Chapter 10

 

Devin

 

Something was certainly different between Izzy and me when her mother wasn’t around. Izzy was much more affectionate toward me than she had ever been on my previous visits. From the moment we first hugged at her grandparents’ house until we climbed into bed at the hotel, she was laughing and playing and showing me just how much I wanted to be a father to her.

After our evening of swimming, I made up the chaise longue as a bed for Izzy and tucked her in with a few spare blankets I found in the closet. She had an amazing view of the water and fell asleep even before I had climbed into bed.

Lilli had pressed herself as far over to the opposite side of the bed as possible, so it wasn’t even like I was sleeping in the same bed with her. I could sense she was under the covers with me, but I couldn’t even reach out and touch Lilli unless I moved closer to her.

Sleep came easily to me that night as I relished in this new relationship I was developing with my daughter, and I even said a little prayer that our Sunday would turn out just as good as Saturday had.

I hadn’t gotten the chance to talk with Mrs. Edwards about what was going on with Ashley, but I didn’t have to. I probably had more information from the private investigator than even Ashley and her own family had.

“Goodnight,” I whispered to Lilli as I fell asleep.

 

***

 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve actually been to church,” I said to Izzy and Lilli as I pulled on my suit coat. “How do I look?”

“Very handsome,” Lilli said with a sweet smile.

“You look okay,” Izzy added.

“Just okay?” I said as I started wiggling my fingers in the air. “I think this tickle monster would disagree.”

“Wait, I meant you look very handsome.” She giggled as she looked toward Lilli to save her. “Don’t look at Lilli. She can’t save you from the tickle monster,” I continued toward her.

“Actually, I have tickle monster blocking skills,” Lilli said and stepped between Izzy and I. “You don’t want to mess with them. They are really good.”

“Really? Let me see,” I said and lunged toward Lilli and started to tickle her.

She fell over onto the bed as her laugh radiated through our room. Even Izzy was giggling as I tickled Lilli.

“Okay, okay, my tickle blockers are broken; I can’t take it anymore.” Lilli laughed. “Save me,” she playfully yelled as she dramatically reached out for Izzy.

Izzy joined in and grabbed Lilli’s hand as she pulled her away from me and onto the ground. Quickly the two of them scrambled to the other side of the chaise longue and ducked down as if they were guarding a fortress.

“You two know that I can still see you, right?” I laughed as I got onto my knees and started to crawl over there.

“Okay, okay, we have to get ready for church,” Izzy said and held up her hand for me to stop. “Dad, listen to me. We don’t want to be late for church; you know Grandma and Grandpa are going to be there.”

Lilli laughed and gave Izzy a high five as the two of them stood up and moved toward the other end of the room. As if I was just going to give up on our fun little game.

“I’ve got to test these tickle monster blocking skills again,” I said and grabbed Lilli as Izzy ran toward the door of the room.

“No, no,” she said with a giggle. “They aren’t working right now.”

“Ha, I gotcha. Now we can get ready for church.”

Izzy grabbed her clothes first and went into the bathroom to change. She had a huge smile on her face, and I felt the level of relaxation between the three of us, and it was so much better than the evening before. Izzy liked Lilli, I could tell. Even if she didn’t say anything about Lilli, the way she had helped her when we were messing around was a huge clue to me.

“I hate that I wore my pretty dress yesterday, and now I’ve just got jeans and a T-shirt,” Lilli grumped as she waited for Izzy to get out.

“Wear it again today.”

“What? No. I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“What do you mean? I wore it yesterday. Everyone will know.”

“Who is everybody? Izzy’s grandmother, Izzy and myself? Izzy, do you care if Lilli wears her pretty dress again today?”

“Nope,” Izzy said from the bathroom. “I think it’s a great idea.”

“See, it’s a great idea. You can change into your jeans after church. Now get going. You’re going to make us late,” I teased and gently pushed her into the bathroom as I handed her the white floral dress.

“Devin, but …” she started to say and then changed her mind.

