Chapter Sixteen

 

Rory

 

I’d never had sex before where emotions were involved. The idea of opening up and letting someone else in scared me more than I realized. When I could maintain an emotionless barrier, the only thing I had to focus on was release. With Adrian, I didn’t have a wall to hide behind anymore. My heart was exposed, and when that happened, the certainty of disaster was almost enough to make me back out.

Almost.

Considering our contrasting experience levels when it came to sex, I should have been the one to lead him to the bedroom, but it was the other way around. Adrian’s fingers were warm and slick in my hand as he tugged me along. They trembled slightly and gripped harder the closer we got to the end of the hall. He was nervous but determined.

Then, that assuredness drifted away when we stopped beside my bed. In the short time I’d known him, Adrian exhibited recognizable signs of distress when he became uncomfortable or unsure. One of those signs was that he adjusted his glasses, another, he gnawed his bottom lip. Both actions made me smile.

I needed to take the reins, and I needed to remember Adrian hadn’t been down that road before. Everything was new for him, and for some reason, he wanted me to be the guide. My heart raced. It had never raced so out of control before fucking, and that was when I understood it was because that wasn’t the direction we were going. Fucking would have been easier.

Perhaps, I was just as much a virgin as Adrian when it came to sharing sex on an emotional level.

The bedroom was dark. Krew would have helped himself to the bedside lamp, but Adrian simply stared at me from the shadows. I didn’t move to change the situation, because, with my nerves already on edge, the extra cloak of darkness helped keep me calm.

I stepped closer and angled Adrian’s face up before kissing him again. His flavor alighted a thrilling tingle that sang through my body. I liked it and took him deeper, kissed him harder, tasted him, and savored every sensation.

Aching to touch him, I slid my hands under his shirt and danced gentle fingers over his smooth abdomen and around to his back. When he went to copy my actions, I lifted from his mouth and stilled his advances, gripping his wrists gently but firmly enough it rose his confusion.

What I wanted to give him and what I was able to give him were two different things. Already, I’d laid my past at his feet. It was a step in the right direction, but there was one wall I wasn’t ready to tear down. Knowing the damage I’d incurred and seeing it were not the same thing.

“Please don’t take this personally. I… I’m not ready for you to see. Not right now. Not like this. It’s… I’m sorry.”

It seemed like such an unfair request. More than anything, I wanted to strip Adrian down and admire his body. Touch him all over. Worship him with my mouth and hands. Yet, I was only willing to lose part of my clothing, and even then, it would be enough to make me feel overexposed.

Adrian didn’t show any indication he was upset by my request. He smiled, removed his glasses, placed them on the bedside table, and pulled me down on the bed. The way we fell, he ensured I was over top of him, and he lifted his head to join our mouths once more, kissing me soundly before pulling back.

“Give me what you can, Rory. Just being here with you is more than amazing.”

We kissed. There was a lot of kissing. It was a starting point, a place we both felt comfortable while we learned each other on a deeper level. I never used to enjoy kissing. It was an intimacy I’d never cared for. With Adrian, I couldn’t get enough. His tongue was like silk, and the way he nipped at my bottom lip when his bravery grew was glorious, exciting, and unbelievably erotic in a way I’d never known. The small sounds that whimpered from his throat when I pressed our lower bodies together gave me goosebumps. He smelled of soap and man, alighting all my senses to the highest extreme.

As we kissed, and the pressure of our arousals grew, I wanted more. But how much more was the question. If Adrian was as green as he claimed, I didn’t want to dive right into the deep end. I feared I couldn’t be gentle or careful enough.

I shifted off him but kept our mouths joined. My erection was crushed inside my jeans and pressed against his thigh. I rocked into him, enjoying the building sensation as I moved a hand to the bulge in his own pants. He stopped kissing when I touched him, moaned when I gave a gentle squeeze to his stiff length, and whimpered when I whispered in his ear, “Can I suck you off?”

He nodded, but there was uncertainty on his face which stilled my hand. The tremble throughout his body wasn’t hidden. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m nervous. And I’m pretty sure I’m not going to last at all, and then I’ll be really embarrassed. But I don’t want you to stop. I want this.”

I chuckled and worked at the button on his jeans. “Good thing I plan to make you come more than once tonight. As many times as you’re able, if I have my say.”

