Emmalin left the living room, saying she was going to get ready for bed. I hated going to bed with us in a foul mood. Once upon a time we were cracked. Now we were the fucking Grand Canyon. Here I was basically accusing her of having an affair, because of my own insecurities. I’m the one being accused of indiscretions, and tearing this family apart, and yet here I am taking it out on her. I made myself a drink, then sat and sulked for a bit. Was I being ridiculous? Yeah maybe, but Emmalin didn’t understand my need to protect.

After a few more minutes, I finally went to our room. Emmalin, had just gotten out of the shower and was putting on that vanilla and lavender scented body cream that always made my dick hard.

She met my gaze in the mirror as she fastened her robe. “Did you need something? I’ll be out in a minute.” She continued rubbing the lotion into her skin.

“You’re mad at me.” I didn’t say it as a question. I knew damn well she was pissed at me. The daggers she shot me pretty much confirmed it.

She didn’t answer me. Mad was an understatement. She was livid and probably didn’t feel like talking about it, but I wanted to talk about it. I watched as she placed the lid on the jar and placed it back in the drawer. She moved to walk past me, and I grabbed her arm.

She sighed but didn’t peer over her shoulder. “I don’t feel like talking Grayson, or rather feel like listening to you dish out your demands.”

I sighed. “You know how I am, Emmalin. I like things to be careful and meticulous and…”

“No,” She snapped, turning to face me. “You like things to be your way. Everything always has to be your way, without even a thought spared to how I might feel about certain situations.”

“I always want your opinions, Emmalin.” That apparently was the wrong thing to say. Her eyes widened to the size of saucers and she did that thing where she cocked her head and narrowed her eyes, and even though I knew she was about to light my ass a new one, I was still turned on.

“My opinion? My opinion? That’s all anything I say to you is, isn’t it? Just an opinion. ‘Oh Emmalin, what do you think of the proposed budget cuts to make room for additional funding?’” She mimicked me. “Well, Grayson I’m glad you asked, here’s a way we can still spread funds around, without cutting funds or anyone taking cuts. ‘That’s a great idea Emmalin, we’ll call that plan F,’” she continued in a mocking voice.

I stood arms crossed, as she continued. “‘Hey Emmalin, what do you think of hiring a nanny for Emersyn? Let’s setup interviews,’” she leveled me with a stare. “We interviewed ten people, but I’m not even sure why you even bothered to ask me which one I thought was best for our daughter if you were just going to turn around and pick the one you wanted!”

“You didn’t always think of her as ours now, did you?” My voice was low. Really low, but she heard it. When Emmalin was pregnant with Flick, she had antenatal depression almost throughout the entire pregnancy. She detached herself, and her body prepared itself for the inevitable. I shut my eyes, as I swore under my breath. “I didn’t mean that.” I reached for her, but she stepped back.

“Yes, you did.” She stared at her hands. “People speak the truth when they’re mad, don’t they?” She looked away as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with her left hand. The light catching the glint of her ring just right, and right then and there it was like a wakeup call. What the fuck was I doing? My mind searched back to a previous session with Dr. Klein.

“How is the Missus?”

I shrugged before taking a sip of water. “It’s good. She’s good. Family is great.” I held up my left hand, showing him my ring. “I’ve never been happier.” I ended that sentence with a big smile. Dr. Klein blinked before shaking his head.

“How about an answer that isn’t full of bullshit?”

I dropped the smile. “We actually are doing well, it’s me that’s the problem.”

“Indulge me.”

“I’m experiencing the urges I used to have before Emmalin. The urges that had my reasons for going to Tesh.” I took a moment to compose my thoughts. “I don’t want to expose Emmalin to…that behavior, so I do other things instead.”

Dr. Klein crossed his leg at the knee, waiting for me to continue.

“I purposely fight with her. I purposely push her past her limits, every chance I get.” Dr. Klein isn’t new to my sexual taste. He’s heard every single detail.

“How is Emmalin adapting to it? Surely you’ve both established boundaries for how far you can go. Considering.” He waved a hand implying the rest that was left unsaid.

I stilled. I knew the words that were about to come out of my mouth next were going to make me a complete fuck. “We haven’t. I never give her a chance. I usually have her restrained in some way.”

Dr. Klein removed his glasses. “Okay, help me understand. You have a safeword, but if she can’t say it, there’s a signal you’ve agreed on, yes?”

My quietness said it all as he perched to the edge of his chair. “Mr. Mandrake, do you realize the amount of danger you are putting you both in, especially Mrs. Mandrake?”

My head snapped up at his all of a sudden need to be formal. In all the years that I have seen Dr. Klein, not once has he ever called me Mr. Mandrake. This was new. This was weird. This was bad. Very bad.

I sat there, not moving, almost as if I was in a daze.

“Are you…trying to hurt her?”

The beast inside me grunted. The next words out of my mouth were very shaky. “I don’t know.”

Dr. Klein was quiet as he contemplated. He’ll probably say contemplated, but I’ll just go ahead and say judging. Because, that’s exactly what he was doing as he sat there in his wing back chair with his eyes slightly squinted, staring at me as if I have lost my fucking mind. To which I would have to agree. I have lost my fucking mind.

“You know Emmalin Ross was a victim of rape and abuse…”

I didn’t even let him finish. “I fucking know that, I don’t need you to…” I stopped, realizing what he had just said. “Why did you say that?”

He glanced down at his notepad before looking back at me. “I’m sorry, say what?”

My eyes narrowed. I knew what the fuck he was doing. “Ross. You called her Emmalin Ross. It’s fucking Mandrake. You of all people should know that, you fucking married us!” I stood up, buttoning my suit jacket. “We’re done here, Doc.”

“I love you,” she whispered to me. “I love you so much, but right now things are different, and I don’t know how to get back to where we were. I don’t know what to do.”

“I know.” I kissed the top of her head. “Fuck, I know, but we will. I swear to you, we fucking will, Emmalin.” I pulled her back so she had to look at me. “Remember what you told me when I came back for you in Quincy?” She slowly nodded, as my hands cupped her face. “Tell me what you said, Emmalin. Tell me what you said.”

She took a deep breath. I remember everything as if it was yesterday. I couldn’t forget even if I tried. She met my eyes again. “I said let’s fight together,” she whispered out.

I nodded. “Tell me you still mean that. Tell me you won’t give up on us. We fight together, Emmalin. Me and you - no one else. Me and you.”

She slowly nodded. I kissed one of her many fallen tears. “Words baby. I want...” I paused. “I need the words.”

She took a moment to calm her breathing. Her eyes penetrated mine with so much want and need. She placed her hands on top of mine. “Together.”

I could feel the worry that was most likely etched across my face slowly dissipate. It was if her confession put me back together. I did want to fight. I just didn’t know if she had the strength. “I’m going to kiss you now, Mrs. Mandrake.”