Chapter 34
Brody lifted his head to look back and check on Cassie. The fun and simple pleasures in life were coming back for them both. Laughter came easier and easier the more time he and Cassie spent together, tentative and careful like a slow first dance between almost strangers. But the way Brody saw it, they were courting each other this time in an oddly poetic way the past few days.
He’d leave her flowers here and there, sometimes with a note or romantic saying, or sometimes he’d be lucky enough to whisper it in her ear in person. Then she would slip a note in his pocket later when no one was watching. They’d taken walks together on the paths around the house or along the beach, talking and sharing with each other what they’d missed in their months apart.
And Brody slept with Cassie.
Not in the way he so desperately wanted. They weren’t ready for that, but they’d stolen small naps on their secret patio, and once late in the night, she’d fallen asleep in his arms while they were talking. Rather than move her, Brody had just gotten a blanket out of his room and made them both comfortable. The patio sofa was more than big enough for two and positioned for privacy. He’d gotten to wake up to Cassie pressing kisses down his neck as his body throbbed for her.
This morning, Brody found a note under his door asking if she could take him sailing today. She’d added a heart symbol and drawn a smiling sun in lieu of a signature. How could a man resist that? So here they were, out on the blue sparkling water together.
Motoring far enough out of the marina and cove to be able to set the sail, Brody left Cassie manning the helm, sunglasses on against the dazzling glare and head tilted up to the sun above. She’d tied a pretty blue scarf over her hair, but the edges of its length fluttered in the wind. It had been too long since he was last out on the water, and Cassie had picked a perfect day to make up for it. Arms straining against the brisk wind, Brody winched down the line and locked it into place. Taut, the fabric snapped and filled and he heard Cassie’s cry of surprise when the boat responded, leaping forward to skim over the waves. She’d never been sailing before he’d brought her to The Island before last year, and Brody had had a wonderful time giving her that first pleasure.
There was nothing like your first time. He grinned, making his way back to the pretty picture she made standing at the captain’s wheel dressed in a cute striped tank top, shorts, and boat shoes, neat as a pin as always. He had to seriously work to stomp down the urge to mess her up a bit. Preferably with his hands under her clothes.
“Doing okay?” Resting his hands at Cassie’s hips, Brody braced himself behind her, legs wide to roll with the motion of the ship.
“I’m good. A few more minutes maybe, then you can take over.”
Her smile was sweet as candy, one that no man with a pulse could resist, and he leaned down for a taste. “All right. Don’t overdo it, baby.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
Not having the stamina she used to, Cassie tired faster these days, and the wind today was a bit wild and fast, making holding the wheel steady a drain on the muscles. Brody had been so fucking mad when he learned how sick Cassie had been — that she’d let herself get that run down. He could feel the bones at her hips, and her ribs were way more prominent than they should have been. He blamed no one but himself. Guilt racked him at how his pride had gotten the better of him over the last few months and how many times he had refused to talk or even stay in the room if Cassie’s name came up. He’d always left rather than deal with the hell of trying to talk about her. If he’d known… well, Brody didn’t know what he would have done. Probably something stupid like hunt her down, toss her over his shoulder, and drag her off somewhere to get better.
Wrapping his arms around her, Brody held Cassie tightly. It was time for both of them to let go of the guilt and regrets in order to be able to focus on finding each other again. That didn’t mean, however, that a man couldn’t take care of his woman in the little ways. A surprise lunch was packed with all sorts of high-calorie foods he’d sweet-talked out of the house chefs. They’d even put in an extra few special treats Brody was hoping Cassie would let him kiss off her lips later.
Her head angled up to him again. “Thank you for doing this. Taking me sailing. I know we have a long night ahead.”
“We do? Which one is it? Rehearsal dinner or family only party?” Brody couldn’t remember, but he was looking forward to it since it meant more time with Cassie and seeing her dressed up again. None of the parties seemed the hell they had been a few days ago — something to endure and knuckle through.
Three days till the wedding. Three days to win Cassie’s heart again or courting her would have to take place long distance once he was back in Iceland to resume filming. For what might be the first time in his career, Brody regretted having to be so far away.
