I spent the night tossing and turning, like most nights as of late. Except that tonight was even worse than usual, knowing that I was back in Locke’s home and under his protection once again—except that the threat to my life was real this time around.
I’d really fucked things up. I hadn’t realized that anyone would notice me making a few phone calls and talking to a few people. But they had noticed, and now I’d managed to drag Locke back into my mess of a life.
Six a.m. I groaned and, knowing I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep, I dragged myself into the shower, letting the hot water pound on me. I still couldn’t believe Locke was back in my life again, after six weeks of not hearing a single word from him. Though in some ways, seeing him had probably been inevitable. Now all I had to do was stay alive long enough to mend things between us.
By the time I hopped out of the shower and headed downstairs, Lock was already up and cooking breakfast. “How did you sleep, Em?”
I shrugged, not wanting to lie to him. “Unfortunately, sleep’s been elusive as of late. It sometimes helps to go for a late-night walk, but it was already too late last night.”
“Well, maybe tonight we can head for a walk. See if that helps any.” Locke served up some eggs, bacon, and toast, and slid my plate onto the breakfast bar, before pouring me a cup of coffee. “Eat up.”
“Thanks.” I forced myself to take a few bites, though my stomach churned at the smell, making me curse myself for being stupid.
Locke sat down next to me and had already devoured most of his meal, which was easily double the amount on my plate, when he noticed I wasn’t eating. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah…no…damn it.” I swore under my breath. “I’m sorry. Everything is just so messed up. And being here…it reminds me of how I screwed everything up. And now? I hate that I’m putting you through all this.”
He let out a weary sigh, shaking his head. “I get that you’re sorry about what happened between us. And I wish that I could just forget it all. But I can’t just flip a switch. It’s just going to take time, Em.”
“I know.” Except that I had a feeling time was working against me.
Locke finished up his breakfast as I managed a few more bites. But with the dishes in the sink and breakfast out of the way, he turned to me as he leaned back against the counter. “Listen…I’ve got a meeting I can’t really get out of, but I’ll only be gone for a few hours. Are you going to be okay staying here on your own? Or would you rather I drop you off at my mom’s?”
“I’m fine here on my own. I’ve got stuff I need to take care of anyway.” Like getting a pregnancy test. Not that I should be shocked. But after everything that happened, I’d done my best not to think of Locke, my heartache just too raw to deal with when he wanted nothing to do with me. And though I wasn’t ever terribly regular, things were running a bit late, even for me.
“Do not go back to your house, Em. I mean it. It’s not safe.” He grabbed my hips and pulled me to him, making my heart hammer and my breath catch.
“I won’t. You have my word. I won’t head home.” As he tightened his hold on me, my hands automatically landed on his muscular chest as I tried to slow my racing pulse.
Try as I might, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking of him—which, of course, only reminded me of how badly I’d screwed up. Yet despite our issues, there was no denying the attraction between us, the air fraught with sexual tension as I looked up at him.
My heart hammered away when he bent his head to mine and brushed his lips against mine in a kiss that held so many questions and even more uncertainties. And though I wanted to linger there in his arms and forget our reality, I knew it was pointless when it’d still be there to slap me in the face.
Somehow, I found the strength to pull away before I lost myself in his kisses. “Locke…what are we doing here?”
He let out a weary sigh, taking a step back and running his hand through his hair. “I’ve missed you, Em. And having you close…it’s fucking hard.”
“It’s hard on me too. But there’s no point to any of this if you can’t trust me after what I did to you. Not that I’m blaming you…” Needing to clear my head, I started to walk away from him, when he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him. “I can’t do this, Locke. Not when things between us are hopeless.”
“I fucking hate that I’m angry, but…I can’t live like this, Em. I still want you, and that means I need to find a way to make this work. Just please…don’t push me away.” As he held me tightly to him, his eyes locking on mine, I made little effort to escape the familiar comfort and safety of his arms. “Maybe we just need to start over again.”
