Chapter Eight
Mia
I kept glancing behind to make sure Renni was all right. The moment I thought my nerves had calmed down a bit, I felt that shiver crawl down my spine as I imagined how badly things could have gone. I kept wringing my hands together, trying to stop my thoughts from spiralling. I could feel Vanessa’s own nerves by my side, but I didn’t trust myself to speak just yet.
Vanessa walked us into the house after parking out front. The moment we were through the door, I bent down to hug Renni tightly. Then I drew back a little and stared at her face for a few moments.
“You have a wound, Mommy,” Renni said as she reached out her hand and touched the side of my face.
“It’s just a little bruise, darling,” I replied. “Nothing to worry about. It’ll be gone in a few days.”
“Did the men in the big suits look at you, too?”
“They did,” I nodded. “They said I was fit as a fiddle.”
“You must have a strong heart, too,” Renni said, with a huge smile plastered on her face. “Just like me.”
I returned her smile. “I must have,” I said. “Now why don’t you say goodnight to Aunt Vanessa? It’s past your bedtime.”
She gave Vanessa a big hug. “Thanks for coming to get us Aunt Vanessa,” she said sweetly.
“It was the least I could do, honey,” Vanessa said. “Goodnight.”
Renni disappeared into her room and I turned to Vanessa. The moment we were alone, her face scrunched up and she looked at me as though she were going to burst into tears.
“Oh, Mia,” she said. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”
“Your fault?” I asked, in surprise. “How do you figure that?”
“You two were on the road tonight because of me,” she said, guilt flooding her tone. “I know you hate driving on nights like these. The only reason you went out at all tonight was because of me.”
“Oh, Vanessa,” I said, coming forward and hugging her. “Don’t be ridiculous. I wanted to come tonight. Renni would never have forgiven me if we’d missed your exhibit. This is not your fault.”
She looked forlorn. “I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened to you or Renni. I can’t imagine losing either of you.”
“You won’t,” I said. “We’re both fine, Vanessa. Trust me.”
She took a deep breath and then nodded. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”
“I will,” I said. “I did tonight, didn’t I?”
She smiled. “True.”
“I’m sorry to have pulled you from your special night.”
“Don’t be silly,” Vanessa said. “I would have been pissed if you hadn’t called me.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“You should go see to Renni,” Vanessa said, taking a deep breath. “I’ll call and check on you guys tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I nodded. “Drive safe, please… The roads can be treacherous these days.”
“I will,” she promised. She seemed to have calmed down considerably. She was at the threshold of my front door when she turned back around as though she had just remembered something.
“What was the name of that fireman?”
“Which one?” I asked innocently.
Vanessa smirked. “You know very well which one,” she said.
I smiled. “I believe his name was Sam.”
“He’s a looker,” she observed.
“Hmm…”
She smiled. “I hope he calls.”
“Goodnight, Vanessa,” I said.
The moment she had driven away, I locked the door and headed into Renni’s room. She was sitting on her bed with her favorite blue and green polka dotted pyjamas. Her clothes were in a pile in the corner and her yellow boots had been set back in their original place.
“Let’s have a quick bath before bed, shall we, Renni girl?”
Renni nodded and followed me into the bathroom. I filled the tub and popped her in. Then I settled on the floor beside her and lathered up the sponge.
“Were you scared today, Mommy?” Renni asked unexpectedly.
I brushed the soapy sponge across her little back. “Very scared,” I replied honestly. “But I was scared for you. I was really worried that you might be hurt.”
“Everyone was saying that we were lucky,” she said thoughtfully.
I nodded. “We were.”
“Does that mean that Daddy was…unlucky?”
I glanced at her little cherub face and forced back my tears. Renni didn’t need to see me cry. She had seen enough of that during Clint’s funeral. “I suppose you could say that,” I replied.
“Daddy died in a car accident,” she said softly.
“Yes, he did,” I said. “But that accident was much bigger than ours.”
“Do you think Daddy was scared?”
I swallowed hard and reminded myself to be strong. I always knew she would start asking questions at some point. The older she got, the better she would be able to articulate them. I had always promised myself that I wouldn’t avoid those questions. I would be as honest as I was capable of being.
“Yes, I think he might have been,” I replied.
“I wish…I could have made him not scared,” Renni said, in a confused sentence.
