Past
A few weeks later, Rachel and I are getting ready for a party at her house. I’m still mourning my lost chance to tell Linc how I feel but I continue to remind myself that it’s for the best.
“C’mon, Rach,” I whine again, stomping my foot.
She’s been teasing her hair to high heaven for more than thirty minutes now. The brown locks are more than perfect. The barrel curls falling flawlessly down her back.
“Hold your horses,” she says, smearing on some of her favorite nude gloss. She gives her hair one final coif before grabbing her purse. Then we hop inside her Honda Civic and drive to the edge of town.
“You’re tellin’ him tonight, right?” Rachel asks.
“Rachel,” I warn.
My hope has been crushed, devastated by fate’s blow. I’d decided being just friends is best for both of us. It’s safe. And the only absolute guarantee that I won’t lose him.
Rachel disagrees.
“He’s a guy, Sylvie, not a mind reader.”
“I don’t want it to change things between us.”
“Things have already changed. Ever since prom there’s been tension between you two, and it’s a little awkward. It’s upsetting the dynamic of the group.”
“Oh, my bad,” I say with a sarcastic laugh.
“You know what I mean. Have you seen the way he looks at you? You can see it all over his face. One of you needs to bite the bullet and just say it already before I lose my damn mind.”
Looking out my window as we arrive, I see cars parked everywhere. Field parties happen often in Grandeur, there’s not much else to do with time to waste and lots of open space. Usually, it’s just people we go to school with, but it’s my birthday, and Nelson, the guy responsible for planning these things, used that as an excuse to have a blowout. There are cars parked everywhere when we arrive. Some from three counties over.
“Holy shit!” I gasp when I spot a tag from Clarke County.
That’s an hour away.
“Nelson wasn’t bullshitting, was he?” Rachel is as shocked as I am. “Who are all of these people? And why would they come to a birthday party for someone they don’t even know?”
“They know Nelson, that’s enough I suppose.” Rachel shrugs. “You ready?”
I give her a nod and a smile as we exit the car.
Jeans are mandatory attire if you want to survive the mosquitos out here, but tonight I paired them with a tank top and flip flops to ward off the heat.
We greet people on our way to the circle of tailgates. There are probably twenty or more pickup trucks here tonight, whereas usually there is only about ten or less. And there must have been at least a hundred people standing around.
This is insane.
We spot Linc’s Ford right away.
“Ladies!” Will shouts as we approach, hopping down from the truck.
As usual, Linc is surrounded by people. Mostly girls. One girl in particular. She is constantly flirting with Linc. The other girls don’t stand a chance when Adele Hiller is around.
But then his eyes lift to mine and that incredible smile of his makes my belly dip as he abandons them all, including a sulking Adele, to come to me.
God.
And he looks ridiculously hot in my favorite pair of worn-out jeans, dirty boots, and a gray T-shirt that has been washed so generously.
“I didn’t think you’d ever get here.” He wraps his arms around me, blessing my body with the warmth of his embrace. I’d never be able to explain what his mere presence alone does to me but his hugs are like a warm blanket that was just pulled fresh from the dryer.
“Happy birthday, Syl,” he says in a deep, sexy tone next to my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.
“Thanks.”
He pulls back but doesn’t release me right away. “I got a surprise for you later.” Green eyes shimmer with mischief.
“Oh God, I’m afraid to even ask.”
“Trust me, you’re gonna love it.” He finally lets go, and I have to refrain from sagging with disappointment. “Nelson managed to get his hands on a few kegs. You want a drink?”
“Sure.”
I don’t drink a lot. Actually, I can count on two fingers how many times I’ve been drunk, and neither occasion was pretty. But it’s my birthday and I need something to ease this tight knot in my belly.
“Be right back.”
I glance over to find Rachel and Will, who are wrapped in each other’s arms, whispering quietly in the back of the truck. I am so envious of their relationship, and how good they are for each other. They’ve been together since the sixth grade. What started out as friends became something beautiful and it has always given me hope that I could someday have the same with Linc.
I look away, no longer willing to bear witness to their excessive groping or entertain my stupid dreams.
My eyes scan the crowd, the glow of the fire illuminating a few faces I know, most I don’t. I spot Nelson and some of his buddies standing a few feet away, but there is one guy who immediately captures my attention.
He whispers something in the ear of the girl standing next to him and she giggles, dipping her chin in a flirty way. I smile, wondering what he could have possibly said to make her blush so furiously. She presses a hand to his chest, shoving him away, and he laughs, shaking his head before his eyes lift to catch mine.
His dark, curious gaze holds me hostage as an odd feeling washes over me. Those dangerous eyes frighten me.
Excite me.
No one has ever looked at me with such intensity before. Like I’m a woman. Like he wants me.
Like I’m already his.
The girl says something else, and his imprisoning gaze finally sets me free. I spin away, heat invading my neck and cheeks. Then I turn my attention back to Rachel, who has thankfully let go of Will long enough for me to ask, “Who’s that guy in the black shirt, over there with Nelson?”
They both stretch their necks to get a better look. “Damn, don’t make it obvious, y’all,” I scold, heat blazing beneath my skin.
“Don’t know. Never seen him here before,” Will answers.
“Shit, he’s walking over here,” Rachel says, hopping down from the tailgate. She opens her mouth to speak but it’s too late.
The mysterious guy is already standing in front of me.
His dark brown eyes swing to Rachel before he grins and then brings them right back to me. “Sylvie, right?”
I nod.
How the hell does he know my name?
