Dee stood on the porch of Marge Johnson’s house as the cold Michigan air stung her cheeks. Marge’s house was on the east side by the lake, the same area that Dee was born and raised. Her house was small and rundown, but there wasn’t much that Marge could afford to do to really change that. Dee was used to the cold by now as the winter neared the end, but Dee still had trouble adjusting from the warm sun that blessed her body in the Bahamas. She could still feel Ricardo’s hot breath on her neck, his large hands wrapped around her thighs.
Detroit was certainly not what it used to be. Still, Dee wasn’t afraid to call this place her home. It was familiar, comfortable, and safe. She could have been on vacation for a year and she could still rely on the fact that everything would be the exact same when she returned. For that, she was grateful. It would certainly get dull but having that stability in her life was something that Dee certainly needed. Things didn’t always go as she expected, but the city would always be the same when she got back.
She hated winters in the Midwest. It only added to the dullness of the monotony of the city. Everything was a shade of gray and when there wasn’t a blanket of snow covering the ground, you could see that everything was dead. There wasn’t any green grass or flowers growing out of the Earth beneath Dee’s feet. There weren’t even any weeds growing through the cracked sidewalk and parking lots. Dee missed the color of the nature at the islands. She was surrounded by vibrant life, and here, she only saw flat land that looked black and white.
She was just a couple of blocks from her own home on the east side of Detroit by the lake. It was just now 5 A.M., Dee only able to get an inconveniently timed inexpensive flight on her budget. Being out so early in the morning made the cold so much worse. She felt bad for showing up to Marge’s just as the sun was rising, but she was most likely up anyways. She had trouble sleeping most days and would only take short naps here and there. She pulled on the door to see if it was unlocked, knocking again as her legs and arms tensed from being so cold.
She braved the cold if it meant she got to see her baby. She had missed her three-year-old daughter, Keisha, more than anything else in the world on that trip. It was the longest she’d ever been away from her daughter in her life. She was incredibly excited to see her little girl, even if it meant that she might be sleeping. She stayed well-fed and well-rested when she spent time at Grandma’s house. Dee just wanted to get her girl and go home, but as she saw Marge approaching through the glass pane on the front door, she knew that she’d be in for a longer morning than expected.
Margaery Johnson was the mother of Oswald Johnson, Keisha’s father. Marge was lonely, and Dee didn’t mind offering her company. She didn’t leave the house much, as she was paranoid about the gang violence in the city, rightfully so. Dee didn’t spend as much time with Marge as she should, but it was hard enough for her to work full time and care for a three-year-old.
Dee and Ozzie were engaged when he was murdered in a gang fight. Keisha knew that he wasn’t involved with good people, but she had no idea how deep his connections went. After he died, it was like she found out the father of her child was a different person. The man she thought she loved didn’t exist, and the real him was dead. A part of Dee was lost when Ozzie died, and she wasn’t sure she’d ever get it back.
Ozzie was her only son, Keisha one of the last family members Marge had left. Her daughter wasn’t even two when she lost her father, so Dee didn’t expect Keisha to have much of an idea of who her father was. Dee had mourned the loss of Ozzie so hard that she missed out on parts of her little girl’s growth and development as well. It wasn’t easy for her to recover. She was still in the mending process as it approached the two-year anniversary of his death. They didn’t have a perfect relationship and she even questioned their engagement on more than one occasion. It still stung a bit every time she looked into Keisha’s eyes knowing that her father wouldn’t ever get to see the same thing Dee saw again.
She was such a bright little girl that she felt sorry for anyone who didn’t get to see her. Dee’s pregnancy was a bit unexpected, but she was filled with so much love throughout it that when she gave birth to Keisha, she truly felt at peace. She was reminded of that warm feeling whenever she saw her baby girl again.
Dee wasn’t too worried about how Keisha would turn out with no father. Most of the people in Keisha’s life grew up without a father and they turned out mostly fine, Dee being one of them herself.
“Come in! Come in!” Marge said as she opened the door to let Dee inside. She was instantly hit with warmth, the radiator blasting. “I just finished cooking you up some breakfast. You must be starving! Airport food is so expensive.”
“I am actually pretty starving,” Dee lied. She didn’t like to eat that early in the morning, but she couldn’t turn down a breakfast that Marge had spent the morning making. As soon as she walked into the kitchen, she saw her little girl’s bright face, smiling and framed with the same bouncy curls that crowned Dee.
“My baby!” Dee said, opening her arms towards Keisha. She was small and quiet, but certainly a bright little child. She was rubbing her sleepy eyes, her chubby arms resting on the table. She was sitting at a booster seat, a reality still hard for Dee to grasp. She felt that in just the short week she was on vacation, her little girl looked older.
