I texted Dan, then called, and waited. And waited. And then waited for him to come home. At least that was how it felt.

I convinced myself maybe it wasn’t so important if he hadn’t called me back yet. I wasn’t even sure if he was going to be home that night anyway. It seemed like at least half the week he ended up spending the night at work, and he often didn’t know until the day of if he would be home or not.

I decided to go home and prep dinner as though he’d be home, a bit of wishful thinking on my part. I looked over at the clock over an hour later to see how close to dinnertime it was, and still no word from Dan. I poured myself a glass of wine and stirred the nearly done pasta sauce.

I was lost in my thoughts when a strong arm wrapped around my waist and soft lips kissed my neck below my ear. I jumped and screamed, knocking my wine glass over and sending the wooden spoon I was stirring the sauce with flying in the process. Dan’s deep, rumbling laugh sounded in my ear.

“Hello to you, too,” he rasped in my ear, still getting a good laugh out of my reaction.

I spun around in his arms, smacking his chest as he pulled me close. I gave him a lingering kiss before pulling back.

“You know not to sneak up on me and scare me!” I nearly screamed, pushing at him again.

“I’m sorry, when I saw you there daydreaming I couldn’t help it.”

“I wasn’t even expecting you home tonight. You called in the middle of the day, which you never do, so I figured the call was either important or you were trying to let me know you wouldn’t be home tonight.”

“The call was pretty important, but we can talk about it later. I miss you, and I just want to hold you for a minute. Is dinner almost done?”

“Yeah, let me turn it off.” I reached around and turned the burner off. “I miss you too. I feel like I never see you anymore, and you call much less than you normally do.”

He looked away from me for a moment before turning back and running a hand through his hair in frustration. He began to talk but was avoiding eye contact. I guessed he didn’t want to put off the conversation after all.

Anxiety spiked in my blood, a crushing pressure in my chest. It felt like the beginning of a panic attack. I took deep breaths, trying to reassure myself he had said it was only “pretty” important.

“This project’s kicking my ass. I wish I could go into detail, but you know I can’t. There’s problems left and right, and the minute we solve a problem, a bigger, more complex one pops up.” Dan stopped pacing and rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to loosen the corded muscles. He cursed under his breath. I knew that whatever words passed his lips next were ones that I wasn’t going to like. “It’s been crazy, but if we can pull this off, it’ll make me seriously consider taking on fewer projects at the firm or finally starting my own company. I just need to get through this one.”

“Okay, I feel like there’s something else.”

“So, with that all said, it’s looking like this project is going to take closer to a year to complete.”

“Whoa.” I took a couple of deep breaths and felt my body relax. That wasn’t so bad. “That all sucks and I’m sorry we can’t talk about it. I know you’re more than capable of kicking ass on this and I don’t mind staying here longer, so don’t worry about me.” I walked over to Dan and placed a kiss to his cheek.

Instead of relaxing with that confession off his chest, his body remained taut and tense. It was in that moment I knew there was more he hadn’t told me yet.

I set the table and made plates for us, waiting for him to work through whatever it was in his head he needed to work through so we could finish this conversation. He came and sat down at the table across from me, still silent while eating his pasta. Finally, he made eye contact and gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Remember when we talked about having Josie come visit sometime after the new year? What do you think about her coming a little sooner?”

“Oh, hmmm. I could ask her what her schedule is like since the holidays aren’t too far off. Were you thinking of having her over for the holidays?” I asked, more than a little curious as to why he wanted her to come sooner.

“Well, yeah, if she could do it. I don’t know, it was just an idea, something to think about and run by her,” Dan replied before focusing on his dinner.

We sat in silence for the rest of the meal. This time, it wasn’t so comfortable. The unsaid words between us were a weight pulling us down, and the only way to lighten the load was to throw the words out there and free them. But we continued to sit in silence, waiting.

Finally, he slid his plate out of the way, and leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table, steepling his fingers.

“I suggested you have Josie come for the holidays because I have more news. Maris wants to increase the parameters but he still wants us to maintain the same timeline. To do it, he’s making the team move to the island facility where the work will be done.”

And just like that the other shoe dropped. Dan couldn’t or wouldn’t even meet my eyes, though his shoulders slumped and something that looked like guilt tightened the features of his face.

“Fuck.” I could feel the tears begin to gather in my eyes, and I closed them tightly, willing myself not to cry, not to make this harder than it already was. When I finally felt I could talk without losing it, I asked the questions floating around in my head.

“What does that mean? Will I be living here alone then? Will you be able to come home for the holidays, even just the day?”

“Yeah, you’ll pretty much be alone unless I can manage to get away for a day here or there. I know this wasn’t part of the plan. If you aren’t comfortable being here by yourself, you can always go back home.”

The disappointment and guilt in his voice was obvious—he didn’t even try to hide it. I wanted that alone to ease my own disappointment, but it didn’t. I’d just sat witness as our plans, our chance crumbled before me. I took a deep breath and did what I always did. I sucked it up and tried to bury my feelings.

“I’ll stay.” The words barely made it through my tight throat. I coughed and swallowed reflexively, hoping I could convince Dan with my words alone. “I’ll be okay here. I’ll call Josie tomorrow and see if she wants to come a little earlier.” I managed to sound more resolute and I nodded my head vigorously as though that would reinforce my point.

