“Love them.”

“But how? It’s impossible to love more than one person,” I tell the man in front of me.

He cocks his head, intrigued. “Is it? You are confined by the way you think. You can love as many as you choose to love. There are no restrictions but what you believe.”

 

“Seriously, guys, you don’t have to stay tonight. It’s fine.”

I watch as Jaxson and Zane move the mattress from my bed out to the main living area in front of the TV. Carter and Cooper have already finished bringing a spare mattress from the house. Honestly, I’m still a little weirded out by that. Who has a spare mattress?

While the boys were grilling the burgers, Cassandra had suggested that maybe they should spend the night down here with me watching movies since sleeping with Cooper had worked well. I tried to encourage them that I would be fine alone — after all, I had been alone most of my life. The nightmares are a common thing now, they don’t bother me. Sure, there were hard days, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle.

The guys refused to acknowledge me, doing what they pleased as they set up the bed for the night. “Fine, but if I snore you only have yourselves to blame,” I threaten, walking back into my bedroom and straight into the bathroom. I know the guys want to watch a movie or something but I’m exhausted. Cassandra used the barbecue as a way to ask me a million and one questions. I felt more grilled than the burgers. Now I just want to sleep and hope that I don’t have nightmares and scare the guys.

That, and pretend like I haven’t had two of them kiss me. I just hope Zane and Cooper don’t end up in the bed with me. How on earth could I relax with them in the bed with me?

I take a shower, moaning at the delicious vanilla and caramel scent wafting through the room. I have to admit, Cassandra has good taste in wash products. If only there was a candle with this scent. I can just imagine how heavenly it would be.

The bathroom door opens and I whip around, covering my breasts in shock.

"Val?"

"Jaxson?! What the hell are you doing in here while I’m in the shower? Do you guys have no boundaries?"

My voice has gone up an octave because, while the shower glass is misted and he can't see me clearly, this is a whole new level of awkward. It doesn't help that my heartbeat picks up in arousal.

No, no being aroused by a guy who violates your privacy, Val. That's just not a turn on.

“Cooper said you were done and left the shower running for me."

Oh.

"I'm almost done. Just give me a sec to wash this soap off and I’ll climb out. Can you just bring my towel closer and close your eyes?"

He chuckles and I watch him through the misted glass as he takes a few steps closer, holding out my towel for me.

I quickly rinse myself off, leaving the water on as I walk towards the glass door. I open the door slightly and snatch the towel from Jax, quickly wrapping it around my naked body. When I’m safely concealed I look up to see a massive grin on Jaxson's face and his amber eyes watching me predatorily. That's when I notice he's naked and I take a step back with a squeak, my back meeting the glass wall of the shower. "Um, Jax? You realize you're naked right? I'm not imagining it?" I mutter, hoping I’m going crazy, because holy hot damn — he's epically proportioned.

A torso of tanned abs trails off into a vee and his cock sits between his legs, half erect and getting harder the longer I stare.

I gulp and meet his eyes, trying not to focus on the fact I was just staring at his cock like a horny teenager.

He takes a step closer and I press into the glass, trying to get control of myself.

"You're not imagining it, babe. I am definitely naked. Have you been imagining seeing me naked a lot?" he asks, the smirk in his voice unmistakeable.

"No, I just thought I must have been going crazy. Why else would you get naked while I was in the shower?"

He leans closer, his now fully erect cock pressing against me through the towel, and I bite my lip to stop myself from moaning. His breath brushes against my ear sending a tingle through me, hardening my nipples. “Maybe I wanted to join you. Maybe I wanted to climb inside that shower and help you when I heard the moans you were eliciting. Maybe I wanted to be the one to make those noises escape from your lips."

He places gentle kisses along my jaw and I fight the urge to move, holding perfectly still, afraid of what I’ll do if I move. He leans back and looks into my eyes. "What’s wrong, Val? Cat got your tongue?"

Oh fuck it.

I grip his head and pull him to me, my lips claiming his in a passion so intense that I feel as if I could disintegrate the towel wrapped around me. As if my thoughts control my actions, the towel disappears and Jaxson kisses me back, groaning in the back of his throat as he hikes me up, gripping my naked ass. He pulls me away from the wall, walking me into the shower again, the spray of the water the only clue I have as to what’s going on around me. Right now the world could end and I would have no idea.

