I felt numb and confused…heartbroken and alone.
I had nothing left to live for.
The hate that had kept me moving forward, day by day, had rapidly waned as I’d gotten to know Locke better, so that I now felt like a hollow shell of a person.
“Em…you have me worried.” He cupped my face in his hand, tilting my head back so I’d be forced to look at him, his touch burning hot against my frozen skin.
Damn it. It was impossible to look into his blue eyes and not feel my heart hitch inside my chest. Yet I knew that was not a road I could go down. “There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Except for the fact that you were sitting out in the freezing cold for who knows how long.” He let out a ragged breath, his eyes dark with concern. “You could have frozen to death out there.”
“Maybe.” Tears stung my eyes, because I knew he was right. I felt lost and filled with a despair that had me not knowing what to do with myself anymore.
“What’s going on, Em? For fuck’s sake, talk to me. Is it your memories? Have they returned? Or were you just trying to get yourself killed?” He looked so genuinely worried about me—but it only messed with my head further.
I had no answers for him. None that wouldn’t involve lying to him or myself.
But then he was simply pulling me into his arms and holding me to him as I fought back years of heartache, my loss and pain threatening to cave in on me. Yet as he held me in the safety of his arms, it was easy to find a quiet peace that I could escape to.
He kissed the top of my head, his touch so sweet and tender. “No matter what you’re remembering from your past, I swear, it doesn’t matter to me.”
Except that it would matter if he found out why I was really here, and that this had been nothing but a setup from the very start.
I shook my head no, though I was desperate to believe him. “You can’t know that, Locke.”
“I do know it, love.” When he kissed me, it was far too easy to let my past go for just a little while longer, and take comfort in his arms. “Nothing will change how I feel about you.”
How he felt about me?
Trying to slow my racing thoughts, I snuggled up against him, taking in his warmth as he held me, even as I questioned my own feelings for him. I supposed that was part of the problem. Because he was far too easy to like, and that made it damn hard for me to hate him.
I was still having a hard time reconciling the man before me with the man I’d envisioned in my head. He was nothing at all like I’d expected him to be. But it went beyond finding out that Locke wasn’t a monster. He was sweet and sincere, caring and thoughtful. He’d put my needs before his, dropping everything to help a complete stranger. I just couldn’t see him being the sort of man to brutally threaten my father and drive him to murder.
And if that were the case, then what the hell was I doing here?
Yet now that my hurt and anger had subsided enough for me to think a little more clearly, I was starting to realize the mess I was in.
And what the hell had I actually expected to happen, even if I found the evidence I needed? Was I going to pull out a gun and shoot them in a fit of revenge? The answer was no, even if it’d crossed my mind when I was coming up with this asinine plan. It had all made so much sense when I was buried under the weight of my grief, angry and hurting.
But…I wasn’t a killer. That was not who I was. And hurting the people who’d stolen my family from me sure as hell wouldn’t bring them back—especially when I didn’t know if Locke and his family were actually responsible.
I pulled out of Locke’s arms, shaking my head as my realization sunk in, tears stinging my eyes as I fought back my panic. “I’m sorry…I need to go.”
“Emie…you can’t leave. I won’t let you.” He cupped my face in both his hands and kissed me with a passion that stole my breath and branded my soul with his mark, making me forget the whole reason I was here. And he kept kissing me until there was no more fight in me…until I could do nothing but give in to what was between us.
By the time his kisses slowed, I didn’t have the energy to do anything but stay there in his arms, even though there was a war going on inside me. I should never have approached Locke, and I’d been nothing but stupid to think that I wouldn’t be affected by sleeping with him.
It may have gotten him to let me into his life, but it also left me feeling far too vulnerable. I couldn’t sleep with someone and be intimate with them, and still remain emotionally unattached. That just wasn’t the sort of person I was—and I should have known better.
Locke pulled away just enough to look at me. “You’re still cold as ice. I want you to stay here by the fire so you can warm up while I cook us up some breakfast. Okay?”
I nodded, curled up with my knees to my chest. Wrestling with my thoughts, I sat there, trying to sort out who Locke really was. Except that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to figure that out without handing him over more of my soul.
Bear nudged my hand, looking worried, so I sank my fingers into his thick, black fur, feeling some of the tension in my chest finally start to ease. I swear, I’d never seen a dog as big as this, and I knew damn well that if it hadn’t been for him doing his best to keep me warm, I’d be in far worse shape after sitting out in the cold for as long as I’d had.
Not that I wanted to look too closely at why the hell I’d gone out there to begin with. Because I knew I wouldn’t like the truth. And so I pushed those thoughts away and wrapped my arms around Bear’s thick neck, taking comfort in the quiet understanding he offered.
“Grab a seat, love. Breakfast is ready.” Locke served up the eggs and bacon he’d just cooked and carried the plates over to the breakfast bar as I crossed to his side.
Yet it took him a single glance in my direction to know exactly what I needed in that moment. Without a word, he pulled me into his arms. I hated that he seemed to offer me a comfort I hadn’t been able to find anywhere else—and that meant I was already in too deep. “I need to go back to Seattle, Locke. I’m sorry to drag you all the way out here, but I really need to go. And the cops… I need to check in with them.”
“I’ll take you wherever you want to go, Em. And we can call the detective handling your case. But I’m worried about you. It’s not safe for you to go back to the city when someone might still be out there looking for you. And without your memory, you won’t even know you’re in danger until it’s too late.” He pulled back to look at me. “Unless you’ve remembered something?”
“I don’t know…maybe.”