“Valerie? Can you hear me, darling?”

I whirl on the spot, trying to figure out where the soothing voice is coming from. “Where are you?”

“I can’t make myself seen anymore, darling. They know someone’s been interfering in your world. I can speak with you, but that’s it. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just really confused. I wish you were here.”

“One day soon we will be reunited and the world will tremble at our feet.”

What? I look around the dark room and try to find my mother when I feel a sense of dread snake up my spine. The energy, it’s not my birth mother’s.

“Who are you?” I ask, knowing with certainty whatever is speaking is not my mother.

Laughter fills the room, the voice changing subtly until it’s a soft, melodic voice. “Don’t worry, Valerie, you’ll see me soon enough.” Pain consumes me and I scream in agony.

 

I wake screaming and covered in sweat. The nightmares are getting worse. My body aches and I bolt from my bed, completely alert.

After a few minutes of silence I relax.

Glancing over at the clock on the wall I see it’s only four a.m. I doubt I’ll be able to go back to sleep. Besides, I have to get up in a couple of hours to get ready for classes.

Groaning, I jump in the shower, preparing for a new day at a new school. I have no idea what to expect but I hope it goes well.

When I hop out I rummage through my bags, still not quite able to unpack my stuff yet.

Screw it. I’m up now, may as well make a coffee before I have to get ready.

I leave my new home and walk into the house, not quite expecting anyone else to be up. So when I walk through the door, into the still, dark house I almost scream when hands grab me. A light flicks on and Zane is standing there, his eyes filled with laughter. “Come on babe, you don’t have to sneak. My brothers sleep like the dead.”

“Oh. What about you? Why are you up?’ I ask as we walk down the hall.

He glances over at me, his pale-brown eyes conveying concern. “I was already up finishing off a paper I have due when I heard you scream. I decided to come check on you.”

“Oh, sorry. I had a nightmare. Sadly they don’t seem to want to leave me alone.”

We continue into the kitchen, awkward silence between us after my admission. I go about the kitchen making my coffee when Zane speaks.

“Valerie?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

His words make me freeze, and I turn to see the serious expression on his face.

“Sure, go ahead and ask,” I tell him, keeping a blank face while my insides are churning and my body is telling me to flee.

“Did you kill your best friend?”

My heart skips a beat. “Do you want honesty?” If he does, then I will be completely up front with him. I don’t want to lie and cause them to believe I’m untrustworthy.

He nods, “Of course.”

I sigh and set down the spoon, my eyes misting at what I’m about to say. “I don’t know. I loved Natalie like a sister, and I never thought I could hurt someone, especially the way they’re saying she could have been killed. Was killed. However, I don’t remember. Each night I go to bed wondering what could have happened, but it’s all blank. Then I have nightmares; some about things in my life, others about seemingly random things. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’ve heard sometimes blackout victims get their memories back in dreams, and if that’s true, does that mean I killed her? Or, is it guilt at not remembering what happened to her? I just . . . don’t even know what to believe.”

By the end of my guilt-ridden tirade tears are streaming down my face. Zane’s face softens and he moves from his position on the other side of the counter to pull me into a comforting hug as I sob. Everything seems to have built up to this one moment, and it’s like I can’t stop.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Valerie. I didn’t mean anything by it, I just wanted to be sure.”

I sniffle and push myself away from him. I need to be stronger.

He looks away guiltily. “I needed to be sure you wouldn’t hurt my family.”

“Oh.” I busy myself making my coffee to distract from my mental breakdown. Zane gets up and pours himself a cup from the pot. At least I was nice enough to leave him some. Usually I would have poured it all in my huge-ass mug and still have room for more. I miss my mug.

Awkward silence ensues and we just sit there, each enjoying our own coffee, when Cassandra skips into the kitchen. There’s no other way to describe how she arrives, all full of life like an innocent child. How the hell can she be so graceful and beautiful? She’s gotta be in her forties, but to still look like a twenty-five-year-old woman in her prime is absolutely amazing. Must be good genetics.

She sees Zane and me already enjoying our coffees. She pauses, scrutinising my face. The evidence of my tears makes her glance between Zane and I with narrowed eyes. “Anything I should know about?” she asks, pinning Zane with a glare.

His eyes meet mine across the table pleadingly. I shake my head with a small smile. The look of terror in his eyes at being scolded his mother almost makes me keep quiet, but I relent.

“Just a mini breakdown. I’m all good now,” I assure her.

She nods at us and Zane lets out a sigh of relief. “Good. Now let’s get breakfast started.” She busies herself in the fridge, then the pantry, piling food onto the counter before facing me. “I’m sure Zane didn’t thank you for making coffee, so thank you on his behalf.”

Zane splutters the sip of coffee he just took and I smile behind my mug.

“How do you know I didn’t make the coffee? I am more than capable of making my own, Mother.”

She pauses and cocks out her hip with a smirk on her face. “Because, Zane, if you made the coffee Valerie would be on the floor choking on the poison you made.”

I can’t help the chuckle and Cassandra looks over at me with a wink. She grins at me before facing Zane a stern expression in place. “You remember about a month ago when you tried to make us a batch of coffee and added sugar to the pot because you thought it would save us all time?”

