Chapter Thirty-Two

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following few days were a blur. I called my parents to let them know I was home but didn’t have a chance to get over there. I had less than a week before I needed to be back at work on and on campus and stress was starting to settle over me.

Hannah and I hadn’t spoken but we text almost every day. She and Chloe had both made it home and it sounded like she and Jordan were settling into their long distance relationship okay. I was happy for her, happy for them, but jealousy and bitterness soured my stomach.

Those same feelings kept me isolated from Bri and Marco. When they were together, I made excuses to be in my room. I loved them both so much but my own pain was still too raw to witness their blinding love.

I hung out with Bri when Marco was at work, though. He was an intern at a marketing firm in town and it kept him busy during the week. Bri’s job was on campus so, like me, she wasn’t due back until classes started the following week. The two of us bought new clothes for work and school, supplies we’d need, and spent a lot of time being completely lazy.

Friday came quickly and Briana left to go spend the night at Marco’s. I didn’t even need to say anything but she knew I needed my space. I was grateful every day that I had a best friend like Briana Gibson.

I picked up some groceries from the store Friday afternoon and headed across town to Scottsdale. My father still lived in the same house I’d grown up in and he was off work early on Fridays. I figured I could cook dinner and spend the evening with him and then spend Saturday afternoon with my mother.

When I pulled up along the curb of the house, sadness overcame me. It had been six years since my mom had moved out and eight since the last time Kira had been inside those walls. It had been a long time since being at that house made me feel down and it irritated me that the dark cloud had chosen right then to make its appearance.

My dad’s truck was in the open garage so I got out with my bags in hand and went in through the kitchen rather than going to the front. I dropped the bags off on the dining room table and went to the front room where I knew he’d be.

“Dad?”

“Hi, honey.” My dad grinned happily when he caught sight of me from his favorite lounge chair.

Neal Butler was a handsome man and always had been. My dark brown hair was inherited directly from him, as well as my nose, lips, and sense of humor. He loved to say that he passed on all of his best qualities, especially his nose, to his daughters but that we were just like our mother.

Time had been kind to my father and he didn’t look like a man nearing his fifties for the most part. His face held a large amount of sadness that appeared when Kira had become sick and had only become worse as he proceeded to lose the woman he’d loved since high school. That sadness was completely gone when he looked at me that moment, though. He smiled like I was the best thing he’d seen in ages.

He immediately set down the remote control and opened his arms. I stepped into them quickly, ready and willing to admit how much I needed a hug from my father. He hold was tight and it took everything I had in me not to cry. I didn’t fool him, though.

“What’s wrong, Lee?”

I shook my head, keeping my face tucked into his shoulder. He smelled like old spice and coffee, two things that only went together when I was around him.

“You better tell your old man what has you so upset or I’m liable to tear that camp apart while I try to figure it out.” His voice was a playful warning but I knew he’d call May and Howard if I didn’t give him something. Before I could reply, the door to the garage opened again and my mom’s happy voice filled the kitchen.

“Shaylee!”

I hardly had time to separate from my dad before she had pulled me to the couch and was hugging me to her. I melted into her embrace, happily willing to give up my adult-card if it meant having the comfort of my parents whenever I needed them. The tears I’d been fighting broke free and I barely managed to keep myself from falling apart completely.

I could almost feel my parents having a silent conversation over the top of my head. My mom’s lips touched my temple and she shifted so she could see my face. “Talk to us. What’s going on?”

“I just…” I sniffled and swiped at my cheeks, suddenly realizing something. “Wait. Why are you at Dad’s house?”

My dad cleared his throat to my right. “Maybe she just wanted to see you, silly.”

“How would she have known I was here? I didn’t tell either of you I was coming.” I focused my gaze on his guilty face. He smiled and glanced at my mother.

“Cat’s out of the bag, Jeannie. Might as well tell her.”

Like I was watching a fast paced tennis match, I turned my head back to my mother. “Tell me what?”

“Well.” My mom smiled and smoothed back my hair so she could press another kiss to my forehead. “Your father and I reconnected earlier this year and we decided to… date again.”

