“Who is Mari?”

Fuck.

Me.

Great question though, like, yeah… who is Mari?

I knew I loved her. But did I love…her. I loved the woman she let me see, but I had a feeling there was a version of her she showed the world, and a version that she held tight to herself. I felt like I got to see the real one, but I knew that when I saw her with Kaylie, there was a somewhat different person.

She was freer.

Yeah, that was it.

I pictured the two of them, laughing with each other as Mari shimmied and shook to some unheard song, music that existed only between the two of them. Their connection was stronger than the one I enjoyed with Phoenix, and that was saying a lot. They weren’t related, but truthfully, I would have thought that they were twins by the way they thought the same way. I’d caught times where they would lift their heads and look at each other and laugh at each other over a joke they must have sent to each other telepathically.

I wanted that Mari. I wanted her to feel that safe with me, that comfortable with me. I wanted her to trust me.

I had to earn that trust. I’d broken it.

Me.

I promised in one breath to hold her together when her pieces broke apart, and in the next moment I had exploded her into a million shards.

A woman who had let me know of her trust issues. A woman who hadn’t fixed those issues. A woman that I had failed.

Trust.

Fuck.

Something that was so hard to earn, yet so easy to destroy. I wish she’d had the magical power to see inside my head, to see inside my heart, to know what I felt. To know how I felt.

Instead, I used another woman’s body to try to get her out of my system. I became the type of person I loathed in order to try to exorcise the demons of her memory.

The look on Janelle’s face as she left my bedroom would haunt me for a lifetime, I was certain. Sadness, disappointment, self-loathing, pain.

I had misread everything. I had thought we were on the same page, that it was a casual encounter, and she had read it as a completely different thing. She thought potential, I thought momentary.

I thought back to when I had ‘friend-zoned’ Mari from the get-go. It was my attempt to take what was a definite attraction and see if it had the ability to become more. I had seen relationships that started as friendships grow into lasting long-term things, and at my age, that’s what I wanted.

Then, the one time I just give in to my testosterone, I cause someone pain who didn’t deserve it.

What the fuck.

I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Janelle.

You deserved better. I’m sorry.

I needed to do that. I needed to be able to look myself in the eyes when I shaved in the morning. I needed to look my mom in the eyes at dinner. I was better than this person that I was allowing myself to become.

I grabbed my mail on my way back up to my apartment and sorted out the bills and junk mail before coming to a fancy envelope that was clearly sent by a female. I mean, it was frilly as shit.

I almost dropped the wedding invitation.

Kaylie was engaged?

She invited me?

A slow smile formed on my face, and I said a quick prayer of thanks to the big guy and to Kaylie.

My chance. My only chance to get my girl back, came in the form of a wedding.

I grabbed my cell phone out of my back pocket and pulled up my brother.

Dude. I’m going to get her back.

I quickly filled out the RSVP card, putting it down for two. I would find someone to go with me, either my brother or one of my sisters, and slipped it back in the envelope.

???

Mari’s best friend is getting married. I got an invite.

Wait, the lesbian?

Dude, don’t be such an ass. She’s more than just a lesbian. She’s an amazing person, who is driven, who has accomplishments…

And she likes pussy. Please, do not ever underestimate that amazing accomplishment of hers.

You’re fucked up, you know that, right?

I shook my head at my brother. He really was an ass. I mean, yeah, my brain had been known to short circuit once or twice over the idea of hot lesbian action, but these were people we were talking about. Kay and Mariana were awesome people in love who were going to get married because they were incredible and amazing and all that shit.

My brother was an ass.

Please, if you love me at all and value our brotherhood, take me as your plus one.

Oh hell no.

The thought of my brother going to a wedding, even a wedding of a man and a woman, terrified me. Add in the fact of it being a wedding for two women and that is a hard limit.

I couldn’t trust him to keep his damn mouth shut, even in a nursing home filled with ninety-year old women. I half expected that if we were at a lesbian wedding he would be damn near heckling during the whole ceremony, and encouraging a voyeuristic show at the reception.

You are the worst brother that ever existed.

I shook my head as I sat down on my couch.

Okay, I had been given this gift. It had all but fallen in my lap. How was I going to turn this gift into the action I needed to bring Mari back into my arms?

“Dane?”

What the fuck?

“Mom, what are you doing here?”

“Son, you really should check your phone more.”

