Chapter Thirty-Eight
Mia
I stood back in the shadows of the room. I just wanted to observe everyone while they were busy interacting with one another. It was a lovely sight, and one that I hadn’t been privy to in a long time. It struck me how much I had missed out on in the last few years since Clint’s death.
I had gotten so caught up in holding myself together that I had forgotten to live. My family lived across the country, so I rarely ever saw them. And even the phone conversations we used to have had gotten so bogged down in grief that I had started avoiding those, too.
Vanessa had become my only friend and my life had become about work and Renni. As I stared at the scene before me, I promised myself that I would give my parents a call when I got home.
Peter and Madison had decided to throw a small dinner before everyone got back to their own lives. John and Kami were heading back to California, and Alan and Jessica were taking a trip to Paris in anticipation of a possible destination wedding. Both couples were leaving in the next few days, and everyone wanted to catch up one last time before they left.
I could see Sam and Talen standing on the porch through the living room windows. They were sharing a laugh together. Jessica, Kami, and Alan were sitting around the coffee table, talking about wedding plans and bridal showers. John was in the corner talking to Victor, Madison’s brother who lived right next door, and Madison and Peter sat on the other end of the living room playing games with Renni.
It was a familial scene bursting with life and color and laughter. I just stood back, enjoying the little nuances, the exchange of intimate details and soft touches. Renni and I were a part of this now, and it made me feel hopeful.
“I could stare at this all day,” a soft voice said from beside me.
I turned and found myself face to face with Sam’s mother.
“Alice,” I smiled. “Didn’t see you there.”
“I was watching you watching them,” she admitted. “I think you might be the only person here who knows what that feels like, to look at a room full of your family and feel…content. Do you know why I think that is?”
“Why?” I asked curiously.
“Because you’re the only other parent here,” Alice said simply. “You understand the importance of moments like this because you have a child. I suppose John and Kami will understand it soon enough.”
“I heard about the baby,” I smiled. “It’s wonderful news.”
“My first grandchild,” Alice said, and her eyes softened immediately. “Well, truly speaking, this will be my second grandchild.”
I felt a warm feeling spread through my limbs. It touched me that Alice would consider Renni to be her grandchild. Sam and I weren’t even engaged, and already she had welcomed me wholeheartedly into the family.
“It’s nice of you to say that,” I said, hoping that my stiff lawyer’s persona wouldn’t get in the way of my sentiment.
“I’m not saying it to be nice,” she smiled at me. “That’s honestly how I feel. Sam loves you; I saw it in his eyes the first time he spoke about you to me. I think I knew that he loved you before he did.”
I laughed softly. “I love him, too,” I said earnestly. “It’s…a little scary for me, to be honest.”
“Love is always scary,” she nodded. “Trust me, I know. But it’s worth the risk. You can trust me on that, too.”
“I do trust you,” I said, feeling a connection blossoming between the two of us. I hesitated for a moment. “Sam told me your story last night,” I admitted.
“Really?” Alice sounded surprised. “I would have thought he’d have told you sooner.”
“Renni had just fallen asleep in bed between us,” I told her. “And, I asked him about you. He had promised to tell me the story one day. It was a truly amazing story.”
“I hope you didn’t judge me too harshly.”
“How could I possibly judge you, at all?” I asked. “You left to protect your sons. I would have done the same thing if I thought Renni was in danger because of me. Even if it had killed me to leave her behind, I would have done it if it meant protecting her.”
I could see tears form in the corners of her eyes as Alice smiled at me. “It means a lot that you would understand that.”
“I think everyone does,” I said.
Alice sighed and turned towards the windows. Talen and Sam were still outside talking. “I don’t know if that’s true,” she said softly. “I know my sons have forgiven me and I know that they understand why I left them. But I know that my absence left wounds that won’t go away just because I had a good reason for leaving.”
“The point is you’re here now,” I said. “The point is you love them and you want to get to know them.”
“But they’re men now,” she said, and I could hear the regret in her voice. “They’ve grown up and now look at them. They’re all starting families of their own. Sam has you and Renni. John and Kami are starting a family soon. Alan and Jessica are getting married, and Peter and Madison are well on their way to being married, too.
“I’ve missed the middle… I’ve missed the part where they turned from boys to men.”
