Dee walked by his office, seeing that the door was wide open. For the first time, she could see in completely. Even though she had been inside before, his office was feeling very exclusive, as if it was a “members only” type status. Dee felt strange being in there without his invitation still, so she didn’t walk all the way in just yet.
Instead of locking himself inside or laying on his desk, he was talking to his son, laughing, joking, and having a good conversation with each other. Dee felt good knowing that he was in such a great mood, a change that she wasn’t used to seeing from him. It was nice to see him so thrilled for once. She wondered if it was just because of his son or if the upcoming baby had anything to do with his elevated mood. She certainly hoped that was the case, but she didn’t want to get too ahead of herself.
Dee listened in to see what they might be discussing. It might not have been right for her to do, but they seemed to be having an intimate conversation and Dee didn’t want to just interrupt that right away. She wanted Ricardo to have a chance to reconnect and get closer with his son. Dee didn’t want to stand in the way of anyone’s relationship and seeing how he interacted with other people he loved would give her a little insight into what it meant when he interacted with her certain ways.
“So, how is your mother?” Ricardo asked. That felt strange for Dee to hear. She knew that Pablo obviously had a mother, but the last thing she really wanted to think about was who that was. Did Ricardo still have any feelings for her or was she completely dead to him? Dee clearly had some insecurity issues as it was, so having to question what his feelings were for a different woman was not something she wanted to think about.
“She’s doing fine. You never ask about her,” he said. She had looked up his ex-wife at one point, the internet giving very little information about that. She didn’t even know her name, only a few pictures showing the very private couple. On one hand, she liked that he kept things to himself. On the other, she just wanted to be able to have more things to snoop!
“Well, I’ve been thinking about her. You mostly, and when you were just a little boy. But, you know she was there too, so she certainly crossed my mind,” he told his son. That felt strange for Dee to hear as well. What was Pablo like as a little boy? Was he wild like Roman or reserved like Keisha? Dee would likely never get to know. She could see that he had a decent relationship with his son then, but he was a teen now, meaning it was certainly easier for him to understand and communicate with his son now than when he was, say, a 4-year-old boy.
Dee felt strange. They hadn’t talked about his previous relationship before, this being the first instance that he ever mentioned her. She didn’t even know when they got married, how long they were together, or pretty much any other detail about this woman that had a child with the man she was going to have a child with. She did know that she had huge crystal blue eyes, as that was the only difference between Ricardo and Pablo.
She listened for only a moment longer, walking way when she felt she was overstepping their privacy. She knew she shouldn’t have listened in on their conversation in the first place. It wasn’t right for her to invade their privacy, but part of her felt that this was the only way she was actually going to get any information out of Ricardo when it came to his personal life. He was a very creative and artistic person, but that didn’t mean for one second that he was open about his emotions or easy to understand.
Dee didn’t know how to process everything that she heard. She couldn’t help but overthink a few things. For the past few years, Dee felt pretty old, growing further and further from her teenage years and approaching her 30s. Being with Ricardo, she felt young again, but not necessarily in a good way.
She felt like the kind of young you did in high school when your teachers would remind you that you were all still kids. The kind of young that came when in a group of people that were all older and smarter than you, looking down based on a number alone. Dee was worried that Ricardo had insecurities about this too. She was still just a kid herself when his son was born, so how would they work together as parents? Would he have some outdated views that Dee would need to help him ditch? She certainly hoped not.
Dee went and checked on the sleeping Keisha, who seemed to be napping more than ever now. Dee didn’t mind having some time to herself, but she was still a little disappointed that now she had all this time to spend with Keisha, but Keisha was just spending it all with her eyelids closed.
Dee walked into her bathroom and decided to get ready to go out to dinner that night. They were headed back to The Whitney, Ricardo falling in love with the place the first time they had gone. It was cute that he was getting a little attached to the area and made her a little more hopeful that they would be able to live in Detroit together and raise their child as a couple. Only time would tell if that would actually be the case, however, something Dee couldn’t fully grasp. She looked in the mirror as she changed into a simple black dress, realizing her stomach was already popping out.
The days were zooming by, and Dee promised herself to enjoy every moment she could before it all slipped away from her. It might not be easy, but it was a challenge she was going to try and complete.
