Chapter 17

 

Lilli

 

I liked teasing Devin. It was fun to play around with him, and I suddenly felt like myself again after he cleared up where we stood. For a moment, I had thought he wasn’t going to want to hang out anymore after things were straightened out with his daughter.

“I’m going to put this whipped cream all over your naked body if you tease me like that one more time,” Devin said.

I couldn’t resist, and I sprayed the cream into my mouth and pushed one of my fingers in as I sucked on it. I sexually licked my finger and then moved my tongue around my lips as I did my best to tease him some more.

“I’m sorry, not sorry,” I teased.

“It’s on now,” Devin said as he took the whipped cream from me with one hand and then leaned over and picked me up.

He bent me over his shoulder and held onto my ass as he walked up the stairs with ease. He didn’t take them two at a time, but he still moved rather quickly for a man who was carrying an entire human over his shoulder. I giggled all the way up the stairs and even more so when he tossed me onto his big bed.

It was plush, and I bounced when I landed, but I hardly had time to feel the fabric beneath me before he was pulling on my sweatpants. They slid off quickly and easily though since they really were his pants.

Devin then moved to my T-shirt and tugged on it playfully as he moved it up and over my head. He left it connected to my arms as he pinned them above my head and then grabbed the can of whipped cream.

“You see this bottle?”

I nodded my head yes as I smiled up at him.

“All of it, every last drop is going to be licked off your body.”

“You’re going to have a tummy ache if you eat all of that.” I laughed.

“I’m doing it,” he said as he sprayed a large amount over each of my breasts and then started licking it off.

It tickled as his mouth moved around, and he alternated between sucking and licking the creamy dessert off of me. It wasn’t nearly as erotic as I’d imagined it would be. But I was happy to go along with the game.

He sprayed more on my nipples and then made a cute little design like a bikini bottom.

“A dissolvable bikini,” he said as he let go of my arms and admired his work. “I’m going to eat it now.”

Devin didn’t waste any time and quickly had my dissolvable bikini licked off of me and was drawing another design on my stomach with the spray. He made a star and then licked it off. He drew a heart and then licked it off. But by the time he was finished with the entire can, he had slowed down to barely moving.

“You have a stomach ache don’t you?” I teased as he fell back onto the pillows.

“Oh, God yes. I’m going to pay for all this junk food tomorrow. I never eat this much sugar.”

“I’m going to climb into that giant swimming pool you have in your bathroom. Someone got me all sticky. You’re welcome to join me,” I said as I gently kissed him.

“Yep, I’m coming. Just give me a second to let my stomach settle.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

I playfully waved at him as I stood naked in the doorway to the bathroom. I left the door open and found some bubbles to put into the bathtub, but it was nearly twenty minutes by the time the bathtub had finally filled up.

“Are you coming?” I asked as I went to the doorway.

But Devin was sound asleep in bed. He was still in his tuxedo pants and white shirt, and he looked absolutely exhausted. I left him to sleep while I climbed into the deep tub and relaxed in the warm bubbly water.

I could have stayed in there for hours, but I was getting tired too and wrapped myself in a towel, then climbed into bed with him. I didn’t feel tired at all, but within ten minutes I had fallen asleep in Devin’s arms and stayed there all night long. It was an extremely early evening for us but perfect for catching up on our sleep.

 

***

 

On Thursday, I skipped work to go hang out with Anna. I’d been telling my parents I was with her a lot lately, but I hadn’t actually seen her in over a week. We’d talked and texted as usual, but I needed to work through something that was on my mind a lot.

“Are we walking or running?” I asked when I got to her house.

“Um, walking. Why do you even ask me?”

“How’s your relationship with the hot neighbor guy?” I asked jokingly.

Anna didn’t seem to see the humor in the question, though, and she went on a long rant about every interaction the two of them had had over the last week. She was dramatic and upset as she tried to analyze each encounter.

“I saw him on Saturday, and he didn’t even look up from Clyde. I thought he was ignoring me, but then on Monday I saw him, and he waved to me. I don’t know what sort of games he’s playing, but it’s not cool at all.”

“Maybe he really didn’t see you?”

“Whatever,” she said without even justifying it as an option.

“Well, I am having a lot of second thoughts about what’s going on with Devin.”

“Oh, you mean lying to his daughter and her grandparents?”

“Yeah. I haven’t been able to sleep for the last few days. What if Izzy does move out here with Devin? I’m not going to be at his house. I’m going to be the girl that lives next door with her parents. Izzy is old enough to figure this all out, and it’s making me sick.”

Anna and I walked out of her house, and she instantly looked over at Jason’s house to see if he was there. Her little crush on him was growing, and I knew there was no stopping her. She was going to have that man whether he knew it or not. Anna always got what she wanted.

“So stop seeing the guy. Break it off. Come out with me and the girls this weekend.”

“And I feel horrible about lying to Ashley. She’s already going through so much, and if it were my daughter, I’d be so angry if someone lied to me like Devin is lying. He has to tell her the truth or things won’t be good. I don’t know how to tell him that, though. He thinks if he tells the truth, he will lose every chance of getting Izzy to come live with him.”