He smiled tightly back at me, not believing me for a second. The one thing I couldn’t help but wonder was, would he ever choose me, choose us over his career?

Two weeks had passed, and I still hadn’t called Josie. The day after our conversation Dan was packed and ready to go. He was allowed to take a half day to get his things together, so we slept in, holding each other tight and not wanting to let go or talk about what this meant for our already shaky foundation.

We ate breakfast together, and I watched him shave and prepare for his day. We showered together, making love in a melancholy, subdued way. It felt like goodbye. Hell, it was a goodbye.

I watched him drive off in the town car that came to pick him up, feeling shell-shocked about our plans having changed so much in what felt like the blink of an eye.

One thing hadn’t changed: the strange shit going on at the house. Sometimes I could hear my name whispered on the breeze, like a faint caress. So quiet, over so quickly I often thought I’d just imagined it. Random breezes flowed through the house when all the windows and doors remained closed.

Objects still moved and showed up in places they weren’t at before, places they didn’t belong. One time I found my phone in the shower. I had no explanation for that one.

The stereo system would turn on, playing different songs. Sometimes it was songs I enjoyed and had played on repeat in the house, sometimes it was songs I’d never heard before but ended up loving.

The books still showed up, almost always open to a page that contained some passage that automatically jumped out at me. This did not seem random to me at all.

I still felt light touches on my skin, always accompanied by that now familiar scent. I knew when that scent surrounded me, something else would follow, whether it was a touch or the sense I wasn’t alone. Strangely enough, these events were happening with such regularity I was getting used to them.

The weirdest and perhaps worst thing were the dreams. They were happening nearly every night now. They were all strange and surreal, not at all like the dreams I was used to having. I was floating, or falling, or swimming. There were mystical, mythical creatures.

The one thing all of these dreams had in common was the handsome dark-haired man with the beautiful green eyes and unnerving, penetrating gaze. What got to me so much was the fact he seemed so familiar. Like I had met him before, like I knew him better than I knew anyone. Like I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone. There was always this strange magnetic pull between us. A pull so strong, as if no matter what, we were destined to touch, to be together in some way.

It was also strange that now, even days after having one of these dreams, I could still remember them. I was retaining every single detail. I’d been lucky if I remembered any of my dreams before moving here. Now I couldn’t escape them, even when I was awake.

I considered journaling them, but I realized I didn’t want to commit them to paper. I wanted to hold on to the feelings they elicited as tightly as possible, keeping them only for myself.

“Seriously? You wait three weeks to call me and act like that’s okay?”

The humor in Josie’s voice was evident, but there was no mistaking the underlying disappointment.

“Well, I’m not the only one with a phone. You could have called me too,” I retorted with no bite.

“True, true. I’ve been busy. Things have been crazy here at the center. We lost a couple instructors and I’ve been teaching classes and hosting seminars along with all my other responsibilities. It’s been exhausting, but things are starting to slow down with the holidays around the corner, so I’m almost caught up.” She sighed.

“It’s funny you say that. Things have changed here and I was wondering if you wanted to maybe stay with me for the holidays?”

“You do know we’re like a week away from Thanksgiving, right? Is Dan okay with this?”

“It was actually his idea. The truth is, I don’t even know if he will be here for the holidays.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” she practically shouted at me. It was one of the things I loved about Josie. She always supported me, always had my back.

“Jos, calm down. Everything is fine. His project is screwed up and it was expanded. The entire team had to move to a neighboring island for the duration of the project.”

“Wait, so you’re living there by yourself?”

While she wasn’t shouting, she didn’t sound calm in the least.

“Yeah, I am. But I’m okay with it. I just miss him. With Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up it would be nice to know I’m spending them with at least one person I love.”

“Well, I just spent the last week nose deep in my schedule and we decided to close the studio down for most of the holidays, so you can have me until January third. Are you sure you don’t want to come home, sweetie? Wouldn’t that make more sense?”

Josie ran a popular studio that was sort of new age-ish. On top of fitness and yoga classes, they also ran seminars in things like meditation, tantric sex, and couples’ therapy. She had somehow made this odd mix of offerings usually targeted at the hippies, hipsters, and crunchy mamas who lived in the area also accessible and desirable to the more moderate and mainstream residents.

“No. It feels like this is where I need to be. Plus, I haven’t talked to the girls much since being here. We’ve been playing phone tag and we’ve texted a little, but I feel a bit disconnected from Santa Barbara right now.”

“Are you sure, Ros? You know the girls won’t care. We all miss you and would be happy to have you home.”

“Yeah, I’m more than sure. Plus, there’s always the chance Dan will be able to come home for a day or two for the holidays, so that alone would keep me here. So, yay! I’m excited and I can’t wait for you to see everything. Just send me the day you want to come and I’ll arrange your ticket.”

Even if Dan was a no-show for the holidays, I knew with Josie here, everything would still be festive and feel like home. A part of me also knew this was a test.

I wanted—no, I needed—to see what she would experience here in this house. I needed confirmation or I needed to let it all go. If Jos experienced any of the things I had, she could provide that confirmation.