“Hey, I’m gonna take a break for a bit, kay?”

I laid the book I was reading to Archer on the floor and stretched out on the couch, plopping my feet on his lap. There was a new intimacy between us, a comfort that came with so much time spent together and secrets shared. It wasn’t a leap for me to call Archer my best friend and mean it.

“Sure. Would you like me to take a turn?” he asked as he placed his hands on my ankles.

We realized a few days ago that he had no problem resting a book on his lap and reading from it. We still weren’t sure how this was all possible, how he grew stronger with each passing day, how his once-insubstantial form was now a very real body much of the time we spent together. Certain activities still zapped him of his energy more than others, and he still needed rest, but I had a feeling that if someone came across him, they would think he was alive.

I was about to respond when my phone rang on the coffee table. I was going to ignore it until I saw it was Dan calling.

“It’s Dan. This could be quick, or it could take a while. I never know.” My conversations with Dan now exclusively took place through text message, so the fact that he was calling made me think this was more than the typical messages he sent.

“It’s okay, I know you’re tired, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Archer said as he waved before disappearing.

“Hey,” I said as I answered the phone.

“Hey, babe. How’s it going?” Dan sounded exhausted. There was something else in his voice that gave me an uneasy feeling.

“It’s going. I haven’t been sleeping well, so I’m pretty exhausted and was about to go to sleep. How are you? You sound tired too.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty wiped. I have some news though. I’m coming home in the next week.”

“Wait, what?” I asked, sitting up quickly. “You mean for a visit?”

“No, Ros. For good. I’m shutting down the project. I know it’s sudden and I know it’s earlier than expected given all the delays and issues, but I’m ramping down right now. I’ll explain later. Rogers said we can stay in the house as long as we need to. I thought we could use this time as a vacation before we head back to Santa Barbara.”

“Wow. That’s just… a lot of information to take in. I thought I’d have more time here. Shit, I’m going to have a lot of work to do to turn over my program.” I realized I didn’t sound excited, no matter how much I wanted to feel it.

“I know. There’s a lot for us to talk about,” he said and sighed deeply. Something was bothering him, weighing him down.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. It will be. We’ll talk when I get there. I love you. I’ll see you soon, Ros.”

“I love you too,” I responded woodenly.

Dan hung up, and I sat there for a good five minutes with the phone in my hand, just staring at it. I should have been excited about Dan being done and coming home, and about the fact we would get time together to work through all the things that weren’t working for us.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. This also meant my time with Archer would be coming to a close so much sooner than I’d expected. The prospect of losing my best friend was something I was incapable of processing.

“Ros, what’s wrong?” Archer asked.

I wrung my fingers in my lap and looked down, uncertain how this conversation was going to go down, unsure of how I was going to say all the things I needed to. The tears stung my eyes, and blinking them wasn’t helping to hold them back this time.

As I sat there in silence, feeling the tension rolling off Archer, who was sitting so close to me, waiting for what I was going to say, my throat ached with all the unshed tears and all the unsaid words were fighting and clawing their way to the surface, desperate to be let out.

“Dan is coming back.”

He turned and looked away, tugging on his hair in frustration. He groaned, and it was so painful to hear.

“When?” he barked out.

“I don’t have an exact date, but he said in the next week.”

The tears were starting to slip down my face. I didn’t even bother wiping them away. There would be no point.

“Is the project over? I thought it was going on for another two to three months.”

“I don’t know if it’s over, he was vague about the details. I only know he’s coming back, and then we’re leaving. Going back home.” I said the last sentence so quietly it was almost a whisper, but I knew Archer would hear me.

“Fuck, Ros. This is your home.”

I couldn’t hold it in anymore and a sob broke loose. In an instant, I was in Archer’s arms, my face pressed against his chest where his musky scent I loved so much was even stronger. I wrapped my arms around his waist and was surprised by how solid he was. So much more than I had grown used to.

“Shhhh. Shhhh. It’s going to be okay. I promise,” he whispered, stroking my back.

“No, it’s not. You don’t understand. My heart is fucking breaking right now. You feel like home to me, Archer, but this isn’t my home. Not anymore.”

