Chapter Twenty-five
Madison
It was hard enough thinking about seeing my mother…doing it was another step entirely. Yet, my panic died down as I stood across the study from her. I took a deep breath, clutching my hands together to hide the slight tremble.
Patricia St. James looked up, her eyes sharp and biting. “So, tell me what is happening with you and Logan Hamilton?”
“I’m not marrying Logan.” I stood steady as my mother’s lips tightened into a thin line.
“You don’t think I know that already?” She sniffed and leaned back in her chair. “You are my only child, Madison. Of course I know exactly what you have been doing.”
Doing? My gaze swept the room, looking for a way out as a dark knot of foreboding gathered at the base of my spine.
“Which is why I’ve taken steps to secure our future against Cole Langford.” My mother confirmed my worst fears.
Logan. Logan had ratted me out. My heart thudded dully, my knees suddenly weak.
Unlike my mother’s expression, which was rock-steady. Her mouth might have turned downward in a show of sympathy, but there was little comfort there. “Some people are born to be stars, my dear. Cole is not one of them. He is not for you.”
I stared back, my mouth opening and closing at my mother’s flippant dismissal of Cole. No discussion. No dispute. My mother’s judicious declaration as she saw it.
Oh. I had no doubt she believed what she said. Cole wasn’t good enough? What would she know? Somewhere along the way, my mother had lost sight of the meaning of life. Of love. Of genuine happiness.
It didn’t come with a price tag.
“You don’t know him.” I refused to back down. Not from this. I lifted my chin as I made myself face the truth about my mother for the first time. I wanted to be a good daughter. I wanted to make her happy, but I wasn’t going to settle for less than something real. True love.
“But I do know you.” Her air of confidence grew.
Blood pounded through my head in a hollow warning. My mother was up to something. Her chilling smile spread and so did the chill down my spine. I should have known. My mother had planned my entire life down to the wedding march—no way did she not have a plot to combat an uncooperative daughter. My gut tightened. I felt stupid. Under-prepared. Naive. I should’ve known it would never be this easy.
“Exactly what I said.” She glanced back down at her notes, as if she had the solution all laid out in some business portfolio.
The first tingle of anger stirred in my belly.
“Russell Langford came to see me some time ago about a delicate situation with Cole’s new development,” she said, placing her hands in front of her. “As a patron of the preservation society, he needed my help. Of course, after learning of your relationship with Cole, I thought it prudent to lend my support.” Her smile tightened as she stared across the desk at me. “So far it is in my best interests to help Russell Langford. However, if you back away now…I may consider withdrawing it.”
“May consider?” Nausea rose in my throat and I pressed my fingers against my mouth. “What kind of support?
“The kind that will ultimately bury Cole.” My mother pulled no punches as she spelled it out. “I will destroy his business. I will destroy him.”
Every breath scraping across my lungs like razors. The ramifications spun around my brain. So this is what it came down to. Stay in my relationship with Cole and my mother would take part in ruining his life. Return to the fold like a good little lamb, and Mother would sheath her dagger.
I sagged against the door, all of my earlier confidence torn apart with her knowing smile. I’d deluded myself in thinking there was a choice. My mother was never going to let me go.
“I won’t marry Logan.” I met Patricia’s steely expression with the last of my reserves of courage.
My mother considered me for a moment before inclining her head. “Yes. I may have been hasty in forming an alliance with him.” She leaned forward. “But, of course, you will be required to move home. Immediately.”
I hadn’t expected any less. I choked back my refusal, knowing it would do no good. There weren’t any winning options here. Either way, Cole was lost to me. I destroyed his business or destroyed his trust. In the end, it amounted to the same thing.
In the end, I could never have the one thing I wanted.
Cole.
Patricia’s expression softened with the certainty of success. She’d trained me to acquiesce to her every whim, to always be the good girl. I clenched my hands behind my back, relishing the bite of my nails in my palms to root me to the spot. Anger welled. Hot, bitter anger spilling from a place deep inside me. My mother appeared sad. Sorry that she’d had to do this to her daughter. It was bullshit. All I could see was false contrition couched as caring.
