Dee woke up, sweating a bit with a dry mouth. It was the end of September, dangerously close to her due date, but it still felt like it was getting hotter out every day. It was one of the hottest Septembers in recorded history, and Dee wondered why it had to happen while she was pregnant. Her stomach was also swelling by the second. She decided to keep the gender a surprise, but she felt so much heavier this time, wondering if her stomach being so low meant she was going to have a boy. Her back was sore, and though she still loved being pregnant, she was ready for the baby to come out and meet the little one.
She felt Ricardo waking up, as he tossed a bit in bed. He was a restless sleeper, and with her inability to find a comfortable spot the past few weeks, they hadn’t been getting along the greatest in bed together. He liked to cuddle a lot while she slept, but he would get too hot and make her sweat too. She wasn’t having the simplest of times sharing a bed with him.
Once the campaign ended, they started sleeping in bed together. They were making love regularly at first, and everything felt great. Since her stomach started growing, so did the distance between them. He just didn’t touch her the same anymore, and Dee was getting worried. Just as she thought about this, Ricardo stirred, and she felt him move closer, planting a kiss on her cheek.
“Good morning beautiful,” Ricardo whispered in her ear.
“Good morning, handsome,” she told him, leaning her head kissing him back.
He wrapped his arm around her and started kissing her shoulders. She pushed her butt back into his stomach to let him know that she was interested in the cuddling this morning. She had woken up particularly frisky, remembering the way they had used to make love in the beginning. It wasn’t that long ago but things were so different now than they were then. He kissed her hard all the way up to her neck, chills causing goosebumps to pop out over her skin. The chills helped her cool down a bit, but once they settled, she started getting hot again.
It had been a minute since he had gotten this intimate with her. Their sex had gotten mechanical at one point, so Dee wasn’t even interested in having it for a while. She would turn him down. He caught her in the right mood and the way he was moving his hands around her body reminded her how good it felt when they got together. She was only wearing underwear, letting his hands slide across her breasts easily. He squeezed a bit, the pressure helping relieve some of the soreness that had come along with the baby.
He grabbed her waist and pulled her back, Dee already feeling his erection on her behind. He usually slept naked, giving both of them easy access when it came to getting a morning quickie in. Dee also realized that she was due in just a couple of weeks, meaning they wouldn’t be able to make love for a little bit after that. She started to grow wetter, her legs aching for him.
He slipped off her underwear and put his hand between her legs, testing out how wet she might be. The whole time he ran his hands in and out from her legs, he kissed her neck, smelling the sweet scent of her soap behind her ears, her hair tickling his face.
“You smell good,” he told her as he kissed her cheek.
She let out a moan, wanting him to use more than just his hands on her shaking body. She was ready and could feel that he was too. “Please give it to me Ricardo,” she begged.
He slowly slipped his penis in, pushing her hair back and kissing her neck. He pulled her waist in, easily able to spoon her while he slowly moved back and forth, Dee relieved that she could feel him inside of her now. She loved feeling him hold her from behind. He grabbed her stomach and moved up to her breasts, feeling her body all over and letting himself really get into making love to her. “Harder please!”
She closed her eyes and held onto the pillow tight, muffling her moans. He was going as fast as he could for the position he was in, the past few weeks feeling like they were being pounded out of Dee. She was soaking up every second that he was inside of her from behind, but she needed a little more contact this time and was ready to switch things up.
She pushed him back and turned around, letting him know that she wanted to get on top. She climbed over him, her stomach feeling heavy while she did her best to not think of how heavy it might feel on top of Ricardo. She slowly entered, only to immediately bounce, feeling his skin press against her clit with each hard hop. She used his body to quickly orgasm once on top, Ricardo finishing soon after.
Just as she fell next to him, not having to worry at all about where the cum went this time, she heard Keisha yell from her room. “I’ll get her up.”
Dee was relieved that Ricardo had offered to step in now for her. She was still exhausted and didn’t want to have to get out of bed just yet. Ricardo slipped on a pair of pants and shirt quick, planting a kiss on Dee before he walked out of the room.
