Chapter 31
For the next two days, Cassie didn’t see Brody, but she would have sworn with everything she owned she could feel him watching her. She’d have a glimpse out of the corner of her eye of a tall shadow standing one minute in the window and gone the next, or maybe she’d be on the beach below and look up and see him at the top of the hill. Watching and waiting, making her glad that neither of them had run into one another in person. Cassie honestly didn’t know if she was ready to face him again. She still alternated between being mad enough to hit him with a shovel and wanting so badly to speak to him and clear things between them.
The wedding was in five days. According to Anna and Chase’s preferences, the only ones sharing the house were them, their parents, the best man and maid of honor, and a select few guests. Everyone else came and went from the village below as they saw fit, enjoying the island activities of sailing, beaching, shopping, and exploring. An ever-ready kitchen staff had an array of assorted foods and beverages on hand to welcome any who stopped in. There was an air of celebration and joy all around.
Tonight, they were having a pre-wedding celebration and couples shower for the happy duo. Tonight, there was no way Cassie would be able avoid Brody anymore.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Anna asked as the makeup artist buffed up her face with a few final strokes of bronzer before moving to put the finishing touches on Cassie.
“I’ll be fine, I promise. Why do I need professional makeup done tonight? It’s not the wedding day.”
“Because Chase’s mom wants photo documentation of everything and she would like us all to look our best.” Anna rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ve sneaked behind her back and told the photographer no staged or formal shots. Chase and I want to just enjoy the party, so it’s candids the whole evening.” She was obviously thrilled by her canny plot.
Chase’s parents were more formal old-fashioned Southerners and driving free-spirited Anna insane with requests to guide the wedding to their preferences — or more specifically, his mother’s preferences. So far, Cassie had never seen the woman with a single strand of hair out of place, making her such a contrast to Anna, whose favorite look was flowing clothes in soft fabrics and no makeup. It was a mystery to Cassie how Anna always still managed to look like a runway model.
Tonight’s light sea green off-the-shoulder Grecian-style dress suited Anna perfectly. Her honey-gold-and-brown hair was twisted up in a bun like she usually wore it, but a few flowers were woven in around the top, giving it an elegant edge.
“I bow to your stealthy methods. She doesn’t stand a chance against you. By the way, you do look amazing. I don’t know how you do it, but you’re always right on the mark.” Cassie saluted her with the champagne they had opened for them as they got ready.
“It’s all how you put yourself out there. Own your own strength. Now, you my dear, need to stand a little straighter and throw those gorgeous shoulders back. Strapless should be worn with confidence.”
Not having had time to shop, Cassie had let Anna direct the fashion for the week — it was her strength anyway and she loved to get Cassie out of her box of professional business clothes. Doing a turn, Cassie had to admit, her friend had struck gold yet again — except for the fact that tonight’s pants were white.
What was it with Anna and white?
The linen and silk white pants flowed to pair with a strapless triangular top that went to mid-thigh. What made Cassie stand out was that the top was painted in a vibrant floral pattern. The greens, reds, and oranges created an uplifting tone and set off the light kiss of sun Cassie’s skin had acquired since they’d arrived. Heels with thin silver straps encased her ankles and ensured Cassie would be able to dance if she chose to later. A long chain of thin gold that ended in a small coin stamped with sacred geometry completed the look. Cassie felt chic and posh and like an island girl all at the same time. The stylist had boosted her natural waves and added some depth to her eyes, making them a deeper green than their normal hazel.
“It’s ridiculous how you do this every time.” Cassie twisted to see in the mirror better. “You nailed it. Somehow I don’t look like a wraith.”
Seven more pounds to go until she regained the full fifteen she’d lost over the past year. When you were already petite, losing that much weight didn’t make you look thinner. It just made you look sick. Cassie missed her athletic muscle tone and what her body used to be able to do physically — like charge up the beach steps without even breathing hard. Or do one single stupid pull-up.
It would come back. Already she had put on more weight since the retreat before Thanksgiving. A sure sign that her body had finally started to heal.
