LAUREN

 

Work was torture. I got three coffee orders wrong and burned the milk twice. Gabe wasn’t scheduled on and Jordan, Mark and I completed the close.

“You alright, love?” Mark asked as I wiped the glass in the cabinet for the fourth time. I looked at him, not understanding, and he nodded to the cabinet. “I’m pretty sure that’s clean now.”

I looked at the way the glass sparkled and laughed nervously. “You’re probably right.”

“It’s quarter to ten. We would like to go home, if that’s okay with you?” Mark said, picking up his jacket and shrugging it over his shoulders. It was one of those fake leather ones he had obviously had for years and the elbows and shoulders were scuffed. Jordan was leaning against the counter, tapping on her phone.

“Sorry, I’m just distracted.” I stood and wiped my hands down my apron. “Just let me grab my stuff and then we can lock up.”

I was desperate, yet terrified, to get home. Gabe knew we closed up at nine and were usually out of there before nine thirty, so, no doubt, he would be waiting for me. I picked up my bag and sighed. I had almost talked myself out of going through with it. I hadn’t slept with anyone other than Derek. Ever. What if I didn’t do it right? What if he took one look at the stretch marks or my scar and went running for the hills? He wouldn’t be used to bodies like mine. I couldn’t stand the thought of it.

I drove the long way home and even slowed down at orange lights rather than racing through them. But Gabe wasn’t waiting when I got there so I had the chance to take a quick shower, make sure I was groomed and smooth. What to change into was a problem. Usually, I would get straight into pyjamas, but I didn’t want to greet him wearing something that had fluffy pink pigs on it. In the end, I blindly pulled a loose flowing sun dress over my head. I had chosen underwear that was neither flashy nor too casual. I didn’t want him to think I had dressed up especially, but I also didn’t want him to see me in the underwear I usually chose to wear. There was never this pressure when I slept with Derek.

Smudge became the most affectionate cat in the world and wrapped himself around my legs, smooching against me and purring loudly. I shoved him away but he persisted until I sat on the bed and pulled him into my lap. “What am I doing?” I asked him. He only purred in response. Fat lot of good he was.

I was in the middle of tidying up my bedroom and wondering if he had chickened out, or if he had only ever wanted me to say yes so he could then reject me, when the doorbell rang. My heart leapt to my throat. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and took a few deep breaths to calm myself.

“Hey,” I said, pulling open the door and smiling brightly. Too brightly, probably. I toned it down a little and then just stood there awkwardly staring and holding the door open.

“Hey, yourself.” Gabe kissed me on the cheek then walked past into the lounge. Placing a bottle of wine on the coffee table, he leaned back on the couch. “Hope you haven’t been waiting too long. I didn’t want to appear too eager.”

I laughed and it came out high pitched and unnatural. “Shall we?” I said, reaching for the bottle and holding it up.

I had moved to the kitchen and reached for the wine glasses at the top of the cupboard when I felt the warmth of him behind me. I held my breath as his hands fluttered on my waist. A rush of excitement rippled in my chest. Slowly, I lowered the glasses to the bench as he placed his lips against my neck, kissing it softly. I closed my eyes, silently cursing as I literally quivered with desire. He ran the tip of his nose along the curve of my neck and nibbled on my earlobe.

“Which way to the bedroom?” he whispered.

I could do nothing but nod in the direction of my room. He took my hand and led me down the hall, stopping occasionally to push me against the wall and kiss me urgently. I wanted him. I needed him. But as he pushed against me, I couldn’t help the terror that ran through me at the thought of him seeing me naked.

He pulled me into the bedroom and shut the door on a curious Smudge. I stood helpless and unsure of myself as he approached. Pulling his shirt off, I inwardly gasped at the sight of him. He was splendid. Tanned skin, mussed up hair and glorious smooth muscles that flexed as he moved.

But he gave me very little time to admire him as he drew me close, took my face in his hands and crushed his mouth to mine. His kiss was so sensual and I felt sick with nervousness as my desire for him increased. My hands hung limply at my side, unsure where to touch. Gingerly, I ran them softly up the skin of his back. The harder I pressed into him the louder he groaned. And it was a glorious groan, almost enough to make me forget myself, but not quite. When his hands ran down my sides and grabbed for the hem of my dress, I held them in place.

“Don’t,” I whispered.

“I want to see you,” he said between kisses on my neck.

“I… I…” I stammered. “I don’t—”

He pulled away from me and sat down on the bed, tugging me with him as he held onto the hem of my dress. Releasing his grip on the material, he undid the buttons on his jeans and then stood, letting them fall to the ground and I saw his fullness, hard and ready, under the thin material of his boxers. I swallowed and let my eyes drink him in as he stood before me, holding himself on display. I had never seen anyone so perfect, which only confused me all the more as to why he would want me. I ran my eyes back up his body to find him staring at me, just a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He tucked his hair behind his ears and took my hands.

“I want you,” he said huskily. He looked down at his erection and then back up at me. “I really want you. Every part of me wants you. Isn’t that all that matters?”

I took a hesitant step forward and in one quick movement, he ripped my dress off. He barely glanced at me before nuzzling into my neck, kissing, licking and sucking on the flesh around my breasts. Reaching behind, he fumbled with my bra and, within moments, my breasts were bare and exposed.

