Chapter 17
Love You Like That
Amberly
I gathered a few outfits and a pair of pajamas, as well as other essentials, before loading back into Bryant’s truck. Cricket had told me I could go to Adam’s house if I wanted. Honestly, I was going to stay at the apartment because it wouldn’t be the first time I’d lived without power. I didn’t mind sitting in the dark, but I needed to study for my finals at some point because all four of them were next week. I didn’t have time to think about anything else. I had hoped I would get some study time in the night before the car show, but I had ended up staying in the same room as Bryant. As if I couldn’t be more pathetic, I had waited the entire night for him to kiss me again. I wanted to feel the rush I’d felt when his hands roamed over my body. It was the only thing I could feel at that moment. Nothing else mattered, that was a feeling I could get addicted to.
We pulled up to his house and he helped me grab my things. The trees in his front yard fell heavy with ice, making them look like skeleton limbs. It gave the illusion that the branches, twisted and frozen, were reaching out at us. A mixture of snow and ice covered his porch like a blank canvas, waiting for us to stomp our footprints into it. The wind slapped at the sides of the house, making a small Christmas decoration jingle against one of the front windows.
“I don’t usually decorate for Christmas, but Delia saw that and begged me to put it up.”
“She has good taste.”
He threw me a smile before shoving his key into the lock on the front door.
When we got passed the door, I shivered. I hadn’t realized how cold it was until then. I was no longer running on adrenaline from Bryant’s touch. I peeled my jacket away from my body and Bryant took it from me to hang it in the closet.
“There’s a spare bathroom to the right of the kitchen. You can take a shower or whatever you need to do. I’ll see what I can pull out of the refrigerator for us. Please tell me you aren’t a vegetarian.”
“Not a vegetarian.” I confirmed. I took my pajamas from the bag I brought and headed to the bathroom.
My blond hair was a complete mess from the wind, looking as though it had been presented to a cotton candy machine before being placed back onto my head. I took a brush out of the bag I’d carried in with me and ran it through the strands until it was sleek again, pulling it into a loose ponytail. I washed my face, getting off any trace of makeup from today and patted my face dry.
I exited the bathroom, running straight into Bryant’s chest. He caught me and helped me center myself before letting go. “How does steak sound?”
“Good.” I said.
“Let me get a fire going and then I’ll start cooking it.” He tossed a few logs into his fireplace that sat in a makeshift rack nearby and lit a piece of newspaper, throwing that in as well.
I plopped down on his couch, pulling my textbooks onto my lap. I sifted through their pages, looking for the study guides I’d made. I studied the words until they blurred together and Bryant brought me a plate of food. I had to admit that hearing the normal sounds of pans clanking together made his house feel more inviting than it already was. In between reading what was in front of me, I had studied the pictures on his wall. He had added a few decorations inside his home, including artwork in black in white of different buildings. The places that had been empty before held more pictures, demolishing any assumptions that he’d once had an entirely different family. A life before me.
“Thank you.” I managed, letting the paper I was holding drift to the floor.
Bryant turned on the television to drown out the sounds of us chewing. A football game filled the screen, with five minutes left in the fourth quarter. “Do you watch football?”
I shrugged, swallowing the bite I’d taken before he asked me that question. “Sometimes.” I loved football but wasn’t one of those dedicated fans that watched it above all else in the television guide.
He nodded his head and continued to eat his food. Neither of us said another word until our plates were clean. Bryant stood up and took his plate and mine into the kitchen. I picked up my paper to start where I left off.
I quizzed myself over and over again until I could recite it forward and backward. I didn’t want to study to the point of forgetting everything, but I also didn’t want to study too little that I broke down into tears when I couldn’t answer a question.
Bryant startled me when he yanked the paper from my hands and tossed it on the couch. “Take a break for a minute. I’ve got something for you.” He lifted me up from the couch and walked me into his bedroom.
He kneeled down by the bed and fished out a box, handing it to me as he stood back up. “Here.”
“What’s this for?” I questioned, gripping at the sides of the cardboard box.
He tilted his head to the side and ran his hand through the short strands of his hair. “Just open it.”
