Chapter 13
Her brown hair was luscious. Silky smooth, even though he had never really touched it. Straight, long, shiny. She never seemed to do anything special to it, just usually letting it hang freely around her face or pulled back into a ponytail.
He had realized he wanted to run his fingers through it one Saturday after the gym. They were heading to his car, talking animatedly about the last class when she had almost slipped. It had rained heavily the night before, and the ground was slippery. He had steadied her, one hand holding her waist, the other on her back, and her hair had washed over his fingers.
The Urge, as he had called it ever since, was born.
The first sign that he was starting to see Madison as… Madison and not just as a friend. Everleigh had beautiful hair but he had never wanted to shove his nose in it to check if it, indeed, smelt like chocolate and spices.
The second sign had taken him by surprise, too. They were having breakfast in their usual favorite spot - a trendy coffee shop, but they had the best omelets. The lights were bright, white, and not very flattering, yet, somehow… he had looked at her as he had handed her his fork full of eggs and mushrooms and he had realized that… Madison was really damn pretty.
And she had perfect lips. A dark pink, with a lower lip slightly plumper than the upper one. Then, there had been his third sign, in IHOP. The desire to kiss her had been strong that day.
As strong as it was right now.
Except that… it wasn’t the right time. It also wasn’t the right way.
Not that she gave him a choice.
She reached out, and then… her lips were on his. Soft. Warm. His brain barely registered the tug at the fabric of his shirt, his arms already slipping around her waist to pull her flush against him.
Madison was on the smaller side, but right now her body felt like it was made to fit every single inch of his own.
The pressure of her lips against his hardened, and he obliged the wordless command, allowing their tongues to meet.
She tasted as sweet as she looked, all warm and full of spice.
And damn… it was a good kiss. Slow, languid, as if they had all the time in the world. He tightened his arms around her, wanting to feel her even closer, wondering if, somehow, it would make the kiss even better. That mouth of hers was going to bring him to his knees. Each stroke of her tongue as they explored each other for the first time was like a glide of heat that he felt down to his bones.
And there was his fourth sign, right there, right now. Kissing was great, but it often was just a necessary step to get to the even greater stuff. But right now, if someone had asked him what he wanted to do for the next hour or so… his answer wouldn’t have involved any of his favorite sexual positions.
Which was good, because Madison might not have been ready for that, especially with the way she had opened up to him barely minutes ago.
One of her hands drifted north to grab the hair at the base of his neck, and he felt shivers down his spine when she pulled on the strands. The way she moaned in his mouth when he tried to pull away made him groan, and for a second, he forgot what his brain was trying to tell him.
Not the right time. Not the right way.
Pulling away from her at that moment might have been the hardest thing he had ever done - a little dramatic, probably over the top, but that’s how he truly felt as he broke their kiss, her taste lingering on his tongue.
“Wait.”
Her eyes opened suddenly as she dropped back on the balls of her feet. There was confusion in her gaze, as if she wasn’t sure what had exactly happened.
He was pretty sure the very same confusion was written all over his face. He hadn’t planned for this.
She gulped, avoiding his eyes as red started to creep up on her cheeks. “Right. Sorry… right. I don’t know what came over me and… I’m sorry,” she mumbled, taking a few steps back.
“No. That’s…” He held her back, sensing she was about to take off faster than Usain Bolt.
“I should go home,” she said, making him let go of her and already heading to the hallway. “Yes. I’m gonna go back home, and we’ll pretend this never happened, alright?”
Fuck that. I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen.
“Not so fast,” he hissed, catching up with her when she opened the closet to get her coat. He slammed against his entrance door, spreading his arms wide against it. “We’re gonna talk, first.”
“Oh, no, no, no. Talking is what got us in this mess. No more talking for us until… until at least New Year’s Eve!”
“That’s in more than a month.”
“Yes, the minimum time for me to work up the courage to look at you again.”
He chuckled, not moving from his spot. “Jesus, Madison. I’m supposed to be the dramatic one, here. You’re role-reversing way too fast for me.”
She closed her eyes, her fists bundling. “Please, Ben, let me go.”
“No. I mean, not right now.”
“This is embarrassing, OK? I… jumped you in your own kitchen!”
