“What are you doing here?” My voice got stuck in my chest, making the words sound like they were croaked out. I took one step back, but the bed stopped me, and I realized I had nowhere else to go. I wasn’t afraid, yet my hands trembled and my breathing shuddered. Heat consumed me without any explanation, the emotions inside not making sense. “I-I thought you’d be gone.”

Over the last week, I’d had a lot of time to think. Even after Mom had come out of the coma, I’d spent many hours in silence, watching her sleep, which afforded me the opportunity to sort through what had happened with Cash. The fear I’d felt toward him had long since subsided, the anger had diminished, and what I was left with was hurt—unfathomable betrayal.

And confusion. Lots and lots of confusion.

He slowly put one foot in front of the other until only a couple of feet separated us. It wasn’t predatory, but almost as if he couldn’t believe I was here. His eyes searched mine while his shoulders rolled like a slow tide with each controlled breath.

“You came back…” He glanced behind him, through the open bedroom door, and then back at me. “I saw your purse on the kitchen table, and I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me, but they weren’t. You’re here. You came back. Where’s Aria?”

The elation that exuded from him tore me apart. I hated being the bad guy, hated to hurt anyone, which was why I’d chosen to make the trip when he wouldn’t be home. I couldn’t face him. It was no secret he wanted to talk, but I had nothing to say to him. Eventually, we’d have to have a conversation about it, but not while I was still caring for my mother.

“She’s in Fort Pierce with Stevie. Derek had to go to Tampa, so he dropped me off on his way, because my car’s here. I’m not staying. I just had to get a few things. You took everything with you, and all I had were a few outfits and pull-ups for Aria. You weren’t supposed to be home. You were supposed to be at…at work. Or whatever it is you do during the week. I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with networks or towers.”

“I was suspended for three weeks.” Disbelief dripped from his tone, yet it wasn’t caused by his suspension. “Why haven’t you answered my calls or texts? I couldn’t get ahold of you, and it’s had me worried. I even tried Stevie. At least she answered, but you were never there; she promised she’d take a message. The ICU doesn’t accept calls, and no one there would tell me anything about your mom. I’ve been here…alone…worried sick.”

“I was busy. I’ve had a lot going on.”

“How is she?”

“My mom? She’s good. Alive…and that’s all that matters.” I meant to stop there, give him the answer to his question and be done with it, but I couldn’t. I’d needed someone to talk to, and while Stevie was such an amazing friend to help me out, it just didn’t feel the same. Even though she’d always been my best friend, talking to her made me realize things had changed—not between us, but with that particular role in my life. Someone else had filled those shoes, someone who wasn’t there to listen because I’d pushed him away. “She woke up on Sunday, and all the tests and scans have come back clear. Now it’s just waiting for her body to heal. She has a fractured hip and some bruises, but those aren’t permanent, so I can’t complain.”

The scruff on his face made him appear darker, his skin more sun kissed. And his eyes weren’t as black as I was used to; now they almost shined like polished coal. There was a sadness to him, but as he stood in front of me, it was like the weight of the world had fallen off his back and he could breathe again.

“I take it things are going well for you two?”

“Yeah.” I couldn’t fight the smile, so I didn’t even try. However, I did drop my gaze while I offered more. “She was really happy to see me. I found out she’s been in therapy, has been since I moved out. I had no idea. That’s actually what she was doing at the stables—equine therapy. This entire time I thought she didn’t want me around, like she was embarrassed by me, but that wasn’t it at all.”

I’d always known that everything—even down to the decision to cut me off financially once I had Aria—had all been his ideas. He’d told her she needed to be strict with me and not coddle me, that I needed “tough love.” But my biggest problem had always been that she’d listened to him instead of doing what was right.

“Apparently, she used to fight with my stepdad a lot over how to handle me. She didn’t think his method was working, but as soon as I got pregnant and stopped acting out, he used that as proof that she was wrong. He said it was more important that I behaved than her and I having a close relationship. She didn’t get along with her mom, so he told her she shouldn’t be concerned about whether or not we did.”

