A week had passed since the maybe-kissing incident, but neither Archer nor I had brought it up. I continued to act as though it never happened while I dreamt about it almost every night. I instead chose to focus on work as a diversion.

I had just begun a new session of my art program with a new group of students. I had also decided to add a second class to my schedule to continue working with the kids who had taken my first session. It was incredible and surreal that my waiting list far surpassed the amount of time I would be here.

This felt like my baby, something dear to me I had created and nurtured. Something that continued to grow and surpass all my expectations and fulfilled me in a way nothing else ever had. I started making notes about how to build the program, including rotating teachers in different disciplines, adding more classes, and potentially adding more fundraisers to help support the growth. I knew I had something great on my hands.

I also knew that my time here had an end date. I didn’t want to walk away from the program I’d created but knew I couldn’t stay forever. I realized that with my resources and connections back home, I could create a similar program in Santa Barbara.

Anytime I started to consider making new plans in Santa Barbara, my thoughts also went to all I had left behind. I’d been avoiding contact with my friends back home, including Josie, and I was starting to feel guilty and shitty over it. I knew the girls had been planning to visit soon, which meant I needed to stop being a crap friend if we were going to solidify those plans. Instead of calling Jos right then, I decided to call her the next day.

My mind was so scrambled with all the things going on between my art stuff, spending time with Archer, and the fact that Dan and I hadn’t even talked on the phone in the last week and a half. The last text he had responded to was almost a week ago. Our anniversary was the following week, and though it wasn’t something we typically got a chance to celebrate, I found the desire to do so this year growing with each day that passed without any contact from him.

I pulled my phone out and tapped his name before I could overthink it and second-guess myself. It rang a few times before going to voicemail. I hung up, and pulled my knee up to my chest and rested my arm on it before laying my cheek against my arm. I stared off into space, trying hard not to get upset. A few minutes later I was startled by the buzzing of my phone in my hand, and even more shocked to see Dan had called me back so quickly.

“Hey, babe!” I answered in a slightly high-pitched voice. I cringed. He would be able to hear something was off.

“Hey, you called? Is everything okay?” he responded in a gruff, tired voice that held an edge of annoyance.

“Yeah. Yeah, everything is fine. I just realized it’s been almost two weeks since we last talked, so I just wanted to see how you were doing, see how things were going.”

“Has it really been so long?”

“It has, but I know you’ve been busy. I’ve been swamped too.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied before falling silent.

He sounded so different, exhausted and maybe frustrated, but there was something else in his voice that sounded so different from the Dan I had spoken with last. It sent up a red flag and kicked my anxiety up a notch.

“Shit, Ros, I was just looking at my phone and realized it’s been a week since I’ve even texted you. I’m so sorry, baby. We’re working all day and night. Sometimes it’s over twenty-four hours before we notice a whole day has passed. Are you sure you are okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I promise. I wanted to ask you something, but now it seems so silly.”

“You know there is little you ask that isn’t worth it. What is it?”

“So our anniversary is next week, and I know we don’t usually do much of anything to celebrate, but I was kind of hoping maybe we can do something together. Do you think it would be possible?” I asked, hearing the uncertainty in my voice, but also noticing the absence of hope.

The silence seemed to drag on. Then Dan groaned. In an instant, my heart fell. I knew his answer wasn’t going to be the one I wanted to hear.

“Ros, I wish I could, you know I’d rather be with you than here working, but we are so far behind, and there is just too much to do. I don’t even know when I’m going to be able to come back and visit.”

The silence now sat heavy and tense between us. I was sure Dan could feel my disappointment, even through the phone and the distance. Tears gathered in my eyes, my throat ached with the effort of trying to hold them back, willing them not to fall. I didn’t want to cry; I didn’t want him to feel shitty or upset for letting me down.

Dan remained silent on the other end of the phone, and he knew me well enough to guess I was fighting tears. Before I fully exhaled my next breath, a light breeze wafted by me despite all the windows and doors in the place being closed, closely followed by the masculine, musky scent of sandalwood and ocean.

I turned my head and saw Archer standing across the room from me. He gestured with his hands, a silent way of asking if I wanted him to leave and have privacy for the rest of the conversation. I shook my head slightly, without a second thought. I somehow knew he’d come to comfort me, something I didn’t realize I needed at this moment.

“Dan—”

“Ros—” We both spoke at the same time. Before either of us could try to continue, I heard a feminine voice in the background, but not close enough to hear what the woman was saying.

“Ros, hold on a sec,” Dan said, not giving me a chance to reply.

I heard the muffled sound of Dan pulling the phone away from his ear and covering it so the conversation couldn’t be overheard. I turned and looked at Archer and could tell by the look in his eye he suspected something was up.