Just like the day with Logan when I’d finally seen the truth, I stared past the well put-together mask into the brutal, egocentric reality that was my mother. I wasn’t scared for her fragile state of mind any longer. That had been a convenient lie I had let myself believe.
Anger at myself filled me, stiffening my spine. Getting to know Cole and Jess and the adversity they had faced, I was ashamed to realize how much of a coward I’d been. I’d allowed my mother to lead me through life because I had lacked the backbone to do it for myself.
Making my mother happy had always made my life seem better. Go against her and the repercussions had been swift and often painful. It’d been easier to go with the flow. Follow the rules. Suck up to the people who held the power.
“But not this time.” I took a step forward.
“Pardon?” Mother looked up sharply. Her brows pulled together.
“I said. Not. This. Time. Mom.” I met my mother’s gaze, knowing my eyes were as hard and steady as the ones I faced. “I’m taking my life back. You can do what you like. With Logan. With Russell. With…Cole. I-I don’t care anymore.” I drew in a breath, refusing to react to the perfect ‘O’ of shock on my mother’s face. “I love you, Mom, but if you go ahead with your plans to ruin Cole, you risk losing me.”
“Oh, Madison.” My mother’s mouth tipped upward, a shadow of her earlier confidence returning. “You are such a silly thing. I am your mother. I can never lose you.” Her forehead puckered into that familiar worn look. “I gave my life for you. Remember.”
I bit the inside of my cheek against the tug of my heart. “And I’ve more than paid for it. Please. I know life was tough. I get that. You wanted what’s best for me and I love you for it. I do.” I pressed on as my mother’s expression hardened. “You fought for the life you wanted. Now let me live mine.”
“You may not remember Minot, Madison, but I do,” my mother spat out. “Going hungry. The utter despair of having to scrimp for every dollar.”
“Look at your life now.” I swept my hand out to encompass the mansion, the fine fittings, wealth dripping from every fixture. “You can’t tell me you’re scared of poverty. Not now.”
“And what if Robert divorced me. I have sunk every penny of money I have into you, Madison. I have nothing of my own.”
“I know that’s not true.” I shook my head. I’d seen the bank balances, the jewels, the cars in her name. “But it’s never going to be enough, is it Mom. No matter how much you have, you will always want more.”
“You can’t tell me you’re not happy now. After all I’ve given you?”
I stood my ground. “If you knew me at all, you would know the answer to that.”
“Maddy.”
It was a name I hadn’t heard since I was four and I caught a glimpse of the mother I remembered. There had been good times, before my mother cared so much about being noticed.
“I’m doing this for the best,” she said. “I’m doing this for you. For your future.”
And just like that, the mask slipped back over my mother’s face. Cool. Composed. Calculating.
“Who’s best?” I shook my head, sadness weighing at my shoulders. “All I wanted is a mother who loves me as I am. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Don’t threaten me.” Anger sparked in my mother’s eyes as she stood, rounding the desk to stand in front of me. “You know nothing about how life works. You’ve been pampered, sheltered, given only the best. So stop talking nonsense or I will destroy Cole.” Her voice shook slightly, with fear as well as anger.
It was the fear that gave me a spark of hope that she might begin to understand. Not today. But, one day.
“I know,” I said quietly. “And I really hope you’ll change your mind.”
I left before I said something I might live to regret, words that would forever stand between us. I still loved my mom, and I’d been telling the truth. I didn’t want to lose her.
I drove back to Wellsford, my eyes hot and dry, my mind spinning in circles. I should feel elated. I’d finally gotten my freedom. But at what cost? The relationship with my mother? And Cole? He didn’t know I’d just cost him everything…
The weight crushed me, pressing down on my chest, gripping its dark fist around my heart. He would never forgive me. I’d just done the very thing Cole had accused Thomas of doing all those years ago. Sacrificed him for my own selfish gains.
How could I tell Cole that?
And that wasn’t even the worst of it.
The worst thing?
The very worst thing was knowing I would do it all again. I was past lying. Past pretending I wanted to live how everyone else expected me to. Let Cole’s punishment rain down on my head if that was what it took. At least this time it would be fair. At least this time I deserved everything I got.
Even if I did lose Cole in the process.