“Rosalind,” he said so firmly I looked up at him.

The fierceness in his gaze ripped me apart. He grasped my face in his hands, ever so gently rubbing away my tears with his thumbs.

“I’ve been beating around the bush with this, not being entirely honest for fear I would lose you, and out of respect for your marriage, though your own husband doesn’t appear to hold the same respect for it,” he said bitterly. I opened my mouth to defend Dan, but he cut me off, not allowing me to even get out one word.

“No, Ros, it’s the truth, and deep down you know it. The truth I’ve been withholding, that fear I never confessed? It’s that I’m in love with you. I love you in a way I’ve never loved anyone, in a way I never thought was possible, and it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced. You are everything to me. And I… I fucking love you. I didn’t mean to, but I do.”

A single tear tracked down his cheek and the honesty of his words was written all over his face, in his eyes. I had been noticing the more time we spent together, the more movies we watched, the more music we listened to, the more books I read to him, the more he spoke as though he’d been alive just a year or two ago. He didn’t sound like he had lived a hundred years ago—what little had remained of his vocal habits from that time had now gone.

I knew this was a bizarre and inappropriate time to have the realization. As I was lost in thought, his grip on my face tightened slightly, but not painfully, and I looked in his eyes again to see them flame with love and passion and lust.

Before I knew what was going on, his lips slammed down on mine in a heady, demanding kiss. It somehow managed to be both tender and harsh at the same time. I could miraculously feel the wet trail his tongue left behind as he licked my lips.

Archer bit my bottom lip, making me gasp, and as my lips parted to release the air, he thrust his tongue into my mouth, seeking and finding my tongue as he deepened the kiss. It went on forever and for only a second before it ended. We were both panting, staring at each other. I finally broke.

I couldn’t continue to deny to myself that I loved him. I was in love with him. I probably had been for far longer than I cared to admit.

I realized that when people talked of soulmates, of one eternal love, this was what they were talking about. A love that lit you up from the inside, that set you on fire. A love that was so different from everything and everyone else, you knew you would never meet anyone like them again. A love that fulfilled and sustained you in ways you didn’t know possible. That made you stronger, braver, better in every way.

This was what Archer did to me. He challenged me to be the best possible version of myself. Urged me on and supported me, always assured me he was there, even when I couldn’t see him. This was a love there would be no returning from. I would never be the Rosalind I’d been before I walked onto this island, before I walked into this house.

And I knew there was no future for us. There was no future for lovers when only one person of the couple was actually, physically alive.

“Archer, I love you too. More than you will ever know.” I took a deep, ragged breath, unable to say anything else.

And there was Dan. The guilt was nearly crushing. What kind of person, what kind of wife did it make me, that I had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t my husband? I might not have chosen to feel this way, might never have consciously sought this out.

This love had come over me like a tsunami, suddenly and with little warning, all-consuming and devastating. I might not have been technically unfaithful until this moment, but my heart now contained another, and because of it, guilt surrounded me, closing in, making me feel claustrophobic even in the largest of spaces.

I still loved Dan. I was still in love with him. He was an amazing man and right for me in so many ways, except all the ways that truly mattered. The ways in which Archer had invaded my heart and taken over. If I didn’t know how to explain to myself how this had happened, how was I going to make sense of this to Dan or anyone else?

This had to come to a stop. The only way this ended was with me walking away from Archer and him accepting it. The mere thought of never seeing him, feeling his whisper of a touch, hearing his laugh or words, his sweet deep melodic voice, smelling the scent that was uniquely his. Losing all of those things forever killed me, filled me with an acute pain in my stomach, a combination of heartbreak and dread and guilt.

“Archer… I think I need some space. This is too much right now. I need to figure out how to process this all,” I said in the tiniest voice, so quiet I began to think he hadn’t even heard me. Goose bumps erupted as his kiss landed on my cheek before he moved next to me.

“I understand, Ros. I’m here, just call me if you need me,” Archer said as he faded away.

The end was inevitable—the only thing I could do was start the breaking now in hopes it would hurt less with the pain spread out.