I smiled at her. “Me, too, darling. Me, too.”
She seemed to distract herself with the bubbles forming on her arms. I finished scrubbing her down and then when she was clean; I pulled her out of the tub and wiped her dry. She dressed by herself before I settled her into her little single bed.
“Mommy?”
“Yes, angel?”
“Will you stay with me till I fall asleep?”
“Of course,” I nodded as I slipped into the bed beside her.
There was barely any room for me, but I didn’t mind. The discomfort was worth it just to be near Renni. I played with her hair like Clint used to do when she was a baby. It had been a trick he had honed early on. Play with Renni’s hair for long enough, and she would go out like a light.
“You were so brave tonight, my little rabbit,” I whispered to Renni, as her eyelids grew heavier and heavier. “Never underestimate how strong you are.”
When her eyelids had fused shut and her breath was calming in steady peaceful sighs, I disentangled myself from her little body and slipped out of her room. I walked to my room and collapsed onto the bed without bothering to turn on the lights. I stared up at my dark ceiling, reliving the moment I had lost control of the wheel.
And just like that, all the emotion I had been holding in all night came pouring out of me. The tears slipped free from my eyes, and I sobbed into my bed until my body was shaking from exhaustion.
We had come so close tonight. I had almost lost my daughter in the same way I had lost my husband. Could life really be that cruel? Could lightning really strike twice?
I clung to a pillow, trying to find some comfort in the soft shape. But at the end of the day, a pillow couldn’t hug you back. I realized that what I was craving was the warmth of human contact, and all I had was an empty room to hear my despair. I sat up in bed in the dark for the longest time, staring into the nothingness, remembering in fragments the life I used to lead and how it had turned into the life I was leading now.
My thoughts were erratic, but I didn’t try and rein them in. I just wanted the freedom of wallowing for a few hours. “Clint,” I said out loud, to my silent room. “Clint…” There was no answer.
I fell asleep around three in the morning with my head filled with images of crashing cars, silver ice, and a beautiful, peaceful hazel that made my heart beat a little faster.
“Mommy?” Renni’s voice broke through the fog of exhaustion that cocooned my body. “Mommy?”
“Yes, darling,” I said, trying to open my eyes.
“Mommy, I have to get to school.”
My eyes shot open and I sat up immediately. “Oh my God,” I breathed. “What time is it?”
“I’m not sure,” she replied.
I glanced at the clock. I had overslept by half an hour. There was enough time to get ready, but we would be rushed. “Sorry, sweetheart,” I said. “I forgot to set the alarm last night. Will you get ready for me, please?”
Renni nodded and disappeared into her room. I brushed my teeth quickly and had a quick cat wash before pulled on a black pencil skirt and a blue silk blouse. I ran my fingers through my hair as I rushed into the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge for a fast breakfast option. There was cereal, but Renni must have been the only kid in the world who didn’t like cereal.
I spooned some yogurt into a bowl and cut up some bananas and strawberries, which I added. That would have to suffice for breakfast today. I was pouring myself a cup of black coffee when I realized that I had no mode of transport today.
“Damn it!” I said through gritted teeth.
“Mommy!” Renni gasped. Of course, she had come in at the exact moment I had decided to swear. “That’s a bad word.”
“I know, I’m worry,” I said quickly. “It’s just that-”
My own phone interrupted me. Wrinkling my brows, I glanced at the unknown number across my screen. I hesitated for only a moment before I picked up.
“Hello?”
“So I figured since you don’t have a car this morning, that you might need a ride somewhere?”
“I… Who is this?” I asked flustered.
“This is Sam, remember? The fire fighter from last night.”
“Oh,” I said, in shock. “Right.”
“Am I right in thinking you might need a lift?”
“Umm…actually-”
“I have no problem giving you a ride.”
“I don’t want to impose.”
“It’s not an imposition at all,” he replied. “In fact, it would be my pleasure.”
I smiled, feeling myself soften. I glanced at Renni, who was eating her yogurt and made a split second decision. “Well, in that case… I would really appreciate that.”
“Great,” Sam replied enthusiastically. “Just text me your address, and I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“Okay,” I nodded, before I hung up.
“Who was that, Mommy?” Renni asked curiously.
“I… That was…a friend,” I told her, unable to keep the smile from my face.