“Mommy, these are blueberries,” Keisha said, holding up a handful of squashed berries. The chefs had been coming less often, Dee having enough free time to start cooking again. She enjoyed having the big kitchen and unlimited money when it came to buying groceries. She felt like she was finally getting the chance to give Keisha the home-cooked meals that she had been wanting to make for her sweet girl for the past few years.
“Yes, they are! They’re one of my favorite blueberries,” Dee said as she walked into the kitchen to see Ricardo sitting at the table with Keisha. They looked pretty cute enjoying breakfast together. Ricardo had really stepped up to help care for Keisha. Dee didn’t have much to complain about when it came to that department. She was relieved that introducing this man to her daughter in the first place ended up working out in her favor. She would have felt terrible if he would have turned out to be a mean person. She still wished she felt more reassurance from him herself. He made it clear that he liked Keisha and spending time with her, but Dee didn’t receive the same validation.
“I love summer for the fruit,” Ricardo said with a smile. “Now that it’s over, we’ll have to adjust back to frozen fruit I guess.”
“That’s OK,” Keisha said, stuffing her face with blueberries. Dee was relieved to see that he had gotten her up without her help.
“It still feels like summer. It’s too hot out,” Dee responded. She watched as Ricardo sipped on an iced coffee, missing the refreshing caffeine that came along with a morning cup of coffee. That would have to be one of the first things she decided to get after she gave birth. That and an ice-cold beer sounded like a foreign concept to her at this point but remembering what they tasted like was keeping her chugging along.
“Just wait my dear, you’ll want to go back to this weather once winter comes,” Ricardo reminded her.
“Probably not,” Dee responded, not wanting to be corrected during her ranting.
“You wouldn’t survive in L.A.,” he told her.
“You’re right I probably wouldn’t,” she responded dully.
Part of Dee was also grumpy not just because she was uncomfortable and pregnant, but because she was also ready to move into the new house. They thought they were going to be able to move in quickly, but a series of inspections showed that they had gone about a few things wrong and needed to redo a couple longer processes. They also needed to install an expensive and intricate system of sprinklers, as many fires in Detroit led to the necessity of a safer option for those that might find their home on fire.
Ricardo didn’t respond to Dee’s snapback, knowing it probably wouldn’t be best for them to engage in a fight like that in front of Keisha. He knew that she was miserable and tired, but at the same time, his ego made him drag the fights out too much sometimes. Dee and Ricardo had bickered a bit since the pregnancy. They shared a bed most nights, but they still hadn’t talked about their official status together, Dee wondering if they were even a real couple or not. Dee was carrying his child, so she didn’t think it was too much to ask to just have him cement the status of their relationship. It was the least he could do for all that she endured.
Keisha was adjusting great to her new life. She certainly missed her cousin, but Roman came over enough to play that she still got the chance to hang out with her friend. She had never gotten that much attention in her life, so she didn’t always know what to do with it all. She had more toys than she could ever play with, and two parents along with a network of grandparents that certainly loved her to death as well. She was a lucky little girl, and Dee was relieved that she was finally living the life she deserved. She was a kid, so it wasn’t like she knew the difference between living with her family and living with Ricardo, or that one might be more ideal than the other.
As long as she had toys to play with and her mom in close distance, Keisha was cool and calm, not worrying too much about anything. Dee was still happy to see that her little girl was doing great, enjoying life just the way a child deserved to. She only hoped that once the next baby came, it would get just as great of a life as Keisha.
“Keisha, next year you’ll be in school. Did you think about that?” Dee asked her little girl. It was crazy to think that she was going to have a child in school soon. She didn’t feel that old. She still had a little baby inside of her, so that reminded her that her kids weren’t on their way to college just yet.
“Yeah Mom, I thought about that,” Keisha said, digging at her fruit. She was already pretty good at identifying colors, and even doing a little math. Dee knew that she’d have a breeze in school.
“You’re such a smart little girl,” Ricardo said to Keisha. Dee loved the way that he talked to her. He was always so patient and kind, something that Dee didn’t expect when they first were living together. After the first time that she had spilled something, she worried that he would kick them out. He had really grown to treat her right, wanting to make sure at all times that she knew what a special and smart little girl she was. It was better than calling her cute or pretty all the time too. Instead of Keisha learning to value her looks, she was realizing that what she had to say and think about mattered to these adults much more than the dresses she was wearing or how she did her hair. That was certainly an idea that wasn’t instilled in Dee right away when she was a kid, so she was happy to see that her daughter was learning those valuable lessons.
