Chapter 8

 

It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. I would do anything to make sure it wasn’t true. But there would be no arguing with the results I held in my hand. One pink line means negative, two pink lines means positive. And right now, there were two glaring pink lines staring back at me on the pregnancy test.

How was it possible? I’d done so well with my birth control. Sure, there were a couple of days when I didn’t take it on time, but I never missed a day completely. I had heard it was best to set an alarm to make sure I didn’t forget, but I never really worried about getting pregnant before. After all, it was like almost a hundred percent effective – how would I possibly be one of the girls who fell into the minority?

But there was no arguing with the test in my hand – or the fact I would have to tell Knox. I was going to have to tell my dad too. The thought of this made me cringe. I felt almost sickened by the thought of this part even more than the morning sickness that was continuing to linger, though it wasn’t as bad now. I managed to cover most of it to keep my dad from realizing it had become pretty consistent in the mornings, and he didn’t seem to notice a thing.

I myself, hadn’t even realized it until it suddenly dawned on me how I was starting a new pack of pills and I hadn’t bled yet. It wasn’t at all unusual for me to be late with my period, even though the pill was supposed to make it regular, but it had never been this as late – and now I knew why. I hadn’t wanted to say anything to Knox – not yet anyway. It wasn’t until I’d gone to the gas station on the corner of the street on my way home and bought a couple of these tests that I even knew for sure.

I wanted to believe the first one was lying. After all, it could be possible to get false positives. I had myself virtually convinced it was until I took this second one a couple of days later, and now, there would be no denying the two pink lines running down the center circle.

At first, I panicked. This would change everything in my life, and the truth was – I didn’t want anything to change. I hadn’t even had the chance to tell Knox that I wanted to stop sleeping with him, and now I was going to have his baby. My thoughts were spinning through my mind faster than I was able to keep up with them, and I wasn’t sure what I needed to do.

What if Knox got mad? What if he thought I did this on purpose? I hadn’t ever told him I loved him – at least I hadn’t said so since he and I had become physically involved – suppose he were to think I’d done this to trap him with me forever?

Suppose he were to make me get an abortion? I didn’t want to have a child anymore than he did, but at the same time, I refused to go through with anything like that – I had to have this baby, even if I ended up giving it up for adoption as soon as it was born.

Either way, my father would find out. There was simply no hiding it from him at this point – sure, I could cover it for a while, but how could I cover a baby bump when I was nine months along? How would I get myself to the hospital when it came time to give birth? It just wasn’t possible.

I cringed at the thought of how he would treat Knox – and I felt like it was all my fault. If only I’d been more careful with the birth control, none of this would have happened. I had shaking fingers when I picked up my phone, then I suddenly realized this was something way too important to tell him on the phone.

I needed to go down there and talk to him face to face.

“Are you sure you’re well enough?” Daddy asked me when I told him I was headed to work.

I nodded. “It’s just the stomach flu, I can handle it. You’ve told me more than once that Thompkins work for themselves, and that’s what I’m going to do.” I wanted to sound brave and proud, and I could see he was pleased with me.

“Don’t push yourself too hard. If you start to feel sick again, there’s no shame in coming back home,” he said.

I grabbed my car keys. “Got it.” I didn’t wait to have any more of a conversation with him. The truth was, I already felt dizzy again, and I didn’t want him to see it. I wasn’t sure if I should be driving either, but I didn’t feel like I had any choice. I wasn’t about to tell Knox at my house, and there was no other way to get to him. Either I would tell him on the phone, or I was going to have to push through this and tell him face to face.

As difficult as it would be, I was going to go with the latter.

“Hey! Good to see you – I didn’t think you were going to come in today,” Knox said as I walked into his office.

“I know, I’ve been out nearly a week already, can you believe it?” I said.

Knox laughed. “You know, it feels like a lot longer than that. You really bring a lot to this office, and I have to say I really missed you since the first day you were gone.” He winked at me.

I felt myself blush. I thought it would be easy, but as soon as we were together, I could feel all my love for him come rushing back, and I knew there was no way I could just break it off with him. Ending our relationship would have to be mutual, something we both agreed on.

And perhaps this event would be the deciding factor for us.

“I needed to talk to you,” I said.

“About what? Go for it,” Knox replied with a smile. He shoved all the work he had on his desk to the side and crossed his hands, resting his elbows on the table.

This habit something I’d teased him about in the past – telling him it was one of the most unprofessional things he could do, and I knew that was why he did it now.

“I’m afraid you’re going to be mad at me,” I began.

He looked at me with concern in his eyes. “You aren’t quitting, are you?” he asked.

I could hear the worry in his voice. It made my heart leap with gladness to know he would be upset if I did, but at the same time, I also wished it was something as simple as that. I shook my head and forced a smile. “Not exactly,” I replied with hesitation in my voice.

He relaxed, and I felt another pang run through me, knowing this attitude would be very short lived.

“What is it? You know you can tell me anything,” he prompted with a gentle smile.

I knew the smile well. I’d seen it so many times in the past when he’d been the only person, I could turn to with my problems. But this wasn’t like those problems. This was something much bigger, and something that would change his life, too.

“Go on.” He gave me a deliberate nod.

I took a deep breath, unable to keep it in any longer. He would find out one way or another, and I felt the best thing to do would be to just say it and let whatever happens, happen. “I’m pregnant,” I said.