“First of all, feel free to jump me that way in my own kitchen any time. Also in my own office. My own bathroom. My own-”
“Ben.”
“Right. Sorry. You distracted me with mental pictures.” He shook his head, trying to refocus. “Madison, you did not jump me. I was all in, in case you didn’t notice.”
“You pushed me away.”
“I pulled away,” he corrected. “That’s different. And after I responded. Please tell me you noticed I responded? I mean, I’m a great kisser, I’d feel terrible if-”
“Ben,” she said again, her eyes half-closed in the universal telltale of “Get to the point, dude.”
“It’s not the right way for us,” he explained softly.
“… What?”
“This,” he said, waving between them. “We’re friends. We’re part of the same group of friends. We’re not just… casual acquaintances. You’re not the kind of girl I usually get involved with, either.”
She locked her jaw. “Well, thanks for the reminder.”
Minefield, Ben. Mine… field.
“No. Fuck, you twist me inside out.” He let out a frustrated sigh, running his hand through his hair. “What I mean is that you and me, it can’t be a casual, random thing. And casual, random things are usually what I do.”
Madison licked her lips, folding her arms protectively around her chest. “You’re right. This was stupid.”
“Jesus, woman, you’re missing the point on purpose, aren’t you?”
“No! But you’re right! I’ve never been really casual about relationships. You always are. We’re friends. End of the story.”
“I don’t mean… it’s not that I don’t want to see where this could lead us. It’s just that you told me something that had been eating you alive for months now. Whether you like it or not, you’re a little vulnerable right now.”
“Don’t patronize me,” she snapped, her eyes frowning in anger.
“I am not!” he exclaimed. “You think I didn’t feel a little raw when I told you about my mom last month?”
“That was different.”
“Yes, it was, but it doesn’t change the fact that emotional talks tend to strip you bare. I would be a really fucking shitty friend if I let things happen now.”
She glanced at him, hesitantly. He saw the anger in her eyes was quickly vanishing, replaced by a hint of uncertainty.
“Listen, I would really love to kiss you again. But not tonight, while you’re still struggling with something like that, and I’m the only person you told. I don’t think it’s healthy for you, or for us, to start that way. Can you tell me, honestly, that telling me about Henry didn’t feel like a weight had lifted off your shoulders, and that it played a part in your sudden decision to go for it and kiss me senseless in my kitchen?”
She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Her nose crinkled a little as she obviously pondered his words. “I… I don’t know.”
“Would you have kissed me if we hadn’t talked about it?”
“… Probably not,” she admitted.
“You understand, now? I don’t want me being a good friend to you to be the reason why you did it.”
She pouted. “So… I didn’t misread things?”
He grinned, letting out a small breath. “No. You really didn’t. I just want you to be sure the urge to kiss me is there for the right reasons. I don’t want you to regret things.”
“And what reasons would be deemed good enough?”
“Obviously, the first one would be my dashing good looks.”
“Obviously. Although you’ve been handsome ever since I’ve known you, and it never played a part.”
He smiled, taking her coat off her hands and putting it back in the closet. “There is also my charming personality.”
“I don’t find it so charming right now,” she grumbled. “More like insufferably stubborn.”
“That works too.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“Yeah… it does.”
“Oh my God, fine, it does!” she huffed out, throwing her hands in the air and stomping her way back to the kitchen.
He grinned as he followed her, listening to her rambling about his pig-headed, borderline caveman-ish behavior. He also allowed himself to stare at her ass, because it didn’t feel creepy anymore. She had kissed him, so he figured it was fair game now.
“Why you have so much success with girls, I’ll never get it. You’re cocky, you’re conceited, you’re-”
“Oh, yes. I’m extremely cocky. The cockiest, you could even say.”
She glared at him, making a show of violently cutting a chunk of carrot.
He winced. “Could you not glare at me when you’re doing that?”
“Oh, I’m sure the cockiest cock to have ever walked the earth could make it with a small chunk missing!” The chopping sound the knife made as she sliced through the innocent vegetable seemed like a dark omen.
“Hum, Madison…?”
“Yes?” she replied innocently.
“Remember what I told you about feeling free to jump me anytime, anywhere?”
“Yes?”
“Well, I changed my mind. I rule out the kitchen, because I can sense the PTSD is gonna be strong with that one.”