaking with nerves when I laid down to have it done and it was her squeezing my hand that got me to stay still for it.

I knew she went to the party last night. It was the only reason I stayed home. I assumed she’d soon find out who my parents were and I hoped she wouldn’t cut me off, because her friendship was the only thing getting me out of bed for school at the moment.

I flipped over the page of my math book. I wanted to be by myself. I didn’t want to study at home. Not when Eve was annoying me about doing her assignments. I couldn’t study in the clubhouse because people were still partying. So, I’d hidden in the garage.

I cleared a small space on the workbench and pulled up a stool. I might have my book open and pen in hand but my mind was somewhere else. It was on the approaching Thursday when I would find out my results.

“Well, if it isn’t Hannah.”

That voice. I smiled immediately and turned around to see Brad standing there with a grin on his face like I had just made his day by being here.

It was unhealthy. I knew that. It was unhealthy how I felt about him. I knew the age difference and I knew he respected my dad way too much to even look at me in that way. The way I wanted him to look at me.

“Hey Brad,” I smiled.

“You’ve been keeping a low profile. Lower than normal.” He studied me. “I haven’t seen you around in weeks.” He said that like he’d noticed I had been missing and living somewhere else. Well, he would be the only one.

“I’m around.” I wasn’t really and if I could have it my way, I wouldn’t be here now. It was harder to put up a front here. I found myself being pulled back to it. What if it is cancer? What do I do?

Breast cancer. I could have breast cancer. I swallowed and fought back tears as that fact rolled through my mind again. I tore my eyes off Brad and looked back at my textbook. I didn’t want him to see I was upset.

For some reason, and I didn’t know why, Brad took notice of me. He knew when I was upset. He knew when I was lying. He and I shared the understanding that he never called me out on it either.

“So, studying in my garage, hey?”

I nodded my head.

“Not very talkative today.”

I shrugged.

“Want to tell me what’s wrong?”

I froze. Our normal understanding meant he never asked that question. I slowly turned around on my stool. He was standing there, his eyes locked on me and he was wearing a firm expression. He wasn’t going to back down unless I gave him something.

“Just stressed.” It was the truth. I was stressed.

Brad walked toward me till he was standing next to me. “Up.” His hands landed on my hips, and when I didn’t get up automatically he lifted me off the stool, putting me on my feet.

“You haven’t been eating, have you?” His hands clenched my hips, my bones digging into his skin. “Hannah. Why haven’t you been eating?”

I looked at the ground. Why did he even care? “I’ve been stressed.”

“Is that why I haven’t seen you?” His words were gentle, soft, and when I didn’t answer he took one hand off me and lifted my face up. “Come on sweetheart, tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just school.” I lied and he knew it. I don’t know why I even bothered lying to him. He could always tell when I was speaking the truth or not.

His hand cupped my cheek. And he was holding me like he really cared about me. More than just out of respect for my father.

“I’m taking you to get breakfast.” He kept one hand on my hip and the other on my cheek. “Now.”

“I’m not hungry.” And I really wasn’t. I hadn’t been eating. Only when Layla forced me to. No one else was close enough to realize it. No one else was close enough to see how I was failing at life at the moment.

“I say you are eating.” His eyes ran over me. “I asked Reaper how you were and he said you were fucking fine. Clearly he hasn’t seen you.”

“I am fine.”

“Hannah you look exhausted and there is barely anything left of you.”

“I am fine.”

He scoffed. “Stop lying to me!”

I clamped my mouth shut. If he didn’t want to hear my lies then I really should stop talking.

His eyes softened as he stared into my eyes. “I’m sorry for snapping.” He took his hand off my hip and ran it through his short brown hair. “Do you have plans today?” he asked hesitantly.

I shook my head.

“No schoolwork that has to be finished?” he asked again. Why would he be hesitant about whether to ask if I had schoolwork or not?

I shook my head. “No. Why?”

His eyes flashed to my lips and then he looked me back in the eyes. “I’m heading out of town to pick up parts. Wanna come?”

Brad never sounded nervous. He was always confident and carefree. But nerves were the only thing I heard in his voice as he asked me if I wanted to come or not.

“I don’t want to get in your way.” Now I was the one who was hesitant. I didn’t want him having to put up with me all day just because he thought I wasn’t eating. “Dad doesn’t expect you to put up with me.”

Which was the only reason Brad did put up with me; it was because of Dad. I knew that.

“You wouldn’t be in my way and I’m not doing it for your old man.” The corner of his lips twitched up. “I’m doing it cause I’ve missed you and I don’t want to be by myself today.”

“You just lied.”

“No I didn’t.”

“You did.” I nodded my head. “You love being by yourself.” I knew that about Brad; he would spend hours and hours by himself under a car or next to a bike working on it.

