Okay, it had finally arrived.

The third date.

Date one was the little café, and it was kind of awkward and kind of sweet at the same time.

Date two, we went to a bar where he drank just one glass of white wine and kissed me on the cheek at my front door.

On.

My.

Cheek.

And seriously, what guy under the age of sixty drank white wine. Fuck, he might as well have ordered a wine cooler, and shook my hand at my front door.

I honestly thought that maybe he wasn’t that into me, but he had told me I was beautiful and asked for a third date. I heard myself say yes, so here we were.

I still found Sebastian oddly adorkable, and I still felt zero fireworks.

UGH.

He was such a sweet guy, why couldn’t I at least feel a sparkler, if not a cherry bomb. Like, I didn’t need a nuclear bomb mushroom cloud rush of feeling when our hands brushed, but anything would be better than nothing.

And, double ugh. It was going to sound so weird, but he was so much of a damn gentleman all the fucking time. Like, I was afraid to cuss around him, that maybe he would be wicked offended or something.

He’d not held my hand, he’d only kissed my cheek, he insisted on opening every door I approached and pulled my seat out. I know, I know, it was the most polite and chivalrous thing ever. But it was truthfully grating on my nerves. I liked that he was treating me well and all, but when I was wearing high heels and trying to scurry quickly behind him because he was standing there holding the door open, fuck, just walk through it already.

Most chicks probably would be so happy to be treated like a queen. I was stupid, I guess, and maybe subconsciously I was trying to sabotage it because he was a really nice guy who on paper should have all sorts of potential as a long term something.

On paper, he was the absolute ideal. Like, practically a unicorn. Six feet tall, pretty fit, great job, perfect gentleman, gorgeous eyes, and a nice ass. Legitimately ‘sploosh’ worthy.

In real life, well, he was nice.

I hadn’t told Janice about him. I had to admit, I was really conflicted about that. Like, in the first place, I was really supposed to tell her all the things that were going on in my life, especially when it came to the gender that I had the worst trust issues with. I had no trust issues with Sebastian. Truthfully, I felt safe as hell with him.

I had a feeling that even if I caught him in a major lie, it wouldn’t shatter me like Dane did, because I wasn’t really that invested in this… whatever the hell it was.

But, Janice was his therapist, too. So, she might be really pissed at me that I used her front lobby as some sort of speed dating room. It would be a total conflict of interest for me to tell her what was going on.

At least, that was what I kept telling myself in order to justify the fact that I was dating him.

I didn’t want to tell her that he just wasn’t doing it for me, because what if she really, really liked him as a patient? What if he was her favorite? I didn’t think I would want her to like him more than me. Not that I was competitive or anything.

I was totally competitive.

So, I kept it quiet, week after week. I could feel myself withdrawing from her as a result and I hated myself for that. I’d done it before and in the end, it didn’t work out well for me. I could see it in her eyes, too, a hint of disappointment that I wasn’t being completely forthcoming. It definitely hindered me, and it was me falling into stupid old habits.

Except, this time I totally knew what I was doing, I knew it was wrong and stupid and just going to kick me in my own ass once it blew up in my face. So, that was a step in the right direction, wasn’t it?

I really had to tell her. But it was going to break her heart when she found out I felt nothing for him, pretty much just some kind of fondness. You know, the type of fondness you had for other peoples’ pets?

Then why was I standing here with one foot up on the bathroom counter shaving the kitty?

Because despite having no feelings, not the tiniest hint of a spark, it was the third date and I was going to be getting me some, even if that meant conjuring up all sorts of fantasies about Jason Momoa in the process just to keep things nice and wet down there.

He could surprise me. He could be a totally aggressive lover. He might even be slightly dominant, which I fucking loved. Maybe he’d slap my ass a few times, give me a punishment for being too forward.

Hopefully he would keep the lights on.

I hurried up in the bathroom, yet another life decision I would come to regret as I nicked myself. On my fucking lips.

There was only one person who could help me through this.

“Kay, I need advice.”

“Hi, how are you? How are things? How’s the job?”

“Okay, twat waffle, I get it, I should call more. But seriously, 911, hooker!”