“He won’t ever hurt you again.” His voice was so soft it coated me like cotton. He came closer and gently lifted my chin so he could see my eyes.

This man had meant so much to me, and now I had no idea where I stood. The need for a little entertainment in my life had sent me to him, which had provided a friend, then someone I found comfort in before he’d turned into more. My feelings for him had changed, morphed into something bone-deep, and even though I was lost in a constant state of confusion over who he truly was, that feeling seemed to remain embedded in me.

“I know.” And I did. I fully trusted that he wouldn’t touch me after Cash and his friends had their way with him. I hadn’t seen him since that night, but I also hadn’t gone to the house. If I wasn’t at the hospital with my mom, I was at Stevie’s. And anytime Mom had asked about him, I told her the truth—I didn’t know where he was. The reason I didn’t know was because I refused to ask. Honestly, I wouldn’t have cared if he’d been hauled out into international waters and tossed overboard with cement blocks around his ankles, but that didn’t mean I wanted the confirmation. There was no way I would’ve been able to bring myself to admit that I’d moved my daughter out of a child molester’s house and into the home of a murderer.

“And Aria? Is she okay?” That was all it took to completely shatter my heart.

I refused to tell him that she’d spent all week asking for him. And he’d never find out how much it had killed me to hear it. He didn’t deserve it, not after Friday night. “She’s good. Happy. If Stevie’s home, she stays with her, and if not, she comes to the hospital with me. My mom has been desperately trying to make up for lost time with her and has spent most nights crying and apologizing for the way everything happened…for not being there for us.”

“Did you tell her?”

He didn’t have to clarify what he meant. “No. And I never will.”

“You never plan to explain it to her?”

I shook my head and inhaled deeply, needing a moment before giving him my reasons. I was confident in my decision, but I didn’t care to listen to him disagree. “She blames herself for so much. She convinced herself that after my dad died, she’d spent too long grieving and didn’t give me the proper attention I needed. I was a child—her child—who’d lost a parent, and for a while, I’d lost both. So in her mind, my rebellious actions as a teen were caused by her brief absence during a time I needed her. And she feels I left because she wouldn’t help me.”

“That should give you more reason to tell her the truth—to keep her from believing everything was her fault.”

“If I tell her what really happened, the reason behind the crap I pulled in high school and leaving, all it’ll do is move the blame from her to him. But then she’ll feel guilty for marrying him, saying it’s her fault I was abused. I would rather her believe I acted out when I was younger because she was too busy dealing with the death of my father, and believe I’m so selfish that I moved out because she wouldn’t give me money, than to dump the responsibility of my abuse in her lap.”

He nodded, and for the first time since stepping into the room, his attention moved away from me. He glanced over my shoulder to the bed, and the moment he spotted the small suitcase, his forehead creased. The softness of his brow had grown taut, and it cast a shadow over his eyes.

“You can’t leave yet. We need to talk, Jade.”

I was conflicted, torn between what I wanted to do, and what I had to do. My heart ached to give him a chance, to hear him tell me I had misunderstood everything I’d heard Friday night. It fought for him, and I knew this feeling wasn’t wrong. This was real. Every beat was meant for him. But my head told me something different. It told me I didn’t need to hear him explain anything, that whatever he had to say would be a lie, anyway. This was his chance to rope me back in, and not only did I have my safety to think about, but I had a daughter, and I would never allow her to be put in danger again.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Cash. You can’t use your pretty words or empty promises to make me forget what I heard…what I saw. There’s nothing you can do that can convince me it was a misunderstanding.” The walls had started to close in, and if I didn’t get out of here, he would witness my total destruction.

