Chapter Four
Mia
“Hi, angel,” I greeted as Renni spotted me and came running through the gates.
“Hi, Mommy,” she replied. “Did you save the man?”
I took her hand as we started walking back to where I’d parked the car. “I’m still working on it,” I told her. “These things take time.”
Renni nodded, and I could tell from the set of her mouth that she was in a thoughtful mood. We were almost at the car when I heard a voice call out my name. I turned to find myself faced with Erica Carpe.
Her son went to Renni’s kindergarten, and we had known each other for a few years. We used to go to the same gym, and it had been mere coincidence that our kids had ended up at the same kindergarten.
“Mia, I haven’t seen you in awhile,” she said.
She was the nosy type, and it was for that very reason that I preferred to avoid her. It helped that Renni didn’t much care for her son, either, though it was sometimes awkward having to make up excuses to get out of play dates.
“We see each other all the time,” I reminded her.
“But we haven’t really spoken in ages.” She smiled, and her blue eyes were constantly curious. “And, I noticed the other day that someone else picked Renni up from school.”
“That was Aunty Vanessa,” Renni piped up.
“Oh,” Erica looked disappointed by the answer. “Your sister?”
“My friend, actually,” I said grudgingly. “I was busy with a case last week.”
“Of course,” Erica nodded. “Being a single parent can’t be easy. I’m sure it helps having friends who pick up the slack.”
I cringed at the way she said it. I hated how inadequate she made me feel. Was I so insecure that it took a few stray words from someone I didn’t even like to get me all frazzled?
“I’ve got to get going, Erica,” I said, trying to cut the conversation short.
“Oh,” she said, looking disappointed. “Well, how about a play date soon with Renni and Donny? You and I can catch up while the kids play.”
I smiled tightly. “I’ll let you know.”
“Oh, okay…”
“See you later, Erica,” I said, steering Renni away from her.
I made sure that Renni’s seatbelt was fastened well before I got into the front seat and turned the engine on.
“Mommy?” Renni called, from the backseat.
“Yes, darling?” I asked.
“I drew a picture today at school,” she said. “You want to see?”
“Do I ever.” I nodded emphatically, as I turned around in my seat to face her.
She reached into her backpack and pulled out the small sketchpad that Vanessa had bought for her last birthday. Then she pulled out a loose piece of paper from inside it and handed it over to me.
Her picture showed our house complete with the old oak that sat out front. There was an inflatable pool in the front yard and we were standing around it in our swimsuits. I could make out Renni and myself easily, and I could recognize Vanessa from the white blonde of her hair, even though I didn’t understand why Renni had chosen to make her hair curly.
In the corner of the image, hovering just above our roof, there appeared to be a man with wings and a massive smile on his face.
I felt my chest grow a little tighter, but I kept the smile on my face. “You drew your dad?” I asked.
“He’s in heaven,” sheRenni replied. “That’s why he has wings.”
“Ah.”
“And, he’s watching over us,” Rennishe continued.
“I see that,” I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. I turned my attention back to her picture. “He bought you that inflatable pool when you were only six months old. You adored that thing. He had to inflate it at least twice a week when you got older.”
“It burst, though,” Rennishe said sadly.
“We used it till there were holes everywhere,” I smiled fondly at the memory. “He always said it was the best thing he ever bought you.”
“I want to show my picture to Aunt Vanessa,” Renni said.
“She’ll be thrilled to see a new picture,” I nodded, as I handed the picture back to her and started the drive to Vanessa’s house. “She loves your drawings.”
“I want to be an artist when I grow up,” she informed me. “Just like Aunt Vanessa.”
“Well, then I’m certain you will be,” I said. “Keep drawing.”
Ten minutes later, we pulled up outside Vanessa’s loft apartment. I carried Renni’s backpack in for her as she rushed to Vanessa’s door and knocked excitedly. A few moments later, the door opened and Vanessa bent to her knees immediately for a hug.
“Renni girl,” she cooed. “How’ve you been, little bunny?”
“Good,” Renni replied. “I drew a new picture today.”
“How exciting,” she crowed. “You must show me.”
As Renni proceeded to get out her drawing, Vanessa gave me a welcoming smile and closed the door behind us. “You look tired,” she said gently.
“It’s been a busy week,” I replied.
Vanessa didn’t exactly have a traditional living room. She had a low coffee table that was only a few inches from the ground, and instead of surrounding it with chairs or cushions, she had opted for beanbags. She and I collapsed onto two colorful beanbags, just as Renni presented Vanessa with her latest art work.
She didn’t comment right away. She took her time, as though she were really studying the image. I knew this was why Renni loved showing her work to Vanessa. It was because she felt truly considered, truly seen when she offered up something new to view.
“This is a very interesting drawing, Renni girl,” Vanessa nodded. “There are lots of interesting things here. First of all I must say that I love what you’ve done with my hair.”