“Fine, I’ll give you shit another day. What did you do this time?”

“Nothing… well… it wasn’t on purpose.”

“Shit, this sounds like it’s gonna be good. Should I pop some popcorn while I listen to the drama unfold? Pour myself a tall glass of vodka?”

I just couldn’t figure out how to ask the question I needed to ask.

“Spill it bitch, I don’t have all day and Mariana is in the bedroom, melting like my favorite cherry flavored clitsicle.”

“Dude, do you guys bring popsicles in the bedroom?”

“Do you really want an honest answer?”

Fuck.

“No, please no, for the love of God, no.”

“So, what’s the 911?”

Oh yeah, the reason for my call.

“So, hypothetically speaking, if one were to be doing a little bit of lady gardening down yonder, and maybe cut it a little too close when edging…”

“HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS, you sliced the pussy?”

“I said ‘hypothetically speaking’…”

“Which means yes. Jesus Christ, woman, are you a rookie? Like, how the hell did you manage that?”

“I maybe wasn’t paying attention. Third date tonight and all.”

She made a strangled coughing noise on the other end of the phone.

“What?”

“So, you were busy thinking about how you were going to ride his pony, even though it was just a really nice pony and not the stallion you wanted riding you. And in all your daydreaming you went all chainsaw massacre on your lady bits.”

This bitch knew me far too well. Like, she pretty much hit the nail on the coffin.

“At least you don’t have to worry about this one hacking my body up in a million pieces and distributing it bit by bit in dumpsters across Massachusetts. Like, he’s really, really safe.”

I could hear her eyes roll across the cell phone.

“Okay, keep telling yourself that, you freak. Anyway, other than moral support, what do you need?”

“Um, what do I do?”

“About what?”

“The blood? Like, it’s everywhere. It almost looks like shark week.”

“I don’t know… cold compress maybe? Why are you asking me?”

“You’re my pussy pro, my kitty connoisseur, my vagina virtuoso, my…”

“Please stop.”

“But I can seriously keep going.”

“No. And besides, as your vag virtuoso, I have to tell you I have never split the slit. Ever. I am very protective of my vagaliciousness. It is my goddess power and I treat it as such. I can’t even begin to imagine why you would think that rushing a shave job down there was a brilliant idea.”

“We’re supposed to have sex tonight. Now he’s going to think I have some nasty ass STD. He’ll run screaming.”

“Girl, you act like you think he’s going to give you oral. He’ll probably ask you permission to put his penis in your vagina, carefully guide in and out a few times, get off, and thank you for your time.”

Bitch.

“Did you just flip me off? You did, didn’t you.”

“Jesus, how did you see that? Do you have a damn camera in my bathroom or some shit?”

“I wish, I would be making bank on a video of you slicing the fuck out of your gash.”

I hung up the phone to the sound of her laughter.

Worst thing about what she said was the fact that she was probably right.

“I had a great time tonight, Sebastian. Thanks for taking me out for Thai. That restaurant was a hidden gem.”

I didn’t have to force the words, I absolutely meant every word. He’d taken me to this tiny little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that honestly looked as if I needed some type of tetanus shot just to walk through the door without fear.

Once inside, it was cozy, and the aromas coming through from the back kitchen had my stomach cramping and groaning with hunger. Sebastian, who almost never gave any displays of emotion or reaction, smirked at me when he heard my stomach. We’d really had a very nice evening.

Nice.

There was that fucking word again.

I turned to face him at the front step, still slightly indecisive as to whether I should go through with it or not. I mean, I thought I should.

He looked me in the eyes with a slight smile and took off his glasses.

“Mari, I’ve really been having such a great time with you, it was my absolute pleasure to have you as my dinner companion tonight.”

Why the hell did he have to talk like a ninety-year-old man? I mean, so sweet, but I half expected a vaudeville act to come strolling by or some shit.

“I would really like to kiss you, Mari, if that would be okay. I wouldn’t want to come across as too forceful in any way.”

I nodded my agreement to the kiss and was pleasantly surprised at how soft and sweet it was. Rather than demanding and punishing, it was almost like a sweet ending to a nice night.