What Cassie didn’t know yet was how to handle tonight and being near Brody again. Rather than worry about it, she decided, for a change, to go with the flow and let things happen as they were meant to. That was one of the things her new counselor had been working with her on — not everything needed to be planned out, organized, highlighted, and color-coded for the day to be perfect and productive.
When she stepped out into the living room with Anna, both men were there, and her heart did a silly erratic beat when she saw Brody.
He wore casual island style the same way he wore faded jeans — easy and relaxed. Lightweight tan pants and the tailored T-shirt suited him perfectly. He’d shaved down the beard some so it was more of a trimmed-up four-day growth than pure shagginess. So much handsomer and more rugged-looking than Cassie remembered, even sporting a fading purple-and-blue bruise on his jaw which failed at hiding behind the scruff.
“Ladies! Don’t you both look amazing.” Chase walked over to take their hands, and Cassie smiled internally at how Chase only had eyes for Anna and she for him.
He offered both arms to escort them over to the bar, where Brody stood watching Cassie and no one else. Piercing in intensity, his eyes left a stroke of warmth everywhere they landed on her. Their green was only marred by a sadness that rivaled Cassie’s own.
“Hi, Brody.”
One corner of his lips lifted in a wry acknowledgement. “Cassie.”
Brody reached behind him toward the bartender and grabbed one of the fruity rum drinks that Cassie loved, passing it over to her. Their fingers brushed as she took it, and a lash of heat curled in her belly, settling deep and throbbing inside. Cassie’s eyes widened in surprise that her body could even remember how to feel desire. She’d felt nothing for any man since the two of them had separated. Not that she had been interested in dating again, but Cassie had simply assumed that that part of her was dead. Like everything else had been until a few weeks back.
Brody’s face showed that he felt the fission of heat as well. His emerald-green eyes narrowed slightly in response.
Chase cleared his throat. “A toast to the four of us. Two good friends who met two other good friends. Now, two of those are getting married and the other two better figure out a way to get along the next few days.”
The warning was said lightheartedly but clear as a bell.
Brody nodded and raised his glass before taking a sip of his drink. “We’ll be fine. Maybe you two could give us a minute before we go outside to all the fun?” He didn’t bother to take his eyes off Cassie’s.
“Sure thing. Have fun you two,” Chase said, turning to his fiancée. “Let’s sneak off so you can show me how to get you out of this dress later.”
Anna’s giggles met Cassie’s ears and she couldn’t help rolling her eyes while Chase pulled her friend off to the other side of the room.
A smile broke out over Brody’s face. “They sure are cute together, aren’t they?”
Cassie sighed. “They really are. Did I do that?” Her hand was touching his face before she thought about it, and she drew back hastily, not knowing what to do. “Sorry.”
“Nah.” His hand caught hers and brought it to his lips. The rough and silky texture of beard brushed her skin. “I deserved it. Probably a whole lot more. I was way out of line, and I’m really sorry.”
“Does it hurt?”
“Not that bad anymore, and only when I smile. Christopher teach you to punch like that?”
“He did. After I had a high school date who had trouble taking no for an answer.”
“He’s a good brother.” Brody’s hand still held hers and squeezed it gently. “We need to talk.”
Cassie shook her head. “Not now. Please.” Taking her hand out of his, she tipped her glass toward Anna and Chase. “Tonight is their night. For Chase and Anna.”
“You can’t avoid me forever.”
“I’m not trying to. Just… not right now, okay? Please?”
Penetrating and assessing eyes held her own. At last, Brody slowly nodded. “All right. When you’re ready, we’ll talk.”
Cassie made it through the socializing, the dinner, and the speeches. She even managed a conversation or two with Brody’s brothers and parents. Of them all, his parents surprised her the most. His mom and dad both pulled her into a hug and apologized profusely for their son’s behavior by the poolside. Cassie tried to assure them that it was all fine, and she thanked heaven when Jake — at least she thought it was Jake — stepped in to distract his parents. Two of the bothers looked exactly alike, while the third one simply looked like a blonder, more serious version of Brody. All had variations of green eyes and the height they’d gotten from their dad.
Beyond that single conversation at the bar, Brody didn’t speak to Cassie except when necessary. He almost made it a point to not touch her when they sat together during dinner, while Cassie tried to focus on anything other than the man next to her who still made her heart race.
