Chapter Thirty

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I turned my head slightly so I could look to where he was standing near the door. God, he was such a handsome man.

The brown hair on his head was longer than it’d been nine weeks before and a mess from him either running his fingers through it or from the cap he’d been wearing all day. The hair covering his chin and cheekbones was much neater and I knew he probably trimmed it that morning. He was wearing his orange counselor shirt from earlier and had his hands shoved into the pocket of his khaki shorts.

His eyes, though. Those turquoise orbs were like a window to his feelings. Even in the dark room, I could see how sad they were.

“What do you want, AJ?”

“Fuck, don’t call me that.” His voice was hoarse and he reached up to grab the back of his neck. “I’ve always hated that stupid nickname.”

“Why?” I asked, unable to stop myself. He stepped inside and took a seat on the edge of Hannah’s bed. My eyes never strayed from him.

“My name is Andrew Richard Moore, Jr. My biological mother called me AJ for short, after my bastard father. The first summer after I aged out of camp, I got a job. I reinvented myself. Got my braces off, bought a better wardrobe, got contacts and eventually laser eye surgery just a couple of years ago. That’s when I decided to lose that asshole’s name. I didn’t want to be his junior and since my biological mother had called him Andrew, I picked Drew.”

“Oh.”

We stared at one another as a thick tension filled the room. His eyes stayed on mine when he stood and I forced myself to stay frozen as he walked across the room, taking a spot at the edge of my bed instead.

“Kira gave this to me on our last day of camp. It was the last time I ever saw her.” He held his hand out suddenly, causing me to flinch. He wasn’t deterred, though, and opened his fist so I could see what he had. A silver, oval keychain with a shape cut out in the middle was laying against his palm. The void was in the shape of an infinity sign, the exact same size as my necklace.

Sitting up, I moved so we were next to each other. I reached out and touched a fingertip to the warm, smooth surface. Like my necklace had been, the keychain was engraved with the same simple words. For Infinity.

“When she gave this to me, she told me to make sure I found someone worthy of my love. ‘Someone who fits.’ Don’t you see how much you fit, Shay? You fit me as perfectly as your charm fit this. You’re my everything.”

“Drew,” I whispered, shaking my head slightly. He reached out for my hand and pushed the keychain into it before forcing my fist closed.

“I love you.” His voice was firm and he dropped his forehead to mine. “Keep this. Your sister would want you to have something. The first time I saw the charm on your neck, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it. I realized that it was cut from this same piece. We each held two pieces of something to make it whole. You make me whole, babe.”

My eyes closed and I absorbed the warmth of his skin against mine while tears rained down my cheeks. I loved him, too. I loved him more than I wanted to admit. I couldn’t get over the lies or the knowledge that he belonged to Kira, though. I refused to be a replacement for the first love that he lost. I loved him but I loved myself, too.

“Thank you,” I managed quietly, choking on the words while holding back a sob. “I wish…” I didn’t know how to complete that sentence. What did I wish for? Did I wish that he’d told me? Would it have made a difference? I had no idea.

Drew’s nose ran along my cheek before his lips pressed to the top of my head. “Me, too. I need you to know that everything I’ve said, everything I’ve done, everything I feel for you- it’s true, Shay. I need you to know that. Tell me you do. Please tell me that you know I love you.”

Instead of answering with words, I nodded and buried my face into his neck. He smelled so familiar, felt like home, and I didn’t know how I was supposed to walk away from that man. All I knew was that I had to.

But not that moment.

Not trusting myself to speak, I tightened my fist around the keychain he’d given me and leaned into him. Our lips met and I wanted to both cry and sigh simultaneously. Sigh because it was so perfect and cry because we’d never have it again. The universe was a mean bitch.

The kiss was desperate, savory, and overwhelming but it was absolutely everything. My body screamed to pull him closer. My heart begged me to get over his history with my sister. My brain, however, told me that I couldn’t have Drew Moore, that his own heart belonged to someone else. It told me that I couldn’t betray Kira by taking the man she loved.

At least not forever, I reasoned with myself. One last night would give us closure, give us the chance to say goodbye. While we kissed, I placed the keychain on the nightstand and reached for his shirt.

Drew froze, probably surprised by my actions, but he snapped out of it quickly. He let me pull his shirt over his head before doing the same with mine. Our hands roamed each other’s bodies frantically, as if we were both afraid the other would disappear. His wet lips ran down my chin and jaw until they were at my neck and I didn’t bother directing them. The feeling of his beard scratching against my skin while he lightly sucked had me squirming beneath him.

My nails dug into his bare back and I jutted my hips up, desperate for him to be inside of me. I gasped his name when he moved to pay attention to my breasts. Slowly, too slowly, he pulled down on my bra and bared me to him. The feeling of him raking his teeth along one of my nipples while using his fingers to pinch the other was heavenly.

The muscles in his back flexed under my touch and I moaned with both pleasure and frustration. I reached around to stroke his heavy erection through his pants, loving the way his breathing hitched when I did. He finally pulled away from my chest and made quick work of his pants before doing the same with mine. He found a condom in his wallet and rolled it on his length quickly. His lips found mine again as he settled between my thighs, swallowing my gasp when he thrust inside of me.

Words were spoken between us, although not many. Our names, our love, our apologies. Even more was said with our bodies as they told the depth of our love. I knew it sounded dramatic, but I doubted I would ever love anyone like I loved Andrew Moore.

He stayed with me all night. We would doze off between sessions of lovemaking or maybe just sit and listen to the other breathe. We didn’t talk, though. There was too much to be said and nothing at the same time.