“I want you,” he said again.

Then he took me in his arms and we fell together on top of the bed. Running his hands along my sides, he took my breast in his mouth, swirling his tongue over my nipple again and again. My breathing quickened and I moaned as he teased my flesh, grazing his teeth over my skin and nibbling at will. I felt the moisture seep between my legs and knew my underwear was soaked. I ran my hands over his shoulders, taking in the firm smoothness of his muscles as he reached down and tugged at my underwear.

“My god, you’re wet,” he said as he pulled them down my legs and flung them to the floor. Bending over the side of the bed, he reached for his jeans, searching the pocket and removing a foil wrapper. He ripped it with his teeth, dropped his boxers and stepped out of them. He was hard. And large. But again, he barely gave me the chance to look, as he expertly covered himself, climbing over me and plunging inside. I gasped as he filled me and he groaned loudly. Propping himself up on his elbows, he withdrew slowly until he was almost out but not completely. He looked at me and kissed the tip of my nose. “Okay?” he asked.

I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t utter a word, so instead, I nodded and he slowly thrust back inside. I had never felt someone so hard, so virile, and it turned me on no end. He filled every part of me, causing me to moan in wonder. He kept his eyes on mine as he moved in and out. His rhythmic motion and the way the base of him pressed against me as he rose with each thrust, built inside. I bit my lip, trying to contain my growing desire. I had never come solely from penetration before but the urge was there, and it throbbed until I wasn’t sure I could contain it any longer. The sight of me struggling caused him to start moving more urgently. His thrusts became harder and faster, and I arched back on the bed, twisting the sheets between my fingers.

“Come,” he pleaded, and with an urgent thrust he grunted and stayed deep inside, as my body obeyed his request and I shuddered. His eyes stayed glued to my face, his body rigid as wave after wave of pleasure rippled through me and I clenched against him. When I finally began to breathe again, his release came quickly. He cried out with one final thrust and his hardness pulsated inside. He stayed still, eyes closed until the last ounce of him was done. Slowly, he pulled out and flopped down beside me, his arm flung over my chest.

He grinned lazily, and the side of his mouth twitched. “That wasn’t so bad now, was it?”

I couldn’t help but laugh and slid out from under his arm, standing to reach into my drawers and pull out a night shirt to slip over my head. Gabe reached for his boxers and pulled them on, having discarded the used rubber. I tried to read the tattooed ink running down his left side but his arm was in the way.

“Want that glass of wine now?” he asked.

I moved toward the doorway but he stopped me, grabbing my arm and planting a soft kiss on my shoulder. “I’ll get it. You stay here.”

I flicked back the covers on the bed and hopped in. Moments later, Gabe returned, bottle in hand.

“Do we really need the glasses?” he asked as he moved to the other side of the bed and climbed in. I watched him, coveting every inch as he pressed close to my side. Even though I had just had him, I wanted him again. He lifted the bottle and took a large gulp before handing it to me.

“Cheers,” I said and tipped the bottle back.

“Easy there, tiger. We don’t want a repeat of last night.”

“Hey! I’ll have you know that was after numerous bottles of wine, not one sip.”

“I wouldn’t call that a sip.” He took the bottle and brought it to his lips, tilting it slightly. “That was a sip.”

“That’s what I did.”

Gabe rolled his eyes. “Sure it was.” He took another swig of the bottle and winked at me.

“What does it say?” I took the bottle from him and took a polite sip.

“What?”

I nodded to his side. “Your tattoo.”

He rolled over and tossed the covers off, exposing the flesh under his arm. I put the bottle down on the bedside cabinet and studied the words. They were in a thick, old fashioned calligraphy and a little hard to decipher.

“Don’t die wondering,” Gabe said. “It was Clark’s favourite saying.”

“So Clark, the one that helped out after the earthquake, he was the one that died?”

Gabe nodded. “He had just come home from university and he and Dad got into this big argument. It was really late at night, and despite the fact that he had not long arrived, he took off and drove back. He never made it though.”

“So the last thing he did was fight with your dad? That’s got to be tough on him.”

“On Dad? He’s a prick. He probably blames Clark. Clark wanted to quit studying law and go overseas to help with some charity thing. You know, save the kids, clean the water, build a house, something goody-good like that. He hadn’t told Dad yet, but when he got home, Dad had already opened some letter saying he had been accepted into the programme. Dad blew his lid and Clark took off.”

I reached over and traced over the ink with the tip of my finger. The skin beneath was raised and it tightened under my touch. Goose bumps dotted his skin. Gabe reached out and pulled me to him.

“Must have been horrible,” I said as he wrapped his arms around my waist and I buried my head into his chest. His smell was heavenly.

“I haven’t lived at home since. I pretty much spent the next six months drunk and living on people’s couches. Then one day I woke up and remembered Clark saying to me, ‘don’t die wondering’. It was like one of those things in movies where people suddenly realise something they should have known all along.”

“An epiphany?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. Anyway, I got the tattoo, took off overseas and the rest is history.”

“Are things okay with your dad now?”

The stubble on his chin rubbed against my scalp as he shook his head. Within minutes, his heavy breathing told me he was asleep.