The music started up after the sun set, blazing like a gold-and-purple mirage across the end of the earth, before the stars came out. Reggae and salsa music pumped the party full of island flavor, and the energy kicked into full swing, loud enough to drown out the ocean below. Nathan pulled Cassie out to where a section had been cleared for dancing and cut loose to showcase his skills around her.
Caught up in the fun, Cassie’s feet and hips moved as Nathan twirled her in a complicated spin to the cheers of the crowd that had stopped to watch. Nathan spun her out and into him again before dancing side by side in a series of salsa steps that left Cassie breathless. Her head snapped back and forth to the rhythm as she smiled at the freedom of dancing again. She gave thanks for that and for Anna’s help in finding a way to heal — and a fabulous outfit that stayed put even with its strapless design.
Cassie caught Brody watching her during one spin. A warm crooked smile twisted his lips as his eyes lit with pleasure, and her smile faltered. Nathan spun her back to him and twisted to send her out again. On the outward spin, her foot caught and twisted. Letting go of Nathan’s hand, she stumbled and—
Arms encircled her, saving Cassie from the fall by pulling her against a chest she remembered all too well.
“Need a rescue, gorgeous?”
How on earth had Brody moved so fast? Her breath slammed in her chest. As she was pinned there, time simply fell away so that all she wanted to do was dance with Brody again. To feel him hold her and how the two of them would move together so seamlessly.
Instead, she stepped back. “Thanks.”
“It’s good to see you dance again. It’s so good to see you period.”
“It’s good to be dancing again… and to see you as well,” she admitted.
They stared at each other and the crowd faded away.
“I’m sorry,” they said at once then smiled together.
Brody held out a hand. “Take a walk with me?”
All of a sudden, the crowd was too loud, too overwhelming, and Cassie wanted nothing more than to be away from them.
“Yes.” Her hand slipped into his as if they had never been apart. The warmth and security she felt from a single touch made her heart ache for what they’d lost with each other. What they could never have again because of how badly they had hurt each other.
Brody didn’t say a word as he walked with Cassie’s hand tucked into his. Part of the misery inside him eased from just having that small thing again. After guiding her through the festivities to the beach stairs, he went first, leading the way down. Landscape lighting scattered here and there along the stairs cast a cheery glow all the way to the beach. Reaching the bottom, he turned and paused, taking in Cassie’s outfit. The one that had driven him crazy with her beautiful curves, bare shoulders and arms all night. Brody’s heart had almost broken when he saw Cassie dance again. She’d stopped dancing with him and even for herself after their baby.
“Let’s take these shoes off, how about? So you can walk.” He bent to help her out of the heels. The flowered scent she wore wrapped into his brain bringing back so many memories of being close to her. Of being twined together, wet and sandy, kissing and drowning in each other on that very beach.
“Thanks,” Cassie said.
His hand tightened for a second on her hip, and Brody fought to not pull her into his arms. Reminding himself to behave, he kicked off his sandals and left them beside hers. “Come on. Let’s take that walk. If you want to talk, we can do that too.”
They walked for a long time along the damp sand, soft and gritty underfoot, and through the foamy surf that melted along playing against their feet until they were far from the noise of the party above, where the beach quieted and the sands opened up with the evening tide. An almost-full moon rode high overhead, casting its light over the ocean that moved in and out in a rhythm established before time itself.
Brody took a deep breath and started to speak, but Cassie beat him to it. “I, um… I wanted to say I’m sorry. For the way things ended between us.”
“Me too, Cassie. I’m sorry. For so much of it.”
“Don’t.” Cassie stopped to stand in front of him. She forced herself to meet his eyes and speak the truth. They both needed the truth so they could begin fresh and move forward. “You… you didn’t deserve any of that. You were only trying to help me. I’m the one who used everything I knew to shove you away.”
Brody shoved his hands into his pockets. “I didn’t know how to help. I was so lost.”
“I know. We both were, but you were trying at least, when all I wanted to do was give up. I hated you sometimes.”
He looked away as pain washed over his face. “I know you did.”