It felt so damn good to hear he might be willing to give us another shot. “Do you really think that will work? Do you think you can find a way to get past what I did? Because I swear, Locke, I want to believe it’ll work, but…I don’t feel like having my heart broken again. It’s taken a lot to try to get over you—not that I’ve managed it—and I don’t know that I can go through another heartbreak when I’ve yet to recover from the first.”
“The way I see it, neither one of us has much of a choice when we’re nothing but miserable when we’re apart.” He loosened his hold on me. “Look…I need to run, but just promise me you’ll think about it.”
“I can definitely do that.” I managed a smile, and for the first time in a very long time, things felt hopeful. “Just one thing…why the sudden change of heart? Last night, you said you didn’t think you’d be able to trust me again. What changed?”
“I realized that I was sulking, and if I’d been in your shoes, I’d have done the same—if not worse. Seeing you again has reminded me just how much I’ve missed you. And frankly, not having you in my life…in my bed… It fucking sucks, Em. Last night was one hell of a long night.”
“I won’t argue with you there.”
Once we’d exchanged phone numbers, in case we needed to get in touch with each other, Locke left for his meeting, and I headed out shortly after. I wouldn’t be out for long—just long enough to grab a pregnancy test. Then I’d head right back.
Getting my mind to slow was nearly impossible as I thought of what would happen if I was actually pregnant. After all I put Locke through, I didn’t know how he’d react, though I was slightly more hopeful after this morning. He seemed to want to find a way to move past what I did to him. But whether or not he’d be able to…that was another question entirely.
And what if he couldn’t forgive me? What if he wanted nothing to do with me and this baby? What if this baby just reminded him of my lies every time he looked at it?
Yet I knew that wouldn’t happen. Locke may not be able to get over what I put him through, but he wasn’t the sort of man to walk away from his child. I knew he’d be an amazing father and he’d love this child—no matter his feelings about me. And maybe a baby would help solidify the feelings we still clearly had for each other.
I headed to the nearest pharmacy and grabbed a pregnancy test, and then drove back to Locke’s place, not wanting to take a chance on being out and about. Because if my suspicions were right, then it was no longer just my life on the line, and I didn’t want to be out in the open any longer than I needed to be.
Back at the houseboat, I took the test, trying not to panic as I fought to take one breath after another. My heart skittered away, pounding inside my chest as I waited for the results—not that I needed to wait long.
Almost immediately, I could see a plus sign start to form, as if I wasn’t just pregnant, but very pregnant. An onslaught of emotions hit me, my eyes tearing up as I tried to slow my racing thoughts.
I was going to have a baby.
The darkness that had haunted me these last few years was suddenly replaced with a hope and a joy that I didn’t think I’d ever feel again. And yet it was bittersweet, knowing that my family wasn’t around for me to share this moment with…knowing that they would never get to know my child, that they wouldn’t have a chance to see it grow up, wouldn’t have a chance to be grandparents or an auntie.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed away my heartache and held onto the joy of this moment. And maybe, just maybe, this was a turning point for me. Because the last thing I’d want is to bring a child into a world of sorrow.
Now all I had to do is tell Locke, and keep my fingers crossed that it went well, though I wasn’t sure how I’d tell him, nor how he might react. I set aside the pregnancy test in my room and started heading downstairs to wait for Locke when I heard Bear bark. Crap… I hadn’t even figured out what I was going to say to him, and now he was already home.
Except that it wasn’t him at all. The first gunshot took out the lock on the door, and the second dropped Bear to the floor as he lunged at the intruders, my screams echoing in my head as I watched him go down, his painful yelps shattering my heart as I ran down the stairs to his side, ignoring the men as they barged through the door. I tried my best to shield Bear from another shot, but despite his snarls, they didn’t bother with him as they grabbed my arms and yanked me to my feet, my cries filling the room as I kicked and fought to get free, knowing that Bear needed immediate help if he had any chance of surviving.
“Locke’s going to fucking kill you for this. I swear, if his dog dies, he’ll make sure you don’t live to see morning.”
“Sweetheart, I’d worry about your own hide—not the furry mutt’s.”