I glared down at my phone, only to see that she had texted me about a half of a second before she waltzed in.

That was how she rolled. She claimed that she never walked in our homes unannounced, and technically, she didn’t, because she contacted us usually as she was getting on the elevator or walking in the entrance. Just enough notice to not be considered intrusive… in her mind.

You know that dead bolt I mentioned that I had not given mom the key to? Yeah, it would have helped if I actually used it.

I stood up and walked to the kitchen, trying hard not to drag my feet. My euphoria over my opportunity with Mari dwindled as my mom beat me to the coffee machine.

“Okay, so, I can see that you texted me from the front door letting me know you were walking in, but that doesn’t actually explain the reason that I have been wonderfully blessed with your presence this fine day.”

She sat there, frowning at me for a few moments, as if not really sure how to take that statement. Which is why I worded it that way. It was a great way to buy time if I tied her brain up in some knots.

“I hate when you do that, I know it’s on purpose.”

I just grinned at her, knowing that I had successfully thrown her off of the reason for her visit, even if only temporarily.

“Oh, I remember now, I came to see if you...”

Her words faded out as her eyes widened. She was looking somewhere over my right shoulder, and I frowned as I turned to figure out what she’d fixated on. Honestly, for a second, I was really concerned about mom’s mental state, because it wasn’t like her to be that scatterbrained.

I was concerned until I realized what it was she saw. At that moment, I went from concerned to downright terrified.

She might be older, but by God, she was still quick. She did some crazy maneuver around my attempt to block her before descending upon the wedding invitation I had left on my coffee table.

“Kaylie Mathilde Jacobson and Mariana Veronica DePina Andrade. Wow, young men have such strange names these days, I can’t tell who the groom is and who’s the bride.”

She looked at me with a slightly confused look on her face, and I did my very best not to roll my eyes and slap my forehead.

“That’s because Kaylie and Mariana are both women, mom.”

Her eyes and mouth both formed an amusing ‘O’ of surprise, before she looked back down at the invitation and examined it as if it were a piece of evidence at the crime scene.

“Wow, it’s so feminine, that’s unexpected, isn’t it? My friend Marjorie has a great-niece who is a lesbian, and she isn’t feminine at all.”

Oh, dear lord.

“Mom, you know that everyone is their own person, right? Like, they are all individuals. It’s not like they get slapped with the lesbian stick and suddenly walk around wearing camo board shorts, wife beaters and wearing a buzz cut.”

“If they’re lesbians, they probably haven’t been slapped with any kind of stick.”

I spat out the coffee that was in my mouth, spraying the kitchen with the best part of waking up.

Jesus, that was the most unexpected thing to come out of her mouth, and believe me, mom had some doozies.

“Get it? Because she’s a lesbian, she doesn’t like to have sex with anything that has a peni…”

I held up my hand to stop her mid-sentence.

“No, mom, please, don’t continue that sentence. Kaylie and Mariana are some of the sweetest people you would ever meet. They are not a stereotype, they just are themselves, two absolutely beautiful women who fell in love and want to spend the rest of their lives together.”

“This is fucked up.”

This time it was my eyes that shot up in surprise.

“Jesus Christ, mom, have you been drinking?”

I’d never heard my mom drop an F-bomb before. This was unchartered territory, and I wasn’t at all sure how to deal with it.

“Well, it is.”

She was damn near pouting like a four-year-old. I never would have pegged my mom as a homophobe, and I felt the burning sensation that reeked of disappointment bubbling up from my stomach because her actions indicated that she might be.

“Their parents will be grandparents before me. Meanwhile, I have four children, straight children, who can’t seem to find themselves a suitable mate to settle down with and make me some grandbabies. You, well, you managed to blow it with Mari, and I really liked her. Your brother is a – oh, Lord, what was that phrase again… a manwhore. That’s it, your brother is a manwhore. And your sisters, I don’t know what on earth I did to create two of the most career driven females ever, but I want some damned grandchildren, and you are all conspiring against me.”

“Mom, are you off your meds? Seriously, I need to know. Because this is some high-level crazy talk right here, and I am not sure if I should call dad or the nice men in the padded vehicle with the white jackets that have extra-long sleeves.”

She sat on the couch and glared at the offending wedding invitation.

“Maxine’s daughter is pregnant. Again. The woman couldn’t help but brag about it at bible study today. She knows I want grandchildren more than anything, and she just rubs my nose in the fact that I’ll never know the joy of holding a sweet grandchild in my arms.”