“I’d rather be with you.” His eyes held mine. And it sounded like he was telling the truth. “So, come with me?” He arched an eyebrow, sounding hopeful. “Don’t make me spend the day by myself.”

I smiled. “You sure you want to put up with me? I’m not the best company at the moment.”

He nodded his head. “Trust me, Hannah, you are the best company whether you’re in a bad mood or not.”

“Okay, I’ll come.”

“Good. First stop, breakfast.”

I groaned. “Not hungry, Brad.”

“Like I said, you are eating.” He let go of me, looking annoyed for a second. As if he didn’t want to let go of me.

“Do you mind if I leave my stuff on your workbench?” Everyone knew when it came to the garage it was Brad’s. Sure, it was technically the club’s, but Brad ran it. And lived in it.

“No. You can leave whatever you want in my garage.”

“In that case, I’m good to go. But I’m still not eating.” I was standing firm on that. He shook his head and I had a feeling he wasn’t going to let me off so easy.

***

“Seriously, did you not hear me when I said I wasn’t hungry?” I groaned, following him into the café. “As in no appetite, Brad.”

“Like I said, you are eating.” He came to a stop at a booth and he gestured for me to get in.

I dragged my feet but did as I was told. Sliding into the booth, I expected him to go to the other side; instead, he surprised me and slid in next to me.

“So, do I have to order everything, or are you going to pick something?” Brad picked up a menu. He would do that. Order everything on it.

“Like I’m letting you waste money on me.” I snatched the menu from his hand.

“Got nothing else to spend it on.”

“Buy another car to work on.” My eyes scanned the menu.

“Already got a project.”

“Is that what we are getting parts for?” I did not feel like eating one thing on this menu. Maybe Brad would let me off if I just had something to drink.

“Yeah it is.” His arm ran along the back of the bench seat behind me.

One glance at Brad and you knew he was trouble. His vest was worn with patches covering it and showing his years of service to something no one really understood unless they were in it or born into it. He hadn’t shaved in a couple of days and I would always say I loved it when he didn’t. I loved his five o’clock shadow.

My eyes ran over his tight jaw, his tanned skin. He was forever working on a car in the sun. His brown hair was getting longer, which usually meant he would be running the clippers over it himself soon by shaving it off and then letting it grow again.

A bunch of boys walked in but they didn’t grab my attention. I was too busy staring at Brad. They went to the booth across from ours.

I saw Brad’s eyes narrow. I followed his eye line, and he was glaring at a boy who was looking at me. Why was he looking at me? I frowned. I had never seen him before. His smile grew when he realized he had my attention.

Then the boy caught Brad’s glare and he snapped his eyes off me completely and looked down at the table.

I turned to look at Brad with a smirk on my face. He had just scared that boy off.

Brad must have felt my eyes on him because he glanced at me. “What?” he snapped at me. I just kept smirking at him.

He rolled his eyes. “They probably think I’m your father anyway. So if you really want to make a move on him, just say I was being a protective dad.” He was actually thinking I would want to make a move on that boy? I heard the annoyance in his voice. Like he didn’t want to be seen as my dad.

I kissed his cheek and his head snapped round to me as I pulled my lips from his skin. But I didn’t think I’d made my point yet, so I moved closer to him and then ever so gently I brushed my lips against his.

His eyes went wide and I pulled back, my lips still close to his. Had I made my point? Or had I just crossed a line? I wasn’t sure. God, being so close to him was hard. I didn’t know who was going to move first. He wasn’t pushing me away, and then his arm that had been on the back of the bench went around me, pushing me into him.

He muttered something under his breath but I didn’t catch it. I was going to pull away from him. I clearly had crossed a line. I chewed my bottom lip. Yep. I crossed a line. My hand gripped his shoulder and I went to push away from him when his arm around me pushed me back into him.

I frowned, looking him in the eye. That was when he decided to make the move. He was holding back as he kissed me. I went into shock for a second. Brad was kissing me. I wasn’t kissing him. But that changed as soon as it ran through my head.

I started to kiss him back. It was slow. It was magical. Everything I wanted it to be. His phone buzzed on my thigh and I was pulling back so he could answer it, but his hand went to the back of my neck and held me in place.

Brad and control. He loved control. So I gave it to him willingly. Not fighting him. He picked up the pace of our kiss and I wanted more. I moved on the bench seat, moving my leg over him and straddling him. As soon as my body was pressed against his he stopped holding back.

Our kiss went from sweet to rough in a second after my body touched his. His tongue invaded my mouth and I loved it. Welcomed it. I closed my eyes, getting lost in the way he was claiming my mouth while one of his hands was on the back of my neck and the other running down my back.

I curved into him, and nothing felt so natural. I felt his erection between my legs, right at my core. And, acting as if I had more experience than I did, I rocked against it.