Dee was feeling hot and sick and didn’t want to face the world for the day. She had been doing some studying once the campaign ended, deciding that she should try to get back into law school. Ricardo agreed to help her make student loan payments if she was studying again, so once the baby was born, she was certainly planning on heading back. He stated that he would probably split some of his time between Italy, L.A., and Detroit, so Dee knew that he’d be around, but she wasn’t sure exactly how much. It would be important for her to have a job still to provide for her kids.
He didn’t let her know if he wanted to be in a relationship with her or if he even loved her, but he did reassure her that the kids would always be taken care of. That was nice and all, but what about her? She didn’t want to be a single mom while her baby daddy hopped around the world. They made love and it was mostly great, but other times, he felt cold and distant. He was a smart guy, so Dee wondered if he was just good at saying what she wanted to hear and doing what was best for Keisha.
She didn’t have a long discussion with him that she was longing for. Every time they’d sit down together, Keisha would interrupt, or they’d talk about something else. Dee wondered if he would have been long gone after the campaign ended had the kids not been involved.
Some people had reached out to Dee to do more modeling, but she wasn’t interested in continuing that career. Ricardo knew how to make her feel beautiful, but she wasn’t so sure she’d feel comfortable working with a different photographer. It was best for her to just stick to law and being a mom for the time being. Her time might run out, but Dee figured the open opportunities for models should go to people who actually had a passion for the career and not someone who just got spotted on the beach.
Ricardo hadn’t encouraged her either way to take the modeling gigs, wondering if he supported that or not. She just wanted to crack his head open. How could they have such intimate moments in the bedroom, but not be able to have a real discussion that couples expecting children should? Dee admitted to herself that she avoided certain conversations out of fear for what the outcome might be. It might not have been the best choice, but her heart could only handle so much.
“Look at my little baby!” her mother said as Keisha walked into the backyard at her grandmother’s house. Her grandmother and sister had planned a baby shower for Dee, even though she didn’t want that. She already had one for Keisha, but everyone in her life insisted. She hadn’t seen her family all that much since moving into the loft, so it was a good opportunity to get together with the women that inspired her once again.
“Sis you are poppin’!” Sydney said as she walked over to Dee. She hadn’t seen them in probably a month, avoiding interaction once the campaign came out. It was widely accepted, many people calling it Ricardo’s best work yet. She was still self-conscious about it and didn’t want to have to deal with any judgments that her family might have. She was certain that her mom would have a few negative things to say and in her emotional and vulnerable pregnant state, she wasn’t so sure she could handle it.
“I feel like I’m going to explode,” Dee said as she hugged her sister, mom, grandmother, and Ozzie’s mom.
“Hi auntie!” Roman said, running up to Dee.
“Roman? What are you doing here! This is girls only!” Dee teased. He was getting bigger by the second, and she was relieved she was pregnant because she needed to hold another baby, watching the ones she used to snuggle slip from her hands as they became little adults.
“You look good baby,” Marge told her. Dee wondered how she handled the pregnancy news. Was it easy for her to watch the mother of her grandchild have a baby with another man that wasn’t her son? Dee felt strange, not sure if she’d ever even have the courage to ask her the truth.
There were balloons spread all throughout and flower arrangements as well. Sydney had made some healthy change from the photoshoot, stepping in when Dee was too pregnant. Ricardo used other models as well, flying to L.A. to work on the campaign, but Sydney and Dee were the main faces, Sydney not getting much attention back as Dee had. She was definitely smaller, a body type that wasn’t celebrated as much in the fashion industry. Dee was still hopeful that she would find more work. She hoped so at least, as she saw that she had clearly poured a lot of money into decorations for the baby shower.
