The hospital released Jason on Thursday afternoon armed with aftercare information, a prescription for beta blockers and a three-inch lifesaving gadget under his skin. He didn’t say a word to Shane the entire ride home, which didn’t bother Shane anymore. Even though he’d spent every free minute not at the deli by Jason’s bedside, they’d barely had a conversation since Monday. All they did was argue in circles.

Shane’s dark mood was not helped by how much he wanted to see Noel. He’d ignored every coveted text, whispers of support that came twice a day, not allowing himself to respond. He felt like an alcoholic being offered a single sip of his favorite poison—one taste and he’d want it all. He couldn’t be with Noel and work for Chet. No way.

He waited until they were home, with Jason installed on the couch with the TV remote, before saying, “I have to work tonight.”

Jason barely glanced at him. “At the deli?”

“No.”

That got his actual attention, and he frowned. “On a Thursday? Really?”

“It’ll pay good. And I’m telling you because I won’t be able to answer my phone while I’m working.” He hated that euphemism, but it wasn’t like he was going to tell his brother he couldn’t take personal calls while he was making porn. “I called Elizabeth, from the Feed. She said you can call her with any emergencies.”

“I’ll be sure to let Elizabeth know if I run out of toilet paper.”

“I’m serious.”

“And you’re overreacting. I feel fine, Jo. I’ve been flat on my back for days, doing absolutely nothing. I’m not going to overexert myself by watching reruns of Friends.”

“No, but you could kill some brain cells watching it.”

“Hey, that show was the shit when I was in high school.”

“Watch Big Bang Theory. It’s better for you.”

“In that case, maybe I should hope for a Scrubs marathon.” Jason snorted. “We’re talking about television in health terms. This is priceless.”

Shane smiled at the humor in their conversation. It was as close to a joke as either of them had cracked in days. “Anyway, the fridge is stocked too, so there’s plenty to eat.”

“I’m not going to open it and find it full of apples and Greek yogurt and tofu, am I?”

“Not full of, no, but I might have added some bags of frozen vegetables to the stash of French fries and pizza.”

“That’s acceptable.” Jason cleared his throat. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. You’ve taken care of me my whole life, so now that it’s my turn, expect to be smothered.”

Jason started to speak, then stopped. Probably a comment on the “my whole life” thing, which would get them started on another circular argument. Instead, Jason showed emotional growth by laying off and accepting the smothering.

“I’m going to go get your prescription filled,” Shane said. “Want anything while I’m out?”

“If they’ve got new hearts on sale at the drugstore, pick one up?”

“Will do.”

The only pharmacy in Stratton was on their side of town. Shane wandered the aisles while he waited for the script, finally stopping at the magazine rack. He picked up a paperback by some author he’d never heard of, read a blurb he didn’t remember a word of when he finished, then put it back. His attention span was shot, so he flipped through the pages of a fitness magazine.

“Shane?”

His stomach curled with warmth at the familiar voice. Noel approached from his left, tentative, but smiling.

“Hey,” Shane said, and damn it, he’d sounded way too happy to see Noel. He put the magazine back. “What are you doing here?”

Noel actually fucking blushed. “Will you think I’m stalking you if I admit I was driving by, saw your car and decided to stop?”

“Only if you also admit you were looking specifically for my car.”

“That I was not doing.”

“Then no, I don’t think you’re stalking me.”

“Good. How’s Jason?”

“I brought him home today. I’m actually here picking up some pills for him.” Shane shoved his hands into his pockets because he wanted to reach out and touch Noel. To have that contact again. “He’s grumpy about having nothing more stressful to do than watch TV, but he’s good. Dr. Bailey was optimistic when we saw him today.”

“That’s excellent.” Noel’s smile was brilliant and blinding for a brief moment, before dimming. “What about you? How are you holding up?”

I’m cracking into tiny pieces inside, and my skin is the only thing keeping me together.

“I’m okay. Taking as many hours as the deli will give me. We’ll figure this out.”

Noel hesitated. “What about your other job?”

How in the hell does he know?