Cassie closed her eyes tightly to fight off her own agony. God above, it hurt to know that Brody knew that about her. That at times she had almost hated him. Taking a deep breath, she continued. “I hated you for shoving green smoothies under my nose, making me eat when I didn’t want to, forcing me to go on walks. For making me live again when all I wanted to do was give up. But instead of doing either, I shut you out and buried myself in work to cope.”
Brody only stood there, shaking his head in frustration. “You weren’t a quitter. I couldn’t let you be.”
“I know that. Now. I’m sorry I didn’t then, but I know it now. It’s taken me a long time to begin to heal and see clearly again.”
“I’m sorry too. For giving up and letting you walk away from me. It was never what I wanted. I just couldn’t figure out how to make it better anymore. You were so mad at me all the time.”
Cassie stepped closer to him and laid a hand on his handsome face filled with so much torment. Wrapped up in her own misery during that time, she had missed Brody’s because he’d hid it so well while trying to help her. “You didn’t deserve that anger. Nothing you did was worth what I did to you. I was so mad at myself. For not taking better care and being so sick. For the fact that I couldn’t stop working — or worse, wouldn’t at that point. I took it all out on you.”
Defeated, Brody sat on the sand and pulled Cassie down next to him. He held her hand as he stared across the water and dragged a hand through his hair. “You did nothing wrong, baby. The doctor… you know the statistics he said.”
“I know,” Cassie’s voice broke. “It didn’t help or change anything in my heart. I’m so sorry for what I did to you. To us.”
The water rolled toward them, calming in its steady rhythm. Brody’s arm came up to wrap around her shoulders and hold her closer.
Cassie knew it was just as Brody said. The doctors had laid out in black and white for them that one in four pregnancies would spontaneously terminate during the first trimester, sometimes even after for whatever reason. Women lost babies all the time. Those facts hadn’t made it any easier to bear, just as Cassie knew they had probably brought no comfort to any woman who had ever lost a child.
That time had been so horrible. From the moment the spotting started and she’d woken Brody up in New York to all the days they had waited afterward while Cassie stayed on bedrest per doctor’s orders. The two of them trying to stay positive and work through the boredom of having to rest. But Cassie had known through it all that her body was losing, failing to save their baby. The proof had been there every time she had gone to the bathroom and the bleeding had been worse.
They sat in silence, watching the water while Brody held her. Every now and then, a tear would slip down her face for the missing pieces of her life — for this man who had done everything for her and their child lost to heaven.
Brody had been one to help Cassie heal from a broken past. He’d supported her and shown her in the best way possible that it was okay to be a strong woman with a big dream – to even be able to open up and share that with someone else while it was just them, and he had looked so excitedly toward their future together when life blessed them with a baby. And when it had all been lost, Brody had only tried to do what he did best — care for Cassie to help her heal again. Now her heart broke all over again when she thought about how he had suffered just as much.
Brody broke the silence. “Part of me hates them for picking this place to get married.”
“I do too. I’m happy for them, I really am, but at the same time, I hate that it’s here. When you brought me here… it meant so much.” It’s where I knew I loved you. Cassie couldn’t bring herself to say those words.
Guiding her head to rest on his shoulder, Brody leaned his head against hers and laid back, taking Cassie with him. “I always pictured us getting married here.”
“Here? You never said anything.” About marriage. How had she never known that he had been that serious? They had only talked about it casually, like something they might do much further in the future, since both of them were swamped with work.
“I was going to ask you to marry me.”
“You were?” She tried to sit up to see him, but Brody held her still.
The deep breath he took more of a shudder. “I kept waiting. Wanted to have you feeling better and not be so sick with the baby. I should have asked you. Maybe if I had, we wouldn’t have broken.”
There was nothing she could say. All the pain that was still there coursed through her and left her shattered. Keeping her arms tight around, Cassie held him back.
“Stay with me here for a bit. Let me hold you. Just hold you.” Brody sounded so exhausted.
Exhausted herself from the past and the confession of facing her truth, Cassie let Brody hold her. The simple fact was that it mirrored Cassie’s own feelings —she needed him just as much. The stars floating above them, the cushion of the sand below, and the sound of the ocean drifted in and out surrounded them with its own special healing. Like dissolving into the mist.