“Date?” I repeated, like a parrot. My head was spinning. The two of them had been divorced for my whole adult life and now they were back together? “You guys are dating? That’s, uh… weird.”

Both of my parents laughed and my mother released me completely when my father took the spot on the couch next to her. I watched, in complete shock, as their hands found one another easily. It was a sight I hadn’t seen in a really long time but a welcome one. As quickly as a smile bloomed on my face, it fell.

“But… I don’t understand.” I cleared my throat and met my mom’s eyes. “You cheated on him. That’s kind of a big deal.”

She swallowed as guilt clouded her features. I felt like an asshole for bringing it up but my father just smiled and pulled her closer to him.

“That may be so but neither of us was blameless in everything that happened, Lee.” He ran his fingers through her hair and I couldn’t help but smile as he continued. “No family should have to go through what the four of us did. Watching Kira get sicker and sicker and then ultimately losing her cast each of us in our own dark holes. I began to work more and ignored my family, hoping to keep my mind off what we’d lost. In the end, I did wrong by you two.”

“That doesn’t excuse what I did,” Mom interjected as she wiped a tear that had fallen down her cheek. “I turned to someone else for comfort when I felt lonely. I didn’t just betray your dad, Shaylee, but I betrayed you and I’m so sorry.”

Dad pressed a kiss to my mom’s temple. “I forgive your mom and she forgives me. We started counseling about six months ago, something we should have done years ago. But I never stopped loving her, baby. I let my hurt and anger justify pushing her away and breaking up our family.”

“And I let my bitterness and loneliness do the same.” Mom wiped another tear and I gripped her hand tight in my own.

“In the end, we want to be with each other and I hope you’ll support us. Things aren’t perfect, maybe they never will be, but we’re slowly rebuilding. We didn’t want to let you know until we were sure.”

Mom smiled at my dad and nodded her head. “But we’ve spent a lot of time together while you were in Maine and I’m going to move back in here.”

I stood from the couch, my mind swimming with all of the new information, and both of my parents looked panicked for a second. That panic melted away when I sat down in my father’s lap and wrapped my arms around both of their necks. Their arms came around me and I couldn’t keep my own tears back any longer.

My infinitely patient parents let me cry. My mom did her own fair of sniffling and my father did his best to calm us both. When I finally got myself under control, I pulled back and used the tissue Dad had given me to wipe my face.

“I brought groceries. I was going to make spaghetti for dinner.”

“Come on,” Mom said, moving to her feet. “We can make it together. We can also talk about how offended I am that you chose to see your dad before me.”

All three of us laughed and went into the kitchen. Mom and I chopped vegetables while Dad watched us from the kitchen table. They asked me questions about camp and I answered them while avoiding mentioning Drew altogether. It wasn’t until we sat down more than an hour later that my dad came full circle.

“Okay. We’ve heard about the great stuff that happened at camp. It’s time to tell us about whatever had you crying earlier and what’s caused that sad look behind your eyes.”

I picked at my bread, avoiding both of their eyes as I debated what to say. “Do you guys remember the guy Kira was close to at camp? AJ?”

“How could we forget AJ?” My mom laughed and took a drink of the wine she’d poured for all three of us. “He and Kira were fast friends. She claimed him as her best friend that first summer they met.”

I gulped down my own alcohol and placed my empty glass on the table before verbally vomiting everything. I told my parents about Drew and how he’d annoyed me at first. How we’d laughed over pranks and eventually bonded on our day off. How he ran around the lake with me and listened to me talk about everything. About the ball and camping. About how he’d comforted me when I lost my necklace. How Keaton had revealed Drew’s true identity. And finally, I told them about everything he’d said during out last night together, omitting the details of what else we did. When I was done, I was crying- again- and both of my parents were looking at me with sympathy.

“So, let me get this straight,” Dad said, putting his fork down and leveling me with a serious look. “You’re in love with this boy but don’t want to be with him because your sister was friends with him?”

“It’s not that simple, Dad. She wasn’t just his friend- they were way more than that. What if Mom had started dating someone who was your clone in every way? Maybe Uncle Cal? Wouldn’t you feel like she was trying to replace you?”