My only focus is the feel of Jaxson as his cock rubs against me, teasing me while he kisses me. He breaks the kiss, panting, and stares at me, a new intensity building between us.

"Fuck. Val, you need to tell me to stop, if that’s what you want. This is happening fast and I don't want you to hate me for taking advantage of you."

I can't help it. I laugh. My laugh dies at his visible hurt and I clear my throat. "Jax, I’m a big girl. If you want this to be a one-time thing because you still haven't gotten over Joy, then that's fine. Use me. It wouldn't be the first time I've been used as a rebound, and I’m sure it won't be the last."

He frowns at me, confused. "I don't think you understand. I'm over Joy. Have been for a long time. But I care for you; I don't want you to think this means nothing, because it definitely means something to me."

"Oh," I murmur, understanding dawning. My heart softens towards him and I know I want this to happen. Instead of speaking I wiggle against him. His cock, which had softened during our talk, twitches in response to my rubbing.

"I trust you, Jax. We can take it one step at a time if you want, but if you don't want to finish what you started then I’m going to need you to get out so I can finish it myself."

A grin lights up his face and he thrusts against my clit triggering a mini orgasm. I moan and he resumes kissing me, running his hands all over me until he gets to my hardened nipples. He pulls back and looks down at them with wicked intention before pulling my right nipple into his mouth, using his teeth to scrape across the sensitized flesh.

I groan, unable to control my urges, gripping his hair tightly as he continues to flick his tongue and teeth over my nipple before switching to the other. This time, though, he pauses, lining himself at my entrance before he flicks his tongue out, causing my nipples to harden to the point of pain.

"Jax, please," I beg, panting from the need. He needs no further instructions, thrusting inside me. I cry out, the pleasure arcing through my body. He moves inside me, letting go of my nipple with a pop. I try to throw my head back against the wall, the pleasure too much for my over sensitized body, but he reaches up and grips my hair, making me look into his eyes as he thrusts into me over and over. I feel my climax building and he notices the change, angling up so he bumps against my cervix and sends me over the edge of oblivion.

He pulls out of me, placing me on my feet and turning me so my breasts are pressed against the cool tile wall. He pulls my long hair over to one side so he can place delicate kisses against my neck and I sigh from the pure exquisiteness of the feeling.

"Please," I beg, opening my legs a little wider, and he chuckles before slowly entering me from behind.

He thrusts slowly, giving me time to get over the wave of aftershocks that are still causing me to tremble. He keeps one arm wrapped around my waist, holding me up as he brings the other hand around to brush against my clit.

I feel the wave rising inside me and try to fight it. Jax starts thrusting harder and faster, his balls slapping against me as he plays with my clit, and it sends me over the edge. I cry out his name as he explodes inside me. He sways on his feet and gently lowers us to the floor as tears build in my eyes. The reality of what we just did hits me.

Jax cradles me as I start to sob and I feel his worry coming off him in waves. “Shit, Val. Did I hurt you?" When I shake my head no he runs a hand down my back soothingly. "Then what's wrong?” he asks, genuinely confused.

I take a few breaths to get control of myself, glad the shower hides the worst of my tears. "I screwed up. How the hell am I going to face the others now?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"Cooper and  Zane both kissed me, and now I've had sex with you. I screwed up royally. Dad will probably ship me off. Cassandra will hate me. God, I’m so fucking stupid. I ruined everything." I hang my head in shame, unable to look at him. How can I be so stupid? Why did I have to let my hormones take control of my actions? Sure, that's not a real excuse, but it's what happened. I was only thinking in the moment rather than the long term.

Jax's chest shakes and I can just imagine the anger building at my confession.

I wait for him to yell at me, to rage, something to show his annoyance, but he starts laughing. It starts slow before it builds into full-on, belly-rumbling laughter. He climbs to his feet and pulls me upright, looking down at me, his emotions closed off. "We're all stupid, Valerie. I knew I should have followed my instincts and talked to you sooner, but I didn't want to scare you away. Come on, let's clean up. Then we will explain a few things that you should have known the moment any of us was intrigued by you."

 

***

 

Jax and I clean up and dress in record time. Cooper walks in as we are both leaving the bathroom and I expect some kind of angry reaction, but all I get is a wink before he leaves us alone. I don't understand one bit what is happening.