Until I could hear Kaylie’s words in the back of my head.

“He’ll probably ask you permission to put his penis in your vagina…”

“Sebastian, would you like to come upstairs for a cup of coffee?”

His eyes widened in surprise, and a smile grew on his face.

“I would love a cup of coffee.”

He reached for my hand and held it gently as we made our way into the apartment.

I went to put my coat and purse in the closet, and when I returned I found him looking through my kitchen cabinets.

“Sebastian, what are you doing?”

“I was going to try to surprise you by getting the coffee started, but for the life of me I can’t find your coffee mugs or your coffee for that matter.”

I just started at him for a few moments, trying to figure out if he was for real.

“What?”

He stopped, looking suddenly very self-conscious about the way I was just standing there with my mouth gaping.

“You’re trying to make coffee?”

“Well, yes, you invited me up here for coffee, and I thought that was great, because I really didn’t want the night to end.”

“Sebastian, I didn’t really mean coffee.”

“I’m so confused.”

I couldn’t help but smile. I mean, he was so socially inept it was adorable at times.

“After a date, especially a third date, if a woman invites a man up for coffee, it usually means sex.”

“Wait, what?”

He was turning about as red as the ripest tomato on the vine.

“Yup. Sex. So, Sebastian, would you like to get laid tonight?”

I watched him as the words sunk in, not surprised that I didn’t get an immediate response to my question. I saw him open and close his mouth a few times, and then as the meaning really and truly sunk in, a huge smile spread across his face.

“Fuck, yes.”

Praise Jesus, the man could cuss. Thank the Lord. I finally felt that perhaps I could exhale just a little bit around him, which was pretty messed up considering I’d invited him up to my apartment with the sole plan of getting him naked and horizontal.

He closed the distance between us with two steps, and grabbed the back of my head, roughly pulling me forward into a searing kiss. Well, it would have been searing, except that I lost my balance, tripped, fell forward and our front teeth hit each other. We separated, each with hands over our mouths and looking at each other as the culprit, before bursting into simultaneous laughter.

“Well, that was a graceful move.”

He stood with his hands on his hips, his lips pulled up in a half smile as he shook his head slowly.

“Maybe we should approach with caution?”

I took exaggerated, slow steps towards him, and once I was a breath away I cupped his cheeks with my hands, not out of tenderness, but to get him to hold still as I pressed my lips to his. He held still for a moment, before running his hands down my back to grab my ass.

He pulled my hips tight to his, and I groaned as I felt the evidence of his interest in me against my lower abdomen. I could feel it throbbing through my clothing, and I felt my own arousal increase as a result. Thank fuck, too, because it helped make it feel less like a ‘getting over Dane’ experiment.

I rotated my hips a little, wanting to test the waters and get a general idea of what I was going to be enjoying. Pure lust shot downward when he bit my lower lip in response, scraping the sensitive skin with his teeth. The unexpected pain nearly made me come undone right then and there.

I put my hand on his shoulders and used them as leverage to wrap my legs around his waist. I loved doing this, because it pressed him intimately against my throbbing lips, which both heightened the sensation and slightly calmed the ache that was burning between my legs.

He wasn’t expecting that, so he staggered backward a little bit and leaned backward on the wall.

“Dude, if you drop me right now, it’s proof that this was not destined to happen.”

“Not. Going. To. Happen.”

He laid little bites along my neck and ear as he ground out each word. I arched my back and slightly moved my hips, thrilled in the current of feeling that spread from my heated core outward.

His hands easily held me up, and I could feel him start to push and pull slightly on my ass. Before long, I was dry humping him hardcore in my living room. Both our breaths were coming out in gasps and I was seconds away from coming when he dropped me unceremoniously on the couch.

He paced the length of the room, holding his hand up while he walked, silently asking me for a moment so he could catch his breath. I stood up and started walking back to my bedroom, figuring he’d get the hint and follow when he was ready. I was purposefully keeping the doubts about this evening as far away from my conscious thought as possible. I was going to do this.

I was going to have sex with Sebastian.

I was going to feel some damned electricity, even if I had to ride him so hard that sparks flew off of his dick.