*****
As they sat down to dinner, Dee couldn’t help but think about all the things she had overheard between the father-son duo earlier. She would have to remind herself what she had overheard versus what Ricardo had told her in person, so she didn’t get the two things mixed up. Dee looked at the menu, deciding the lobster tails were the last thing she ever hoped to see in her life again. They were delicious the night she ate them, but after throwing them up and seeing them in the bottom of her toilet, she considered never going to the ocean again just so she wouldn’t have to remember that.
She was still having some morning sickness, making it a challenge to even be in the same restaurant that served her the lobster a few days ago. She decided to just order a steak, the red meat sounding super appealing. During her pregnancy with Keisha, meat was her biggest craving, the meatier something was the better. Hopefully this pregnancy would be similar, as she always feared that she wouldn’t be able to eat her favorite foods at moments in her pregnancy. Sydney certainly had a challenge when she was carrying Roman, the little baby seemingly turning down everything that Sydney tried to eat.
“Well son, I brought you out to a nice restaurant because we have something to tell you,” Ricardo told him.
“I’m glad I came out. It’s a lot cooler here than what I would have thought,” Pablo responded. “So, what’s this big news?”
“You’re going to be a big brother,” he said, patting his son on the back. That was another strange reminder Dee hadn’t thought about much. This baby was going to have an older brother as well as an older sister. He lived all the way in L.A., but Dee still hoped that they’d manage to have a close relationship.
“Wait, you two are?” Pablo asked, confused. Dee got scared, wondering if this meant that he was disapproving.
“Yep, me and Dee are going to have a little girl or a little boy. I’d really appreciate if you didn’t tell your mother right away,” Ricardo asked.
“Dad, congratulations, that’s crazy,” his son told him. “I can’t believe it. Trust me though, I’m not telling Mom. That’s a phone call you’ll have to make.”
“I’m really excited Pablo, I’m glad you are too,” Dee said. Pablo shook his head and then looked down, a sad look that Dee had become used to seeing on Ricardo. She couldn’t believe how similar these boys were. Did she and Keisha freak people out like that with their similarities?
“What’s wrong? I know my son and you don’t look very happy for your father,” Ricardo said, referring to the way Pablo was holding his head low.
“No, I’m totally excited, it’s just, I have some news of my own. And well, they don’t really go together great,” Pablo explained.
“What is it?” Ricardo asked eagerly. Pablo seemed like he had a dark secret that was trying to cut its way out of him. Dee remembered that feeling all too well.
“I’ve been waiting to tell you until it’s official, but since you shared something with me, you might as well find out now that I’m going to school in Italy,” he told his father with a worried look.
“Italy? For what?” his father asked a bit angrily.
“Nothing in particular, there’s just this great school that I found out about recently and it really just seems in line with the kind of education I want,” Pablo explained.
“What about your girlfriend? Is she fine with this?” Ricardo asked.
“I don’t have a girlfriend Dad,” Pablo answered.
“Well, you said you were in love,” Ricardo responded, confused.
“I have a boyfriend. And he lives in Italy,” Pablo said, looking down. Dee could see that he was clearly upset and felt uncomfortable at the dinner with them now. Keisha babbled to herself and played with crayons, oblivious to the drama that she just witnessed.
“I see. Well then, I guess we’ll be visiting Italy a lot, won’t we?” Ricardo asked his son. He seemed like he was doing his best to show his support of his son, but it was clear he was a bit hurt that he’d be so far away. Dee wondered if she wasn’t around if he’d move to Italy with his son. He didn’t live in L.A. full time, so it didn’t seem like it was always a priority to live where he lived. She still worried about their relationship, not wanting to feel responsible for any strain that might exist between the two.
They smiled and hugged each other, things seemingly fine between the two of them. Dee would still always wonder if she was a potential reason why they had to be apart.
It had been five months since Dee found out she was pregnant. August was approaching quick and that meant the release of their fall campaign together. The shoot had gone well, and they had managed to get good shots of Dee wearing the clothes before her stomach started popping out too much. Ricardo had stuck to his vision and covered Dee in paint, creating an interesting campaign that was sure to get all of them some attention. Dee wasn’t sure if she was ready for that, but she didn’t seem to have much of a choice.
She showed a little bit too much for some shots, so when they needed another model, Dee insisted her sister step in, allowing Sydney the chance to pursue something that she had always shown interest in. She was much shorter than Dee, but they had similar looks, so Ricardo was still intrigued by what Sydney had to offer in terms of her modeling. The spread turned out amazing, and they hoped to get picked up for the winter collection.