I closed my eyes and counted to ten while rubbing the bridge of my nose in a lame attempt to alleviate the stress that my mother had a knack for causing.

“You either need to drink more, or drink less, Mom, I can’t figure out which. I think between the four of us, we will be more than capable at providing you with at least one sweet babe to hold in your arms. But, seriously, is that why you came over here, to complain that I’m not procreating?”

“Well, not just you, I mean, you’re not my only child.”

She paused for a second before continuing.

“So, how do you know these two?”

She waved at the invitation, indicating that she was referring to Kay and Mariana.

“Kaylie is Mari’s very best friend. Seriously, they are more like sisters than friends. And Mariana is a package deal with Kay.”

Her face brightened up at the mention of Mari’s name.

“Wait a minute, you’ve been invited to the wedding of your ex-girlfriend’s best friend? Which means Mari will probably be there, too?”

“Already two steps ahead of you on that one, mom. I’m definitely going. I just have to figure out who to take as my plus one, but I have a little over a month before I have to worry about that.”

“You should take Alicia.”

“Not a fucking chance in hell, mom.”

“Dane, language.”

“Nope, sorry mother of mine. You no longer get to hold the ‘language’ card over me. You not only dropped the granddaddy of all curse words, you did so after bible study. Like, that’s got to earn me a few passes.”

She sat back in a huff and crossed her arms while working through what I just said. Finally, she nodded.

“Fair enough, I probably should watch my language around you kids. I’d hate for you to pick up some bad habits, but that Maxine really got my goat. Anyway, you should bring Alicia. I know you find her about as cuddly as a porcupine, and I agree, she’s become somewhat of a frighteningly frigid individual, but it could make Mari jealous and force her onto your arm. Oooh, maybe they’ll have a cat fight over you.”

“Jeez, Ma, I’m not even sure who you are anymore.”

And yet, there was an odd buzzing in the back of my head that felt like going along with this colossally bad idea.

No, absolutely not. The last time I went along with one of my relatives’ stupid ideas it ended up resulting in a really pissed off woman, and rightfully so. My sisters had been making sure to remind me on the regular that they’d told me that I was making a piss poor life choice, and they were right.

Ugh, I hated admitting that. Also, I’d given them plenty of discussion material for their online book clubs. Apparently, they were starting to rate males in the club members’ lives based on their ‘book boyfriend worthiness’. I was currently pretty damn low in the rankings.

“I don’t think that’s too good of an idea, Mom. One, that could royally blow up in my face, resulting in the opposite of what we want. That would suck. Two, it could give Alicia the wrong impression. She’s been trying to get me to hook up with her for years, now, and honestly, she’s been making me a bit uncomfortable with her intensity. I don’t get the impression that people tell her ‘no’ very often, so I don’t want to take any chances.”

“Okay, it’s all set.”

“What are you talking about?”

This was by far the most confusing conversation I’d ever had with my mom, and that was really saying a lot.

“Alicia. It’s settled. I texted her mom, and she’s going to pass on the message to her. This is going to be perfect.”

She sat back, so proud of herself while my head exploded. Literally, exploded. I was trying to figure out how I could have made my position any clearer.

“Why do you look angry at me?”

“Mom, I just told you, in explicit detail, why I was vehemently opposed to the idea. Why the hell would you think I would be pleased that you went ahead and did what you wanted anyway?”

“You didn’t tell me you hated the idea.”

“Mom, yes. I did. I was just telling you that before you announced that everything was all set.”

“Oh, well, I was busy texting her mom, so I really wasn’t paying attention to you. You know how that goes sometimes. It’s too late now, though. You’ll be fine.”

She shrugged, brushing off the entire incident as if it was no big deal, meanwhile, I knew it was going to be a humongous, ginormous, explosive big deal.

“Anyway, I have to scoot. You’re coming for dinner on Sunday, right?”

Sunday dinners at my parents. A standing tradition that was more a requirement and expectation than an invitation. I knew better than to turn her down. I missed a few when preparing to open up the QB2, and you would have thought that I had broken my mom’s heart, murdered a small child, or both.

“Of course, ma’am. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Plus, it would give me a chance to let the sibs know what crap mom just pulled and get them to give her a piece of their mind. Not that it would change anything, but it would make me feel better. And that was worth something at least.