There was no reason she couldn’t wear that dress to church. No one in the congregation even knew who she was. They barely knew who I was, and Izzy’s grandmother wasn’t going to care what Lilli had on. It was a tiny peek into what life would be like with a woman around all the time, and I felt like I passed the test.

As soon as Lilli was ready, we hurried down the hall, out to the car and were quickly on the freeway toward the family church that Izzy and her grandparents went to. I’d been there on a few other occasions when I’d come to visit for Christmas. Although I didn’t find time in my normal schedule to attend church on a regular basis, it was a calming experience that I enjoyed when I came to see Izzy.

“Do you know when Mom is going to be home?” Izzy said as we pulled into the driveway of the church.

The truth wasn’t what I needed to share with Izzy. And to be honest, I really didn’t know when Ashley would be home. She had a legal battle ahead of herself, and the result of that court case would determine just how long she had to be incarcerated for.

“I’m not sure honey, but if it’s going to be too long, do you think you’d like to come stay with me for a little bit?”

“And Lilli?” Izzy asked.

My heart sank at the lie I had told and how complex it was getting. What if I did get Izzy to come stay with me? Now I’d have to have Lilli stay with me as well in order to keep the lie up. It wasn’t the best plan, but I had no idea how to get out of the story I’d already told.

“Let’s just worry about church for today,” Lilli said in a sweet voice as she leaned back and rubbed Izzy’a hand. “I’m sure your dad is going to do his best to help make sure your mom is back home to you soon.”

“Okay,” Izzy said in her upbeat voice. “There’s Grandma,” she hollered and opened the car door just as we parked.

“I guess I didn’t think this through very well,” I admitted after Izzy was out of the car.

“Let’s not worry about it right now. We have church.”

Lilli climbed out of the car and went right over to Mrs. And Mr. Edwards. She shook hands with Mr. Edwards and was smiling and chatting them up as I joined the group. Izzy was standing between all of us and looked as happy as I’d ever seen her.

I desperately wanted to ask Mrs. Edwards if I could just take Izzy with me back to my house. It was summer, Izzy was done with school, and there was no reason she couldn’t hang out with me while things got settled with Ashley. But the church didn’t seem like the right place, and my whole reason for the visit had been to reconnect with Izzy, which we had done very nicely over the last 24 hours.

“You look a happy little bean,” Mr. Edwards said as he hugged Izzy.

“I am Papa. You should have seen the pool at the hotel. It was on top of the roof, and I could even see your house.”

“That sounds scary.”

“No, I wasn’t scared. My dad was with me,” she said proudly and then came over and hugged me.

I beamed with pride at the moment. It was the first time I’d really felt like the father I had always wanted to be. Even if it was just for a day, this was the feeling I wanted to have all the time when it came to my daughter.

“Lilli, could you take Izzy in and find us some seats?” Mrs. Edwards asked.

“Of course,” Lilli held out her hand, and Izzy grabbed it as the two of them headed into the building.

“Devin, I’m glad things are going well with you and Izzy, but I can’t let you take her today. The court is coming up this week, and if Ashley is coming home, it would be too disruptive for Izzy to leave and come back.”

“I understand. Maybe I could come back after the hearing and talk with Ashley about it all. I want her to know my intention isn’t to take Izzy away from her. I simply want to be a better father, and if I can help out right now, I’d like to do that.”

“Thank you, Devin. Let’s see how the hearing goes this week, and then we can go from there.”

“Sounds good.”

“I do have to say I haven’t seen Izzy this happy since Ashley got arrested,” Mr. Edwards added. “It’s nice to see the two of you connecting. I’m not sure why it didn’t happen sooner.”

Mrs. Edwards nudged her husband to be quiet, but we all knew why it hadn’t happened sooner. I had been too wrapped up in my life, and Ashley had pushed me away. The combination of both of our behaviors had negatively affected the relationship. We were both to blame.