Dee decided that she probably didn’t want to model again, realizing that if she wasn’t fully appreciating the job, it wasn’t fair for her to take it away from someone that actually wanted it, like her sister. Sydney managed to make a healthy chunk of change in the process and she got the chance to do something she loved.
The renovations on the house were almost done as well. They just needed to paint, move furniture in, and make sure that it passed all necessary inspections before they were allowed to move in. There was a lot missing from the house when they purchased it, everything valuable being stripped and sold by countless people passing through the property. There were still a lot of original details left, however, that Ricardo and his crew were able to restore. He had made it her dream home, keeping the charm from the original design while also incorporating modern and sleek elements that made it feel incredibly luxurious.
Both Sydney and the new baby would get their very own room in the house, with plenty of space for guests. The treehouse was also restored, as well as the garage and the apartment above it. Dee and Ricardo had agreed to let Sydney live there rent free while she went to hair school. She wanted to have her boyfriend move in as well, but Dee couldn’t stand him and made sure that he wouldn’t be a part of their house. Besides, it was only a one-bedroom apartment above the garage, so they would have been cramped altogether.
The only thing they had to do before the baby got there was paint the house. Ricardo could have easily hired painters, but he wanted to do it with the family, so they could really feel like they all worked together to build the perfect home.
“I want this place to be colorful for my girls,” he told the two, holding buckets of paint. “And maybe little boy.”
He touched Dee’s stomach, something that had been feeling a little stranger lately. He was cold and distant from Dee in the past few months, and as her baby got bigger, it seemed so did the distance between the two. Whenever she talked about how excited she was to meet the baby, he would just nod his head or grunt. He never said he didn’t want the baby, but he never showed any enthusiasm or excitement either.
At some points, Dee wondered if she pushed him a little too far, trying to overcompensate her enthusiasm to try to get a reaction from him. He remained silent, not showing enthusiasm over his child at all. Her sister and mother told her to be patient, stating that most men didn’t get excited about the baby until it was actually there. What did they know, however? Dee didn’t always feel comfortable discussing that kind of thing with her mother and sister. She hated all their boyfriends, so it wasn’t like she was completely willing to hear them out all the time.
Since Ricardo wasn’t working on a shoot, Anastasia hadn’t been around much either, a relief for Dee. She still certainly popped in more than she would have liked, but at least it wasn’t every single day anymore like it used to be. She was actually getting the chance to bond with Ricardo, at least trying to crack his head open and figure out what he was really thinking inside. Dee just wanted to make sure that he was as happy to have her there as she was just to be there.
As she helped to set up to paint the house, she couldn’t help but let all her doubts flee, looking at the gorgeous home she was creating for herself and her kids. Dee mostly worked on taping up the crown molding, so she didn’t have to inhale any toxic fumes from the paint. That was a lot of ladder work itself, and as she approached her third trimester, it was certainly getting hard even to step up one step on a ladder or stool. Keisha took a roller and randomly painted the wall, getting the chance to actually use a lot of paint in the right place.
They still never got rid of the couch that she had destroyed, but at that point, it seemed like it should just stay in that apartment. They were only going to be there for a few more months as things got set up in the rest of the home. She didn’t want to move in until everything was completely set up, not wanting the stress of the move and unpacking to affect the small amount of bonding time she’d have with her newborn.
Dee was a little skeptical about the design decisions, but she was still happy to see that he was so excited. He was painting bold and bright colors in every room, something Dee had never experienced. She loved feeling his creativity bleed into her life, an inspiring emotion that she hoped made its way to Keisha as well.
The last thing they had to do was paint and get the furniture. Dee still had to pick out a few things for the nursery as well. She was stressed but simultaneously excited. A year after the next baby was born, she was hoping to head back to law school as well. She knew Ricardo would always be there to help her and the kids out, but she still had the strong desire to earn a living for herself. Her grandmother and mother did it, and though they didn’t make much, they were still working for something. Dee didn’t want to get lost in the life of being a mother and a girlfriend, or whatever her and Ricardo were.