But then Cash did something I hadn’t expected. He closed the door, trapping me inside the bedroom with him, keeping me from leaving. Forcing me to hear him out. The knot in the pit of my stomach grew and tightened. This wasn’t panic—I’d lived with that for years—and he didn’t fill me with fear. I truly believed he wouldn’t hurt me the second he turned around and his easy, warm gaze fell upon me. But that didn’t calm my anxiety. I was apprehensive, though not over what he would do to me. If I gave him the chance to explain, I worried I’d fall for his every word—hook, line, and sinker. And I had no desire to do that.

“You overheard three very pissed-off men in an extremely intense moment. I can assure you that whatever you think you know, you don’t have a clue. I can’t even begin to guess what you heard that night before you came into the kitchen, so I’m not going to offer excuses for any of that. And as far as what you witnessed…it was no different than what any other boyfriend would’ve done to defend the woman he loves.”

“I heard someone say you’re a trained killer, Cash. I don’t care about anything else. You could’ve killed him right there in front of me, and I more than likely would’ve turned a blind eye. Nothing that happened that night matters—except hearing what that man said about you.” I threaded my fingers into my hair and held my head. Nothing made sense, and I needed to be farther away from him than I was, so I moved around the bed and leaned against the wall. “A trained killer, Cash. I can’t even wrap my head around what that means.”

There we were, two people standing on opposite ends of a room, backs against a wall. I had no idea how I was looking at him, but he stared at me like a little boy who’d just been scolded for wetting his bed. I couldn’t look at him or I’d cave, so I hung my head and closed my eyes.

“I don’t work on cell towers. When I’m away for work, I…” He huffed and I held my breath. “I’m given specific people to target. I follow them, track them, and then I basically kidnap and interrogate them until we have the information we need.”

I covered my face and slid down the wall until my feet gave out beneath me and my bottom hit the hard floor. His confession was nothing more than a jumbled mess of words I couldn’t even begin to sort through.

“Rhett, the older man who drove us to the hospital that night, is my boss. Kryder, the other guy in your mom’s kitchen, works on my team. I didn’t call them over, nor was I aware they’d be there. After you told me what had happened to you, I had a hard time focusing and Rhett noticed. He asked me what was going on, so I told him. He ordered me to a week behind a desk doing paperwork, but then I rushed home, and honestly, didn’t think too much more about it. Not after spending the night with you. But then I saw you with him at the hospital and put two and two together. That’s when I took matters into my own hands. Rhett and Kryder came after the fact. They had no idea I’d be there.”

“Then why did they come?”

“Rhett wanted to tail him for a few days, just to check him out. He thought there was a chance he was the older man who’d abused you and figured it was worth looking into.”

I dropped my hands and gawked at him. “I didn’t need you or anyone else coming to my defense. He no longer had any control over me, so there was no reason to do what you did. I’m not a victim, Cash. I survived. I got out of there. I got Aria out of there.”

Defeat lingered in his eyes, and the sight cut me wide open. “I couldn’t let him get away with what he did. It doesn’t matter how strong you are or how far away from him you moved. I couldn’t let him live after knowing what he did to you.”

“I don’t get it…are you a criminal? A cop? You said you interrogate people, but you don’t sound like law enforcement. Not to mention, you guys seemed pretty concerned about the police getting called.”

“I’m not a cop.” With that confession, my throat closed. “And whether or not I’m a criminal would depend on who you ask.” And with that, my head spun.

“Have you ever killed anyone?” I wanted the truth, but that didn’t stop me from praying for the answer that would help me sleep better at night.

“Yes. Sometimes, in my profession, it happens.”

“Your profession?” I balked. “And what’s that? Are you a hitman? A thug? You work for the Italian Mafia?” I remembered what he’d told me about his dad’s biological parents. “Oh my God. That’s it, isn’t it?”

“I’m not in the Mafia, Jade.”

“Then what is it?”

His feet slid out in front of him until he mimicked my position on the floor. “The company I work for is contracted out by the government to track down potential terrorists who are in the country. Information on the target is collected, then given to Rhett, who then passes it on to me. I’m sent wherever I’m needed, and aside from coming home on the weekends, I remain there until I have what I need. When the time is right, I grab him, and then he’s carried off to our main headquarters for interrogation. Whatever we get from him is then used to help understand their plots and plans, and hopefully, prevent other terrorist attacks.”