“Hi Mommy,” Keisha said with a sleepy voice. She was pretty good at sleeping in the older she got, 5 A.M. being early for the sleepy little girl. Dee gave her daughter a long hug and kiss before sitting down at Marge’s kitchen table next to her.
“How was your trip baby?” Marge asked as she got Dee a plate of eggs and pancakes.
“Oh, Miss Marge it was amazing,” Dee said as she brushed back the baby curls on her little girl. “I’m going to take you back as soon as I, you know, win the lottery or something.” The two girls laughed.
“This angel didn’t fuss one bit,” Marge responded. “I swear you got the luckiest baby of all time,” Marge continued. “She definitely didn’t get that from her daddy. He was always crying about something.”
“He did that well into his adult life too.” Dee laughed, Marge smiling. Dee felt bad, but she didn’t like talking about Ozzie as much as Marge did. She had to think about him all the time when she looked at her baby girl.
*****
Even though Dee lived with five other people, the house was still insanely quiet when she walked inside. It was a rare occasion for her to get so much peace and quiet. She left her belongings in the car as she carried the sleeping Keisha inside, hoping that she would stay asleep until she could get her inside.
“Mommy, I’m thirsty,” Keisha said as Dee closed the door.
“OK baby let me get you something to drink,” Dee responded as she set Keisha down on the couch in the living room. She popped on the TV, got her a glass of water, and ran back out to the car to grab her and Keisha’s suitcase.
It was her grandmother’s house that Dee, Keisha, and four other people lived inside. Keisha studied social work in college and met Ozzie after graduating. She worked for a couple of years but hated her job. She eventually got into law school, Ozzie paying the bills, so she could study full time. She ended up getting pregnant and took a semester break. Then Ozzie died, and her world was flipped upside down. She had a child to take care of, student debt that couldn’t be deferred anymore, and no available social work jobs in a place where the government is bankrupt. She had to move back in with her grandmother while she looked for work.
She would have moved in with her mother, Janet, but she already had Dee’s brother, Jordan, and sister, Sydney, living with her. She also didn’t have the greatest relationship with her mother, lots of resentment brewing between the two. Sydney ended up getting pregnant before she turned 20, adding another person to Janet’s already full house. She still had to take care of Jordan as well, who was only 15 years old when Sydney got pregnant. As if their living situation wasn’t bad enough, their home caught fire and burned to the ground, destroying everything. Insurance barely covered the damages and with so many mouths to feed but barely any income, the family of three and one on the way moved in with Dee and her grandmother.
Janet and Nancy shared a bed in the master bedroom. Jordan got his very own room, as the man of the house and teenage boy that had very little say in the situation. Keisha and Roman, Sydney’s son, shared a room, and Sydney and Dee shared a room as well. It worked out in Dee’s favor, as Sydney was often staying the night at her boyfriend’s house.
Dee, Janet, Sydney, and Jordan all had jobs. Nancy would take care of the kids pretty much all day, the sisters knowing that they would have someone to take care of their children. Dee did worry about Nancy’s supervision occasionally, as a few times she found her asleep while the stove was on or outside on the phone while the kids played inside. Nothing too serious, but Dee still didn’t feel like her childcare situation was the best. When Nancy couldn’t take care of the kids or just needed a break herself, she could walk little Keisha to Marge’s house, and Marge would also have no trouble looking after Roman either.
It was great that the kids all had so many strong women to help raise them and family members that cared, but Dee was still jealous of situations where people had nannies or other caretakers look after their children. She wondered what it might be like to not have to worry about Keisha’s imminent school scheduling and Nancy’s deteriorating age, a worry she couldn’t help but constantly fear.
She looked down at her little baby sleeping so soundly. Only, she wasn’t really a baby anymore. Dee loved getting to see Keisha’s personality more and more every day, but it was still hard to see her grow up so fast. The only time Keisha would cuddle with Dee now was when she was as tired as she was then. She used to hold her little baby all day, just watching her eyes twitch and mouth smile while she slept. Keisha was getting more and more independent every day, always wanting to walk without having to hold her mom’s hand and lead the way down the sidewalk. She liked sleeping alone and didn’t need to cuddle her mom as much anymore.
She would give hugs still too but not as often as when she was a baby. Dee was happy that her little girl was growing into an independent person, but she still couldn’t help but feel the tear lump in the back of her throat every time her daughter turned away. Dee still couldn’t ask for a better little girl. She was patient and kind and knew how to say “please” and “thank you” when needed.
She had her father’s nose but everything else came straight from her mother. They both knew how to stand up for themselves but understood how to read a situation. Dee was always surprised to find out how well Keisha understood a situation, underestimating her intelligence even though she was still too young for school.