“It’s the family party tonight.”
His hands closed over hers at the wheel to take some of the strain off her as he held the boat into the wind. “I was wondering, gorgeous, anyone ask you to go with them tonight?”
Cassie’s head fell back, and giggles, bright and infectious, fell out. His laugh joined hers.
He held her tighter with one arm around her waist to add to the persuasion. “I’m serious here. You’re a gorgeous woman. Someone might have asked you out while I was distracted.”
“No.” She was still giggling as his beard now tickled her neck. “No one’s asked me.”
“Good. Wanna go with me?” he whispered in her ear. “Be my official date.”
Cassie’s breath hitched, and she looked up at him. Uncertain. “Officially?”
The question asked so much more. They hadn’t bothered to hide their rekindled relationship, but they also had yet to say anything to their family and friends. They had only shared secret kisses in the dark or stolen moments here and there. A lot of questioning eyebrows were being raised at their renewed friendliness, but so far, everyone had been kind enough not to ask, letting the two of them work it out.
“Yes. Officially. Be my date.”
Her look was one of shyness, sweet and endearing. “I’d really love that.”
“All right. Now, where was I…?” Unable to resist, he went back to work on Cassie’s neck.
Giggling met his ears as he traveled the distance up to her mouth. Deciding the hell with it, Brody lifted her up and settled her in his lap on the captain’s chair. One hand on the wheel and Cassie in his arms made the day fucking perfect with the boat flying over crystal blue water carrying them along.
“What’s all this?” Cassie stared down, a bit dumbfounded.
“This is lunch.” Brody tugged her hand so she would sit with him on the blanket.
At least a half acre of food was laid out at the forward section of the boat. They were currently anchored off the coast of some small island Brody had navigated them to. Sheltered from the wind on this side, he had laid out a picnic complete with champagne, surprising Cassie. They ate with the tropical island and palm trees swaying on one side, the view of the ocean on the other. The day a brilliant blend of warm sea air and bright sun overhead. Brody lifted another sample of cheese-and-fig-stuffed pastry to her mouth.
“This is not lunch, you know.” Cassie felt the need to point it out. “Lunch is usually a little smaller. This is way more food than we need for two people.”
“Maybe I’m hoping we’ll get stranded out here,” Brody said with a wink.
The idea of it made her laugh, head thrown back at his mischief. “No, you don’t. Are you taking care of me again?”
“What if I was? Are you okay with that?”
Leaning in, she pressed a kiss to his cheek and fed him a bite of shrimp ceviche on a pita chip. “Yes. I like it when you take care of me. No one really does, outside of Nathan or Anna. So yes, I like it when you take the time to do all these special things —like try to fatten me back up because you still feel guilty.” The wry smile she gave him said she was on to his game.
There was an angled look at her followed by a short and pithy muttered, “Shit,” showing Cassie she had struck a nerve.
“Brody?” She touched his shoulder so he looked at her. “No more guilt, remember? We promised each other. It means so much that you would do something like this for me, but I’m okay. Better every day, all right? I gained another pound this week. Today was check-in day with my doctor.”
“Look at you. Almost out of the featherweight division and into the lightweight.”
“You, on the other hand? I have to say I like the new look, by the way. Graduated to the really buffed up zone. Your female fans must be in heaven,” Cassie said in appreciation trailing a finger down a well-defined bicep.
Brody had clearly put on some extra muscle and done some special training for the movie he was working on, playing a hero in an invasion plot. His body had always been incredible, but it now showed something else — a more primitive edge that had been sculpted to leave a raw sexiness that Cassie imagined went perfectly with the ragged beard he had shown up with.
Brody gave her a grin and curled an arm to show off. “Ready to carry my girl anywhere. And I only care what one female fan thinks, and that’s you.”
The comment set off another stream of laughter. “You always carried me anyway, and I never fully appreciated all that you did before to take care of me. I was too busy feeling weird about money or other silly things in the beginning.”
“Cassie, come on.” Brody shook his head. “We moved past the money thing, right?”
