Chapter 21

Dash

I watched the deliveryman drive her down the road on the surveillance cameras. I was transfixed to the screen as the truck turned down the road and became a tiny dot and then disappeared. They took my life with them. I’d only known her three days and yet, it was a lifetime of potential happiness which vanished as they drove her away.

I could barely summon enough energy to pick up the box they had left for me. Nothing inside, not even the delights I’d ordered held any happiness for me this time. None of it offered me any kind of solace from the pain.

I looked around the cabin and I felt like the four walls were closing in on me, trapping me here for eternity. All I wanted was freedom with Imogen in a world where we would be safe, but since such a world didn’t exist, the only thing I had left to do was find who those men were and how they knew I was here.

In addition to sleuthing the men to confirm it was Mark chasing his tail, trying to find a “dead” man, I also dove into my work. I made work my lover. Without it, I wouldn’t have had anything and most likely, after losing two loves in one lifetime, I probably wouldn’t have survived.

As soon as Imogen was gone, I contemplated calling my sister. For the first time in a year, I’d be the one to reach out to her. I almost pressed “call” but withdrew my finger because there was no way to explain the pain. I had to endure it and endure it I did. The second storm front did come and after that storm turned to sun, I still stayed indoors, having no reason to revel in the light.

For two months I holed myself up in the cabin. I found, through the dark web, that the drug cartel had suspected I was living in the cabin. They were tipped off my delivery men, however, thanks to Imogen who threw them off my trail, they were looking elsewhere for me, and it seemed like they were almost conceding to the fact that I was truly dead. I was just an old recluse named Sheldon Grill.

I admit the name was a stupid moniker, but it was the best I could come up with. I needed something similar to my own name, just in case I had to justify it one day. Life went on as usual, but without anything to enthrall me other than my work. The loneliness was almost unbearable.

The formulas I’d sent Gloria were being tested in the lab and the results returned to me showed small inaccuracies I had to fix, but all in all, they were almost ready for testing.

Since I had a little care for life since Imogen left, I obsessed over her loss. I missed her beautiful voice, her funny laugh, and her great sense of humor and adventure. I tried playing Resident Evil by myself, but it was only scary and sad without her.

There were days I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I didn’t shower for weeks, I certainly didn’t trim my hair and I started drinking more and more of the fine wine just to obliterate the feelings that were crippling me. It was like losing my wife all over again.

I kicked myself for falling so in love with a woman who’d only spent three nights by my side. After a while, my sister started to notice the difference in my appearance and my demeanor. “Dash,” she started out on one of our FaceTime calls, “I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t, sis. I’m good, just a little under the weather,” I lied.

“If you’re feeling that badly, Dash, you need a doctor,” she protested.

“I am a doctor, Gloria. I’m okay.” I wasn’t really sure if I was okay, but I certainly didn’t want to worry her.

“I’ve been thinking,” her voice was quiet and a little apprehensive.

“Yes?” I didn’t want to go where she was inevitably going, but I didn’t really have a choice.

“Why don’t you come down from the mountain and fight these guys? The police have a lot of dirt on Mark and all they really need to nail him is a confession from you. You have to come out of hiding and let the world know you’re alive.” She was more emphatic than I’d ever known her to be.

“No Gloria, it’s not safe.” She had to stop talking nonsense.

“Your kids need you. I need you. I can’t do this Dash, I’ve tried. For a year, I’ve given this all I have. I’ve been a soccer mom, a stage mom, and a regular mom, as well as pretending I’m a scientist and I’m none of those things. I’m an auntie and a graphic designer and… I’ve met someone. I really want it to work out. I know I’m being selfish, but so are you. Trust the police to do their job. You’re not any better at it than they are. Come out of the mountains and claim your space in the world. Your kids need you and so do your patients. Fight for the cure you’ve devoted your life to and get out of the clouds. Come down and face life. I understood your leaving when Michelle died, but you can’t just write the rest of us off. Be here, be human, and come back.” Her voice tapered off at the end of her speech, knowing she’d said too much.

“I got to go, Gloria. Sorry.” I couldn’t face it all, I just couldn’t, so I hung up on her.

She immediately texted me after I shut her down. “Asshole!”

I deserved it, so I let it just sit there. I was being an asshole. Of course, she didn’t want to live my life, it was natural for her to want her own existence and it was selfish of me to make her live for me. And my kids… what was I doing to them? My heart was in pieces. I looked at my phone and thought about FaceTiming her again.

I noticed the date; it had been two months and six days since Imogen left, but it felt like a lifetime. I didn’t know how much more of this I could stand.