Wait, Noel meant stripping, not the third thing. “I’ve got something lined up for Saturday night.” True enough. He could lie to Jason about working tonight, but he couldn’t make himself mention it to Noel.

“Oh.”

“Demand for that comes and goes. I’m almost looking forward to this one, though.”

Noel’s eyebrows jumped. “Oh?”

“Yeah, it’s a post-marriage bachelor party for a gay couple. Their friends are throwing it as a surprise.”

“Post-marriage?”

“Yeah. Getting married was pretty spur-of-the-moment. They went to a Justice of the Peace once gay marriage was legal in Pennsylvania, so they’re kind of doing it all out of order, hence the post-marriage party.”

Noel laughed, a warm sound that Shane wanted to wrap around himself. “That’s pretty awesome.”

“Yeah.”

“It must be a nice change, dancing for guys instead of girls.”

“It’s a different kind of audience, for sure. It’s the only reason I broke my not-in-town rule.”

“The party is for a gay couple here in Stratton?”

“Yeah.” Okay, so Shane was a special kind of idiot for not putting that together sooner. “You probably know them. That cop, Samuel Briggs and his partner. Or husband now.”

“I’ve met Officer Briggs a few times in passing, and I’ve seen them together at Dixie’s Cup.”

Shane’s name was called over the PA system. He didn’t want this conversation to end. “I have to go.”

“It was good seeing you again, Shane. I mean that.”

“You too.”

“If you need a break, or even to vent, you have my number. Despite what you said the other day, we are friends. Even if that’s all we are.”

Shane squashed the bloom of hope trying to warm his chest. “Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry about the other day at the trailer. I shouldn’t have taken my stress out on you like that. It wasn’t cool and…anyway, take care, Noel.”

Shane somehow managed to walk away. By the time he got to his own car, Noel’s was gone. The pleasant thrill he’d gotten at seeing him melted away, replaced by apprehension about the next couple of hours still staring him in the face.

Fuck my life.

* * *

Shane didn’t check his phone until after midnight, thanks to his scene partner, a skittish kid named Benny who couldn’t keep it up, and then had trouble coming. Shane’s hips and thighs were sore as hell from too many hours spent fucking the kid, then doing still shots. His only small mercy with the shoot was that Chet had him topping. He did his job, took a shower, collected his check and left.

A text from Jason was waiting on his phone. Wake me up when you get home.

Cryptic and slightly unsettling. He drove back on energy fumes, ready to crash and sleep until his eleven a.m. shift start at the deli. He probably would have ignored Jason’s text and gone straight to bed if he hadn’t found his brother sleeping on the couch.

Jason stirred despite his best efforts to be quiet. “Jo?”

“Yeah.” Shane turned on the table lamp, then plunked down in the armchair. “What’s up?”

Jason sat up, his confusion and concern easy enough to see even in the dim light. “So I called the finance company after you left, to basically beg for an extension on this month’s payment due to my medical issues.”

Uh-oh.

“They told me you made a payment yesterday, plus extra. I said that was impossible, but they verified our account. So then I called the bank.”

Shit, shit, shit.

Shane somehow managed not to squirm.

Jason pinned him with his stare. “Where did all that money come from?”

“I didn’t steal it, and I didn’t do anything illegal.” Not in California.

“You’re not stupid enough to take out another unsecured loan, no stripper makes that sort of cash, and you obviously didn’t sell your car. Where’d you get it?”

He’d had days to come up with a convincing lie, and now that he was on the spot, he had nothing. No explanation that sounded plausible. And he couldn’t tell Jason now. Jason would freak, demand Shane quit, and Shane couldn’t do that. He’d committed to three more shoots over the next couple of weeks, and he was going to do them.

He found his balls and held his ground. “I’m telling you I earned that money honestly, and that’s going to have to be enough for you,” Shane said.

“Are you selling drugs?”

“Fuck no. I told you—”

“You haven’t told me shit. I don’t know what to think, Jo, when you won’t give me a straight answer. Does it have something to do with your cop friend?”

“This has absolutely nothing to do with Noel. He and I are barely friends.”

“And yet he was with you at the hospital for hours.”