He throws his hands up in the air exasperated. “Jeez, you’re never going to let that go, are you? How on earth was I supposed to know that ‘S’ stands for both sugar and salt?”

Cassandra smirks at him. “Oh? That’s the only time you’ve made an error in judgement when in the kitchen?” she asks innocently.

Zane’s cheeks tinge pink and he looks down at the floor, mumbling something unintelligible under his breath.

“You’ve never mistaken cream for milk? Or forgotten to check the expiration date on certain meats before cooking them? What about the time you made me cookies? You remember how that went?” she asks, a wicked glint to her eyes. She turns to me, explaining. “Zane thought he would be the best choice of the four of them to make me cookies for Mother’s Day. Well, he had no chocolate chips so he thought, rather than ask one of the others to pick some up while they were buying flowers and gifts, he would just cut up some liquorice to put in.”

“And liquorice is definitely not chocolate,” I laugh, finishing her thought.

Zane ignores our chuckles to go and rinse out his mug. He turns to leave the room, “I’ll go grab the guys.”

Cassandra shakes her head, a wide grin on her face. “He can be so sensitive. Hopefully he doesn’t take it to heart. But to be honest, I’d rather you be warned.”

“Is he really that bad?” I ask.

“Yep! If you see him cooking or even trying to attempt to cook, you get out of the house — fast.”

I shake my head at the thought of someone being that horrible at cooking. I mean, it’s a basic skill. I wouldn’t have survived this long if Dad hadn’t taught me to cook the basics. After he left I was responsible for all the meals in the house, so I had to learn a lot more than just pasta.

Ditching the dregs of my coffee in the sink, I face Cassandra. “Did you need some help, Cassandra? I don’t mind prepping if you like?”

“Oh, that’s so sweet. Thank you, Valerie. I just need the mushrooms, tomatoes, and spinach chopped. Everything else is already done.”

I take the tomatoes and wash them at the sink.

“And please, Valerie, call me Cassie. Cassandra just sounds so formal,” she tuts as she pulls out pans from cupboards and places four of them on the stove before pre-heating the oven.

I smile and continue my task. Tomatoes are diced and placed into a bowl. I get a separate one for the mushrooms and slice them up before moving onto the spinach. Placing them neatly next to all the bacon, sausages and eggs Cassie has lined up, I can’t help the gasp that slips out. There’s enough food to feed a small army. How the hell are we all going to eat that?

As if hearing my thoughts, Cassie chuckles. “Don’t worry, Valerie, they’ll eat all this and more if I let them. My boys have a very hearty appetite.”

“Wow. Sorry, it’s just, I can’t even imagine someone eating so much.”

“Just you wait. All this will be gone in a matter of minutes.” She laughs, pouring a drop of oil into each pan before turning to a bowl I didn’t see and using a spoon to mix its ingredients. I lean forward. “Are those Dad’s homemade hash browns?” I ask excitedly, wiping my mouth to make sure I’m not drooling all over the place like an idiot. Be still my heart. Dad used to make them all the time. They were freaking amazeballs, but my mother hated them. After he was gone I wasn’t even allowed to make them for myself.

She gives me a heart-warming smile. “Yep. Your dad asked me to cook them for you.”

“Oh.” It makes me so happy that he remembered how much I loved them.

I watch as she cooks the food, and we fall in a comfortable silence until a loud squawk grabs my attention. I look out the kitchen window to see a crow flying from tree to tree before landing on a dark-green car. It walks across the front of the car, talons scraping across the pristine paint. I pity the owner.

“Uh, Cassie? Who owns the green car out there?” I ask, a smile in my voice. It looked so pristine in the rising light, but now its beauty is marred.

She joins me at the window and peeks out before a chuckle escapes her. “That would be Jaxson’s car. He’s not going to be happy about that. He spends hours each week making that thing shiny. I don’t get the big deal. It’s just a car,” she says with a shrug, going back to her cooking.

I watch the crow fly off and grimace. That’s going to be horrible to fix.

Cassie grabs me by the shoulders, guiding me out of the kitchen to the dining nook. “Would you be a dear and set the table for me? The boys should all be down in a minute.”

As I finish the table my dad walks into the room, dressed in the same suit he used to wear to work when he lived with us. Either he has a stockpile of them or someone is magical with laundry.

“Hey, Dad. Do you want me to make you some coffee?”

He pulls me in for a quick hug. “No, you sit down and look through these forms, and I’ll make the coffee.”

“What are they?” I ask, taking the bundle of papers from him and sitting down at the kitchen counter as he joins Cassie, giving her a small kiss on the cheek before going to the coffee machine and starting it up.

He turns back to me as I read through the forms. It’s a college transfer application. “Dad, I thought you said you had already organized for me to attend the college. Or academy. Whatever it’s called.”

“Yeah, but you still have to fill in the required paperwork. You’re not a child anymore, so they want you to fill those out and hand them in to administration. Then you have to have a quick meeting with the Dean.”