Keisha didn’t want to have a baby shower for the second child, but her sister was all about celebrations. She had liked showing the neighbors and their friends from the block that they were getting money. It made Sydney feel better, as they really didn’t have much at all growing up. They were finally able to have nice things for themselves, throwing a nice baby shower as well. Sydney wasn’t a bad person for wanting to celebrate that.
“So, when you going to reveal the gender?” Janet asked as she lit a cigarette. Dee wanted her to put it out but knew there wouldn’t be any arguing with her since she was outside.
Dee started to walk away to see what else had been set up in the backyard for the party, telling her mom, “We’re not doing that Mom.”
“What?!” Janet yelled as she stood there, Dee not caring about pleasing her mom at the moment. She walked to a table set up with sweets and another that was filled with gifts. Dee didn’t even know where all the presents could have come from. She didn’t think that they really knew that many people, but Sydney probably handed out invitations to people on the street if it meant showing off her decorating skills. Dee wondered what it might be like to live with Sydney now that she actually had money to spend. She hoped she wouldn’t go too crazy with the apartment.
Dee admitted that she was happy to get to spend time with her friends and family, but at the same time, she felt a little strange as the center of attention. That was a big reason she tried to go into hiding when the campaign was released. It was nice to see her portrayed in a way that made her feel beautiful, but at the same time, she hated the thought of being on everyone else’s mind, wanting to know everything that people thought about her.
“I’m way too pregnant for this heat,” Dee said as she took a sip of lemonade. “But sis, this is amazing. You really didn’t have to do this much.”
“Girl, get real. You know I was going to make it bad and bougie. So, like, how are you and him doing? Is he like legit?” Sydney asked.
“I don’t know. I mean, he made it clear in the beginning he didn’t like kids and now he’s all over Keisha. I just don’t know if he’s putting on an act or if I can really trust him,” Dee responded. Saying it out loud made it scarier, but she was glad to finally have someone to talk to. She realized she had gone far too long without getting together and gossiping with her sister.
“Are you going to reveal the gender?” Sydney asked.
“No, I want it to be a surprise. I think it’s a boy and so does he, but we’ll see,” Dee said, touching her stomach. She didn’t understand why everyone was so obsessed with finding out the gender.
“What are you going to name it?” her grandmother asked as she walked up to the dessert table.
“We have a few ideas, but we don’t want to tell anyone until it’s born, to, you know, make sure that no one tries to change our mind,” Dee revealed. To be honest, she hadn’t even talked to Ricardo about a name, having a couple in mind but wanting the input of the father, of course. She didn’t want everyone to realize how little her and Ricardo communicated, however. It just didn’t feel right revealing too much personal information to them.
“You know if you carry that low it’s likely a boy,” Marge responded.
“No, I think if it’s high it’s a boy,” Nancy butted in.
“No, I carried low for Ozzie,” Marge replied.
“I mean, there’s no science to that,” Dee said, sipping her lemonade. She didn’t like how they had started to talk about her like she wasn’t there.
“I think you should probably find out the gender. How are you going to know if you should paint the room pink or blue?” Janet asked as she walked up with her cigarette.
“No Mom, we’re not going to,” Dee replied.
“What are you doing about the placenta? You know, a lot of people are starting to put it into pills,” a random woman said, walking up to the table as well. She recognized her as a neighbor but couldn’t say for certain.
“Mommy! Can you make the baby kick again? Roman wants to see,” Keisha asked, running up with Roman to Dee.
“Honey, it doesn’t work like that,” Janet told her.
“Who’s your doctor? I hope you’ve considered water birth,” a high school friend also said as she approached Dee. She suddenly realized that she was surrounded by people, all wanting to know every last juicy detail of Dee’s pregnancy. She wanted to run away from everyone, but instead, she took a big sip of her lemonade and headed towards the snack table, the women talking to each other now barely realizing Dee had walked away at all.
Dee walked into the loft and took the bag of gifts to the nursery. She had been given so many toys, clothes, and other cute little gifts that she was beyond excited to meet her little one. They were going to keep the loft as a studio, so they still wanted to keep a nursery set up in the apartment for the future little one. Its main room would be at the new house, but since they still had a little bit before they could move in, she didn’t mind nesting at the current apartment in one of the spare bedrooms. They had ordered all their furniture only to have it delayed since they couldn’t move in. They had to have it sent back and lost out on a few items, extending the renovation process even more. Dee wondered if they would ever make it into the house. Part of Dee wondered if Ricardo just wanted to keep the loft, so he would have somewhere to run to instead of staying at the house with Dee when he visited their child. She worried that he was only staying with her through the pregnancy, so he didn’t look like a bad person.