I was going to like it.

Not the best pep-talk in the world going in to spread eagle, but that didn’t matter. This was happening. I could hear his footsteps down my short hallway, and I clapped my hands like a football team breaking a huddle.

Game. Fucking. On.

As he walked in my bedroom, his eyes were the half-slits of a predator. He unbuttoned his shirt while he walked forward, until he exposed his chest. I walked forward, and ran my hands up his abdomen, pinching his nipples just a little bit to test the waters of his sensitivity. He growled and leaned forward to capture my lip between his teeth again, pulling slightly.

I reached for his jeans, wanting to unbutton them quickly. I felt stupidly excited about exposing him, seeing firsthand what kind of pistol he was carrying concealed. I really hoped I wasn’t going to be faced with a snub-nosed revolver. A nine-millimeter would be okay, but a double-barreled shotgun would have me on my knees singing the Hallelujah Chorus.

He gently pushed my hand aside before he picked me up and then sat on the edge of my bed, with me straddling him. He pulled my shirt up and over my head, taking a moment to appreciate the sheer bra I was wearing.

He could see my tightened nipples through the material and leaned forward to take one peak into his mouth, sucking on it through the nearly weightless material. The dampness of his breath, pressure from his mouth and slight friction from the material moving across my sensitive skin had me involuntarily arching my back. I reached for my own tits, pushing them together for him, serving them up as a sacrifice to the worship of his mouth.

I fucking loved having my tits sucked. I knew it was crass to word it that way, but it didn’t matter. Mouth. Lips. Teeth.

Yes, yes and fuck, yes.

He finally reached behind me and undid the clasp, and I gasped at the new sensation of warm, wet material making way to cool air. I ground myself hard into his lap, pleased to hear him choke out a curse as he roughly grabbed my hips and held them still.

He reached underneath the skirt I was wearing, choked when he was met with nothing but my damp heat. That’s right, I was a nasty whore who skipped the undies to avoid an unsightly panty line.

His fingers slipped inside of me, teasing, stretching. The heel of his hand pressed hard on my clit, a compliment to the sensation of being filled, even if only slightly, by his fingers. I was already so revved up by the nipple play that my walls started to clench with an impending orgasm.

Yes.

Please.

Just before I was able to find my release, he pulled his hands away, and set me on the bed. He unzipped my skirt and pulled it down. I damn near threw a temper tantrum at the stop and go that he was putting me through. Like, you don’t rev the engine of a Corvette, hit the gas and then the brakes immediately after.

That was a good way to end up with a pissed off Corvette.

I leaned back on the bed in my nakedness, very quickly cooled off and more than a little annoyed. Until he started unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down. Ahhhh, he was a boxer brief type of guy. I had totally pegged him for tighty whities.

His cock stood out, proud and throbbing. It almost looked painful, it was so hard. I licked my lips involuntarily at the sight of the bead of precum that was making the tip glisten. As far as gun size, well, it could have been a little more impressive a barrel, but as long as he knew how to aim and fire, we would be all set.

He pulled on a condom, and braced himself over me in a high pushup. He stared down at me, his eyes almost black with his desire. Fuck, that was hot as hell, being able to see his eyes change just because he wanted me so badly.

I felt the head of his cock against my entrance, and braced myself for the welcomed intrusion and the release I would finally have after being teased so mercilessly.

We both groaned as he slipped inside of me. He pulled out halfway, and slammed back in, fucking me hard and fast from the start.

I started to feel my orgasm build again, and was about to give into it when I heard him grunt and sputter, before holding perfectly still before collapsing down on me.

What the hell just happened?

He kissed my forehead before he rolled off of me and pulled the now barely used condom off of his shrinking dick. I could feel the bed lift on his side when he got up to dispose of it, but I was unable to make eye contact.

“Babe, that was absolutely incredible. You were amazing.”

Holy shit.

This was the worst of the worst.

I could deal with a pencil dick. I could deal with a little chub. But this, this was something that I was pretty damn sure that no fledgling relationship could ever overcome. This was beyond me. I wasn’t a strong enough woman to stand by my man over this problem.

Sebastian was a fucking minute man.