Shit. Okay. I look through the forms and groan when I come across a certain section. “‘Write a five-hundred-word essay about why you deserve to be here?’ What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Cooper, Carter, Jaxson and Zane all come into the kitchen laughing at something. Carter grabs a stool and joins me while the other three just plop down at the dining table. My dad places a carafe of coffee in the middle of the dining table and each of the guys immediately tries to reach for it. Carter, however, leans close over my shoulder and grabs the papers out from under me.

“Damn, they’re making you write an essay? That sucks balls.”

“Carter! What have I told you about saying vulgar things in front of a lady? Valerie doesn’t want to hear about your balls!”

Cooper smirks at the dining table. “How do you know, Mom? She could be the type of girl who loves hearing about balls.”

Cassie walks over to the fridge, pulls out a squirt bottle and sprays Cooper in the face. He splutters and looks up in shock. “What the hell was that for?”

The smirk she gives him is one filled with such mischief that even I don’t want to be the object of her gaze. “You remember a few weeks ago when I told you if you didn’t start treating women with respect, I was going to spray you in the face like a dog? Well, this is a little something I picked up before Valerie arrived.”

She goes back to the stove, cooking as if nothing happened.

Carter grabs my attention by handing me a pen. “Here, you better get these done. We leave for classes soon, and I doubt you want to be late on your first day. Especially if you have a meeting with the Dean.”

I nod, taking the outstretched pen and digging in to the forms in front of me. By the time I’m done, Cassie has started putting food on the table. I sigh and Carter grabs my hand, dragging me to the table. He sits me down beside Zane before sitting on my other side. Cooper is directly across from me and Jaxson directly across from Zane. My father scoots out from his chair to help Cassie bring the last of the food to the table. They sit side by side at the end of the table and we all dig in. Not a word is spoken while we eat, yet the silence is comfortable.

Any time I made dinner for my mother it would be so awkward. We would just sit there. Even nights when Nat came over and we tried to make conversation, my mother would just grunt or make noncommittal noises.

This is nice.

My mind wanders back to Natalie. Is she still alive? Will I ever get the memory of that night back and find out just what happened?

I slowly eat my breakfast, adding extra hash browns to my plate before Cassie speaks, drawing me out of my thoughts.

“Boys, which one of you is going to show Valerie around today?” I’m sure Cassie means well, but I don’t want her or Dad forcing the guys to be around me if that’s not what they want.

“Uh, I don’t need a guide. It can’t be that hard to find the classes,” I inform her, smiling so she knows I don’t mean any ill will.

The guys, however, all look up at me, varying degrees of hurt on their faces — except Jaxson, he’s the same stoic guy.

Jaxson speaks, saving me from having to say anything. “It’s okay. Valerie needs to learn her way around here. Besides, she’s not a child. She’s more than capable of finding her way to classes.”

“Exactly. Thank you,” I say, grateful he understands my need for independence. Especially now that Nat is no longer in my life, I need to find a way to survive without her, not just use someone to fix the hole she’s left.

“Are you sure, Val? Seriously, we don’t mind,” Carter says, his usual flirting tone gone.

I smile back at him. “I’m sure. Besides, in case you haven’t noticed, you four are kind of intimidating. I’d like to make friends of my own, not have you guys drawing more attention than I need,” I admit as I get to my feet, taking my dishes to the sink.

My leaving the table seems to have triggered the others and they all get up, resuming talk about things other than school.

I go to leave the room when Dad pulls me into a sitting room off the kitchen.

“What’s up, Dad?”

He runs his hand through his hair, the trademark sign he’s got bad news. He sits down on the sofa in the room, leaving me standing. Another bad sign. “I have to leave in a few days. I won’t be back for a month.”

My back hits the wall as I step away, shocked. “You’re going to leave me here, alone?”

“I have to. They may have new evidence on your case and I need to work with the team to sort it out. I can’t do that from here. I’ll know this afternoon what they have, but I thought you should know. It also means you have to be extremely careful not to step out of line. It will only take the smallest thing to have you sent back, and I don’t want to see you end up in prison for a stupid mistake.”

“Jeez, Dad. You make it sound like I’m a juvenile delinquent you had to take in. Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

He gets to his feet, straightening his tie. “I know you’re not a juvenile delinquent, Valerie. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

He moves in front of me, his eyes conveying his concern. “Life is going to get tough, Val. This is just one of the many challenges you’re going to have to overcome. I wish I could save you from everything, but that’s just not possible anymore.” He picks up his bag by the door. “I trust Cassandra and the boys to take care of you and I will buy you a new phone so you can contact your friends while I’m gone. I hate to leave you alone but I need to get this sorted out for you.”

With that, he leaves the room. My head starts swimming with questions. What other challenges is he talking about?

I sigh and follow after him to find Zane waiting for me. He looks me over. “You’d better get changed out of those. I’m sure the Dean doesn’t want to see your koala bear jammies. And if you could hurry that would be great. We have to leave soon.”

I look down at my pajamas and smile. They were a gift from Natalie when she found out I was planning a trip to Australia after college. I meet his eyes, ignoring the tingle that goes through me. “I’ll meet you at the car.”