“We did, for the most part. I just want you to know that all the little things mean as much as the big extravagant things. Like today. So thank you.”
“Like bags of underwear?” His grin was sure and sneaky, trying to lighten the mood. Brody toyed with a piece of her hair that had escaped the wrap. “It always made me smile to make you happy and hear you say you were. How am I doing with you now? How’s this all feel between us?”
“I think we’re doing pretty good. It feels good, doesn’t it?”
“It really does.”
“All right then, let’s enjoy it all.”
Brody leaned in to take her lips, leaving her aching for more than just the gentle caresses of the last two days. “How about, since we’re finished eating, you come take a swim with me around the boat?”
“I don’t have a suit with me. You planning on tossing me in again?” Cassie saw the spark flare in emerald eyes and knew instantly she had just made a huge error.
“Hmmm. A fatal flaw in my otherwise perfect plan. I like your idea better.” Standing, Brody bent and scooped Cassie up before she could gather herself to run.
Walking to the side of the boat, he blatantly ignored her screams of protest. He pulled her shoes off with one hand while he balanced her on the rail and toed off his own as she continued to struggle in arms of steel. It was a losing battle, given the difference in size between them.
“Dammit, Brody, I’m warning you. Don’t you dare.” Her fists beat uselessly on his back. “You can’t manhandle me like this.”
Laughing like a loon, Brody lifted Cassie over the edge with him. “Don’t worry, we’ve got plenty of time to dry off, baby.” And he jumped.
They broke back to the surface with Cassie cursing and Brody laughing like an idiot.
“You stupid ass. What is it with you and trying to drown me?”
“Don’t know. But it sure as hell is good fun.”
Brody stopped laughing long enough to dive. The water went eerily quiet with only the waves lapping around her. Waiting, Cassie madly turned, treading water, trying to see or feel anything, knowing he was down there — somewhere.
Plotting his next move.
Even knowing that particular detail didn’t help matters when something skimmed past her thigh. Cassie screamed and felt it cruise past her on the other side, giving her another jolt.
Hands gripped her waist, and Brody came up in front of her. “Gotcha.”
Not sure whether to trust him or not, Cassie pushed away only to be caught and tugged back on gentle hands as Brody brought her to his waiting lips tasting of sun and salt water.
“Look at that. My pretty little mermaid in the sea. I sure am a lucky guy.”
Cassie grinned despite herself. Brody was back with all the fun and mischief she had fallen in love with. Knowing that she had had a part in it, happiness swamped her like a wave.
“You’re still an idiot.” She laughed shoving his head under the water.
Unfazed, Brody dragged her down with him.
Since she couldn’t reach the ladder to climb back on the boat, Brody boosted Cassie up until she could grab hold. Then he waited for her to climb up before following.
“A good swim, huh?”
Meeting him at the top, Cassie tugged him closer for a kiss. “It was.”
Swimming with Brody had left her feeling warm and fluid, completely turned on and slightly disappointed that he hadn’t tried anything else other than swimming.
Brody patted her backside fondly. “I’m going to dig up towels for us. Be right back.”
He headed off and came back with huge terry cloth wraps. After tossing one to Cassie, he stripped off his shirt and wrung it out to lay it across the deck to dry in the sun before toweling off. Teeth tugging at her lower lip, Cassie made no attempt to hide her admiration of the view standing before her. A dark handsome Sea God with wet jeans riding low.
“What’s got you smiling like that?” Brody asked when he caught her.
“You and your very superior form.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes. Guess it’s only fair that I let you look too.” Cassie shot him a smile before stripping off her shirt, leaving just her bra, and dropped it beside Brody’s.
The look of shock on his face was completely worth it. Brody stood still for a moment before he came over. Cassie’s skin burned where his eyes fell, tracing over her before coming back to lock onto her own. Mesmerized by those depths gone dark with desire, Cassie laid a hand on his bare chest. Her breath caught when she touched him again, the feel of him so strong and firm underneath her fingers. So warm in the sun pouring down.