“So you work for the government?” Hope blossomed, and I prayed he’d say yes.

“No.” The hope wilted. “I work for Rhett. We are essentially hired by the CIA and State Department, but not directly. The orders come from them, but it has to go through countless departments before it gets to us, so if anyone ever finds out or if we’re ever discovered, their hands are clean.”

“I don’t understand. Why would they need to keep their hands clean?”

“Because we use enhanced interrogation methods that are illegal. And if anyone found out that our government had hired people to carry out the kinds of torture we demonstrate, then we’d possibly face another war…potentially within our own country.”

I stared at the floor but couldn’t focus on anything. As soon as something started to make sense, it stopped, and I ended up more confused the longer I tried to understand it all. “So…if it’s illegal, and the CIA and whoever else could get in a lot of trouble for it, why do it? If they aren’t from here, why can’t you just let them go? Send them back where they came from? I mean, if they have enough information on them to send you in, why can’t they use that as an excuse to kick them out of the country?”

“If we did that, how would we be able to find out what they’re planning?”

“Well, can’t you figure that out other ways and still send them back?”

“So they can capture one of our soldiers and behead him—or her—on camera? So they can plot something else and end up doing more harm? No. You may not agree with what I do…hell, not many people do, but what’s the alternative? Stand there and do nothing? Watch while innocent people die? It’s not just planes in buildings anymore. We’re looking at bombs at dinner parties and movie theaters full of kids. Or concerts and clubs.”

The archangel Michael.

The ink decorating his entire back.

It all made sense.

But I was torn. Cash killed people, except they were bad people. That couldn’t possibly make him a monster. However, no matter which way I looked at it, he was responsible for taking countless lives.

“I don’t know, Cash. I’m confused as to what this all means or how it affects me and Aria.”

“I’ll tell you how… What I do is messy, and it’s dark, and it eats away at me when I’m alone. But it keeps you safe. You can take Aria to the library or the park and not worry about some guy with a bomb strapped to his chest.”

“Are you kidding me?” My fight came alive. “That stuff happens all the time. You can’t stop them all. And not everyone who commits a crime is a terrorist. You can’t prevent it from happening. With or without you playing the role of the angel on your back, it will continue to go on.”

“So you’re saying we should stop arresting criminals because crime will never end?”

My stomach rolled and a knot formed in my chest. Once again, I was at odds with how to feel or react. He made sense, but I couldn’t let go of the resistance. This wasn’t black or white. There were pros and cons to both sides, yet my brain wouldn’t function enough to compare the lists. I had no idea which was the lesser of the two evils.

Numb to almost everything, I decided to be brave and ask the question I hadn’t been ready to hear the answer to until just now. “What happened after we left my mom’s house? He hasn’t been around, and you told me he’d never hurt me again. Did you…?”

“No. There was a report made to the police department about a man who sexually assaulted a city council member, and your stepdad’s name was given. He was picked up early Saturday morning for questioning and is currently behind bars.”

I thought I was about to throw up. “Is it true? Did he really do that?”

“Well, he denies it, but the DA has evidence that says otherwise.” Nothing about his expression told me anything useful. I already knew what a good liar he was, which made it impossible to discover the truth.

“And it just so happens that this all took place that night?”

He shrugged, as if it didn’t matter.

“Listen, I’m all for him going away. He deserves to be in there whether this incident was fabricated or not. What he did to me wasn’t. I just need to hear the truth.” My lips trembled and my voice began to shake. “I have to know if he really did that.”

“No, Jade. I can’t tell you if he’s ever hurt anyone else, but this time, no. A few calls were made, lab reports were run, and he’s where he belongs.”