“Hannah, stop it or I’ll fuck you on the table,” he growled at me.

Fucking me? Would he really do that? Delight flooded me. And I stole his lips back. He groaned when I didn’t stop moving on him.

I pulled back, out of breath, leaning my forehead against his. “I don’t think they will think you’re my dad anymore.” I smiled smugly. I think we were past proving my point.

He glanced over my shoulder and then looked me in the eye. “I think you did make your point.”

I smiled, happy with that and happy he knew what I was doing.

“That’s the only reason you kissed me, right?” He arched an eyebrow, waiting for me to explain my actions.

No, Brad. I kissed you because I have loved you and looked up to you as soon as I got hormones. I couldn’t say that though. I frowned, not being able to lie to him, and shrugged instead. I went to get off but his hands gripped my hips and held me in place.

“Sweetheart, why did you kiss me?”

I gulped. Lie, I had to lie. “Just did. No reason.”

“You’re lying to me.”

I huffed. “Drop it Brad!” I tried to get off him but he just held me in place.

“Sweetheart, why did you do it?”

“Don’t you do things on impulse?” I snapped, annoyed with him. I would not tell him I loved him. That I had always had had an unhealthy attraction to him. That I’d looked at his friendship over the years as more.

“No.”

Well, there goes my one way of explaining this. “Well, I did it on impulse.”

He looked at me, not buying it. I read his expression. He wanted a real answer. So I had to turn the tables.

“I kissed you to prove a point. Why did you kiss me?” I challenged him. Immediately, he closed up. His hands were off me. He wanted me off. I could tell that instantly.

“We should order breakfast.” He completely closed up.

Well, that was one way to get out of his question. I moved off him, feeling extremely awkward. I shouldn’t have kissed him. But why did he kiss me? I glanced at him, and he was glaring at the menu. What was he thinking?

He was regretting it. I cared too much about him for him feeling guilty and taking all the blame. I kissed him, period. It didn’t matter that he’d kissed me. I started it.

I turned to face him. “I promise I won’t do that again, Brad. I’m sorry.” I looked at the menu in his hand. “I’ll have a hot chocolate. Still not hungry though.”

He glanced at me, his eyes holding mine. “When did you get mature?”

I smiled. “Just don’t beat yourself up about it, okay? I did it. And I won’t do it again.” I had learned my lesson. “So, you won’t beat yourself up with guilt over it?”

I knew Brad. I knew he would take the blame on his shoulders. He had kissed me. But I started it.

“Like I said, when did you get mature?” He looked at me, puzzled, like he was seeing a complete different side to me.

“I’m not. I just know you.” I threw him another smile. “Now, I want my hot chocolate.”

He looked at me longer with disbelief. Like I was a miracle or something. Or he was just seeing me for the first time.

“Hot chocolate isn’t enough, what else do you want?” He cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable.

“Trust me, that’s more than what I have been having.” I tucked my legs under me.

“That really pisses me off, Hannah.” He didn’t hide it in voice either; his disapproval. It angered him that I hadn’t been eating.

“Not a big deal.” And it really wasn’t. I couldn’t eat because I was worried. Thursday. My mind went back to it. D-day. Breast cancer or no breast cancer. Brad had taken my mind off it for a little bit, but now my mind was locked on it.

***

Sometimes you are given challenges to overcome in life. Sometimes you can’t explain them. Sometimes there isn’t reason as to why they’ve happened. And other times, life just sucks.

Layla’s hand wrapped around mine. I took my eyes off her car’s dash and looked at her.

She was with me. She heard it too.

“Hannah, I’m-”

“Don’t say it.” I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear it again. Okay, breathe Hannah. Breathe.

“You have to tell your parents.” Layla’s voice was soft. “You have breast cancer, Hannah. You can’t lie to them.”

“I’m not telling them.” I made that decision as soon as I got the news. I was not telling Mum and Dad. I wasn’t telling Tyson. And I sure as hell wasn’t telling Eve.

“You can’t face this by yourself.”

“I sure as hell can.” I wiped the tears off my cheeks. “I won’t let this bring my family down. I can face it on my own.” I was strong enough. I could do it. I didn’t need anyone. “I won’t let this ruin anyone else’s life.” It was already ruining mine.

Layla squeezed my hand. “You aren’t facing it by yourself. I’m right here and I’ll be coming to your first radiation appointment next week.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I’ll be taking you and sitting in the waiting room.”

“Layla, you don’t have to.”

“I’m going to be right beside you every step of the way, Hannah. Don’t fight me on it.” Layla started the car up. “You sure you don’t want to tell your family? Not even Tyson?”

“No. I don’t want anyone knowing.” I turned to face her. “Please tell me you won’t tell anyone?” I knew I was asking a lot of her. Keeping a secret like this was a big deal. I saw the look on her face.

“Tyson should know.”

