I fucking hated not knowing how to make things right for Emie. But worse still was the fact that she wouldn’t open up to me, even though it was clear she was hurting. I turned off the hot water and then grabbed a towel, wrapping her in the soft fabric. “There you go, love.”
“I know we only just got here, but I feel like I should be back in Seattle. The cops…your brother… I want to be close by on the off chance either of them find out any information.” She looked haunted, her green eyes dark with far too many problems.
“I’ll happily take you back, Em. But…I’d appreciate you letting me know if your memories are resurfacing, even if you don’t feel comfortable telling me what you remember. I’m not asking for details—just to know whether or not you’re getting better.” Though I wanted her to be able to trust me, I could understand her not wanting to open up to me about things that she might not be comfortable with, especially when it was unclear what was done to her. And I knew full well how horrible one person could be to another. I may not know what she’d had to endure, but I could certainly imagine the worst of it, even if she hadn’t been sexually assaulted.
She closed in on herself, suddenly looking small and vulnerable as she wrapped her arms around herself, tears rolling down her cheeks. “I do remember. I remember far too much—and at the same time, I don’t remember anywhere near enough.”
I wrapped my arms around her, my mind racing even as I fought back the urge to bombard her with a million questions. There was so much I wanted to know, so much that hadn’t been said or addressed, so much I didn’t have a single clue about. Yet at the same time, I knew that with her getting her memory back, it might change everything between us—and this was definitely something she’d need time to work through, and she may not ever feel comfortable telling me about it.
But for now, all I could do was hold onto her as she wept, her arms wrapped around my waist and her head against my chest, as I was left hoping that this wouldn’t all come crashing to an end. Because I may not really know her, having just met her days ago, but she’d stolen my heart just the same.
I knew just how crazy that sounded, and I was not the sort of guy to believe in love-at-first-sight fairy tales. Yet, here I was, completely smitten with a woman I barely knew.
I had no doubt my brothers would tell me to go get my head checked—except for the little fact that they had each fallen hard and fast for the women in their lives, and half of them had already started their own families.
The truth was, I wanted to have that in my life too. I’d never been the partying sort, always a bit of a loner—not that you could be a loner with a house full of brothers. And when it came to women, I had a hard time falling into anything casual. For me, the sex wasn’t worth it if my heart wasn’t into the person I was with, and in order for my heart to be into it, I had to like the girl.
Not to say I was a monk or anything. But when it came to Emie, I couldn’t remember ever feeling more strongly about a woman, and given that I hadn’t known her long at all, that was saying something. Because every time I looked at her, I felt the fierce need to protect her, to make her happy—to claim her as mine.
The thought of her walking away from me was making it so I couldn’t fucking think straight, and it was only compounded exponentially by the thought of her in another’s arms. Given that her past was still completely up in the air, I knew it was a possibility. Yet there was no way I could just let her walk away from me.
“I’ll happily take you back to Seattle if it’s what you want and if it’s safe, but I still want you to stay with me, either at the houseboat, or at a hotel. Anywhere, as long as we’re together.” I tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, letting my fingers trail to her cheek, her skin soft and warm to my touch. Fucking hell, she was so beautiful. “I’m just not ready to let you go when there are so many unknowns.”
“I’m not in danger. Not anymore. But you don’t know me, Locke. If you did, being together would be the last thing on your mind.” She pulled away from my touch and distracted herself with getting dressed as I followed suit.
Yet having her pull away from me had my chest tightening as I tried to figure out how much weight I should give her words. Was she simply panicking and overreacting? Or was there something that could truly come between us?
Fuck, I hated this. I didn’t want to lose her when I’d barely gotten the chance to know her.
“You’re right. I don’t know you—at least not as well as I’d like. But from what I do know, I like you, Em. Far more than is wise. And I’m asking you for more time…more time for us to get to know each other.” Stepping to her side, I sank my fingers in her hair as I cupped her face in my hands, her body melting into mine as if she couldn’t resist this thing between us either. “I don’t want you to leave me. Unless you’ve remembered, and there’s a reason we can’t be together…”
Like a husband or fiancé.
The mere thought had my gut in knots.
She shook her head no, her eyes refusing to meet mine, even as she rested her hands against my chest. “I’m not married. But this thing between us…I just don’t know if I can do it anymore. I’m sorry. And I know that makes me a real jerk after all you’ve done for me. But…I’m not the person you think I am.”
“You don’t owe me anything, Em—and I sure as hell wasn’t helping you so you’d feel obligated to sleep with me.” I hated that she’d think that of me, and though I knew damn well what some guys were like, that wasn’t me. “As for the rest, that’s an easy fix—just tell me who you are. Tell me what you remember. I swear, not much fazes me, baby. And I’ve never been one to criticize others.”
She shook her head no, finally pulling away from me fully and putting some distance between us. “It’s not that easy, Locke. At this point, even I don’t know who I really am or what I truly want.”
“Then let me help you figure it out.”