“Group therapy? I don’t know, Janice. I mean, I’m not sure I like the idea of sharing my shit with complete strangers.”

She smiled at me, a soft, caring look on her face.

“I get what you’re saying, Mari, and I understand that it might be really intimidating to walk in and have to tell people not only what you’ve gone through, but also how it has affected you. But, I’d like it if you could keep an open mind and at least consider it as an option. It wouldn’t be in place of our individual sessions, rather, it would complement them. Group therapy has been proven to be very successful in cases of traumatic stress, and I think that you would definitely qualify.”

I sat back, gnawing at my lower lip as I thought about this idea that terrified me. Like, literally terrified me. I could feel nausea rolling in my stomach, threatening to erupt just at the thought of having to be open with a group of people, not only talking about what happened, but the horrific ways that I’d dealt with it. I mean, I sort of felt like I’d already come a long way and shit, you now, acknowledging that I had a problem and trying to deal with it like a grown-ass adult rather than a little kid, ignoring that there’s a problem.

But group therapy. Could I do it?

Janice just sat there, as if she knew the battle that was raging within and was willing to ride it out. Like I’d said before, she never really just told me what I needed to do or should do. She waited for me to figure out my own stuff.

“It scares the crap out of me, Jan.”

There, I’d said it out loud. I had expressed my fears, showed my tender underbelly and all that bullshit.

“Thank you for your honesty. I’m not going to tell you that you have to do this. Mainly because you’re an adult and call the shots on this. However, I do recommend it. You could go once, try it out, see how it feels, and then decide if you’d like to continue or not. Here, this brochure explains the open group I would recommend you to participate in, the benefits of group therapy, etcetera. If you don’t want to do it, no harm no foul.”

I took the brochure in my hand and immediately started curling the corners. Total nervous habit.

“I’ll think about it. When do I need to let you know?”

“Whenever you are ready and comfortable enough to let me know. Like I said, it’s an open group, which means new participants can join at any time. This group has been meeting for a few years now. It’s not the same people, some have completed their therapy, or are on a ‘break’, but the therapists involved remain the same.”

Huh.

“Okay, well, I’ll keep it in mind. I mean it.”

I added that last bit in, so she wouldn’t think I was blowing smoke up her ass.

“Great, that’s all I ask. Our time is up, so I’ll see you next week?”

She always reconfirmed, as if she expected I would just randomly stop coming. Well, I guess I had done that before, so it wasn’t exactly unreasonable. But it always made me feel a little bit defensive. Probably just one more personality trait fail on my part.

“Yeah, have a great weekend.”

I stepped into the lobby, staring at the brochure, and ran head first into something. Or, rather, someone.

“Whoa, there, where’s the fire?”

Hands steadied me, keeping me from toppling over due to the collision I’d caused.

I looked up and into a pair of very kind looking greyish green eyes that were hidden behind black framed glasses. There was a twinkle in my rescuer’s eyes, that hinted at an inside joke, and an easy smile that he shared with me.

“Geez, I’m sorry. I swear, I’m a graceful prima ballerina in real life.”

I gave him my best attempt at a sheepish grin.

“Really? Wow, that’s pretty cool.”

Oops.

“Uh, actually, no. That was a joke. Apparently a lame one. Sorry, I’m just a boring graphic designer.”

I shrugged my shoulders, taking in the brief look of confusion that passed across his face. He had a nerdy look about him, but was still somewhat attractive. Like, my panties weren’t at risk of spontaneous combustion or anything, but if he asked me out for dinner, conversation and a drink, I’d probably say yes.

“Oh, okay. That still sounds… interesting?”

His nose crinkled a little bit as if it sounded anything but.

“I’m Mari.”

I reached my hand out to him, waiting as he looked at me and down at my hand a few times, as if he were making a decision.

“Sebastian.”

His hand was smooth, which surprised me somewhat. I was used to guys having somewhat grittier skin than women, and his hand was soft and warm. It wasn’t unpleasant, just surprising.

I gave him my most encouraging smile.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sebastian.”

He glanced at the door I’d just walked out of and I mentally shook myself for a moment. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was at my fucking shrink’s office, and I’m trying to pick up some poor sap in the front lobby. This had to be a new low for me, which wasn’t saying a whole hell of a lot.

“Uh, I’m going to head out. Have fun, um, I mean…”

He stared at me as if I were the bearded lady in a freak show circus. There was indecision in his eyes as he watched me become less and less coherent.

“Have dinner with me.”

He blurted it out, not a question, not an order. Just a statement.

I tilted my head as I looked at him, unable to help but wonder what his problem was, that he had to be here. Was he a psychopath? Had he chopped people up in to small pieces, then put their pieces in a wood chipper to make them even smaller pieces, spraying the county with their flesh, blood, organs and bones?