“I don’t want him to know. I don’t want anyone to know!” I would beg her if I had to. “Please, Layla. Please don’t tell anyone.”

“If I keep my mouth shut, will you tell me every detail?”

I nodded my head.

“And at the end of the round of radiation, you tell your parents.”

I shook my head.

Layla sighed. “Well, when will you tell them?”

“Never.” I scoffed. I knew how my parents would react. I didn’t need pity. Dad didn’t do weaknesses and your daughter having cancer, well, that was a weakness. I was a weakness.

“I’ll keep my silence on one condition.”

“Name it.”

“You tell them if the radiation doesn’t work.”

I groaned. “But they said it might not work and I might have to have it removed!” She was setting me up for telling them.

“Exactly, and if that happens, you are telling your family. In the meantime, I will take you to every radiation appointment. So, do we have an agreement?” She looked really torn about it. Like it wasn’t what she really wanted. She wanted me to tell my family. She wanted me to tell Mum and Dad.

“Okay. If it doesn’t work, I’ll tell them.” I ran my hands through my hair. “So, you won’t mention it to my brother?”

“Why would I tell Tyson?” She was defensive automatically.

“I saw you talking to him.”

Her lips clamped shut.

I knew my brother. He didn’t take an interest in a female unless he wanted her. Tyson had taken an interest in Layla. He also had been annoying me for her number. Tyson was used to women following him.

He wasn’t used to following women.

But he was following Layla. I knew that as soon as he casually asked me for her number. He did it so smoothly, though; he even came up with the excuse that he needed it for a school question. I told him to message that question to one of the girls’ numbers he did have at the school.

“He’s taken an interest in you.” I stated the fact.

She sighed. “I won’t tell him. You come first.” She looked at me. “Anyway, he isn’t speaking to me. I’m going to make it my mission to make sure you are looked after.”

I frowned. “What do you mean he isn’t speaking to you? And I’ll be fine.” I could look after myself. But the fact she was so concerned, well, it was sweet. I don’t know how we’d become so close but she was the only one I’d trusted to tell the truth to.

“He’s acting weird…it doesn’t matter. You and I are going to be glued together from now on.” She put the car into gear. “By the way, I know who your parents are.”

I froze. Please no. I gulped. How mad was she? I glanced at her. She was calm. Well, I doubted she was going to have it out with me now. Not after finding out I had cancer. She would keep what she really thought to herself.

“I was pissed.” She glanced at me. “But not anymore.”

“Guess it’s cause I have cancer?” I felt bitter saying it. She wasn’t pissed at me because of the cancer. It was already impacting her view on me.

“No.” She took her eyes off the road to look at me, pulling out of the car park. “Because you are my best friend. And I knew you would have told me when you were ready.” She arched an eyebrow at me. “You were going to tell me, right?”

“Yeah, of course.” I blew out. I was going to tell her when it became important. “Once you told me about Cyrus, I wanted to tell you more. But I didn’t know how to bring it up.” I really did want to tell her. But saying your father was the Reaper, well, it doesn’t roll off the tongue easily.

“Your dad is intimidating.” She put her eyes back on the road.

“You have no idea.” Dad scared people away. Just his name scared people away.

“Yeah, well, he is good at what he does.” She glanced at me. “And clearly loves you.”

Yeah, Dad did love me. Which was why I was protecting him from the cancer. He couldn’t cope knowing something was hurting me and he couldn’t stop it. It would nearly kill him, making him watch me suffer. So I was going to protect him from it.

“Which is one of the reasons I’m not telling him.” I was honest with her. “Dad deals with things head on. He liked to protect me from things. This he can’t protect me from and he can’t save me from it.” I nervously played with my hands and sighed. “I can’t watch him suffer as I go through this. Knowing there isn’t anything he can do.”

She nodded her head. “I know you think you’re protecting them from it. But trust me, they will want to know.”

“I’m still not telling them, so stop trying to convince me to change my mind.”

She grinned. “I’m not going to drop it. I’m going to tell you all the time and one day you will want to tell them because you want to.”

“If you’re waiting for me to want to tell them, then you shouldn’t be reminding me of telling me.”

“I think a bit of pressure from me might help.” She kept grinning, whacking me on the arm. “Cheer up, Wilson. You didn’t get a death sentence today. We will get through this.”

She was right. I didn’t get a death sentence. I got a challenge. I would beat this cancer. Radiation would work. I kept telling myself that as we drove away from the hospital where I’d be going twice a day for the first week and then five times a week for another six weeks.

I swallowed hard. I had strength to face this, right? I had to have strength. I couldn’t count on my family to get me out of this. I couldn’t count on Dad scaring it away or Mum taking it off my chest, or Eve to reason with it or Tyson to punch it.

I had to face it. Myself.

I looked out the car window. I could do this.