Present
The late afternoon sun beats down on my back, causing sweat to bead across my forehead. I dig into the soft dirt, placing a bulb into the hole and covering it with a firm pat. I wish it were this easy to bury my past. But just like the flowers that bloom in the spring, so do my memories.
Trying to push Linc out of my life for good has been one failed attempt after another. He’d been just as relentless then as he is now. I’m surprised he’s stayed away this long.
Down on all fours, with my hands covered in dirt, his voice washes over my heated skin, making me even hotter. “Got anything cold to drink? My helper forgot to load the water cooler this mornin’ and I’m all out of Gatorade.”
I straighten, bringing a cupped hand over my brow.
Tall and imposing, the noon sun beams brightly behind him, casting a shadow across his face, but I have no problem taking in the rest of him. Broad shoulders stretch the fabric of his sweaty T-shirt, clinging to him like a second skin. My eyes fall to his waist where dirty blue jeans hang from his hips in such a way I’m forced to swallow back a sigh.
“Dyin’ here, Sylvie.”
My God, me too.
Dropping my shovel, I push to my feet and dust off my knees. “Sure, follow me.”
The other two bids I had for the repairs were much higher than Bradley’s Construction. So against my better judgment, and in favor of my budget, I’d gone with his quote. I’d politely requested someone else to do the work. I knew Linc and I would be forced to deal with our past eventually, but I’m still not ready.
Unfortunately, these two are all he has available right now. I know he is full of shit but what can I do.
This is Linc’s way of making me deal with him.
They’ve been here the last three days working on the roof. I’ve been at work the majority of the time but with it being Saturday, and my day off, it’s unavoidable.
I can feel his eyes on me as we make our way into the house.
Close.
Close enough to smell the sweat mixed with dirt and hard work. Close enough to feel the heat of his presence mingling with mine. Close enough to feel the pull that has always been there, hidden beneath the surface, dragging us both under.
I open the refrigerator door, grateful for the cool air greeting my warm skin. Reaching for two bottles of water, I set them on the counter. “Just use the back door and help yourself if you need more.” A chuckle, low and throaty, rumbles from his mouth, and I lift my eyes to his. Amusement crinkles in the corners, making him look older.
Wiser.
“What?” I ask.
He shakes his head with a soft laugh this time. Twisting the cap off, he tosses it onto the counter and lifts the bottle to his lips. His throat bobs with each swallow, sweat rolling down his tan neck before disappearing underneath his damp T-shirt. My mouth waters to taste him. My hands itch to touch. I reach for the cross around my neck, closing my eyes on a small sigh.
His deep laughter fills the room. It vibrates against my skin, electrifying my blood. “You okay?” he asks, and my eyes fly open.
He’s standing right in front of me now, a reckless smile showing off a row of perfect white teeth. That smile has my knees wobbling so I bring my hands behind me to brace myself.
“Fine,” I say, but it comes out all breathy and wrong.
I am so not fine.
“You’re nervous.” He takes a step closer, as if this kitchen weren’t small enough. I hate how easy it is for him to read me. I can’t hide anything from him; no matter how hard I try.
“How much longer do you have on the roof?” I shove out, nearly breathless. His closeness has such an effect on me, and it’s not only exhilarating but also completely unnerving.
“Eager to get rid of me?” He reaches out to touch me, and I flinch. His hand hangs midair while his eyes hold mine then he pulls a small leaf from my hair, bringing it in front of my face to show me before leaning forward. I stand motionless, completely overwhelmed by him. The smell of sweat and desire swirling like a tornado between us, bound for destruction. He dips his head, inhaling deeply. My nipples tighten in response.
“Linc.”
His eyes hold mine, captivating me. “Why are you fightin’ this so much? I know you want this. I know you want me just as much as I want you.”
“Because I don’t deserve it,” I whisper.
I’ll never deserve this man in front of me. I’ve dreamed about our one and only kiss so many nights, praying someday my lips would have the pleasure of knowing his again.
Of being his.
The thought brings on so much guilt and shame it’s nearly suffocating.
He looks deep into my eyes; searching the parts of me only he can see.
“Mama?”
Caroline’s voice breaks our heated stare as Linc spins in place. “Sweet Caroline,” he breathes, setting his bottle down on the counter and rushing over to her. He hasn’t seen her in over a year but time stands still in my kitchen as she reaches her arms up to him, a look of pure joy radiating from her face.
“Linc!” He kneels in front of her, wrapping my baby in his strong arms. A small sob forces its way out of my mouth even though I do everything I can to hold it back.
“God, I’ve missed you,” he says, my heart aching at the softness in his voice.
“I’ve missed you, too,” she says into his neck.
“You’ve grown a foot taller since the last time I saw you.” Caroline pulls away, still beaming.
I haven’t seen her smile like that since…
“I’ve actually grown a foot and a quarter,” she states proudly. “Why haven’t you been to see us?” She frowns.
Linc tenses as he looks over his shoulder at me then back at her. “Your Mama needed some time for just you and her. But I’m back now. And I’m not goin’ anywhere this time, sweetheart.”
Caroline’s smile is so bright and so big; I have a hard time containing my own. After another hug, he stands up. “I gotta get back to work, but we’ll catch up soon, okay?”
“Okay,” she replies.
Linc doesn’t even spare me a second glance before he walks out the back door.
“Mama, are you okay?” Caroline asks, taking my hand in hers. I stare out the window, watching him brace his hands on the side of the truck, his head hanging between his rigid shoulders. The sight of him hurting is a familiar one. This is what we’ve become.
Pain and heartache.
Longing and need.
“Yes, baby, I’m fine.”
I hate lying to her but what am I supposed to say? The only man I’ve ever loved with all of my heart is here to stay, and I’m not sure how to feel about that. Right now, I want to run into his arms and forget the past seven years ever even happened, but when I look down at my daughter, the real love of my life, I know that will never be possible. No matter how bad the last few years have been, I can’t regret a single day of my life with Dean, because without him, I wouldn’t have her.