“Okay.”

He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Yup, definitely something weird with this one.

He wrote his number on the back of his business card.

“Send me a text so I have your number, and we can work out the details. I had better scoot, or she’ll have my hide.”

He jabbed a thumb towards the door that led to Janice’s office and I nodded my understanding.

“I hear ya. Talk to you soon.”

I turned away from him and looked down at the card in front of me as I walked away.

Sebastian Gardner, Software Developer.

I looked over my shoulder as I pulled open the door to leave the office, only to find him still standing there with that confused look on his face, like he’d been swept up in something he wasn’t expecting, and he still wasn’t sure he didn’t want to be a part of.

He raised his hand in ‘goodbye’, and I responded with a halfhearted finger wave. I held up the business card and smiled, as if indicating to him that I planned on utilizing the number, and he gave me a half smile. A half smile that said, ‘no, you won’t, but it’s sweet of you to say you will.’

Nerdy, but cute.

I almost wished I could double check with Janice to find out more about him. I had an odd need to know the secrets to the sadness hidden in his sea-foam eyes. Yeah, that was the color. Sea foam. I mean, he had really pretty eyes. I had to imagine it would be frowned upon, using her office as a place to pick up cute Clark Kent type patients.

I wish I’d felt some form of a jolt of electricity when my hand touched his. You know, something that would say ‘yes, this one’.

But nada, nothing, zilch, zero.

Haven’t you had enough electricity and excitement? Maybe it’s time to go with a nice guy who won’t sent the world on fire.

The little voice of my self-conscious ran through my head like a voice of reason or some shit.

I hated that little voice, but damned if it didn’t make sense.

With Jamison, I pretty much said ‘fuck me hard’ instead of ‘hello’ when we met.

With Dane, I’d undressed him with my eyes while he was working, and had become oddly co-dependent on him from day one.

Maybe I did need someone whose company I would enjoy, without the desire to rip his clothing off and ride him like a mechanical bull.

When I got to my car, I pulled out my cell phone and tapped out a message to Sebastian.

Hi, It’s Mari from a few minutes ago. Here’s my number so we can plan our dinner date.

I hit send before giving myself too much time to overthink what I’d written, re-type it a million times, or not send it.

I tossed my phone in the passenger side seat, and headed back to work.

“Mari, where have you been? I texted you, like, a million times.”

Gemma, our front desk person slash administrative assistant slash interoffice news delivery system all but attacked me as I walked in the front door.

“Uh, I had a personal appointment. I thought I updated my calendar.”

I quickly looked down at my phone, pulling up the calendar which was synced with the company email system. I saw that I had marked myself as out of office, and held the phone up for her to see.

“Yeah, whatever, I get that you were marked as out of office, but her royal bitchiness called this morning demanding a meeting, so we are all hands on deck. Louisa asked me to get a hold of you pronto because the meeting started ten minutes ago.”

Fuck.

Me.

“Thanks, Gem.”

I maneuvered to my cubicle as quickly as my heels would let me. For a short moment, I considered taking my shoes off and sprinting as if I were trying to win the hundred meter dash, but figured that showing up sweating and out of breath would not be the most professional look.

But seriously, my chances at moving up in the company hinged on that woman and her mood swings, so I was going head first into a full-blown panic attack.

I reached for my phone to text Dane, then remembered for the five millionth time that was a no-fly zone and slid my phone back in my pocket.

I grabbed my laptop and note pad, and walked to the conference room, hoping that I was exuding confidence and subject matter mastery, not ‘holy shit’ and ‘what the fuck’, which was what I was feeling.

“I’m sorry that I was held up.”

I knew better than to say I didn’t know about the meeting, that would put the ownership on the client, and that was certain career suicide. If I indicated that I had a personal appointment that I was attending to, it would appear that I was putting myself above the client, and that was also a huge no-no. So instead, no explanation, just an apology, as I slipped into my seat.

“Well, it’s really kind of you to make it, Molly. Although, I am disappointed that you don’t value my company’s business enough to come to scheduled meetings on time. I certainly hope that this sort of thing isn’t your norm, or I will have to request a different worker to be involved in this project.”

She tossed back that platinum blonde hair and literally sneered at me, as if trying to goad me into a reaction. I smiled calmly at her, managing to school my face into what I hoped was a pleasant mask at her deliberate use of the wrong name, and the indication that this was a meeting that had been scheduled, rather than being the bomb that was dropped same day.

Although I kept my facial expression all calm, cool and collected, in my head I was holding an Alicia the Ice Bitch body double while I stabbed the fuck out of her cunt-face. Yes. I used the C-word. She earned it. I have no regrets.