Seeing all the little socks and diapers reminded her of the little bundle of joy growing inside of her. She shouldn’t let the status of their relationship sour everything. Keisha had gone over to Marge’s for a slumber party, not having seen her grandmother for a little while before they had gone to the baby shower. It was nice for Dee to have a night to herself at the apartment again. It was quiet, and Dee figured Ricardo was working on something in his office. He was always playing around with ideas.
As soon as Dee turned on the lights in the nursery she was horrified at what she saw. The nursery had been painted blue, a crib and changing table already assembled. Everything was blue, the walls, the bedding, the decorations. There were toy trucks and dinosaurs everywhere, the nursery clearly staged to be a boy’s room. Dee felt like she had walked into a nightmare. What had happened? Dee stormed down the hall and opened his office door, not afraid if she would be invading his privacy.
“What happened?” Dee asked as she walked into his office. Anastasia was sitting on his desk, heels high and skirt higher. He didn’t seem interested in Anastasia’s long smooth thigh, but Dee still felt strange knowing she had been sitting on his desk like that.
“I had the room painted according to the gender,” Anastasia said with a giant smile. “I thought it’d be a nice surprise.”
“How did you know the gender?” Dee said, tearing up.
“I have my ways. What don’t you like it?” Anastasia asked with an evil grin. Dee wanted to smack her across the face. She didn’t care about the nursery, as it could always be changed, and the baby wouldn’t even be there that often. She just wanted the gender to be a surprise, and even if she knew, she didn’t want to make such a male-dominated themed room.
“It was supposed to be a surprise,” Dee said, tears streaming at this point. Her back was throbbing and her head was pounding, wanting to scream. “I didn’t even want to paint the room according to gender. There’s so much blue! Why?”
“I’m going to have a little boy?” Ricardo asked excitedly.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think it was a big deal. I thought I was doing something nice!” Anastasia said. Dee could see right through her evil grin. She knew what she was doing. The only way Anastasia could have gotten that information was if she pretended to be Dee, her getting angrier with the stupid grin on her face by the second.
“How could you let her do this?” Keisha asked Ricardo, confused as to how she wound up in that situation. Getting the nursery together was something that she was supposed to do, and as a woman, Anastasia should have known that. She wanted to be the one to place the new items on the shelves and in the crib, wanting to make everything perfect for her little boy. She didn’t even want to know that it was a boy yet, the surprise completely soured by Anastasia’s poor judgement.
“It’s one less thing you have to do now,” he told her. Dee was furious that he wasn’t as angry as her. She felt violated. If Ricardo had surprised her, it would have been sweet, even though she definitely did want to be the one who did it herself. Anastasia had crossed a line, and Dee knew that she knew that.
“I don’t care about the nursery. I don’t care if it was painted black, that can always be changed. She invaded our privacy and ruined the surprise. It wasn’t her truth to reveal,” she said crying.
“Don’t you think you’re overreacting just a bit?” Ricardo asked. Dee was growing more infuriated by the second. She certainly didn’t like feeling like she was in the wrong and not having Ricardo on her side was making things harder.
Anastasia had been in the way too much throughout Dee’s pregnancy. She was over her stepping in where she wasn’t wanted, and Dee was ready for her to leave.
“Look, I didn’t mean anything by it,” Anastasia told her, “you just seem, stressed, is all.”
Dee could tell Anastasia was being condescending. “Can you just leave please? I want to talk to the father of my son.” Dee was fuming. She didn’t want to have to look at Anastasia’s blonde bouncy waves or long thin legs anymore. Anastasia grabbed a few papers from the desk and walked out of the room.
Dee suddenly realized how dumb she was for disliking Anastasia and feeling threatened by her all this time. Anastasia was just a groupie, trying to do whatever it took to bring the other women around Ricardo down. She stood tall and straight as Anastasia passed, not wanting to make her think for a second that she was afraid of her.