Hands reached to touch her, and Brody’s head lowered to hers. Cassie waited for the moment, her hand curling on his chest. The waiting turned to disbelief when Brody took the towel and wrapped it over her shoulders instead.
“Wind’s a little fast. Don’t want you to catch a chill, sweetheart.” His voice was low and husky while his hands rested on her. Brody pressed a swift kiss to her forehead.
Cassie turned away, embarrassed by the rejection, and wrapped the towel tighter. She grabbed her shirt and folded herself up on the built-in bench at the back of the boat, all of a sudden feeling like crying and wishing to be anywhere else.
Even though they were back together, he hadn’t done anything beyond kiss her. They had slept together out on the patio, but he hadn’t once slipped his hands anywhere under her clothes or even tried to. She missed the physical part of their relationship more than she wanted to admit out loud.
Staring out over the water, Cassie reminded herself that the two of them had only been back together for a few short days. Expecting things to be just as they were before was silly. She had to be realistic about where they were for right now – at the beginning, starting over. But she still felt as if a part of her was so empty. The situation wouldn’t have bothered her so much except that Brody had always been such a physical guy with her. Not just the sex but the casual touches and caresses just because he could. One of his favorite things had been being skin to skin with her, and his teasing charm had gotten Cassie’s clothes off on many occasions.
She sat there watching the afternoon sun edge its way toward the water, not understanding why Brody refused to touch her.
He’d hurt Cassie somehow and kicked himself for being all kinds of a fool for doing so. She’d whipped off that shirt and the need had hit him so hard and fast, it had almost taken him to his knees. Brody had been so careful to not let his hands stray where they shouldn’t or pressure Cassie in any way, but God, the urge to toss her on the deck and strip the rest of her clothes off was a fight he’d barely won. Covering her up was the only sane thing he could think of, and the hurt look she’d given had cut him to the bone.
Now, she was curled up with her back to him, and he was left standing alone, feeling like some kind of martyred jackass. Swearing under his breath, Brody flung down the rope he was about to raise for the sail, went to sit next to her, and swore inside again when he tried to put an arm around Cassie and she stiffened like a board.
Solving the matter, he pulled her back and wrapped her in his arms.
“I’m warm enough now. You can let me go,” she said stiffly, trying to get his arms off.
“I’m cold. Stay put.” That was a blatant lie. He could probably power a small third world country with the heat being generated by pure lust. Only Cassie could make him burn this hot. “Come here. I’m sorry. Think I went a little crazy seeing you again, without a shirt on.”
“Too skinny, huh?” Even though Cassie tried to make light of it, Brody could hear the hurt rejection in her voice. Her hands picked nervously at the edges of her towel as she stared out, unseeing. “Sorry. I know I don’t look like I used to.”
He only held her tighter and laid his head against hers, praying for strength. “God, no, that’s not it. Not it at all.” Only with Cassie could he fuck up so badly. Tilting her face up to his, Brody waited until she looked at him. “You take my breath away. You’re beautiful.”
“Then why won’t you touch me?”
The question left him looking at her like a deer blinking in the headlights. He hadn’t pressed her for anything beyond simple kisses since they got back together and had deliberately kept it that way between them for a couple of reasons. One of which was obvious — Cassie wasn’t one hundred percent healthy yet. Frankly, the physical need was so bad, Brody worried about hurting her when that moment finally happened between them again.
The other… well. That one was going to be a lot harder to talk about, and he wasn’t sure they were ready to face it yet.
“I do touch you,” he said, trying to reassure her. “Don’t think I’ve stopped touching you since we kissed that morning.”
“No, you don’t. Not like you used to.” Unable to meet his eyes, Cassie shook her head. The look on her face showed nothing except nerves and uneasiness with him, something Brody never wanted his woman to feel. “It’s nothing. Forget it.”
“Baby, it’s not nothing. Come on. You just said earlier things between us feel good. We’re not good, not if you feel you need to ask me that.”
“Damn it. You still see through everything,” Cassie whispered.
“It’s a gift. Talk to me so we can be more than good together. Please?”
