Chapter Seven
Bethany
"No. That's completely wrong." I yanked the pins from my hair, letting the intricate braid I'd spent the last twenty minutes working on fall completely apart.
Nothing I did seemed right. The dress I'd put on was too fancy, the sports jacket was stuffy, the shorts were too casual. Putting my hair in a ponytail was too lazy. Putting it up in a bun was too formal.
Finally, I realized I was trying too hard. Giving up on pretending to be someone I wasn't, I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans, a comfy blouse with pink flowers on it, and my good boots. I left my blonde hair hanging loose down to my shoulders and kept my make-up light.
This was me. This was what I looked like every day when I was living at home or going to school. Why should I try to change who I was just to introduce myself to my father? If he was going to meet me for the first time, shouldn't he meet the real me?
Feeling good about the way I looked, I went out to the stable where Brett helped me saddle up a gentle mare I’d been learning to ride named Rosie, and I rode her out to the far pasture, where I knew Frank Hill had been assigned to work out in the East field. It would have taken me forever to walk out there, but on Rosie's back, it was a pleasant ride.
I could see Frank in the distance as he walked along the fence line checking for broken boards. As I grew closer to him, I dismounted the horse and led her forward by the reins, my feet getting slower with every step.
What would I say to him when I got there? Hey, Dad, I know you haven't seen me in nearly twenty years since you abandoned me on the day of my second birthday, but I tracked you down and now here I am.
The whole idea was ludicrous. He was bound to think I was crazy, and maybe I was.
What kind of reaction could I possibly expect from him after a shocking announcement like that? He was sure to call the police on me for being kind of stalker. William would have to come and arrest me and haul me off to the jailhouse. He couldn't possibly believe me, could he? Was it possible that he would look into my eyes and recognize me as being the little girl he had once loved? Would he pull me into his arms and hug me, saying, “ I've missed you so much. I never wanted to leave you. I love you, Bethany.”
It made no difference if his reaction was negative, positive, or something in between. Frank Hill was my father. I'd waited my whole life to find him, confront him, and tell him I was his daughter. Now, that moment had come. I couldn't let fear of what might happen prevent me from completing my goal. I had to do it.
Taking a deep breath for courage, I stood tall and strong, and took the steps forward until I was just a few feet from him.
"Frank Hill?" My voice sounded confident, despite the roiling in my stomach.
"Yeah. What do you want?" He took off his baseball cap and wiped his brow as he turned to look at me. He was about six feet tall, with a bit of a beer gut. He had brown eyes and a balding head, and I guessed correctly that he was in his mid-forties.
"My name is Bethany Foster." I extended my hand to him in greeting. "My mother is Jillian Foster. I'm your daughter."
Frank gasped audibly and staggered back a half step. "Bethany?"
"Yes," I nodded, smiling at him warmly.
"You're so grown up. You look like your mother. You have Jillian's eyes and smile. You didn't have much hair when you were a baby, but what you did was golden blonde, just like your mother's."
"I may look like her, but she says a lot of my personality takes after you," I said, feeling encouraged that he was remembering.
"No kidding? Like what?" he chuckled.
"Well, I'm creative. I love nature, which is why I like to paint landscapes. I'm stubborn, and don't back down from a challenge. Mom says I get all those traits from you."
"Well, I'll be damned." Frank rubbed his scratchy jaw with his hand. His voice shook a bit as he asked "How did you find me?"
"It wasn't easy. Mom would never talk about you, but I was always curious to know you. I used to search for you on the internet, hoping I could find you. There were a lot of Frank Hills, but none of them were the right one."
"How'd you know that?"
"Mom had thrown out all your pictures when I was little, but I dug some out of the trash and kept them hidden in my dresser. I'd stare at them all the time."
Frank's ruddy face blushed slightly. He plucked a cigarette from his shirt pocket and lit it with a metal lighter he stuffed back into the rear pocket of his jeans.
"So, how'd you track me down here?" he asked, blowing out a plume of smoke.
"When I turned twenty-one, I hired a private investigator. He discovered a post office box in your name in Riverbend. So, I got a job working at Hutchinson Ranch hoping to find you in town, and as luck would have it, you were working right here on the same ranch as me."
"I don't know if that's good luck or bad luck," Frank joked, and I giggled awkwardly.
It was strange talking with him face to face. He looked just as nervous as I felt, but it was exciting, and I felt things were going very well. This might be the beginning of a warm and positive relationship between us, and I felt my heart swell.
"It was definitely good luck, I think." I smiled brightly. "Don't you?"
Frank looked down at his boots and kicked at a clod of dirt on the ground, as if thinking. When he turned his face back up to look at me, his eyes were watery. I held my breath, anxious to hear the words I'd waited a lifetime to hear, but then something happened. I saw those warm, chocolate-brown eyes change right in front of me, into something cold, hard, and ugly.
"No, I don't think it's good luck that you found me." I felt like I'd been punched right in the stomach.
"What?" I swallowed hard against the lump of bile that had risen in my throat.
"Why do you think I left twenty years ago? Why do you think I kept moving around, always using P.O. boxes and unlisted phone numbers? Do you think it was because I wanted to be found?"
"Maybe you were avoiding my mother or someone else; but I'm your daughter. I thought you'd be happy to see me."
"What made you think a stupid thing like that? I never wanted a kid. I never asked for you to be born. I told Jillian to get a damn abortion, but she wouldn't do it."
"So, it's true. You never wanted me." Somehow I managed to keep my tears held back as my hands clenched tightly into fists.
"No. I never wanted a kid, and I don't want one now. Leave me the hell alone. Go back where you came from and never bother me again."
"Don't worry. This is the last time you'll ever see me."
I turned and ran. Unable to control my tears anymore, they ran freely down my cheeks, but my back was to him now and so he couldn't see. Sobs racked my throat, threatening to choke me, and my tears blinded me, making everything a blur.
I just followed the fence line, using the dark wood as a guide back to the ranch. I came to an opening, and knew I must have reached the end of the pasture. Still sobbing, I stumbled through it, hearing Rosie following me, running as fast as I could.
My mother had been right. Frank did leave because of me. He didn't want anything to do with me. My own father hated me. Fueled by emotion, I jumped onto Rosie's back and urged her into a gallop. Blinded by tears, I couldn't even see where the mare was taking me, but when I saw an opening in the fence, I steered her through it, knowing that must be the way back.
I couldn't believe my own father had rejected me so brutally. It was silly of me to have expected anything else, but the reality of it was still devastating. I leaned against Rosie's strong neck, buried my face in her mane, and cried away all my pain, trusting the horse.
Eventually her running slowed to a walk, and I cried away all of my tears until my throat was dry and my eyes were red. I pulled Rosie to a complete stop and looked around. Surely we must be home by now, but when I took in the scene around me, all I saw were trees. She hadn't taken me to the ranch; somehow we'd ended up deep in the forest with no trail or path to follow back home.
"Hello? Can anyone hear me?" I shouted out into the trees. A flock of birds flew up into the air above me, but other than that, there was no response. I looked up at the sky and saw the sun was high in sky. I was already thirsty and hungry, with no idea which direction to go in to find my way back to the ranch. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was in trouble.