Dee knew she had to put her baby back to bed as people would start waking up and she didn’t want Keisha to be up all day and grumpy from being tired. She could easily get a couple more hours of sleep, and after stuffing herself with breakfast food at Marge’s Dee needed a morning nap as well. She just couldn’t get the energy to lift herself and Keisha off the couch.
There wasn’t anything Dee loved more than just holding her little girl. There wasn’t anything on TV that early except for infomercials and news, and Dee didn’t want any more bad news to bring her mood down now that she was already feeling the post-vacation blues. She started to feel her eyelids getting heavy as she watched someone use a miracle cleaner on TV, feeling the heavy and softly breathing Keisha drift in and out on her chest.
“You two want to go sleep upstairs?” Dee heard someone say as she felt her leg shake.
“Hi Mom,” Dee said to her mother, Janet, as she leaned over her. Janet was young enough to look like Dee’s sister, as she was only 16 years older than her.
“You have a good trip?” Janet asked. Dee just shook her head, able to tell that Janet wasn’t all that interested in hearing about the trip. She probably just wanted Dee and Keisha to clear the room, so she could smoke a cigarette while blasting the news before going in.
“Get some sleep baby girls,” Janet said as she gave both Dee and Keisha a small kiss on the cheek as they headed upstairs. Dee could hear her light a cigarette before they even made it to the top of the stairs. No matter how many times her and Sydney asked her to stop smoking in the house, she would still light up when they weren’t home or in bed.
Dee quietly opened Keisha and Roman’s door, not wanting to wake anyone else up. Keisha was waking up a bit, but mostly doing her best to nestle back into her mom’s neck and stay asleep.
Roman was sound asleep in his crib. He was about to turn two years old, but Sydney wasn’t so sure that she would be able to transition him to a bed, like, ever. He was a very mischievous little boy that would run around the house all day if he could.
“Mommy are you leaving again?” Keisha said in a small voice as Dee tucked her little girl in.
“Don’t worry baby I’m not going anywhere,” Dee responded, kissing Keisha as she laid her down.
Dee could have stayed awake but knowing that she had work a few hours later meant she should try to get as much rest as possible.
Just as she snuck into bed, her sister’s alarm started going off for work. This meant it was likely going to be the last bit of silence Dee would have for the rest of the day.
“Sis! How was the trip?” Sydney shouted once she realized her sister was lying in bed next to her.
“Hey sis. It was good. I’ll tell you all about it when I get home tonight,” she said sleepily.
“Whatever! Glad you’re back!” Sydney said as she grabbed her towel and headed towards the bathroom. Dee was grateful she had a nice vacation and safe return, but she would have loved to just come home to an empty house for her and Keisha to enjoy. She longed for her own space where she didn’t have to worry about waking another sleeping baby or get pressured into a morning conversation with her sister. Sleep was her only priority. As she tried to close her eyes, all of the thoughts since she got off the plane started swirling in her brain. No matter how tired she was, she couldn’t shut the thoughts off.
Dee felt bad that her mother was still working so hard. She’d probably be working that hard the rest of her life. She never had the chance to go to college, having Dee as a teenager. She tried a few different things to make money, but once she had her second child, it was time for her to find a job.
She was one of the lucky ones that didn’t lose their jobs in Detroit in the last decade. Many families were out of work and there weren’t many other jobs available for people to take. No matter how desperate some people were for money, there just weren’t enough opportunities for the residents to get ahead.
She had a bad habit of spoiling her boyfriends. Janet had never been married in her life, but she certainly enjoyed the company of men. Dee had clear memories of her taking these guys out on dates or going on vacations, all while Dee had to walk to school with holes in her shoes. As Dee got older, she realized more how bad it felt to be alone, and part of her understood her mother’s desire to do anything possible to keep a guy around. She certainly still had a little resentment towards the whole situation, however. It didn’t help either that Dee had to step in as a parent to Sydney more often than she wanted, there being around 8 years difference between the girls.
Sydney and Keisha helped out with their little brother too, but not as much as the sisters did each other. This had allowed him to grow pretty independent himself, and he often kept to himself as well. Jordan had his own job at the local gas station, so he did OK when it came to buying things he wanted or going out with his friends. Dee and Sydney did their best to remind him to save his money, as it wasn’t like he was going to get help once he graduated high school, but it was hard to teach a kid to listen who had little money as it was.
Keisha longed for a day when none of her family members had to work, but she wasn’t so sure that would ever be an option. She enjoyed her time in the Bahamas, but she certainly would have enjoyed it more if she could have brought her family along. Her eyelids eventually got heavier than her thoughts, and Dee finally drifted off to sleep.