There was more muffled movement through the phone before a woman said, “C’mon, Dan, you promised. The movie is set up and ready to go and the popcorn is popped. We’ve been working for eighteen hours straight, let’s unwind a little before we go back at it, okay?”

Just as before, her voice was husky and one hundred percent sexy. I recognized the voice from previous phone calls and knew this was Kelly, the lone woman on his team. I looked over at Archer and caught him staring at me with a look of worry and something that looked a lot like anger on his face. I knew then he was hearing everything being said, and I turned away from him quickly, again willing the tears not to fall.

A rush of air moved past me, Archer’s scent lingering after. I turned to find him sitting right next to me. A tear escaped down my cheek, and before I could wipe it away, I felt his hand grasp mine, lacing our fingers together before he gently squeezed once, shocking me for a moment with the contact.

“Ros, you still there?” Dan asked, resuming our conversation.

“Yeah,” I was finally able to force out through my aching throat.

“Look, I’ve gotta go. I’m sorry I can’t make things work for our anniversary. I’ll see what I can do on my end to try to get over there sooner than later though, okay?”

I nodded my head, forgetting Dan couldn’t see me, and murmured a few words as the call came to a close.

I hung up and looked down at the phone in my hands, not knowing what to say, not even knowing how I felt other than emotionally wrung out and confused. I leaned my head down on what should have been Archer’s shoulder and gasped when I made contact with something solid. I turned my head and found I was indeed resting on his shoulder.

I looked into Archer’s eyes. He brushed back the hair that had fallen in my face and placed an airy kiss to my temple, resting his chin on my head and wrapping his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. I snuggled into him, getting comfortable, not even beginning to understand how being physically comforted by him was even possible.

“Rosalind, I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but everything will work out. I promise. There is a good explanation for what’s going on, I’m sure,” he said before I even had a chance to say what was on my mind.

It was crazy to me that he knew me so well already, he was able to anticipate what my reaction to the phone call would be. I sighed deeply and curled even further into his body. It somehow felt warmer than any embrace I had felt before. I knew it would only last a few more minutes, but those moments of comfort were exactly what I needed and more than I could have hoped for.

I realized in those moments in his embrace that Archer had become more important to me than I could have ever imagined. How, in such a short amount of time, had a ghost become my best friend? I didn’t have an answer, but I knew things for me could never go back to the way they were before.

The next day I sucked it up and called Josie. I’d been avoiding her for too long and knew I needed her too. I sat on my balcony with a cup of coffee, tapping my fingers on the side table nervously.

“Hello,” she answered.

“Hey, Jos.”

“Who is this? The voice sounds familiar, but I’m just not sure who this is,” she said. I was caught between wanting to laugh at her snark and feeling guilty.

“I know, I know. I’m an absolute shit friend, I deserve to rot in hell, and I’m sorry. Are you happy now?”

“Well, as far as apologies and groveling go, I’d give it about six or so, but it’ll do for now. I’m glad to see you’re alive. What’s going on? Why the disappearing act, bitch? I was about to call a search team!” God, I’d seriously missed her overly dramatic ways. How had I seemed to forget she could cheer me up like this?

“Ughhh, I’m sorry, Jos. The program is taking up most of my time.”

“How are things going with it?”

“Amazing. So much better than I expected. I’m going to be seriously sad when I have to leave. I’m already making plans to keep it going once I go, plus I’m starting to research creating a similar program back home.”

“So what is it you aren’t telling me? You know we don’t keep secrets. Spill.”

And this was why I had avoided calling her. Even over the phone without her seeing my face, she could sense I was withholding information from her, that I was keeping secrets. It was easier to be open and get it all out there than to attempt to keep things from her.

The problem was, I wasn’t ready to talk about Archer with her. I wasn’t sure I ever would be. She likely wouldn’t believe me and would think I was crazy, as anyone would.

My friendship with Archer was something special I wanted to keep to myself. I didn’t want to share my thoughts or feelings or the experiences I had with him with anyone else, and I really didn’t want to even begin to analyze my reasons.

“Things with Dan are just… rough right now. Jos, I have no clue what is going on with us.” Sharing my issues with Dan, while uncomfortable, was the best way to avoid talking about Archer.

“Okay, tell me what the problem is. Do we need wine and FaceTime for this conversation?”

“I don’t know, maybe. But it’s only like ten a.m., and while I usually would start making mimosas, I have to be at Marie’s in a couple of hours before heading to the studio.”

“Then just FaceTime,” she said as my phone sounded, alerting me that she was trying to connect. I accepted and set my phone up on the outdoor coffee table and snuggled back on the couch, making sure I was in front of the lens.

“So what the fuck is going on that has you so upset?”