“Okay, so I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a minute. You don’t know how much I love playing the bad guy,” Anna said with an evil grin as she rubbed her hands together. “I don’t know that Devin is any better than your ex.”

“What? Yes, of course he is. Devin is a nice guy. He’s never yelled at me. He has my best interested at heart in everything he does. Look at the friggin car he got me. Come on, how can you even say that?”

“Look at how easily he’s willing to lie to the mother of his own child. He’s basically showing you that he’s willing to do absolutely anything as long as it serves his best interest.”

Her words sat so heavily on my heart because they rang true. I honestly didn’t think that Devin wanted to keep going with the lie, but the fact that he was continuing it was huge. Maybe Ashley wouldn’t care about any of it. She was going to have her hearing in a month or so, and she probably would decide that Izzy should be with Devin anyways. The marriage thing wouldn’t have even needed to be said. But now he had continued with the lie and had to lie more and more to prove it was a truth when it absolutely wasn’t.

“I see what you’re saying. I don’t think he’s always out for himself, but I can see how it looks really bad. That’s probably why I have been awake thinking about everything the last couple days. I don’t know what I can do about it, though. It’s all in his hands now.”

“You can refuse to go along with the lie anymore,” Anna said definitively.

“I could do that.”

“Lilli, I can see that you’re falling for him. I don’t think he’s good enough for you, but if you really want something true between the two of you, then you have to tell him how you feel.”

“I’ve said that I don’t like it.”

We walked down toward the path at the river’s edge. Anna took a moment to look around and see if she could find Jason, but his car had been gone from the driveway, so he wasn’t going to be walking on the trail.

Together we walked silently as I tried to think through everything that was going on. I wanted to see Devin again. I really liked him and had such a good time when we were together. But if he brought Izzy back to his house, and she thought I was going to be her stepmother, I just couldn’t handle the disappointment it would cause her.

Not that she would be looking forward to hanging out with me or anything like that. But we got along, and she probably would be a little excited about having someone around that could help her with her hair and buy cute clothes with her. Coming to stay with just her father was a totally different thing, and she should be told the truth before coming.

“You need to be firm. Clearly tell him you won’t be able to see him if he insists on keeping up this lie.”

“Never see him?” I asked as I let the thought sink in.

I wasn’t sure I wanted that either. I liked Devin, and I did want to see him. I just wanted the lying to end. It was too much for me. I wasn’t a liar. I didn’t like it, and I finally decided that Anna was right. I couldn’t keep seeing Devin if he was going to go forward with the lie.

“Yes, you have to stand your ground.”

“You’re right. I don’t like it, but I’ll never stop thinking about the lie when I’m with him. Even if it were years down the road, I’d still know that he chose to continue lying to his daughter, ex and all their family.”

“I know you Lilli – you won’t be able to forget it. Let him go. It’s his life. He can choose what he wants to do, but you need to be true to yourself.”

“Wow, we are getting deep today.”

“I’m always here for the deep conversations. You come see me anytime you want.”

“Thanks doctor Anna,” I teased. “Can we run a little now? I’m itched to get my endorphins going.”

I started jogging in place, and Anna reluctantly joined me as we took off slowly down the path. Her arms were wobbling at her side, and she looked like she was falling apart as we ran. It was no wonder she didn’t like to run – she did it so terribly that she was making it harder than it had to be.

We only went for about ten minutes and then turned around and ran back to Anna’s house. I wanted to have her there with me when I called Devin and told him how I was feeling.

“Do you think I can tell him over the phone?” I asked.

“Sure, but it would probably be better in person. Everything is better in person,” she said with a wink.

“I’m not sure I’ll be strong enough to tell him in person. He’s so damn sexy.”

“I’ll go with you if you want.”

“Ugh. Yes, I want, but I guess I’ll just have to do it on my own. Damn, this being a grownup thing is getting harder and harder.”

“You can do it. You’re getting stronger and stronger. I saw how you were with your ex when you broke things off with him. And you are ten times stronger now. Just imagine how things will be when you meet the love of your life?”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

The problem I was having was that I did care a lot for Devin. I just hated the circumstances of what was going on with his daughter. I still liked him a hell of a lot. If we could figure out how to make things work, I was totally open to it. But I knew myself, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep seeing him with the lie hanging over both of us.

“Okay, so go straight over to his house. Is he home? Do you want to call and see? I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

“I think I’m just going to go straight to his house, hope he’s home, and then tell him what’s on my mind. If I wait too long, I’m going to lose my nerve.”

“Perfect, get going. Head over there right now,” Anna said as she practically pushed me out her door. “Call me after it’s done. I want to hear all the details.”

Her pushing me out the door did the trick, and I started jogging over toward Devin’s house. I used the five-minute run as an opportunity to think of exactly how I wanted to tell Devin. The more I thought about it, the more I solidified what I would say to him.

When I got to his door, I knocked loudly and then looked inside to see if he was there. The problem with him always parking in his garage was that I couldn’t tell if he was in his house or not.

