Chapter 31
“Yeah, whatever.”
She hadn’t expected him to welcome the news with joy and happiness.
She, herself, hadn’t welcomed it that way either, after all.
But this? This cold detachment? That, she hadn’t been expecting. The way he had completely disconnected himself from the situation, as if it was her problem alone, and that he’d just deal with the thing… she didn’t even know what he meant by that. Did he think she was hoping he’d pay for child support or an abortion? Didn’t he even want to be a part of that decision?
After Ben quickly disconnected the call two days ago, she had spent a good five minutes rambling to his stupid cardboard cutout and giving him a piece of her mind.
Then… then something had tickled her brain. Pads. She hadn’t needed to buy tampons since before London.
She had felt her heart fall into her chest when that knowledge had been mixed with the horrifying realization that she couldn’t remember how and when she had adjusted with her pill during the small trip. Had she followed the 24-hour gap, adapting to the change of time zones? She was pretty sure she had been thorough, but the last day in London, then coming back to New York was much fuzzier for her.
A pregnancy test - or three - later, and what she suspected was staring right back at her, in the shape of a small plus sign.
She wasn’t even positive she really wanted children. She had always figured that by the time she would reach thirty, she’d have a better understanding of what she wanted in life, and how she saw her future.
This was… this was not in the future. She was 26, in a friends-with-benefits relationship that no one around her knew about, and she was knocked up.
Thankfully, she had found out early on. She had time to think it through before making a decision.
And Ben’s reaction, despite his promise to support her, wasn’t making it any easier.
You could make a father out of a man. You couldn’t make him a dad. That could only come from within himself.
It was the same for her. Was she ready to be a mom? And potentially, a single mom? She lived in a tiny apartment, she’d have to move. Sure, her family would help. She was positive her child would never need for anything, but she didn’t want to ask for help. She wanted to-
She wanted this baby. It was already a baby in her heart. Not an embryo. No. She powered through that stage in a matter of hours. What was growing inside her was her son or daughter.
“Oh God,” she said in a breath, falling back on her couch to palm her stomach protectively before bursting into tears. “I’m sorry I said I didn’t know what I wanted. I’m so sorry, I want you safe. I want you right where you are.”
It had taken Ben’s cold reaction for her protective instincts to kick in and put everything into perspective. It was clear now. She wouldn’t let anyone hurt her child. Never. Not even their father if it came down to it.
But the idea of doing it without Ben… of carrying his child and not having him by her side, sweet, teasing, caring… that was a brand-new kind of painful. It was heartbreak without the break-up.
She needed to talk to someone. She needed help to sort her thoughts out, figure out a battle plan.
Her first instinct was to call Everleigh. She was the choice that made the most sense - a new mom, her closest friend. But knowing Everleigh battled with some infertility issues and that Jonathan had been a blessing in more ways than one, she wasn’t positive her struggle over an unplanned pregnancy would be easy for her friend to grasp.
Calling Harper was surprisingly easy. She didn’t even need to explain anything, her friend understanding right away that something was off.
“Don’t worry, girl. I was ready to head outside, I’ll be there in thirty minutes tops,” was all she had said after Madison had asked her if she could stop by.
She made herself a mint infusion, then cuddled on the couch. The first thing she needed to do was look for a bigger place. And probably tell her parents, too. Maybe ask them for a loan for the deposit. She could also take some extra hours at work. With a little bit of luck, she’d also be able to get clothes and baby stuff Jonathan didn’t need anymore.
The familiar buzzing announcing a visitor tore her away from her thoughts and she followed her usual routine, letting Harper in and unlocking the door to leave it ajar, before heading back to her safe spot.
“OK, what’s wrong? Did something happen with that British asshole?” Harper asked as she burst through the door.
A small clicking sound echoed and then a furry little rocket sped through her living room, jumping on the couch.
“Oh, Rocco,” Madison said as she took the dog in her arms. Somehow, seeing Ben’s dog broke the dam, and the tears she had managed to control started to fall. She nestled her face in the soft fur, letting the warmth comfort her like only a dog could.
“OK… either you really, really love that dog, and therefore I already apologize for calling dibs on taking care of the puppy while Ben was out of town, or there is something really, really wrong.”
Harper handed her the box of tissues that was on her coffee table, and Madison loudly blew her nose.
“I don’t know where to start.”
“I usually suggest either the beginning or the thing that weighs down on you the most.” Harper took off her jacket and sat down next to her, gently patting her knee.
“I’m pregnant and it’s Ben’s.”
That was a good summary, she decided. Straight to the point.
Harper’s mouth dropped, and she lost her usual strong, calm, confident attitude. “I… a… what?”
“We started kinda seeing each other. Not really seriously, just…”
“Fuck buddies,” Harper supplied for her.
“Yeah. Well, that’s kinda how it started, even though we never said anything. We just hooked up once, then twice, then… next thing I knew, we were sleeping over all the time.”
“When did it start?”
“New Year’s Eve.” Technically, it was January 1st, but she didn’t think it really mattered much at that point.
“Holy shit. Almost a year?! And we didn’t kno… Oh. Oooooooh.” Harper gaped at her. “How come we didn’t notice! He hasn’t brought a girl over in forever. Of course, he had someone serious!”
“It wasn’t planned. We decided we’d stop hiding it but then stuff happened and… it doesn’t matter. I came back from London, we had sex, and I completely fucked up with my pill.”
“Oh, shit. The time zones. Yeah, it happened to me once. Just a scare though, but a big one. Madison, it happens, OK? Women are humans, too. When did you find out?”
“Two days ago.”
“Do you know how you’re gonna tell him?”
Madison felt the burn in her eyes coming back at the speed of light. “I already did,” she said in a weak voice, burying her face in Rocco’s neck once again.
“You… You told him?”
Madison nodded, then told Harper everything that had gone down in her short conversation with Ben. His shock, his carelessness. His last words that she couldn’t get out of her head.
“Are you fucking kidding me? ‘Yeah, whatever?’ That’s… what the fuck?!”
“He was shocked, Harper. I was too, but he was so cold and detached, like… like it was an inconvenient problem he’d have to deal with, you know what I mean?”
“I’m so sorry,” Harper murmured as she wrapped her in her arms. “Let’s forget about him for now, OK? How are you feeling about this?”
“I wasn’t sure until an hour ago,” Madison admitted. “I was considering my options but… when Ben reacted that way…”
“It made you feel protective and now you’re also freaking out because you think you’re gonna raise a child alone?”
“Yes.”
“First things first. You will not raise this baby alone. I am here, Evie is here, Violet is here. Even Paula will help, she’s great with her nephews. Even if we rule out the guys, and right now I want to forget they even exist entirely, you have at least three friends that are here for you, four with my girlfriend.”
“I need a bigger place.”
“We’ll help you find one and furnish it, too. And maybe let Ben cool down and come to terms with everything.”
“I don’t think he’ll be happy about it either way. He might step up, but I don’t want my child to be just a responsibility. I don’t think it’s healthy for them to grow up that way.”
“One thing at a time. And before you work yourself up in a twist, maybe give him a few hours to digest the news? He might show up in an hour, and you guys will work it out.”
Madison nodded, letting Rocco give her a long lick on the cheek. “We were just getting to a good place. Like… a really, really good place.”
“I’m so sorry. Whatever happens, though…maybe it’s best it happens now?”
There was some truth in those words.
But it didn’t make them hurt any less.