“I do that a lot, too,” I admitted softly. “I look back and think about what could have been. I think about Clint and what would have happened if he hadn’t gone out that night, or if he’d taken another route, or if I’d gone with him. I go through all the possibilities in my head...
“But in the end, it doesn’t do any good to dwell on the maybes and the what ifs. You’ll just spend your time being sad when you could be living your life and enjoying yourself with the people in front of you.”
Alice smiled. “You’re right,” she nodded. “And you’re smart. That’s one of the reasons why I know you’re so good for Sam. He’s not always as…mature as he should be. You’ll make a man out of him. I think Renni will, too.”
I nodded. “I’ve noticed so many changes in him lately,” I said. “It’s like he’s morphing into…”
“A father?” Alice finished for me.
I smiled. “I guess so,” I nodded. “It’s a little surreal.”
“Enjoy it, Mia,” Alice advised. “You deserve to be happy.”
“Thank you, Alice,” I said, enjoying the intimacy of our conversation.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to go play with my granddaughter a little,” she said. “It’s so lovely to have a little girl in the house after five boys.”
I smiled as Alice made her way over to where Renni sat with Peter and Madison. I slipped out of the living room and onto the porch where Sam and Talen were talking. I could hear snippets of their conversation, and it made me hesitate at the front door.
“I’m just sorry I couldn’t see it firsthand,” Sam said. “I would have loved to be there to support you.”
“You had things to do,” Talen said. “I get that.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for anyone other than Renni,” Sam insisted. “You know that, right?”
“Of course,” Talen assured him.
“Missed what?” I asked, stepping out onto the porch and looking between Sam and Talen.
Sam turned to me and pulled me into his arms. “Hi, you,” he said, kissing the top of my head.
I refused to be distracted. “Missed what?” I asked again.
“It’s nothing,” Talen said dismissively.
“Talen had a fight in Vegas this past Friday,” Sam said. “I was supposed to be there, but-”
“Renni’s career day,” I said, realizing that he had sacrificed being ringside at his brother’s fight to be with Renni on Friday. “Oh God, Sam, why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because there was nothing to say,” he insisted. “I had made my decision.”
“You could have told me,” I said. “I would have explained it to Renni; she would have understood.”
“She didn’t have to, though,” Sam said. “I wanted to be there for her.”
I turned to Talen with wide, apologetic eyes. “I’m so sorry, Talen,” I said sincerely. “If only I had known.”
“Don’t apologize, Mia,” Talen said immediately. “Seriously, it’s not necessary. Sam has his priorities in order. He chose to be there for his kid – it’s what he should have done. And, I’m not a total dick. I get that you and Renni come first.”
I smiled. “You’re making me feel even worse.”
Talen cracked a small smile. He had an intimidating presence with his nearly shaved head and wealth of tattoos, but it was his smile that forced you to see just how handsome he was. He was similar to Sam in that way, except that Talen’s eyes were a startling electric blue.
“Don’t feel bad,” he said. “There will be other fights and other trips to Vegas.”
“I sincerely hope so,” Sam nodded.
“Next time, you should bring Mia and Renni along,” Talen suggested.
I smiled. “I would definitely like to see you fight,” I nodded.
“Then you’re definitely invited,” he replied.
We exchanged a smile and Talen excused himself and went back into the house, leaving Sam and I alone together on the porch. I turned in his arms so that I was facing him.
“You should have told me,” I told him accusingly.
He bent down and kissed me gently. “No, I shouldn’t have,” he said gently. “That was my decision, and I’m a hundred percent sure I made the right one.”
“But he’s your brother-”
“And you’re my…” Sam trailed off a little, trying to find the right word to use for me. He smiled. “Girlfriend doesn’t seem like the right word to use.”
I laughed. “How about partner?”
Sam wrinkled his nose up. “Sounds like we run a business together.”
“Lovers?”
“Too romantic,” he said, shaking his head. “Not serious enough.”
“Soul mates?” I suggested.
“Soul mates,” he repeated, and I could tell he liked the sound of that. “That’s good. You’re my soul mate. And anyway, I did it for Renni. Seeing the smile on her face that day… It was just confirmation that I had chosen right.”
I smiled. “I think I’ve chosen right, too,” I told him.
“That’s a relief,” Sam smiled. “Because I’m telling you now, you’re going to have a hard time getting rid of me.”
“Promise?” I laughed.
“I promise.”