I waited for a good minute, and then I rang the doorbell and knocked again. This time, I heard footsteps inside. My heart raced as I readied myself to tell Devin how things were going to be.

“Lilli,” he said softly as he opened the door. “What a perfect surprise.”

I stood there unable to get any of the words out of my mouth. I knew what I wanted to say; I’d practiced it on the run over there. But I couldn’t find the words when I needed them. Instead, I stood there looking like a crazy woman as I blankly stared at him.

“Come in. Let me get you a drink. It’s a little hot out to be running today, don’t you think?”

“Yes,” I managed to mumble as I sat on his couch.

“What’s up? I thought you were working today.”

“Um, yeah. I canceled and hung out with Anna. There’s something I have to tell you, and I don’t want you to get mad. I can’t keep this lie up. I know you want to keep doing it, but I can’t be part of it anymore. This is eating me alive. I can’t imagine Izzy coming to stay with you and learning that I wasn’t going to be here. She would feel so cheated when she found out I lived next door. I think she’s old enough to figure it out, and I just can’t be part of it,” I babbled on as I tried to get all my thoughts out.

When I finally stopped talking, I wasn’t even sure if Devin understood what I had said. He sat across from me in one of the chairs and looked at me intently. His face didn’t look angry, though, but I really had never seen him angry, so I wasn’t sure what he was going to look like.

“I can’t tell them now, Lilli. I just can’t risk having to fight for Izzy.”

“I understand. I just wanted you to know where I was coming from.”

“So you don’t want to date me at all?” he asked as he tried to clarify what I was saying.

“That’s right. I think it’s best if we go our different directions. I don’t like it, Devin, but I know myself well enough to know I’d just bring up this lie any time we fought. Even if we just dated for a few months, this would always be on my mind. I can’t let stuff like this go.”

“I understand.”

“Honestly, I think Ashley will understand. She’s going to be sentenced in a month, right?”

“Yeah, unless she takes a plea deal sooner.”

“Then wait until she’s sentenced, and she’ll let you have Izzy. Bringing those pictures is going to solidify this lie. You’ll never be able to come back from it. If she ever found out the truth, she’s going to feel so tricked and deceived. I can’t imagine how bad that would hurt, especially if it involved a child.”

“Lilli, I can’t. I just can’t risk it.”

I wanted to keep seeing Devin. Just being around him made me tingle. He was handsome, funny, and I genuinely thought he was a good man. But he was wrong about this. I should have told him so when it all first came up, but I didn’t know him well enough at that time.

Now I was mixed up in the whole thing. I’d faked a wedding day photo shoot. I’d told a little girl and her grandparents that I was married to Devin. Well, I avoided saying those specific words, but I’d gone along with the story and clearly taken part in the whole thing.

As much as I liked Devin, I couldn’t keep up the lie. I stood my ground. He was going to have to figure out what to do next all on his own because I couldn’t be part of it.

“Okay, then I better get going,” I said as I hugged him.

He held on to me tightly and lifted me off the ground a little. His lips gently kissed my neck and then pressed against mine as we kissed each other good-bye.

“At least we can still be friends,” Devin said playfully.

“Yeah, I mean I do live next door. Maybe I’ll run into you on a jog sometime. I hope everything goes well with you and for Ashley.”

“Thank you. Would it be alright if I text you and update after things are finalized?”

“Sure. I’d like that. Take care of yourself,” I said and turned toward my house. “I should probably give you the car back too,” I said sort of as an afterthought when I saw the pretty black convertible in my driveway.

“Absolutely not, that’s your old used car with lots of miles and a dent. I would never take that back.”

“Ha, alright. Well, thank you again. Take care of yourself.”

“Lilli,” Devin said, and I turned back around to see what he was going to say next.

But something came over him, and he decided not to say whatever it was; instead, he awkwardly waved at me. I waved back and then went into my house.

“Everything alright?” my father asked the second I walked in the door. “Are you and the neighbor fighting?”

“What?” I asked surprised by what he had said.

“The neighbor that you went on a date with. Are you fighting? You look sad.”

“Oh, yeah; I don’t think that’s going to work out. He’s a nice enough guy, but just not for me. I’m going to head up to my room and shower. See you later, Dad.”

I could barely keep myself together as I hustled up the stairs and closed my bedroom door behind me. I took in a deep breath as the tears fell fast. My chest heaved with emotion, and I fell to the ground crying.

Why was I so emotional? I was the one who broke things off. It was my idea to stop seeing the man, and now I was literally crying on the floor.

It was the idea of Devin that made me so sad. We got along so well. I was comfortable with him in every sense. Nothing about the two of us seemed wrong, even though he was more than ten years older than me. I hoped that someday I would meet a man that I meshed with equally well. But for that moment, I cried for the loss of a dream. It was a flawed dream, but still one that I’d been building up for a couple of weeks, and it had finally toppled down.

The emotions were so raw because I’d given myself fully to Devin. I’d opened up to him like I hadn’t to any other man. It gave me hope that someday I could open up and feel that level of closeness again.