“We aren’t talking about Noel, okay? Look, this job I have? It’s going to get us out of debt. I got another big check tonight, and there will be more. All that matters right now is paying that off, so you don’t have to work as hard.”

Jason’s frustration seemed tempered by grief. “I hate this.”

“I know.” I hate this too, big brother. You have no idea how much.

“Even if I guess, you won’t tell me if I’m right?”

“No.” Shane hated that look on Jason’s face. “Look, how about I compromise? Once the bill is paid, I’ll come clean. I promise. But for now I need you to trust me.”

“Fine.”

“And please don’t worry about it or me. This is about you getting better and being a pain in my ass for a long damned time to come.”

Jason finally stopped looking so morose. His lips even turned up into a small smile.

“What?” Shane asked.

“Nothing. Elizabeth called a few hours ago to check up on me.”

“Oh yeah?”

“She’s, um, coming over tomorrow to cook us dinner.”

“She is? Is this like a date or something?”

“Not with you here. She’s being a friend.”

“She’s hot.”

“How do you know?”

Shane laughed. “I might prefer guys, but I can still judge a chick for hotness, and Elizabeth is hot. Is she single?”

“Divorced.”

“So the fact that I’m working at the deli until seven and therefore won’t be home for dinner doesn’t make it a date?”

Jason actually looked stricken. “You won’t be here?”

“No, why? You’ve had dinner with a woman before. Ha! Who knew a heart attack turned a guy into a chick magnet?”

“You’re a brat.”

“It’s my job, big brother.”

Jason lobbed a throw pillow at him. “Go to bed and leave me alone.”

“Gladly. Good luck with your not-date.”

“Fuck off.”

Shane went to bed with an actual, genuine smile on his face.

* * *

The downside to working overnights five days a week was trying to stick to that schedule the two days Noel wasn’t on duty. Which meant filling a lot of empty hours when most human beings were asleep. He was too damned restless after his run-in with Shane to sit around his place, so he picked up his most recent book and headed down to Dixie’s Cup to read.

It was almost one o’clock in the morning. The evening cook, Barrett, hadn’t handed the reins over to Old Joe yet, and he saluted Noel with his turner, then used it to flip something. A young couple was chattering away at one of the center tables, so Noel picked his usual booth in the rear.

Steph came over with a cup of coffee and little bowl of creamers, because yes, he spent too much time there. “Still on the same series?” she asked.

Noel tapped the cover of his hardback tome. “Book three.”

“I never could get into those fantasy novels. I prefer crime thrillers, but I guess you’d spend the whole book critiquing the police work.”

He chuckled. “Probably so.”

“You want anything to eat, hon?”

“How about a B.E.L.T. on wheat with chips?”

“Sure thing.”

Steph went off to give Barrett the order. Noel stirred some creamer into his coffee, then set to reading. He’d spent a lot of nights doing this very thing, and he’d long ago learned the art of reading while eating a slightly messy sandwich. When he looked up to thank Steph for his third coffee refill, he noted that Old Joe had come on shift and he was their only customer.

Sometimes he wondered why such a small town had an all-night diner. Then he was grateful, because where else would he go? Not like he had a life. Or a boyfriend.

He thought he and Shane had been heading in that direction, and he still didn’t understand Shane breaking things off. Yes, he had the stress of Jason’s heart condition to deal with, but he’d been cruel on Monday. The punch hadn’t bruised his skin but it had still left its mark. Shane hadn’t hinted that he wanted to hang out again anytime soon, but at least he’d apologized.

Maybe Noel had been fooling himself the whole time. Maybe Shane had only wanted a good fuck, and he hadn’t felt the same connection as Noel. Maybe they were meant to be casual acquaintances who nodded at each other from across the room.

His gut told him otherwise, but his gut meant nothing if Shane didn’t want him as much as Noel wanted Shane. And Shane was going through a personal crisis. Pushing Noel away was very likely a defense mechanism, and those kind of defenses took time to overcome. Time and patience. Noel had both.

For now. His patience wasn’t endless and he was nobody’s fool.

Noel settled in with his book and tried not to think about Shane anymore.

He didn’t do very well.