A shudder ran through his body. If the light was better, I was certain Adrian’s cheeks would show a flaming blush. Out of fairness, I left his shirt on since I didn’t want mine removed. He lifted his hips and allowed me to slide his pants down his legs and off. Then, I removed my own, leaving us both in our underwear.

I studied the mound in his tighty-whities, losing focus for a minute while I imagined all the things I wanted to do to Adrian. I crawled back overtop of him, straddling his thighs. Bracing myself on elbows, one on either side of his head, I rocked, bringing our erections together.

Adrian squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back on a gasp as he snagged a firm hold on my hips, stilling me.

“Oh shit, that feels too good.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed, and I sucked over the protrusion, licking and nibbling up to his chin. I fought his restraining hold and ground us together while finding his mouth and kissing him. He could barely manage the overload of sensations. Vibrations ravaged his body and echoed in my own.

I wanted to taste him—all of him. I wanted to take him down my throat and make him come so hard his smart brain forgot how to think for once, but I knew if I went there immediately, it would be over in seconds flat. When I tasted him, I wanted to be there long enough to savor him.

I worked his underwear down and then removed my own. The heat of our bodies when they slid together was intense enough I wasn’t sure I’d last either. There was no more kissing. Adrian was blissed out and lost in the moment, head tilted back, eyes squeezed shut. He panted and rocked with me, grinding and gliding us together.

He wound his fingers into my hair and held on so tight it bordered painful, but I didn’t care and moved faster, with more determination. A slick, sticky coating of pre-cum aided our glide. Whether it was him leaking or me or both of us, I couldn’t be sure, but it amped up everything.

When I reached between our bodies and took us together, it was game over. In a few short strokes, Adrian pulled our foreheads together and cried out as warm wetness coated my hand and his stomach. Just feeling his release sent me over the edge, and I clamped my teeth and growled as each pulse riveted through me.

Panting, both of us struggling to catch our breath, Adrian joined our mouths as he shuddered and licked at my lips and tongue. Since when did sex feel that good? Fuck, I hadn’t even penetrated him. My head buzzed as we became lost in each other, tongues tangled, sex-heated skin pressed together. Time didn’t matter. My past didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but Adrian.

As the magnitude of our shared pleasure eased, so did our desperate kissing. I was far from done with him. Moving down his body, Adrian touched my cheek and traced his fingers along my jaw.

“What are you doing?”

“What I told you I wanted to do.”

I nuzzled the top of his thigh and licked a trail to the base of his cock. He’d never gone fully soft, and the mention of my plan to suck him made him twitch and grow. I licked up the side of his dick, tasting both our releases, encouraging him to grow stiffer. By the time I reached his tip, he keened and grabbed for my hair.

“It’s too much,” he whined.

Too much? He had no idea. In one swift motion, I sucked him to the back of my throat, making him come off the bed. He bucked and cried out, squirmed and begged. I savored the taste of him—of us—swirling my tongue around his length as I lifted off again. Slowly, I drew his orgasm to the surface. He met every glide, fucking into my mouth and making the cutest noises I’d ever heard. When I sensed him getting closer, I showed him no mercy and set a quick rhythm, blasting him over the edge before he could think to slow me down. His cries were broken and hoarse, strangled and uninhibited.

God, he was sexy when he let go.

I took every drop of his offering before climbing his body and crushing our mouths together. His eyes were half-closed, and his limbs were splayed out across my bed.

“You okay?” I asked, moving my kisses by his ear.

“I can’t move. I think you killed me. That was a million times more incredible than I ever imagined.”

I chuckled and shifted beside him. He was wrecked. His eyes fell closed as I caressed his thigh and moved my hand under his shirt, smoothing it across his abdomen. His chest was mostly hairless except for a fine trail leading down from his navel. What we’d shared was so much more than I’d ever had with anyone before. We stared into each other’s eyes saying nothing for a long time, absorbing the moment and what it meant.

Adrian’s eyes grew heavier and heavier until he could no longer keep them open. He found my hand and laced our fingers together. Never had I allowed Krew to pass out in my bed after a good fuck, but with Adrian, the idea bloomed warmth in my chest. It was startling the emotions I felt when I was with him.

As he drifted off, I didn’t rouse him. When his breathing changed, I simply stared in awe at the man beside me, wondering what exactly was happening and why Adrian had caused such chaos in my heart. Not a bad chaos, but certainly a disruption to my normal way of feeling. I liked it. A lot, and yet, it scared me more than I could understand.