She hadn’t expressed her feelings for Anastasia to Ricardo because she didn’t want him to think that she was needy or insecure. She was glad now that she hadn’t said anything, realizing she shouldn’t waste an emotion on Anastasia. Ricardo was the one she was mad at now. He might not have agreed with her, but she didn’t appreciate him making her feel like she was crazy.
“Do you even care about our child?” she asked, tears streaming down her face. She wasn’t so sure she would be ready for the reaction. It was out of the blue, but it was something that she had been wanting to ask him since the day she told him she was pregnant, and he locked himself in his room.
“Of course, I do,” he told her. He didn’t even look up from the papers and photographs he was studying on his desk. “It’s just stressful. You know that.”
“Do you love me?” she asked crying. It was scary to ask, but it was something she had been wanting to know for ages now. She didn’t like sharing a bed with him, wondering if he was there just to feel a warm body or if it was where he had always wanted to be.
“How could I not? You’re the mother of my child,” he explained. Ricardo clearly wasn’t interested in a confrontation, but Dee wasn’t really giving him a choice. She wanted to confront these anxieties she’d been having throughout the pregnancy.
“But are you in love?” she cried. He stayed silent. She felt sick, like she wanted to run away.
She was carrying his child, but that didn’t mean that she should stick around. Dee was starting to realize that maybe this wasn’t the place for her after all. She wanted someone that would stand up for her and tell her how much they loved her, not afraid of her emotions. He still didn’t say anything, Dee knowing his answer.
“So, what are we? I don’t just want to be someone to keep your bed warm,” Dee explained.
Ricardo took off his glasses and leaned back in his chair, looking down at the papers.
“I didn’t ask for any of this,” Ricardo said, looking right at her. She suddenly felt like a burden he had to deal with.
“I know you didn’t,” Dee responded. Had she really asked for him to get her pregnant either? She was confused and frustrated with what he was trying to say.
She was an amazing woman, and she deserved to be treated that way. She didn’t want to have to question that constantly. She had a little girl to think about and now a son on the way. She didn’t have time to let some artist with too much inner turmoil throw her and her kids into a mess. She didn’t know what else to say and he wasn’t doing much talking either.
She watched his chest move up and down heavily, wanting badly to run into it, feeling his arms wrap around her. At the same time, she wanted to flip his chair over, or maybe roll it out of the office and down the stairs.
“I want you Ricardo. I want us to be a family. If you don’t want the same, maybe we shouldn’t be together,” she explained. That was the truth, and though it was hard to say, it was what needed to be repeated out loud. He rubbed his eyes, obviously considering what she just said. How long it took for him to answer was enough of a sign for her that this wasn’t the situation she thought it was.
“Maybe you should stay at your mom’s. The new furniture should be in by the end of next month,” he said. “You might be able to move in before the baby comes.”
Her baby was due at the beginning of November, so being able to get into the new house before the baby came would certainly be a benefit. Dee was incredibly excited to move into her new house. She hoped she’d just be able to do it with her new family, however.
“So that’s it? You’re just going to throw this all away?” she asked. She had wished she had this conversation with him sooner instead of doing her best to avoid it all along. She had punished herself for too long, teasing her own emotions wondering what his were. It was frustrating and disappointing.
“I’m just going to see if Anastasia can get me a flight back to L.A.,” he told her. “I need a break. I need to see my friends, my son. I just need to get away.”
“I see,” she said. The apartment was certainly big enough that the two could go weeks without running into each other, but still, she didn’t want to stay somewhere she wasn’t welcome. She walked out of the office and broke down crying. She was relieved that she sent Keisha to Marge’s that night, not wanting her to experience the pain of seeing her mother sob.
She felt guilty putting Keisha through this transition again. She had very little say in most things, being such a small child. Dee packed up a few of her things and a few of Anastasia’s things as well, knowing that going back home with her family was the place she needed to be after hearing what Ricardo really had to say, or not say, about their relationship. They got on her nerves, knew how to agitate her, and asked too many questions, but she never had to wonder whether or not they actually loved her.