I struggled with the tape, taking what seemed like thirty minutes to rip it from the box. Crinkled pieces of paper sat on top of whatever was in the bottom so I started tossing them onto Bryant’s bed. Inside there were pictures of Haylie and me. They weren’t in picture frames and they weren’t in a photo album. They seemed to be turned into fleece before being stitched to a black and pink blanket. I plucked it from the box, unraveling it and holding it up in front of me. Pictures from Haylie and I at her softball games and older pictures taken before I had even enrolled her on the team were splashed across the blanket.
I broke down at that point, hugging the blanket close to me and sobbing as if my life depended on it. I felt Bryant’s arms enclosed around me and he tightened his grip.
“For Haylie’s birthday.” He whispered, rubbing my back with his hands in an effort to calm me.
“You didn’t have to get me anything for her birthday.” I was still sobbing, running a hand across the soft fibers of the blanket.
He kissed the top of my head. “That’s what a good boyfriend does.”
I giggled and tilted my head back so I could look at him. “Boyfriend? Don’t you have to ask me if that’s what I want first?”
He looked down at me and a crooked smile appeared on his face. “Is that how it works?”
I couldn’t answer that because I didn’t know. When you’re younger it seems so natural to ask someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend, when you’re older it’s as if it just happens. After a few dates you become official and no one has to say anything. I had this conversation with Cricket at one point when I considered dating. It lasted for a millisecond before I was over it.
“Number seven, you have to be my girlfriend before I take you out on our first date.” Bryant’s hands swept up and down my back and his eyes were no longer focused on me.
“Does that mean you’re going to start planning our first date?” I asked, letting my head fall back against his chest.
He rested his chin against my head. “Depends. Are you my girlfriend?”
I broke from his grasp and threw the blanket at him. “What if we go on our first date and you can’t stand all the boring topics I bring up?”
He threw the blanket back at me, aiming for my head. The blanket fell, covering my body. I dragged it down and wrapped it around me. “Then I guess I’ll have the most boring girlfriend ever.”
“And how would that make you feel?”
“Like I would have to hide you from all my cool friends so they wouldn’t know what a loser I was dating.” He lifted an eyebrow as he said ‘dating’.
“You’re impossible.” I stated, turning to go back into the living room.
Bryant followed me and tossed a few pieces of wood into the fireplace as I took a seat on the couch. Once the fire was going again, he disappeared into his room and reappeared with the blanket from his bed. He sat it in the middle of the floor, straightening out every wrinkle. Then, he lifted me from the couch, despite my protests, and laid me on a portion of his blanket. I could feel the warmth emanating from the flames as they licked their way along the bark of the wood stumps.
He took off his shoes and sat next to me, his eyes continuously focused on me. He licked his lips before he started speaking.
“From the first day you showed up at Haylie’s first practice, I knew there was something about you. I wanted you even before I knew what your favorite colors were. Even before I knew you were already taken. Even before I knew your age or what you wanted out of life. Then, I found out that your favorite colors were pink and black. I found out that you were married. I found out you weren’t much younger than me and that you wanted nothing more than to be a physical therapist. Every practice and game, I watched you. I watched how dedicated you were to Eric and Haylie. I wanted your happiness. I wanted what you had. Then, you disappeared. I tried to track you down but no one knew where you went.” He paused and inhaled, taking one of my hands and facing it palm side up. His fingertip traced along the lines in my palm. “It wasn’t just a coincidence that I ended up in the same town, at the same place you worked, Amberly. When you told me about Haylie, I broke down. I wanted to smother your pain. I didn’t know how, but I wanted to. The last thing I ever wanted to do was upset you. When I kissed you, and prevented you from telling me I was a mistake, I thought I needed to leave you alone. You were confused, and I didn’t want to make that worse for you. But, if you’re ready to start something I promise we can go as slow as you need. The way that you loved Haylie and Eric, I want to love you like that. I’ll do whatever it takes to help you through this.”
If he had more to say, I couldn’t be sorry I made him lose his train of thought. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, inhaling their warmth. I tossed the blanket off my shoulders and crawled closer to him, straddling his lap. His arms encircled me and I crumbled against him.
“I want to be yours.” I said, pulling my lips away from him and letting my head fall to his shoulder. “I want you to love me like that.”