Four o’clock came too soon, long before the sun, and I shut off my alarm quickly. Drew’s arms were wrapped around me from behind, holding my body to his chest, and his deep breathing told me he was still asleep.

I allowed myself a few more minutes in his hold, knowing it wouldn’t happen again. Despite everything that had happened, I felt so safe in his arms, so secure, so perfect. How something could feel so right and be so wrong was beyond me.

Ever so slowly, I withdrew from his arms even though every cell in my body protested. Once I was up on my feet, I glanced back to find him still asleep in the same position, his arms resting loosely where I had been.

I forced myself to turn around so I could head to the bathroom. On my way there, I tripped over something and looked down to see what it was.

Drew’s Los Angeles Dodgers cap sat on the floor. He hadn’t been wearing it when he came in the night before but I knew he’d likely kept it in his back pocket. I had no idea what possessed me to pick it up but I did, stuffing it into my backpack quickly.

I got ready to go in the bathroom. I slipped into the same shorts and t-shirt I’d arrived in nine weeks before and pulled my brown hair up into a ponytail. The sight of the two hickeys on my neck made me sad and I let my fingers brush against them for a moment. Putting the rest of my bathroom stuff away, I turned off the light and stepped out into the dark room.

My bags were packed. Everything was ready. I made my way back to the bed and stared down at Drew’s sleeping form. I ached to lean down and kiss him, to throw my arms around him and profess my undying love. I didn’t do either. Instead, I picked up my phone and the keychain he’d given me the night before. I slipped both into my pockets and looked at Drew one last time.

His eyes were open, though, and they stared up at me. I froze, stuck in his gaze.

Neither of us moved. Nothing was said. His eyes were sad, which I was sure reflected in my own. Swallowing back my sadness, I tightened my hold on my duffel bag and spoke.

“I don’t regret any of it.”

“Not a second,” he agreed, his voice hoarse. He stayed where he was, head on the pillow we had been sharing just minutes before, and the sadness on his face almost did me in. When he opened his mouth again, I did lose it. “I love you, Shaylee Butler. So fucking much. Never doubt that.”

The sob escaped my mouth without my permission and all I could do was nod my head. What I really wanted to do was run over and throw my arms around him but somehow found the strength to resist.

Gripping the handle to my suitcase in one hand, my duffel in the other, my backpack slung over my shoulder, and my vision blurry from tears, I forced myself to walk out the side door, leaving Drew behind.

When I got to the front of camp, I’d managed to stop crying. I was expecting to see a camp shuttle waiting for me but Howard and May’s SUV was parked up front instead. Both of them were standing next to it, talking quietly and they smiled when they caught sight of me. Howard immediately took my luggage from me and moved to load it into the back. May offered me a travel cup full of coffee with a sad smile on her face.

“I figured you’d need a pick me up this early in the morning.”

I accepted it gratefully. “Thank you.”

“Oh, baby girl.” She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me so tight that it almost hurt. “I’m sorry for deceiving you but I hope you know it wasn’t done maliciously. That boy is head over heels in love with you. Your sister would want you both to be happy.”

“I love you, May,” was all I could reply but she didn’t push for more. She just hugged me even tighter.

“I love you, too. We’ll see you soon, okay?”

Howard got in behind the steering wheel while May stepped backwards, waving in the dark as we pulled away. I settled in my seat and glanced over at the man who’d grown up as my uncle.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He sighed, glancing over at me briefly before refocusing on the road. “I didn’t realize that you weren’t aware they were one and the same, honestly. I saw you two together and thought the flirting and fighting was old feelings making their reappearance. I mean, Drew’s liked you since you were thirteen after all.”

“Drew was with my sister, Howard,” I said with a scoff as I focused on the dark, passing scenery. “For years. I won’t be a stand-in for Kira.”

“Sweet Shaylee, you sound like a broken record. I won’t deny the fact that he loved your sister but he didn’t love her like he does you. That boy has been a fool over you for years.” He chuckled softly. “Every phone call I have with that boy, he ends it by asking how Shaylee is.”

I frowned and studied Howard’s profile. “He lost his first love, Howard. I’m the closest thing to Kira left so of course he’s going to ask. I won’t be her replacement.”

He released a frustrated breath and reached over for my hand. “I think you’re making a mistake, but I won’t harp on your about it. You’re a grown woman.”

The rest of the drive to the airport was quiet and the sun was just starting to come up when he parked the SUV along the curb in the unloading zone. Once we had my bags on the curb next to the vehicle, Howard enveloped me in another tight embrace.

“There’s always a spot here for you as a counselor and there’s always a bed for you during the other seasons, too. You’re forever welcome here.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, holding him as tight as I could. “I love you, guys.”

He grinned when we parted. “You’ll see us soon. Your mama has been trying to talk May into Thanksgiving in the desert. We’ll see.”

One hug and a kiss to my forehead later and Howard Holcomb was pulling away from the curb, honking twice as he did. I stood watching until his taillights were gone and then I finally picked up my bags.

The airport was quiet and calm. There wasn’t a line at the ticket counter so I was able to drop off my bags and make it through security in less than fifteen minutes. My gate area was deserted, too, and I sat in the corner with my phone while I waited for time to tick by.

Luckily the flight wasn’t full so I wasn’t subjected to a middle seat again. I stared out the window as we took off, not allowing myself to cry again. I felt like shit. Regardless of everything that went down, I was leaving my heart in Maine.

No matter how many miles I put between us, I knew getting over Andrew Moore wouldn’t be easy.