I thought he was asleep until he rolled his head and cracked his eyes. He yawned, and his brow scrunched up like he was thinking deeply. “What happened to Cody?”

My stomach clenched, and a shiver rippled over my skin, washing away all the good feelings we’d been sharing. I lay my head beside Adrian’s and studied his face in the darkness. Again, I was baffled that I’d let him see my darkest thoughts and worst memories. I stroked a thumb over his hand, and he squeezed in return. It was his way of offering me strength.

“He was charged with aggravated assault, sentenced to two years imprisonment, and fined twenty thousand dollars plus the additional medical and court costs. Jerry, Tom, and Brady were charged for aiding and abetting. Same jail time, lesser fines.”

Adrian broke eye contact and rolled to his back, peering at the ceiling with a scowl. “I’m glad they were punished, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“No. Me either. They fucked up my entire life, but after eighteen months in jail, they got out on good behavior and basically returned to their lives as usual. Meanwhile, six years down the line, I’m so psychologically damaged, I can’t go outside in the daytime or tolerate anything more than dim light.”

Adrian went quiet. I knew he was thinking, so I rested beside him and let him while I tried to clear my mind. Rage brewed back to the surface, and it wasn’t what I wanted to feel. I’d thought about it enough over the past six years, I didn’t want to wallow all over again. Not after what we’d just shared.

“Where were your parents when this happened? Did they come to see you?”

“Yeah. Eventually, mom did. She had to fly to Ontario. Dad couldn’t get the time off without risking his position, and in truth, the cost was insane, so they couldn’t both afford to come. They’d only just managed to pull their heads above water and me needing them put a huge strain on them financially.

“Mom helped me settle back into my apartment when I was discharged from the hospital. I sunk into a bad depression, and she took care of everything for a few days. Helped me get settled. She wanted me to go home with her, but I didn’t want to. Also, we hadn’t gone to court yet, and the police preferred I stayed put while everything was sorted out.

“She went home, and I stayed in my apartment and wished I was dead. It wasn’t until I had to attend follow-up appointments and meet with my lawyer that shit started to get real. The first time I tried to leave my apartment after I got home, it was like being stuck in some kind of nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. The reaction I had to the sunlight hit me out of nowhere, and I was still weak from everything that had happened. It was like my entire body was engulfed in flames, and I was burning alive. When I managed to get my ass back inside, I hid in my closet in the dark for hours. I was alone, and I didn’t know what to do. It just spiraled from there.”

“Do your parents know about your Heliophobia?”

I sighed. Using a hand, I turned his face toward me. “They don’t because I don’t want them to worry about me. They are four provinces away and have enough shit on their plate. They can’t afford to travel, and I can’t go home. There is no point. We chat on the phone, but as far as they’re concerned, it’s a thing of the past. Can we talk about something else now?”

Adrian nodded and pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

Silence returned. I drew Adrian against my side, and he tucked his head under my chin. There was something comforting about having him in my arms. I’d opened up. I’d shared. I’d risked being vulnerable with Adrian, yet, I felt calmer at that moment than I had in a long, long time.

After an extended period of neither of us speaking, my stomach growled. Adrian chuckled against my neck and turned his face. “Are you hungry?”

“I just woke up when you got here. I could use some breakfast. Do you want to stick around and eat?”

His smile shone. “I’d love to.”

I kissed him as I pulled him on top of me. My heart sang, and I had to fight not to become aroused again. As much as I wanted desperately to explore more of Adrian, I thought it best I allowed him time to absorb—allowed me time to absorb.

I made us some breakfast sausage and eggs, brewed a fresh pot of coffee, and served everything on the living room coffee table. I flicked on the dim lamp for Adrian’s benefit even though he told me he was fine without it.

We ate in silence, but I caught him watching me between bites, and when our eyes met, he smiled and dropped his gaze.

After breakfast, I couldn’t fight the craving for a smoke, so I went out on the balcony while Adrian insisted on cleaning dishes. A short time later, the balcony door slid open, and Adrian came and leaned beside me. I took a final drag off my smoke and butted it out in the ashtray.

“It’s weird without Samson here.” I watched him, but his gaze was fixed in the distance.