“Not if she loved him.” He reached across the table and took my hand in his. “Why are you looking for an ulterior motive in this? You’re usually so levelheaded but you’re being unreasonable Shaylee Jane.”

“I agree with your father.” Mom gave me a sad smile. “Why are you so afraid to love this boy? He sounds like a good person.”

I pushed my plate away and sighed. “You don’t understand. Kira truly loved him. I won’t take that from her. And I won’t risk my heart for someone who’s trying to replace what he lost.”

My parents exchanged a sad look across the table and it was my dad who spoke.

“I think you’ve made a poor choice shutting this young man out, Lee. That’s that last I’m going to stay on it.”

Mom reluctantly changed the subject, filling me in on everything I’d missed over the summer. I kept an eye on my parents and couldn’t help smiling when I realized how much they loved each other. They were constantly touching if even in just the smallest way, and my mom’s face was full of affection when she glanced at my father. Dad looked at her as if she was the queen of everything and despite my own heartbreak, I felt happy. No one deserved love more than the two people who’d created me.

I was helping Mom clean the kitchen and had just wiped down the counters when I stopped and sighed. She looked up at me and quirked her brows.

“What’s on your mind, kiddo?”

I honestly didn’t think I looked anything like my mom. The only thing we had in common was our height, build, and honey-brown eye color. She was a beautiful woman inside and out, though, and I didn’t blame my dad for being absolutely smitten with her.

“I just miss her.” I tucked my hand into my pocket and rubbed my fingers across the smooth keychain Drew had given me. “Being at camp stirred up a lot of memories as it was and the whole thing with Drew didn’t help.”

“I miss her every single day but I like to think she’s still with us.” Mom wrapped me up in her arms and held me to her. “I talk to her all the time and I swear she’s listening. I’ll talk to her and a butterfly will appear or the breeze will kick up my hair.”

She sniffled and tightened her hold on me. “One night, about two years ago, I was sitting on the porch talking to her, telling her how much I missed her and how many regrets I had over the things I’d done. I was crying and the blue, cloudless sky turned grey so quickly. Suddenly, rain started pouring down out of nowhere and all I could think was that your sister was crying with me.”

“You really think she can hear you?” My face was shoved into her shirt, which muffled my voice and soaked up my tears. I could feel my mother nod.

“Maybe it’s just wishful thinking but I do. It makes me feel better to believe that regardless.”

Strong arms came around both of us and I felt my father kiss the top of my head before he did the same to my mother.

I swiped a hand down my face when we all finally broke apart. “Do you have any of Kira’s old albums handy? I want to look through them.”

“Of course. They’re in the attic.” My father tweaked my nose and stepped back. “I’ll go get them for you.”

My mother watched him leave with a small smile on her lips, like just being in his presence fulfilled her. Like my father, the sadness that had become a permanent part of her face for so many years was gone.

“I’m happy for you and Dad.”

She dropped her arm across my shoulders. “I am, too. I love you and your father so much. I’m a lucky woman.”

As we stood there, my hand automatically went to my necklace and another stab of pain hit me when I remembered it wasn’t there. I quickly dropped my hand but not before my mother noticed. She smiled sadly but didn’t say anything. A minute later, my dad reappeared with a stack of photo albums in his arms.

“Found ‘em. It’s been a bit since I’ve been in her things.” He placed them all on the table and shook his head. “That girl and her scrapbooking.”

We all laughed quietly, remembering how obsessed my older sister was with creating scrapbooks. She could have spent hours in the craft stores looking for little cutouts to coordinate with the photos she had. I had a few that she made me at my place and I knew that my parents had at least double that amount. The stack in front of me included her personal albums she’d made for herself.

After being hugged tight by both of my parents, they made me promise to come by the next weekend. My father also shoved a wad of cash into my hand, telling me to make sure I had all of the school supplies I needed to start classes Monday.

As I drove away from my childhood home, I realized how different it was. The house lost Kira first and then my mother. At that point, I was splitting my time between my parents, staying with Dad one week and with Mom the next. The love and joy the home had once held was completely gone.

And now it was back. It would never feel as perfect as it had with Kira, but it wasn’t the sad, gloomy place it had been for eight years. It felt like home again.