Chapter Twenty-eight
Madison
My stomach churned. It’d taken years for Patricia St. James to hone her daughter into the polished, professional everybody saw when I stepped onto the catwalk. But I still suffered stage fright every time.
It was stupid that my knees went weak at this, after everything that’d happened in my life in the last few weeks. I hadn’t seen Cole since he’d left at the start of the month. Jess had been in touch with him, but we’d reached an unspoken pact not to talk about him. It was still too raw.
At least with Jess, I had found a measure of inner peace to wrap around the void Cole left behind. I willed away the dull ache in my chest that accompanied my thoughts whenever Cole came to mind. Which was all too often.
I’d had plenty of time to think things over. Logan had called me into his office on that first Monday—post-Cole—to fire me.
“Your mother’s cutting off my allowance.” He’d been bitter. As if he’d actually done anything to earn it in the first place. “But I’ll get a bonus payment if I let you go.”
I had snorted indelicately. “My mother’s going to pay you a bonus?”
“Yes, but only if I fire you.”
That was when reality had hit. I had slumped into a chair, wondering when the fuck I was going to catch a break.
“Shit. Logan.” I’d scrambled for a way out. “I thought we were friends? At least let me keep the job.”
“And I thought you were my fiancée,” he’d said. “Sorry, Madison. I can’t go without any money and all things considered, your mother’s paying me well to cut you off.” He’d cleared his throat, shuffling his feet awkwardly as I had glared at him. “But…” He’d rolled his eyes as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was about to do. “But I didn’t say anything about not writing you a good reference, or helping you get another position.” The beginnings of his trademark grin had emerged.
I had gratefully taken him up on his offer. I hadn’t managed to find a new job yet, but with Logan’s help, I’d succeeded in securing a couple of interviews. It was a start.
And as much as my mother had postured and growled and worked with Logan to get me fired, she hadn’t completely abandoned me either. Money had turned up in my bank account a few days later. Patricia had heard about Cole leaving no doubt, and figured I had finally come to my senses.
I hadn’t told her otherwise. I wasn’t fool enough to ignore the money and mother hadn’t pressed me about returning home. Augmented by Jess’s portion of the rent, I should be able to manage financially, for a while at least.
My attention turned back to the gap in the curtains and I held back the queasiness in my belly. A sea of faces gawked in my direction, waiting for the show. The audience only saw the final polish of the finished performance—they’d never see the frantic activity behind the curtains; the tangle of long-limbs struggling into tight designer clothes, the hot smell of lights and make-up and dry cleaning chemicals.
Turning away, I caught sight of my reflection in one of the mirrors. I eyed myself critically. My make-up was flawless. Eyes smoky-hot, highlighted with bronze, while my lashes were long and lustrous, thick-crusted with mascara. The gown fit me perfectly, a cloud of black and gold dreams. Not that I cared how I looked. Tonight, not even exquisite clothes could deliver a much-needed boost of confidence.
Don’t think about him. For the thousandth time, I hauled my thoughts back from Cole.
We’d been doomed from the start. He’d been my rebound guy. That was what I was telling myself. One last little white lie to ease me through the pain.
Except somewhere along the line, I’d fallen in love. Cole was everything I’d been missing in my previous shallow existence. He was proud of who he was, right or wrong. He stood up for what he believed in. For those he believed in. He didn’t let anyone tell him who he was, because he already knew.
Cole Langford. The one man who would never be able to reciprocate my feelings for him. Cole would never love me the way I needed to be loved. The way he had taught me it could be. Unrelenting. Passionate. Real.
“Hey. You’re up next.”
I jumped as one of the assistants touched my arm and pointed at the starting position on the catwalk. No time left for nerves. Ignoring the mutters of protest from behind me, I took an extra moment to center myself.
Three…two…one…
I pulled up a smile and walked out on stage.
There were scattered gasps of appreciation from the crowd. My smile broadened, my nerves ebbing away as I settled into my practiced walk, sashaying to the end of the catwalk. There, I stopped and executed a slow turn, sweeping the full fabric of my skirt around so it would catch the light. Impulsively, I hammed it up, blowing a kiss into the crowd. A man in the front row caught it and everyone laughed as he clutched my kiss to his heart before throwing it back.
One more pose and I pivoted to begin my return walk.
My eyes collided with Jess’s. In the audience? Two rows back. And beside Jess…
The blood drained from my face. Cole. Angry Cole, with an icy expression full of hatred. I stumbled slightly, my legs threatening to give way. His lips compressed and he looked like he wanted to yank me off the stage.
Wrenching away my gaze was impossible. Despite his obvious anger, I wanted to drink in my fill, memorize every inch of his face and hold it close. All too soon, I swept past and stumbled down the steps backstage.
Cole. Here? The knowledge should have terrified me. So why did I suddenly feel lighter, less nervous? From the moment I had laid eyes on him, something inside me had settled and felt right.
That he hated me so much was shattering.
I squashed the thought firmly back into a dark, secret place. I only had a few moments to change and pull myself together before I had to go back out. Later, I could deal with my heart being broken all over again.
“Madison?” One of the assistant’s bustled over with the next dress for me to wear.
I drew a deep breath and squared my shoulders. Instead of diving into the nearest clothes rack to hide, I stripped off the beautiful gown and got ready to go out on stage. Put on a show.
Every time I walked out, I could feel his presence in the room—a hum in the air louder than the buzz of excitement from the crowd.
The good thing about seeing Cole? At least I wasn’t suffering from stage fright anymore.