As relieved as I was to hear that, a little voice in my head wouldn’t quiet down. “So you’re a trained killer, who targets and interrogates terrorists, and prevents them from killing innocent people.” I’d phrased it as a statement, but I waited for him to nod in agreement before continuing. “And these orders are sent from DC, which is then handed down through a long line of government departments, and then out to non-government factions, before it’s given to your boss.” Again, he nodded. “And then you get this proof that this person is evil, so you go after him and torture him until you get information.”

“Yes,” he agreed with another nod, his stare holding mine.

“And you don’t see anything wrong with that?”

His gaze narrowed while his lip hitched just slightly, showing his genuine confusion.

“Cash…despite whether he deserved it or not, a man is sitting in jail for a crime he didn’t technically commit—with actual evidence against him. I’m not saying I disagree with that, but the same people who had set that up are the ones who give you orders to chase after others for crimes you’re told they’ve committed, with evidence against them.”

“They’re terrorists, Jade.” He was thoroughly convinced of this.

“So you’re told. And they may or may not be. But how can you believe someone who you know is capable of using the system for their own gain? How do you not question that? Because I’ll tell you this: you kept this major part of your life from me. You’ve looked me straight in the eye and lied. It’s hard not to question every word out of your mouth, so I don’t understand how after seeing what these men are capable of, you don’t think twice about it. They tell you so-and-so has done this and that, and you go after him. And then torture him. No questions asked.”

He blinked a few times, his sight falling to the middle of the floor. I could tell my words had gotten to him, but to what extent, I wasn’t sure. He was a good man. That much was understood by his reaction, the way he trusted the men he worked with and for.

“I’m just giving you food for thought. What you do with it is up to you. This doesn’t even concern me; I just wondered if you’d ever questioned it before. You know?”

“What do you mean it doesn’t concern you?” He glanced around the room, panic filling his dark eyes. When he stood, his movements were quick and desperate, causing me to pull myself to my feet, as well. “You said you were only getting clothes because you were helping your mom.”

He frantically checked the drawers and closet. I wanted to go to him, to settle his nerves, but there was nothing I could say to calm him down aside from reassuring him that I’d be back. That I wasn’t moving out, only packing a few things to hold me over for a couple of weeks. And I couldn’t tell him that. Because I wasn’t sure how truthful that would be. It wasn’t until he noticed I hadn’t packed everything that his demeanor calmed and he faced me once more.

I moved closer to the bed and grabbed the small suitcase by the handle. “I don’t know when I’ll be back. It all depends on how long Mom will be at the hospital. I’ve been staying with Stevie in her spare room, and she’s offered it to me for as long as I need it.”

“What about your job? What about me?”

My eyes burned with the threat of tears. “I had to quit my job.”

“What about me?” His desperation wrapped around my throat like a noose.

I couldn’t speak—even if I knew how to answer him, the words wouldn’t come out. So I offered him a shrug, without looking at him, and dragged the suitcase off the bed.

“You can’t leave, Jade.” The pain in his voice stroked deep within my chest, ran through my veins, and coiled around my lungs. “Please, don’t leave me. Don’t take Aria from me.”

A tear slipped from my eye and slid down my cheek. “I have to go, Cash.” And without waiting, I moved past him and out the door. Stopping for my purse, I noticed the watch on the kitchen table. “I can’t accept this gift from you, and as soon as I can replace the phone, I’ll give that back, as well. Unless you need it now.”

“I don’t fucking need anything from you…just you, Jade.” He stood behind me, but I couldn’t turn to see him. I couldn’t look at him. His words were hard enough to hear, and if I saw his eyes, nothing would be able to stop me from breaking down. “Don’t leave. Please, don’t fucking leave.”

The second his fingers wrapped around my upper arm, the bag fell from my hand and my body turned into him as if on instinct. I dropped my forehead to his chest and fisted the sides of his T-shirt, letting the material soak up my tears. And then he wrapped me up in the only comfort I’d ever truly known.

“God, I love you so much, Jade. So fucking much. I can’t be here without you. I’m so sorry I lied, and I’ll do anything it takes to make it right. Tell me what to do. I’ll do it in a heartbeat.” His pleading words blew through my hair with his lips close to my ear.