It was a cozy morning as I sat between Lilli and Izzy in the church. With Izzy’s grandparents just down the pew from us, for a moment it felt like a traditional family. I’d never in my life imagined having a traditional family, even after Izzy had been born. Typically, I imagined visiting Izzy, or even taking her on trips and things like that, but I’d never let my mind think about what it would be like to actually raise her.

“You look happy,” Lilli said as she grabbed my hand.

“I am.”

I reached over and grabbed Izzy’s hand as well, and the three of us sat there smiling and listening to the morning sermon.

 

***

Saying good-bye to Izzy was harder than it had ever been before. She had wrapped her arms around me in the biggest of bear hugs, but at least she hadn’t cried as Lilli and I said our good-byes. Perhaps she knew that things were different now, and that I would be making a much better effort at being the father she needed me to be. I hoped so.

“Wow, I’m so tired,” Lilli said as we climbed the steps to the plane and found a comfy spot on the large leather couch.

“You did great, thanks for coming.”

“I didn’t really do anything. Basically, I got to hang out with you two and have fun, so it was a great weekend.”

“Yeah, it was pretty damn good. She’s normally not that excited to see me. I’m worried that Ashley being gone is going to take away that level of happiness from her.”

“How long is Ashley going to be gone for?” Lilli asked with genuine concern on her face.

“I think she’s going to have to do five years. It was her third DUI, and Florida has mandatory sentencing. I’m not saying anything, though; I don’t want it to seem like I want her to go away because I genuinely don’t. It isn’t what is best for Izzy.”

“Wow, I really don’t think Mrs. and Mr. Edwards know she might be going to jail that long.”

“No, I’m not even sure Ashley knows it. I tried to hire her a lawyer, but she refused his services. Instead, she’s using the one her parents got her, and he’s good enough. But I was just trying to help out.”

“Maybe we should have gone to see her?” Lilli asked.

“And introduce her to my pretend wife? Oh, no! She’d see right through this whole thing. She’s known me for over ten years.”

“Well, I guess we can just wait and see how everything turns out. Maybe she’ll hear about how well your visit went and say Izzy can come stay with you?”

“Maybe,” I said, but I knew she wouldn’t.

Ashley held onto Izzy as if she was the prize between the two of us. Ashley got thousands of dollars each month in child support, and that was what kept her in the lifestyle that had allowed her to continue drinking and using drugs. The idea that I’d be taking care of Izzy and no more child support would be coming her way was not going to go over with Ashley very well. But that was only until the realization of her legal battles started to settle in. I needed to just sit back and wait until that was evident to her, and then I hoped Ashley would agree to the arrangement without a big legal battle. If I had to fight for Izzy, I’d do it in a second, but that wasn’t going to be pretty and would surely ruin the already strained relationship between me and Ashley.

“You look much more relaxed for the flight home,” I noticed as Lilli leaned onto my shoulder.

“It’s exhaustion. I don’t have the energy to be nervous. But I am putting my seatbelt on.” She laughed as she buckled the belt tightly across her lap.

“Do you mind?” I asked as I put my arm around her and pulled her in so her head could rest on my cheek. “I think I might take a nap.”

“Sounds perfect to me.”

We were both cuddled up and perfectly comfortable by the time the door was closed and we moved toward the runway to start our taxiing. My hand felt warm as it pressed against her back and held Lilli next to me. The uncomfortable awkwardness that we had shared on the way out to Jacksonville was totally gone.

Also missing was the heated sexual tension between the two of us. But in its place, there was a stronger feeling that I had and couldn’t put into words. Maybe it was admiration? I wasn’t quite sure, but things were different between the two of us. More genuine and real than I’d felt around a woman in many years.

Sleeping with Lilli on the flight home was comfortable. Her hair nuzzled up close to my nose, and her sweet scent lingered even after we landed and she pulled away from me. The two of us got off the plane and loaded into my car without saying a word as we rubbed the sleep from our eyes.

Our casual connection had changed, and the silence between us played out in a whole different way than it had before. Instead of feeling like I had to fill the silence, we just drove home enjoying it. Her legs crossed and uncrossed as she tried to get comfortable while looking through her phone and catching up on her messages.

