I woke with a start, completely disoriented. It took a minute for me to get my bearings and realize I was in our room in our new house.

I usually forgot the details of my dreams as soon as I woke up, but not this one. It was perhaps the most vivid dream I had ever had. I could remember every single part of it. It was strange and frightening and comforting, all at once.

I couldn’t help but wonder who the man was. Had I possibly seen him in passing once, just smiled at him and forgotten all about it? No. I knew with complete certainty that if I’d ever laid eyes on this man, I would never have forgotten him.

I always hated when the lingering emotions of a dream stayed with me after waking, making it all seem so real. I never believed in past lives or fated connections that seemed controlled by the hands of God, but sometimes my strong emotional reaction to dreams made me consider the possibility. It often seemed like the only logical explanation as to why sometimes the emotions I experienced while dreaming felt so much more real than anything that happened while awake.

I sighed, turned on my back and slowly opened my eyes. My mind was still muddled with sleep, and I was having trouble disengaging from the dream world I had just woken from. I just couldn’t forget the other man, his eyes, the way his body looked like I could almost see through him but still touch him at the same time. What struck me most was the intense look in his eyes, imploring me to go to him, to not look away, to not turn back to Dan.

“You okay, babe?” Dan’s voice, still husky with sleep, cut through my mental haze. “Crazy dream?”

“I think so. I can’t remember what happened. I just woke up feeling strange.” The lie tasted terrible in my mouth, but I was still trying to make sense of it all.

“I’m sorry. The feeling will pass, it always does.”

I simply nodded my head and tried to burrow my body further into Dan’s embrace. My body shook and warmed with his laughter before he groaned, disengaging himself and rolling onto his back. I looked up at him and my stomach fluttered at the sight of him, as it always did.

He was attractive in that boy-next-door kind of way, a combination of handsome and adorable. The first time I saw him I remembered thinking he looked like the adult version of the surfers I’d grown up with: a little taller than average and lean with well-defined muscles. His hair was dark blond with hints of gold.

His symmetrical face held deep, blue eyes and his strong jawline that was almost always clean-shaven gave way to lips that were soft, full, and utterly lush. His teeth were almost completely straight, except for some crookedness on the bottom from years of forgetting to wear his retainer. For some reason, that imperfection made him approachable, though his charming, boyish smile didn’t hurt.

“As much as I’d love to lie in bed with you all day, I’ve gotta get up and start getting ready, or I’m going to be late for my official first day. That’s not the kind of impression I want to make.” He got up and made his way through the closet and into the master bath.

Dan specialized in cryptanalysis and the creation and implementation of biometric technology. When we first got serious he tried explaining the basics of what he did, but science and math were never my strong points, and I always got lost and confused. It had something to do with making sure companies had the best and most advanced security in place to protect their highly confidential information.

So much of what he worked on was incredibly secret and often classified if he was on a government project. The details were protected by non-disclosure agreements, non-compete contracts, and a lot of other legal documents. It used to be really frustrating to not discuss his day at work with him because of how limited he was in what he could tell me, but I realized pretty early on that the information would be lost on me anyway, and I got over it.

While I couldn’t explain to anyone asking what he did for a living in more than a few words, I knew that Dan was extremely good at what he did and one of the quickest at the firm to lead the number of projects he had. I was very proud of him and how far he had come in such a short time, but I thought a small part of him had been hoping he would have started his own firm by now.

He never complained, but we both felt this was in the cards for him, and that one day, possibly after this assignment, he might have the means and reputation to make the big move on his own. I wanted him to have all the success and opportunities he desired.

I dragged my body out of our warm bed and pulled the bench from the room into the entrance of the master bath so I could watch and talk to Dan as he shaved and got ready. I plopped down on it, leaning against the back, pulling my legs up to rest underneath me.

“You’ve been going to the office for the last week and a half, hasn’t the first-day-jitters ship already sailed?”

“That was all just prep work and meetings to finalize my paperwork and create a general plan for the project. Today is the day I meet my team and I find out exactly who I’m working for. I haven’t actually gone to the office yet. We’ve been meeting around town.”

“That’s so weird to me. Where will you be working? Which village is the office located in?” Dan wet his face with warm water and began applying shaving lotion.

The island we were living on was broken up into little villages, each with their own unique characteristics and personality.

“Wait, why are you shaving? I thought you were going to keep the beard?” I asked in dismay.

He laughed his deep, warm laugh as our eyes met in the mirror.

“I thought about keeping the beard, but I think I’ll make a better first impression if I shave. Plus, in a day or two, I won’t be so clean-shaven.”

We both knew I liked him best a little rough around the edges. It made his good looks a bit more approachable, made him come off less preppy and perfect.

“I’m not sure where the office is or if I’ll even be working in one. Rogers said they were sending a car for me this morning.”

He stopped talking, contorting his face to get the closest shave possible. I didn’t miss the pensive, slightly troubled look on his face.

“I’m actually kind of nervous.”

“Really? Have you ever been nervous starting a new project?”

“Not since I first started. It’s strange walking into a project completely blind and I don’t know what to expect. You know me, I work best when I have all the information.”

“True. This is the first time you’ve been completely on your own too, right? That can’t help either.” I readjusted my body, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around my legs.

“Yeah, it is. It’s strange not having a team from the company here. The level of secrecy surrounding this project is beyond anything I’ve experienced. I don’t know… I think most of these feelings will go away after today,” he said almost to himself.

I wasn’t used to him saying so much or expressing so much uncertainty. This was the most vulnerable I had ever seen him.

“Do you ever get the feeling you’re on the verge of something big? Something that will make your life unrecognizable?” he asked, putting his razor down before placing his hands palms down on the counter, leaning over slightly, and turning his upper body in my direction.

I got up and walked toward him, slipping under his arm, wrapping myself around his bare waist, leaning the small of my back against the counter. I lifted my head and looked him in the eye.

“I do. I know exactly what you mean. And just so you know, I feel it too.”

I placed a kiss on his chest over his heart as he leaned down and rested his forehead against mine for a moment before placing a light, sweet kiss on my lips. I couldn’t bear to tell him that the change I felt coming didn’t necessarily feel like a good thing.

“Thank you for always being there for me, for always supporting me. I know it can’t be easy feeling like you always come second to my career.” He pulled me into a tight embrace. “It’s not true, you know. You don’t come second. I would choose you over this every time,” he whispered in my ear before pulling away and turning his attention back to his shaving.

I settled back on the bench and felt the weight of Dan’s eyes on me again. I looked up at him smiling at me with affection in his eyes. I smiled back at him, but I knew it didn’t reach my eyes.

I knew he believed what he had just said, but years of experience had told me it wasn’t true. His job always came first. Always. The birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays I spent alone only reinforced this.

The decline in communication during previous projects did too. I had no reason to believe it would ever be any different, though I never stopped hoping. This move, this leap was made with the last bit of hope I had in me.

I didn’t even blame him. This was his passion, his dream. He loved what he did. I’d known this about him when we met, when we started dating, and when we married. This wasn’t a surprise to me. I had never asked him to change or put me first, always believing it was a selfish thing to do to him.

As the veil of denial I’d been living under cleared, I realized we were nearing a breaking point. The cracks in our foundation were becoming fissures, and I was holding on to the hope this time together would repair them before the damage became irreparable.