“You said you always wanted curly hair,” Rennishe said.
“I did,” Vanessa nodded. “But my hair just refuses to curl. And, who’s this is the corner?”
“That’s Daddy,” Rennishe replied. “He’s in heaven, so he’s got wings.”
“Of course,” Vanessa nodded. “That’s a nice touch.”
“Guess what?” I asked.
“What?”
“Renni wants to be an artist like you when she grows up.”
“Is that so?” Vanessa asked, with raised eyebrows.
Renni gave her a shy smile and nodded.
“Well, then you must never stop drawing,” Vanessa said firmly. “And you must never believe anyone who tells you that you’re not good. You hear me?”
RenniShe nodded seriously.
“Good. Now, I have a few snacks lying about. Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“Would you like to draw a little until you are?”
“Yes,” Rennishe nodded enthusiastically.
Vanessa got out a few pieces of clean white paper, along with pencils, crayons, colored pencils, and a number of other little things in a variety of different colors. “Go crazy,” she encouraged.
Renni settled down on the floor beside us and started drawing with vested interest. I smiled at the sight of her for a moment before I turned to Vanessa. “Thanks,” I mouthed to her.
Vanessa gave me a little wink. “How was work?”
“Long,” I admitted. “We’re making progress, though… It’s just slow progress.”
“You’ll be able to get him exonerated though, right?”
“Mommy’s still working on it,” Renni piped up unexpectedly. “These things take time.”
I laughed. “That’s right,” I nodded. “These things do take time.”
Vanessa shook her head at my daughter and turned to me. “She’s a sharp one.”
“She takes after her father,” I said, trying not to let the memory of Clint dampen my mood. “Are you all set for tomorrow night?”
“Pretty much,” Vanessa nodded. “I’m debuting a whole new collection, so that part is always scary. But I’m hoping for a successful showing.”
“I’ve seen this collection, Vanessa,” I said. “It’s breathtaking.”
“I hope the critics feel the same way.”
“If they have any taste at all, they will,” I said confidently.
“Mia?”
“Yes?”
“You look a little…” Vanessa glanced at Renni and then toward me. “Pale.”
“Mommy’s always pale,” Renni said, without looking up from her drawing.
“You’re right,” Vanessa smiled. “But I know what can help with that: some wine. Mia, why don’t we go into the kitchen and get out two glasses.”
We left Renni in the living room and moved toward the kitchen where we could talk privately. I sat along the kitchen counter on one of Vanessa’s swivelling bar stools so that I could see Renni from my vantage point.
“Pale?” I asked.
“What I meant was upset,” Vanessa cleared up. “You seem bothered by something.”
I sighed. “Trust an artist to pick up on that,” I smiled. “It’s nothing, really. I just ran into Erica today before we drove over here.”
“Ick,” she said, with distaste. “That broad needs to mind her own business. What exactly did she say to upset you?”
“Nothing major,” I said fairly. “It’s just her tone…the way she says things. It makes me feel like I’m doing a half ass job.”
“With what?”
“With motherhood,” I admitted.
“Come on, Mia!” Vanessa cried indignantly.
“No, I’m serious,” I said before she could tell me I was being ridiculous. “Half the time, I feel like I’m faking it, and the other half, I feel as though I’m failing miserably.”
“Most parents feel that way,” she said calmly. “It’s normal. And you of all people have a right to feel overwhelmed sometimes. You lost your husband and you’re raising a child on your own. Remember what it was like at the beginning, right after the accident? You and Renni have come a long way since then.”
“But it’s not getting any easier, Vanessa,” I said tiredly. “It’s been two years since we lost Clint and…everything’s still so hard. I mean, this was never the plan. When I got pregnant, I was terrified. I was only twenty-two and barely out of college. The only reason I believed I could do it at all was because I had Clint by my side. We were a team; we were going to do it together. That was the plan.”
“Plans change, darling,” Vanessa said sympathetically.
“I know,” I sighed heavily. “I just wish life wasn’t that unfair. Renni needs a man in her life. I know she misses Clint terribly, and she’s craved a male presence ever since he died.”
“Hang in there, Mia,” Vanessa told me. “Life can change on a dime.”
“Not fast enough,” I breathed.
“Be patient.”
“Patience,” I repeated. “It’s the one thing I was never very good at.”
“Maybe meeting someone would help,” Vanessa said innocently, as she sipped her wine.
I rolled my eyes. “You bring that up every three months.”
“Because you always avoid talking about it.”
“With good reason,” I said. “I’m not interested in a relationship.”
“Why not?” she demanded. “It will be good for you. And who knows? It might even be good for Renni.”
I took a sip of my wine. “I’m not ready,” I said stubbornly.
“Fine,” she sighed. “If I can’t convince you to date, can I at least convince you to come to the art gallery tomorrow to see my new collection?”
I smiled. “Now that I can do.”