“I don’t know.” I groaned, knowing that wasn’t really true. “Dan and I barely talk. Last night was the first conversation we’ve had in almost two weeks and he hadn’t texted in a week. It didn’t go well at all, Jos.”

I stopped talking and just cried, swiping furiously at my cheeks. This next part was going to be harder to say than I initially thought. The last thing I wanted to do was put any ideas in her head about Dan possibly being untrustworthy, but I also needed to bounce this off my oldest friend.

“I asked him if he could come visit for our anniversary. We need some time together, even if it’s only a few hours. Of course, it’s not going to happen right now, though he did say he was going to try to carve out some time to visit soon. What really killed me was at the end of the call I overheard Kelly ask him if he was ready to watch a movie.”

I stopped there, not knowing what else to say. I couldn’t give voice to my worries or suspicions, I just couldn’t. I knew Josie would connect the dots and get where I was going with this.

“Who the fuck is Kelly?”

“The only woman on his four-person team.”

“Have you met this woman?”

“No. I don’t even know what she looks like. I can’t bring myself to ask Dan what she looks like or if she’s attractive. I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him or I suspect something.”

“But you do. Suspect something, right?”

“Jos, I don’t know. I want to trust him, I do. On the one hand, it sounded pretty casual and for all I know, the other guys were there too. On the other hand, he’s working extremely long hours, day in and day out, surrounded by only three other people, one of them this woman. I don’t like what I heard, but I also don’t want to jump to conclusions.”

Josie didn’t say anything at first. She was deep in thought, so I just waited her out.

“Ros, I don’t think Dan is cheating on you. He’s honest to a fault, and I can’t imagine him carrying on with someone else and not confessing to you immediately. With that said, it doesn’t mean I think everything is okay with you guys. There are obviously some issues and you guys are barely communicating at all, even through text. That’s not okay. You know this. You don’t need me to tell you.”

“I know, Jos. I just have no idea what to even do about this while we’re so far apart and trying to put on a happy face and pretend like all is well is starting to kill me. I think at this point I’m going to have to put talking to Dan on hold until we can speak face to face. This isn’t a conversation we can have on the phone or FaceTime, you know?”

I was done talking about it. There was nothing I could do until some unknown date in the future and dwelling on it wasn’t going to solve anything. I shook off the negativity before changing the subject.

“So when are you bitches coming to visit me?” I asked, smiling and knowing this would get Josie off the topic of Dan and me.

Josie’s face dropped. “Actually, it’s one of the things I’ve been trying to talk to you about. I don’t know if any of us are going to be able to get out there anytime soon. Scarlett has some family drama going on she hasn’t wanted to talk about, so she’s been pretty MIA too. Cynthia just can’t get the time off work.”

“Is Scarlett okay?” My stomach twisted as the guilt of being a shit friend took over.

“Yeah, Scarlett is okay, just going through some stuff.”

“What about Cynthia?” The knots in my gut tightened.

“I guess they laid off like half her division and now she’s doing the job of three people on top of her own. She wants to quit, but you know Cynth, it will never happen.” Jos shrugged at this, since this kind of stuff happened to Cynthia often. “As for me, things are just crazy right now at the center. It will calm down eventually, but with all the time I took off for the holidays, I need to focus a little more energy here. I’m hoping I can get back out there in May or June. Do you think you guys will still be there?”

“I’m not sure. The plan was for six months to a year, so it really depends on how the project goes, though they’re running behind and we are getting closer to that year mark, so it’s pretty likely I’ll still be here. Don’t worry if you can’t make it though, I totally understand,” I replied with a smile I was sure she knew was fake and for her benefit. As difficult as it was to hide things from Josie over the phone, in person or on camera, it was nearly impossible.

“Well, fine, I guess I won’t come again!” she replied in mock indignation and outrage, then dissolved into a fit of giggles when she realized what she’d said.

“Awww, c’mon, we both know you are always willing to come again,” I choked out through my laughter, shaking my head at her. We seriously had the sense of humor of middle-school boys, immature and full of silly innuendos. We both continued to laugh for another few minutes.

“Okay, hon, I just saw what time it was and I really need to go. I’m super bummed about you guys not being able to visit. I know I owe the girls a call, but I really don’t want to pretend everything is going okay here with Dan, so I’d rather not make those calls right now. Would you please just do it for me?” I begged her.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it. Just this once though. I’ll let the girls know you’re going to call in a few weeks when things ‘calm down’ for you, okay?” Jos replied using air quotes.

“You’re the best, love you forever!” I said, blowing her air kisses.

“Love you too! Ciao!” she said, blowing kisses back before disconnecting the call.

I sat there for a minute, staring off into the distance. I knew I shouldn’t have felt it, but all I could find myself feeling at the news my closest friends wouldn’t be able to visit was complete and utter relief.