She needed to remember that she was still a person with needs and desires that mattered just as much as those of her children. Ricardo had called Dee his girlfriend to a few people, but that was still as far as their relationship went. He hadn’t even told her that he loved her. Even those times that he would say, “This is my girlfriend,” it seemed so out of convenience rather than because he wanted to. Even though it was sort of juvenile, Dee would have at least liked for him to ask her to be his girlfriend. She was carrying his child after all.
“What do you think? Ricardo asked once the living room was done.
“I think I’m exhausted,” Dee told him.
“Yeah, I think I should probably just hire painters for everything else,” he told her. They both laughed. It was nice to get the chance to hang out together, but at the same time, Dee’s arms were incredibly sore.
“How about ice cream?” Ricardo asked.
“Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” Keisha screamed as she set the roller back in the paint pan. She ran to the front door, clearly over the painting ordeal. Dee looked at her daughter, amazed that just a little after her child was born, her first baby would be turning four years old.
Once they got back home and finished their ice cream cones, Ricardo and Keisha fell asleep on the couch watching cartoons. Now that the campaign was over, and she was in at least a domestic partnership with Ricardo, the loft felt much more like home. She was still thrilled for the chance to move into the house, excited to have a backyard.
Once she had the baby, she wanted to get a few pets too. It would be nice to have her sister so close as well. Her mother could have used an apartment too, but Dee didn’t know if she would be able to handle having her mother so close. Both Marge and Nancy had their own homes as well, so Sydney seemed like the best option.
Dee looked at the two of them sleeping on the couch. Ricardo might not be Keisha’s blood father, but she could see by the way they were both sleeping with their mouths open that they were starting to develop some similar habits. A few times, the two actually teamed up against Dee to make fun of her, banding together in a sort of tease-group that Dee certainly didn’t fully appreciate. Although Ricardo was teaching Dee’s daughter how to pick on her, she couldn’t feel better knowing that they were getting close. Dee had always wanted a relationship like that for her daughter. She still feared that he might leave them, not showing that he wanted to commit. Of course, he had bought them a house, but Dee knew that that was pocket change compared to the hundreds of millions he had scattered throughout banks.
Dee was scared about the future, but hearing their rhythmic breathing helped relieve her anxieties. She would always have Keisha, and she knew that the baby breathing inside of her stomach was going to bring her so much joy as well. Dee thought she was too anxious for pregnancy. She hated waiting to meet the little person that she was already so obsessed with. She wondered if Ricardo had just as much difficulty anticipating the arrival of their kid. Though they had spent many nights together since Dee revealed she was pregnant, she still missed the pillow talk that came along with many relationships. He didn’t engage with her as much, a disappointment she hoped having the baby would change.
She had to remind herself that hoping a baby would change a situation was never a good sign. She looked at the two sleeping, both of them so innocent and peaceful. Her back was sore, and she wanted to head to bed, but seeing the two snuggled on the couch was worth the sore back. It was still early at least, and Dee probably wouldn’t have fallen asleep very fast no matter how hard she might have tried.
She opened a book of baby names, the only book she would allow herself to read this pregnancy. She didn’t need to become scared and terrified of all the horrible things that could happen throughout pregnancy. She knew how it went down and had an idea of what to expect next. When she was pregnant with Keisha, she thought that every last thing was wrong with her. Keisha was born perfectly healthy and didn’t have any issues at all so far, other than the flu and the chicken pox. Would Dee get that lucky with her next baby? There were probably countless of statistics she could fill her brain with when it came to the risks of a second pregnancy or how that might affect the baby, but Dee knew it would just be best to skim through some strange names, no idea what she wanted to name the next baby.
Ozzie had picked out the name Keisha, so Dee wondered if Ricardo would be willing to do the same. After seeing the burnt mustard he had picked out for the dining room, however, she wasn’t so sure she could trust all of his choices. He was the artist, so maybe it was good to leave that decision in his hands. So far letting him take direction had turned out in her favor. She wouldn’t be there, snuggled up warm on the couch with the sleeping cuties, one in her stomach, if it weren’t for Ricardo. He certainly caused her some serious anxiety, doubt, and made her question her dependency every once in a while. Dee still didn’t think she would be happy if things were any other way, however.
Dee’s life never ended up quite where she thought it would, but for now, this seemed like it would be fine.
Keisha had changed her life for the better, so having a baby couldn’t be a bad thing.
She just hoped that Ricardo was getting as excited as she was.