“Happy birthday,” he says, stuffing his hands into his pockets and rocking on his heels.
Rachel and I share a look before I mutter a polite, “Thank you?”
“I’m the one who should be thanking you, actually.” His voice is warm and deep, causing my belly to dip.
“Thank me for what?” I’m completely confused now.
“For taking care of my baby sister a few weeks ago. Nelson told me.”
“Dani’s your sister?”
She transferred here from New York last year. We met once at a party a few weeks back and she was drunk off her ass, puking behind a tree. I held her hair back for her until the guy she was with finally stepped in to take care of her.
But it hadn’t been this guy.
He lifts his chin, and when he does, I take a moment to appreciate his sharp jaw and scruffy face.
“Oh, it was nothing. I didn’t mind at all,” I say, waving my hand back and forth. “We’ve all been there.”
Why am I so nervous? I never get nervous around guys.
Well, except one guy.
But this is different.
His brown eyes seem hauntingly familiar, but I know we’ve never met. I would remember meeting someone as good-looking as him.
The grin holding court on his face won’t let up, but I want to see his teeth. See if they are straight or as crooked as his smile.
Linc returns, handing me a blue solo cup full of foamy beer. “Why are your cheeks so red?” His brow wrinkles in the middle as his curious eyes roam my face.
I flush again, fumbling for my words. “Oh, um…Linc, this is…I’m sorry, what’s your name again?”
The stranger finally smiles, a full on smile showing me a row of white teeth. But, as suspected, they are not perfect. There’s one that is kicked in to the side just a tiny bit and it only adds to his alarming appeal.
“Dean.” He extends his hand. “Dean Winters.”
Linc steps forward, giving him a firm shake. “Linc Matthews,” he replies, then retreats back, draping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me in close to his side.
Dean cocks his head, the confused look on his face matching mine I’m sure. An uncomfortable silence hangs between us before Dean clears his throat. “Well, thanks again, Sylvie.” His eyes hold mine. “Hope you have a great birthday.”
Linc grunts and I elbow him in the ribs. “Nice to meet you, Dean.”
With a nod to Rachel, Dean completely ignores Linc and walks away.
“What the hell was that about?” I ask, shoving Linc’s arm from my shoulder.
He has the nerve to look surprised. “What?”
“You know what.” I snap.
“I’ve heard about that guy,” Linc says. “He’s trouble.”
“You know as well as I do you can’t believe everything you hear in this town.”
“Yeah, well, everything I’ve heard is nothin’ good. Stay away from him, Sylvie.”
I blink at the demanding tone of Linc’s voice and open my mouth to tell him off but I’m interrupted. “Hey, Matthews, grab your guitar. Let’s crank this party up,” Nelson shouts.
The crowd raises their drinks in unison and the music blaring from a nearby truck fades out.
Linc grabs his old Gibson from the cab of his truck. It’s scarred and discolored because he carries it everywhere with him, but it is tuned to perfection.
Pushing aside my annoyance with him, I smile. I love hearing him sing. It’s my favorite sound in the whole wide world. He props half of his behind on the edge of the tailgate and rests the base of the guitar on his upper thigh.
He tosses me one of those special smiles he only reserves for me before addressing the crowd. “What’ll it be?”
“‘Waylon,’” Nelson bellows.
And the crowd cheers in agreement.
Linc nods, strumming his guitar. He makes a few minor adjustments before he begins to pick the familiar melody. The crowd loves this one. Linc first started singing at these parties last year. Said he needed to practice singing in front of people if he’s ever going to stand on a big stage and do it for real. He was nervous at first but it didn’t take him long to get comfortable.
He’s a natural.
The crowd lets him have the verse but they always join in at the chorus. This is a fun one to sing, but I love it best when Linc sings ballads. His deep, mesmerizing voice has a way of bringing me to my knees.
He closes his eyes, losing himself in the words.
Music is his life.
His passion.
I want to be that passionate about something.
Anything.
I still have no idea what I even plan to do after graduation. I want to go to college, but I have no idea what I want to study. I want to travel, but I have no means to do so.
He finishes the song and everyone goes nuts. He’s already a star. A wheat field star, but a big, bright shining star all the same.
His mischievous eyes swing to mine. “So, today’s my girl’s birthday,” he announces, and the hoots and hollers ensue. I love it when he calls me that, even though I’m not really his, not the way I wish I were anyway.
“Happy birthday, Sylvie!” Nelson hollers, and everyone echoes his sentiment. My cheeks flame with embarrassment as I shuffle on my feet, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
“Whatcha wanna hear, Syl?”
I shrug, hating when he puts me on the spot like this.
“I think you know this one,” Linc says with a wink, finding the chords he needs. A gasp falls from my lips when he begins to play the song he sang to me on the Ferris wheel. The song we danced to at prom.
But Linc’s version is so much better.
The crowd doesn’t dare sing along with this one, the powerful words paired with Linc’s voice leave everyone in awe of him.
Once he finishes, everyone goes crazy. I stand there with my mouth gaping, completely blown away.
Laying his guitar down on the tailgate, he wraps me in his warm arms, my cheek to his chest. “Happy birthday, Syl.”
Moments like this give me hope. Maybe someday he will want to be more than friends. Maybe someday he will finally tell me how he feels, if he feels anything more at all.
But what if someday never comes?
I open my eyes, seeking a distraction from my confusing thoughts. And there it is, standing just a few feet away, arresting brown eyes and a tempting smile only add to my inner turmoil.