“I-I just… you seem to not want to touch me… you know… everywhere. Like you used to. When we kiss… I can feel it. I can feel how much you want to, but then… you don’t. You always stop. As much as I love kissing you, it’s not the same as before… when you wanted me.” Cassie whipped a tear away.
Brody forced her eyes back to him, and the hurt in those pretty hazel eyes undid him. “Look who else sees through things.” Tenderly smoothing back red hair still tangled from the sea, he brushed a soft kiss against those perfect pink lips. “Course I do. I always want you, sweetheart. Since the moment you first fell into my arms and I almost did something crazy like kiss you right then and there. I’ve always wanted you. Even when we were apart, I wanted you. There was no other woman I could bring myself to touch. They were never you.”
“Then how come, now… why won’t you?”
Brody closed his eyes for a second. Whatever he thought about this new time between them, he was somehow making her hurt again, so he took a deep breath. It was time to come clean so they could both move forward.
He dragged a hand through his hair in frustration. “Cassie, I want to. You have no idea how much I do. I just… dammit, somehow I got it in my head that it seemed better to wait, to take this thing slower between us this time.” He brushed his knuckles down the side of Cassie’s face then across her shoulder. “We rushed things so fast the first time around. And after…” He stopped. The pain was less than it had been but still there nonetheless. “Afterward… it was so hard for you to let me touch you and we fought so much. God, I needed you so much. Not for sex — I just needed you to want me again in that way. To want me near you at all. Every time I thought things were better and tried… you barely let me hold your hand at times.”
Cassie took his hand and pressed a kiss to the palm. “I’m sorry. For after our baby. It was so hard.” Her beautiful eyes filled and spilled over. “I should have let you touch me. Part of me needed you to touch me, and I just couldn’t with all the pain. Instead, I turned you away. Hurt you more by doing so.”
Unable to bear seeing her cry, Brody smoothed them away. Took her lips with his and spoke between kisses, seducing her deeper and deeper with each one. “Shhh… we agreed, remember? No more guilt. No more regrets, baby. We have each other again. That’s all that matters, okay?”
Cassie nodded and smiled at him, shy and sweet. “I understand now. Why you would want to be so careful. With me. With us. I’m glad that you want that for us.” Laying her head on his shoulder, she snuggled in. “I know we have to go back soon, but will you hold me, just for a little while?”
“Course I will. My favorite thing in the world — holding you. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. We have another chance with each other. I’m just trying not to screw it up.”
Long minutes passed as he held her before Cassie gave in fully and relaxed like rain water melting over him. The boat rocked lightly in the waves as Brody gave thanks for the gift of having her back. They were back at the start, and with time, they would work it back to what they had — maybe this time, they would be something even better.
Taking a deep breath, Brody shifted and pulled back to look at her. “Cassie, you mean everything to me. I didn’t want you to feel pressured to be with me that way. I should have said something to you about it.”
His hand went farther down to pull the towel off her shoulder, continuing until the back of his hand moved over a curve of breast and cupped her fully. Brody smiled at Cassie’s sharply indrawn breath. Her nipple tightened when a seeking thumb moved in a slow circle around it, imprinting like a brand through the thin material of her bra.
Leaning in, he said low and deep in her ear, “Don’t ever feel like I don’t want you. I promise you, baby, when we’re both ready, I definitely want to rip your clothes off and have you wrapped around me like magic, calling out my name while I have my wicked way with you.”
Cassie gasped, her mouth falling open as his thumb wandered again, seeking and testing just to see her eyes darken in response. His own response was just as fast and dark.
Breathless words fell from pretty pink lips. “Maybe you could put your hands on me a little bit more? I promise I won’t mind.”
“Yeah? Come here then, and let me get my hands on you.”
Brody lowered his mouth to hers as he pressed Cassie back on the bench, giving into the madness of his need for her, letting his mouth dive deep before traveling over beautiful skin, and he tugged aside her damp bra to feast. Close to a year’s worth of longing went into that moment when his mouth closed on perfection, and Cassie raised up higher to meet him, back arching like a bow. She melted with her fingers tangling in his hair, her moan of pleasure music to his ears.