As we leave the bedroom Jax intertwines our hands and walks into the temporary setup the guys have created. No one pays us any attention until Jax stands above the other three who were all joking and laughing on the bed like children. "Guys!"

All movement stops and they sit up, noticing the change in mood. Cooper and Zane both glance at me, to the way Jax and I are holding hands, and their faces go serious. Zane gets to his feet. "Now? Are you sure?" he asks. Cooper also climbs to his feet and takes a step towards us, reaching out to touch me but he stops, his hand falling.

I hate the look of sadness on his face. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.

Carter is looking between each of us, his face confused. "Okay, so I obviously missed something, but if we're talking about what I think we are then you should sit down for it, Valerie.”

What on earth are they talking about? Clearly I’m missing something important. Carter never calls me Valerie. It’s always Val or babe. To have him use my name worries me.

Carter sighs and gestures for me to sit beside him. I do so a little hesitantly.

"I don't know what’s going on, you guys, but it's really starting to freak me out," I tell them as Carter scoots closer, letting me lean back against his arm. His touch offers comfort, and while it’s the last thing I should want right now, I can’t help the feeling it gives me.

Cooper, Zane and Jax all exchange glances. Cooper walks away muttering under his breath, obviously frustrated, while Zane looks down at the floor in shame. Jax, however, meets my gaze, his eyes showing pity? Sympathy? It's hard to tell, but whatever it is makes me feel a sense of sadness. Like I’m about to lose my family.

“Right, you two. Sit down and leave the explaining to me. We've already screwed this up enough," he orders.

Cooper and Zane sigh, moving to the mattress opposite me and I wonder, why so much distance? There's plenty of space for them to sit beside me. They must be angry with me.

"Valerie, first I just want to say we're sorry. Out here things are done a little differently than you're used to. We should have explained a little before any of us made any kind of move on you.” He takes a deep breath before his next words rush out. “Have you ever heard of polyamory?"

The way he asks makes me think this is an important question, but I’m pretty clueless.

I shake my head, the blush on my cheeks showing my embarrassment. "No, sorry. What is it? Like some kind of religion?"

Carter muffles a chuckle beside me and the guys all look at him equally amused.

Jax shakes his head, the smile still present. “No, Valerie. The term polyamory is used in reference to people who like to have relationships with multiple people. Like, for instance, say three couples all found they liked their friends and vice versa. All six of those people could be in a relationship because there would love for the other people as well as their original partner. Am I making any sense?"

“No,” Cooper mutters from the other mattress, winking at me.

I ignore him, focusing on Jax. "I think I get what you're trying to explain. So, like, if I had a boyfriend, but my boyfriend and I both like another person and decided to start a relationship with that third person, that would be a polyamorous relationship?"

Jax smiles, relieved. "Yes, that's it, but there are no limitations. As long as each person loved the others in the relationship then it would be acceptable."

“Ok ... I’m following where you're going with this, but it feels like you're taking forever to get to the point," I say, becoming frustrated. My emotions are all over the place and he's explaining this as if I speak a foreign language.

Carter laughs beside me. "She's right, Jax, you're taking too long." He turns to me, and smiles. "We all like to be in a relationship with the same person. We're not polyamorous because — well — brothers,” he explains with a shudder. "But we all knew we wanted some type of connection with you from the first day we saw you. We were supposed to talk about it before any of us made any kind of advance towards you to avoid scaring you off. To be honest, we all thought it would be months before you trusted any of us enough to follow through on your urges, so we left you be. Well, I did, but I see I was missing out."

My mouth opens and closes, not sure how to articulate what I want. My mind is going a mile a minute trying to figure out what to ask when Carter reaches out, placing a finger over my lips to stop me from speaking. "Look, you don't have to decide anything, or say anything. We wanted to be upfront because obviously things have changed and you deserve to know how we operate. Now, let's lay down, throw a movie on and just relax. You can ask all the questions you want another day."

I nod my head before laying down and watching the guys organize themselves. Jaxson lays down on one side of me while Carter lays on the other, leaving the second mattress for Zane and Cooper.

My mind stumbles over a multitude of things, wondering how on earth to process it all. First thing tomorrow I’m calling Sally and Jess.