Louisa raised an eyebrow at me, as if telling me to pull ten of the needles out of my mental voodoo doll and chill out. Apparently, I was not holding it all together as well as I thought I had been. Damn, but I hated groveling.

“Very sorry, Ms. O’Reilly. I assure you, this won’t happen again.”

She gave a curt nod.

“See that it doesn’t. As I was telling the rest of the team, my father and I have had a change of heart in looking at the proposal you have made.”

You have to actually have a heart to be able to have a change of heart.

The little ‘evil Mari’ voice gave her two cents in my mind, once she stopped massacring the voodoo Alicia. I sort of imagined my brain line a workshop, or a conference room. In my mind, that voodoo doll was strewn from one end to the other, stuffing hanging out all over the place.

Obviously, my mind voodoo was ineffective as shit, considering Alicia was still sitting upright rather folded over in pain.

“Yes, you were about to explain what changes you would like to make to the proposed campaign.”

Louisa gently but firmly worked to move the meeting along, and I reluctantly sat up a little straighter, abandoning my mental plaything for the time being. Although… I was enjoying the time in my head inflicting pain. Perhaps I was a little more masochistic than I thought.

I did thoroughly enjoy that BDSM book that Kaylie had suggested I read last week. We agreed that it was a five-battery buzzworthy book.

My fingers poised over the keyboard, ready to take down notes on whatever adjustments we were going to have to make to tweak the design plans.

“All of it.”

There was an eerie silence that fell over the conference room, as we sat in shock that all the work we had put in on the approved plans had just been tossed in the toilet. I looked over at Louisa, trying to gauge her reaction to this bombshell news, and saw her struggling to keep her emotions guarded. I was surprised to see the struggle make its way to the surface, considering Luisa was one of the most even-keeled people I knew.

“Well, that is obviously disappointing. What seems to be the problem?”

We all shifted our gazes over to Alicia, who had a somewhat smug look on her face, as if she had put together this elaborate plan and was enjoying seeing everything pan out exactly as she had wanted it.

“Honestly, I… rather, we feel as if this is stale. It’s as if your team really just phoned it in. If this is the type of work you present to what could be a huge account, then perhaps your firm has gone well past its prime. Or, perhaps you have started letting people through the doors that aren’t really worthy of the position.”

She pointedly looked at me when she said that, and my jaw hit the table.

What the fuck was this bitch’s problem? I mean, I knew why I couldn’t stand her, but I had done literally nothing but be nice and kiss her perfectly toned ass.

Luisa looked at me, once again questioning me with her gaze. I just shrugged my shoulders ever so slightly, trying to indicate that I didn’t have a damned clue as to what happened.

“This looks like you reached into your portfolios from ten years ago and just dusted off an idea that worked back then. This isn’t young. This isn’t hip. There’s no way in hell we will be getting the newer companies looking to grow themselves in Boston, New York, Chicago and any other future market where we are looking to expand. We will give you one more chance to come up with something that is actually eye catching, rather than yawn inducing, by the end of next week. If we are not satisfied with your work, we will be taking our business elsewhere.”

With that she stood up, slapped her portfolio shut, and let herself out of our conference room and building as if she owned the damn place.

Luisa whipped her head around to look at me.

“Mari, could I have a moment.”

Fuck.

“Uh-huh, sure.”

I picked up my laptop and notebook and tried to match her quick stride back to her office.

“What in the hell was that?”

She waived her hand toward where we last saw a pair of Louboutins sashaying out the front door.

My head was spinning, trying to figure out where everything went to shit. I pictured every interaction I’d had with her – which had always had some level of supervision from Luisa or another more senior member of the team.

Never once had there been an indication that the firm was anything but pleased with our plans.

It was almost as if it were personal.

“Well?”

I just shook my head, fighting the tears of frustration that threatened to form in the corners of my eyes.

“Damned if I know.”

Luisa sighed and rubbed her eyes a bit.

“Mari, Alicia O’Reilly is about the most horrendous person I’ve had the misfortune to know. The way she spoke to you in there was abysmal, and we are all aware that this was a surprise meeting. It was not on the calendar, so you shouldn’t be held accountable in any way that you weren’t here when it started. That being said, I need to know why one of our clients has it in for you. And why is it so bad that she’s willing to mess with the professional relationship between the two companies?”

I looked at my hands, not wanting to look Luisa in the eye at the moment. Alicia must somehow know about Dane and me, but how? I hadn’t talked to her about him, and lord knows he’d probably never mentioned me to her, considering he could barely stand to breathe the same oxygen as she did.

Fuck.

I had been given one piece of guidance in order to move me forward towards my promotion, to keep Alicia happy. I mentally waved that promotion goodbye as I turned to Luisa resolutely, knowing it was the right thing to do, to let her know of the degrees of separation that linked us.

“I think I may have an idea of what her problem is.”