My eyes stayed glued to the road with only the very small distraction to her legs when she’d adjust positions. As we drove into my driveway, I noticed her parents’ vehicle was gone, and it dawned on me that she must have told them some sort of story for why she was going to be gone all weekend.

“Where do your parents think you were?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you were out of town all weekend. Weren’t they worried? What did you tell them?”

“I told them I was going to Jacksonville with you,” she said nonchalantly.

“Really?”

Lilli burst into laughter at the idea.

“Of course not! Do you think I’m crazy? I told them I was hanging out with Anna, and we were going camping. My father would kill you.”

I didn’t doubt it at all. As much as I felt like Lilli was an adult, and I enjoyed being around her very much, her father probably wouldn’t look very kindly on the idea of me taking his sweet little girl away for a weekend tryst.

“Wow, yeah, I bet he wouldn’t like me much.”

“I mean you’re much better than my last boyfriend, but I think the whole getting married thing would have thrown him off,” she said with a laugh.

I pulled into my garage and came around to open Lilli’s door. As she climbed out, I moved back against the garage wall, but there wasn’t much room. She pressed her body against mine as she moved toward the back of the car, and all the sexual tension between us was officially back.

“Thank you again for coming.”

I moved next to her as we stood at the back of the garage. We were just out of sight of her house, just in case one of her parents was still home.

“You’re welcome,” she answered and moved a step closer to me.

“You’re a life saver.”

“I know, I’m pretty awesome. Aren’t I?”

“Yes,” I said as I held onto her hand and pulled her even closer.

I wrapped my arm around her and pinned her between myself and the car. She didn’t seem to mind it at all as she smiled and let her hands press against my chest. I couldn’t hold back for another second as I moved in slowly and let my lips gently touch hers.

The kiss wasn’t filled with passion or lust like I’d felt that night she brought me up to her room. This was a kiss with much more behind it. Our tongues danced softly together, and our hands pressed against the body of one another.

We took our time as we moved slowly from one position to the next. I took my time to taste her sweet deliciousness and feel the loving nature of her lips. She stayed right there with me letting her mouth explore mine just as much as I was playing with hers.

When we finally pulled our lips apart, it was only for a brief moment before we returned to kissing each other. There wasn’t a care in the world as I let every sensation fill my memory, just in case I didn’t get the chance to kiss her again.

“I should get going,” Lilli finally said as she pushed me away from her. “I’ve got to work today.”

“Okay, can I call you sometime? I don’t have your number.”

It was funny that I’d been in her room and she’d been in my house, we’d been on a weekend trip together, but I didn’t have her phone number. Lilli slid her hand down my back and felt for my phone in my back pocket. She pulled it out and dialed her number and shortly after I heard the playful ringtone from her phone going off in her purse.

“There you go,” she said, and instead of handing me my phone back, she wrapped her arms around me and slid it back into my pocket.

“Perfect.”

“I had a really good time with you this weekend.”

“I had a really good time with you too, and Izzy really liked you. I knew she would.”

“Let me know how things go. I’m happy to play your wife in the sequel to this movie if needed,” she teased.

“I’ll text you later.”

Lilli grabbed her small bag that held the new jeans and T-shirt and started to walk toward her house. She couldn’t help turning around and smiling back at me, though, and I hoped her parents weren’t watching out the window or anything like that.

“Stay up late tonight. I’m going out with my friends again,” Lilli teased as she shook her butt playfully and stood near her front door.

I brought my finger up to my lips in a motion to tell her to be quiet. But she didn’t seem to care at all. She was back in her element. Back home and full of life and energy that she’d had so many times that I’d seen her before.

“I’ll keep my eyes out,” I finally said as I closed the garage door and made my way back into the house.

Things were going to be crazy between the two of us now. We’d broken through the awkward and uncomfortable getting to know each other stage, and I was looking forward to whatever came next for us.