“I can’t tell you what to do,” I mumbled into his chest.

“Then at least give me the chance to make it right. Let me prove to you that you can trust me.”

That was just it, though—I already trusted him. I may have started to question everything he’d ever told me, but as a person, I trusted him completely. I knew he’d never hurt me. I believed him when he said he loved me. And there was no doubt in my mind that if he could claim Aria as his own, he would.

“We’ll talk, okay?” I pulled away from him but refused to let go. When I tipped my head back to see his eyes, he stroked my cheeks with his thumbs, clearing away the pain that ran down my face. “I need to be there for my mom, so I have to go, but at some point, I’ll come back—to either pack my things or stay. But I can’t make that decision right now. I have far too much on my mind to add this to it.”

“So if I call, you’ll answer?”

“If I can, yes.”

“And if you can’t?”

For such a large, strong man, he appeared so weak in this moment. “Then I’ll call you back.”

With his hands on my face, he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. It was soft and quick, but that’s all it needed to be for his point to come across. He loved me, and he didn’t need more than a chaste kiss to prove it.

* * *

My phone had gone off several times during my drive to the east coast, but I didn’t look at it. I needed to pay attention to the roads, and I knew if any of the texts were from Cash, I’d have to pull over to compose myself. I didn’t have the time to do that. I’d already wasted more than I had by staying behind and talking to him.

When I made it back to Stevie’s apartment, Aria woke up. She’d missed me and refused to go back to sleep. As soon as she found out I’d gone back home, she had even more questions about Cash—mostly, where was he. Stevie could tell something was wrong, but she didn’t ask. I hadn’t told her about what had happened last week, and I’d excused Cash’s absence as work related. But I knew she could see right through me. Luckily, she decided not to pry.

It wasn’t until midnight before I lay in bed and finally had a chance to check my phone. There were two texts from Cash. The first was a document that took far too long to figure out due to my inexperience with this phone, but once I had it opened, I couldn’t stop the tears.

I exited that and went back to the messages. His second text made me laugh.

Cash: Feel free to make any amendments you wish. This agreement will hold up in court.

Smiling with tears clinging to my lip, I responded.

Me: You’re missing a few bullet points.

His reply was immediate, as if he’d been staring at his phone for hours, waiting for me.

Cash: I didn’t think it needed any. It’s fairly cut and dry. I wouldn’t want to leave any room for interpretation.

Me: What if I ask you if I look fat in a bathing suit?

Cash: You think I’d lie?

Me: You’d tell me yes, I look fat?!

Cash: HELL NO! And it wouldn’t be a lie.

My heart swelled while I tried to push back the fear that we were rushing things.

Me: OK…what if I’m sick and I ask you if I sound like a dude?

Me: And I really do, so it wouldn’t be a matter of opinion.

The bubbles popped up, and then his reply.

Cash: Then I’d tell you that you sound sexy

Me: Would that be a lie?

Cash: Nope

Me: So you think dudes sound sexy??

Cash: I walked right into that one, didn’t I? How about, it doesn’t matter what your voice sounds like or what you say, because I’ll always think you sound sexy.

I stared at his words on the screen and thought about other situations.

Me: What if I made dinner and forgot an ingredient and it tasted bad?

Cash: You’d be eating it with me, so I don’t think I’d have to say anything

My smile stretched wider.

Cash: Babe, there are no exceptions. I won’t ever lie to you again.

Me: I do need one thing added.

Cash: ???

Me: Omission of the truth is still a lie.

Cash: So if you color your hair puke green and I don’t tell you I hate it, that’s still a lie?

Me: Yup.

Cash: Fine. Making the changes now. Will send when I’m done.

Two minutes later, another document came through.

I had to cover my mouth to keep from waking the house with my laughter.

Me: Deal. No green hair.

Cash: Thank God!

Me: Night, Cash.

Cash: Night babe. I love you.

I love you, too.