Chapter 25
Speak To a Girl
Amberly
Tempting kryptonite. Bryant was my tempting kryptonite. Dizzying how quickly my world started turning when he entered my life. He weakened me.
For fleeting moments, I forgot how depressing my life had been. I forgot about the empty, rotting hole in my heart. Bryant Kessler was more than a band-aid. When he applied himself to me, the wounds were gone. It was almost as if his breaths contained a hint of morphine in them and when they fell over me, it made me forget about the life I had. His breaths put me in a constant state of ecstasy.
My body tingled from the kiss, starting from my lips and then down my spine to my toes. Every touch, every kiss, every look took me up onto a euphoric cloud.
I hated admitting that I had wanted Bryant when I first met him. I had no idea what had come over me. It made me wonder if those that cheated on their spouses had felt what I had felt during that time. It was doubtful since most relationships that had started out of secrecy usually ended with deceit, lies, and the loss of faith. Many people confessed that they cheated for no other reason than because they wanted to. Those people felt a rush from hiding something, knowing at any moment they could get caught. I was sure those people hadn’t felt a soul attraction to the other person. Their connection was based on a lie. Yeah, I was bitter. Things happen that way when you are on the receiving end of someone cheating. I had been able to avoid letting myself become involved with another while I was married, why was it so hard for someone else? There were times I had wondered if Eric was with the woman he cheated on me with, now I didn’t care because the way they began would be the way they would end.
Bryant’s soul and my soul were connected. What we shared went beyond a physical attraction. We defined the words ‘soul attraction’. My soul was attracted to his, a soul that held no solid form.
I could guess that was part of the reason I was sitting in the shop of Skrillex, telling him everything. I wanted an open slate when it came to our relationship. I wanted him to know everything—the good, the bad, the impossible, and the quirky. I wanted to be myself, though part of who I was had disappeared long ago.
The night I had text him sex facts amongst animals was the quirky side of me. The side of me that came out when I had too much to drink or when I felt comfortable with the company around me. No one ‘got’ my humor. Bryant hadn’t seemed to mind, but I wished he had forgotten about the whole one-sided conversation.
“I want you.” I said into his mouth, the lift kit on the vehicle he was working on forgotten.
I don’t know how he did it but he swept me up in his arms and pinned me against the wall of the building. The faint instrumental humming of the radio faded into the background as the quickening of our breathing grew.
He responded, “I want you too.”
Sporadic kisses were being smeared across my skin, leaving trails of intimacy in their wake. My skin absorbed him without hesitation.
On my tip toes, I clasped my hands around his neck and urged him to keep kissing me. I was losing my patience when it came to him. He obliged, his hands roaming my body.
I didn’t recognize my voice when I became demanding. “I want you to fuck me, Bryant.”
He stopped, putting everything on pause. His eyes started searching for the truth in my statement. I pinned him with a challenging stare. A fire flashed in his eyes and he pushed play again, unzipping my jeans.
I couldn’t say no to him. I couldn’t resist him.
The denim fell to the ground and I stepped out of them. I already had Bryant’s jeans unzipped and they fell right after mine. He didn’t need to step out of his, instead pushing his hips into me.
His length caressed me and my mind went blank.
Passionate aggression. Neither of us were thinking, running on want and primal need.
He lifted my leg up so I was spread further apart before sinking into me. My head fell back against the wall, my mouth gapping open with shock.
Every scene was flipping by in slow motion—giving me the ability to savor the friction he created.
Within seconds, I was screaming his name, falling down rapidly from my bliss. He sped up his momentum after that, every stroke was faster than the one before it.
He groaned, saying my name as he came. I could feel him pulsating against my walls and that made me want him all over again.
Instead, we put ourselves back together, as if the last few minutes hadn’t occurred.
“I love the way you look after we have sex.” Bryant stopped his footsteps and delivered a kiss to my cheek. “Your face is flushed.”
Instant reaction caused me to bring my fingers to my cheek. I could feel the heat radiating off them in an effort to bring my temperature down to normal.
I said nothing in return because Adam made an appearance, to see how far Bryant had come. I whizzed past him, to avoid any questions. He’d put two and two together.
“Here, I brought you food since your ass is getting skinnier than mine. I can’t be your friend unless you weigh more than me. No discussion.”
I took the to-go box from Cricket and sat down at my desk. Double-meat hamburger with cheese and bacon stared back at me. “Good news is, all I have to do is take one bite and I’ll gain at least twenty pounds.” I joked, picking it up with both hands.
Cricket slurped her soda from her straw, booting her computer back up. She snapped her head back around and pointed a finger with the hand holding her cup. “You had sex?!” Accusation hung thick in her tone with a hint of playfulness.
“Sssh.” I brought a finger to my lip. “Adam’s going to hear you.” I was whispering, though no one was around.
Cricket’s tongue rolled over her top teeth. “What do you think he’s going to do? Fire you? Please, we have fucked all over this place. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure our asses just fucked because my ass has touched every single surface in this building.”
I slumped in my chair, the bliss extracting itself from my body. “Way to ruin sex for me forever.”
“Be flattered, not everyone gets to say they fucked my ass without ever touching it.”