“You need to move. Find someplace that will allow you to have a cat.” And get away from those jackasses you live with.

Adrian didn’t answer, but his expression shifted to something that resembled disappointment or sadness. I wanted to ask about his roommates. Maybe my concern was unfounded, but my past wouldn’t let me shake it off. Anyone who experienced bullying had my sympathy.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend before.” The statement came out of nowhere, and Adrian turned to face me.

“Is that what you want?” I asked, nervous butterflies erupting in my gut. The truth was, neither had I.

“Is it what you want?” he countered.

I chuckled and hooked a finger through his belt loop, dragging him closer. “I have a list of problems longer than my arm. Krew says I’m kinda an asshole, but there is no kinda about it. I’m not sure how good of a boyfriend I would be since I have no experience at it. But, I think it’s something I’d like to explore. With you.”

He pushed his glasses up his nose and shifted his focus to my chest. “Why me?”

“I don’t know. You caught my attention the first day I opened the door and found you standing there. You were awkward but so determined, and I was anything but cooperative. You’re cute and fucking smart as hell. You…” I swallowed hard, trying to put into words what his presence had always done for me. “You… you take away some of the darkness. You make me smile. I… something about you makes me believe the world isn’t half as awful as I’ve made it out to be. Like maybe there is hope. Maybe I can learn to trust.”

I pulled his chin up and swam in his dark irises which I knew were a dark brown even though they always appeared black in my shadowed world. Color was something I’d lost when I was thrust into darkness. Everything was a variation of gray and black. It wasn’t until I’d met Adrian and found myself lost in his gaze that I’d missed color and wished to see his eyes for what they truly were.

“It doesn’t bother you that I’m a—”

I kissed him once and smiled against his lips. “You’re not anymore.”

“But we didn’t.”

“Sex is more than one thing, Adrian. It can be experienced in all kinds of ways.”

What I wanted to tell him was that I’d never had anything more intimate or meaningful than what we’d already shared, but it sounded lame to my own ears, so I stayed quiet.

We kissed some more. Nothing overly intense but a simple sharing and closeness. Adrian’s fingers grazed my arms. “Do you have more tattoos?”

“Some across my chest.”

“Did you get them before?”

“Yeah. Can’t sit in a bright tattoo parlor for that long anymore or else I’d probably be covered.”

“I like them.”

His thumb circled the flames around my wrist. I’d always found that particular tattoo to be ironic in a way. Of all the things I would have chosen to put on my body, I’d unknowingly put flames. I had no idea at that time that the sense of my skin burning under the hot sun would be a thing of nightmares.

We spent the entire night together. A lot of time talking, and many more hours exploring in the bedroom. I kept our activities limited to hands and mouths, despite Adrian’s obvious desire to do more. He’d shied away from giving head at first, convinced he’d mess it up somehow, but I convinced him there was no possible way of that happening so long as he didn’t involve teeth. When he tried, he was way better than he gave himself credit for, but I joked and told him he’d need more practice. A lot.

In the pre-dawn, we lay on the couch tangled together in our half-dressed state. We both drifted in and out of sleep, and part of me wanted to invite him to stay, to sleep beside me in bed, but I stalled, and the words never passed my lips.

“I should go,” Adrian said on a yawn. He shifted in my arms but didn’t get up.

“How are things at your place? Are your roommates still bothering you?”

He huffed a humorless laugh. “Bothering me is what they live for. I’ll be okay. I can handle them.”

He’d said that many times. I wished I could believe it. I had thought I had a handle on things at one time, too, and it had all gone to hell.

“It’s okay,” he assured again. “I’ll be going home to sleep, and then, I’m going to work on my presentation. Sunday nights are mostly quiet. Then, I work the following night. I’m good at avoidance.”

“That’s no way to live.”

“Until I can move out, I have no other choice.”

Adrian nuzzled under my chin, his body lying half on top of mine as I stroked his back under his shirt. He’d told me about his awards and the honor of giving a presentation to new students. He’d also explained about his father and how he couldn’t move without causing a problem.

Sighing, he wormed from my arms.

“Will you text me if they give you trouble?”

He looked back over his shoulder. “And what will you do?”

What could I do? Seeing as how they’d probably cause an issue during daylight hours, I was screwed.

“Don’t hesitate to come back here. I don’t mind.” Stay, my mind screamed.

“Thanks. I’ll be fine.”