The burger fell from my grasp, and I gathered a napkin to tap against my lips. “Cricket, I did not fuck your ass. You’re so vulgar.” The whole sentence sounded foolish once the last syllable was sounded out.
Cricket took another sip of her drink before swinging herself back around. “Suit yourself. It’s a privilege not a death sentence.”
I resumed eating the burger. “It’s not a privilege I want to obtain any time soon.”
“Too late.” She changed the subject, the interest of the previous one had died down for her. “Are you coming home tonight?”
“Yeah, I’ve got to check my email to see if grades were posted.”
I couldn’t check my test grades from my phone because I had forgotten my password. On my computer, I had made it remember the password. So, until it logged me out, I had to resort to getting my emails there. Bryant had taken my mind off school, but now that I was in Cricket’s presence I was thinking with more clarity.
Cricket’s excitement came one of two ways. Either she screamed as loud as she could or she began jumping up and down. Tonight, she was jumping up and down, causing picture frames to clack against the wall. We even got a few choice words from the people in the apartment below us.
“He told you he loved you?!” She couldn’t believe it. She’d asked this question at least five times already.
Her excitement was sneaking from her and collecting into me. I felt the same thing I did the moment he told me. When I told her how he had said it, her heart melted into a puddle on the cheap carpet of our apartment.
“Wait,” she stopped mid jump and a frown inched onto her face, “does this mean you’re moving out?”
I hadn’t even thought of that. “No, are you and Adam going to live together?”
Adam and Cricket had been together forever it seemed. They told each other they loved each other all the time. It still hadn’t crossed either of their minds to move in together.
Cricket shook her head. She resumed her jumping routine, crushing me into her chest and rocking me back and forth. “We both need our space so that’s not a conversation that is coming up any time soon. Anyways, this is about you not me. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me! I knew it. I knew it.” She repeated the sentence like a prayer. She ‘knew’ it.
“You knew what?” I asked.
“I knew that Bryant and you would make the perfect couple. I mean, how could he not fall for my friend.”
I wanted to talk about him, to tell Cricket every detail. Reliving it in my mind wasn’t enough. I wanted to say it out loud. I wanted her to be excited for me. It was the first time in my life I felt I had a real bond with someone other than family.
“We have to celebrate!” She bounded into the kitchen, opening up all the cabinets without worrying how hard they swung on their hinges. She popped open a bottle of wine, gathering two glasses and filling them with ice. The liquid sloshed into the cups, fizzing at the top.
I approached the kitchen counter, receiving the glass she gave me. We slugged down the sweet taste.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you! I got a lead on the accident.”
I choked on the mouthful of wine in my throat, forcing it down. I bent over and started coughing, feeling a burning sensation in my chest. I prompted her to continue. She came from around the counter and patted my back.
“You okay?” She bent down, pushing the curtain of hair that had hidden my face during my coughing attack.
I swallowed and straightened my spine, wiping my mouth of any dribble. “Fine. What’d you find?”
A hand on her hip, the other slapped down over the counter, she laid it all out, “I found another police report from that night.”
I swirled the contents in the cup, staring down at it. I didn’t want to get too hopeful and it be disintegrated by what she was about to tell me. “Oh yeah?” A nonchalant answer. She couldn’t tell I was dying on the inside, hanging on any word she spat from her mouth.
“There were two of them. One was signed by Officer Nicks and the other by an Office Kessler.”
My heart stopped. The glass fell to my feet, making a clanking noise but not breaking. I pressed one hand to my heart and the other to my head. My fingers dug into my scalp and my eyes widened.
“Amby, breath.” I heard her words as she spoke them but they felt so far away. It’s like she screamed them down a tunnel. “You’re hyperventilating, come sit on the couch.” She urged me forward, wrapping her fingers around one of my wrists, and sat me down.
My fingers curled, I let them run through my hair, combing it wildly. I had no control.
His last name echoed, beating against my ear drums. There was no way.
I dug through my memories, trying to remember who was there. Images flashed like cue cards, one right after the other. The spillage of car parts, the shattering of the windshield. Headlights flickering against the night. An officer’s voice asking me if I was okay. The desperate attempts to free Haylie from her seatbelt. I couldn’t place the voice though.
I would know Bryant’s voice, wouldn’t I? Hearing it for the past few weeks I would know that was his voice, right?
Cricket’s eyes never left me as she tried to make sense of my sudden breakdown. Every single part of me that had been healing dissolved into nothing. I was starting over. From scratch. How could one person be responsible for both my healing and my untimed destruction?
“Kessler is Bryant’s last name.” I managed to catch my breath long enough to declare the answer to Cricket’s confusion.
She panicked in that moment. “There’s got to be an explanation, Amby. Are you sure the other driver was drunk?”
I moved away from her. “Don’t you start making excuses and accusing me of not knowing what happened that night! I may not remember what the other driver looked like, of whether or not it was a woman or man, but I know that they were drinking! It was so obvious!”
Cricket held up her hands in front of her. “Okay, Amby. Calm down. I wasn’t trying to imply that you don’t know what you’re talking about. But, come on,” she stood up and approached me, “do you really believe Bryant would sign the report stating it was a mere brake malfunction? He’s not that type of guy. There’s got to be another explanation to all of this.”