Chapter 5
Ashley
THE HEARTACHE OF SEEING LANDON stings deeply. His face is on permanent replay. Each time I think about Landon, my hands start shaking and I can’t stop them. Our reunion at the bar is still killing me. I can’t shake him out of my head.
He looked the same—my Whiskey. Yet, I noticed some subtle changes. He’s matured over the past seven years, his body wider and more muscular. The once soft-looking boy was now a hardened man, and it was because of me.
I’m standing in front of the gates to the home he built, taking it all in. It’s that moment I realize this is my dream house. The white house has light-brown shutters and large bay windows in the front, with a balcony off the master bedroom facing the front yard. There are rose bushes all around the garden. The wraparound porch with two rocking chairs catches my attention. I used to dream about sitting in rocking chairs like those with Landon and we’d watch the sun set. No words needed because we would be content in each other’s company.
When I open the gate, and hear it clank behind me, I take in the massive yard with an oak tree and a tire tied to one of the branches.
One of my favorite things to do during summer days with him was to come to the open field and sit underneath the oak tree. It was strange to us that there was one tree in the middle of the field. Since we played on this field when we were younger, we declared it our place.
This was the field where we started dating, where we admitted our feelings, and where I gave Whiskey my heart. One night, after an argument with my mama, we came here in his truck and lay in the bed, and he asked me what some of my dreams were. The first thing that came to my mind was having our home here, so we had our tree and our spot. I explained to him my vision.
I run my hand across the old tire, grip the rope, sway from side to side, and remember laughing with him.
He’d push me while I leaned back, my hair flowing in the wind, and watch the sky above me. Or I’d sit there and he’d lean against the tree while I read to him. We spent so many hours under this exact tree.
My fingers trace the initials.
LF + AM
“Forever,” I whisper, and wipe the tears from my cheeks.
I look up at the house and walk with determination to the front porch, raising my hand to knock three times. I’m here for one reason and one reason only.
To get my man back and make things right.
The door opens and his smile fades when he sees me. We’re staring at one another, neither of us saying anything, until he opens the screen door and steps out onto the porch. I take him in, drinking in the way he looks. His sweatpants hang low on his hips and his shirt is tight across his shoulders and chest.
My goodness, the years have been very good to him.
“Can I help you?”
“You look good, Whiskey,” I tell him before I realize what slipped out from my lips. Damn. “I was hoping we’d talk. I left you alone for seven years, and now I think it’s time we finally put it all out on the table. We’re older now and we used to always be able to talk about everything.”
He shrugs. “I already told you, Ashley. There’s nothing to talk about. Stop trying to bring back the past. Those ghosts need to stay there.”
“Why?” I step closer, his clean scent making me weak. “Are you going to believe the gossips of the news rather than me?” He doesn’t respond, so I know he’s doing just that. “The thing about Shawn was all for promotion. It was part of the business. I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement for two years. After I got your letter, it killed me, and I knew I couldn’t come back to Mason and face you. I hurt you so badly and that guilt festered deep inside me. It held me back and that was foolish of me.”
“I don’t know what to say. I’m glad you’re back and I’m glad you followed your dreams. The hurt’s still there, Ashley. That’s not going away. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, and I wouldn’t dare make you cry, but come on. You can’t expect me to welcome you back with open arms and then we’ll be together. As much as I want that, I don’t trust you. There are many levels of love and they all include a strong foundation. Our foundation isn’t there. It’s broken. Without that trust, we wouldn’t last a second chance.”
Being this close to him makes me remember how he’d love me. Cherish me. Whisper promises of forever. “I know and I understand what you’re saying but, baby, when life gives us a second chance, we need to take it and own it. Second chances aren’t given out to everyone. It’s given to those who show hope and have faith in their hearts.” When he doesn’t respond, I place my hand in his, entwining our fingers and squeeze it. “Whiskey.”
“You broke my heart, Ashley. You killed me.” He looks down into my eyes and I see his hurt. His green eyes don’t shimmer with joy. No. It’s hidden behind years of pain. Years of unanswered questions. “I waited for you. I dreamed of you. Wished that you’d come back to me. I built this house for you. For us. For the family we’d have one day.”
“And now I’m here.”
“Seven years,” he struggles to say, holding back his tears. “Seven years and my heart’s finally healing.”
“Have you moved on?”
“What?” he answers. “Moved on?”
“Yeah. You said your heart’s finally healing. Was there someone to help you do that? Are you in love with someone else?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but there isn’t anyone else in my life. Do you want to know who I’ve been sleeping with to try and forget about you?”
I cringe, thinking about the possible women he could’ve been with, but I don’t blame him. Landon’s gorgeous, and he has a heart of gold. He’s a true gentleman.
When we were together, he would walk me to school, carry my books, hold my hand, open doors, and always put me before him. Whenever I was upset or mad, he would be there to comfort me.
So why did I leave him?
“If you want to know, I’ll tell you.”
“Please don’t,” I mumble. “Please.”
“Why not? I had to see you and Shawn happily in love.”
“That was all for show!” I yell and hope it finally registers in his head. “For show. It was a deal between my agency and Shawn’s record label. We never did anything together. It’s only been you. Only you.”
The look of shock plays on his face. His eyes grow wide and I notice a slight twitch of his lip.
“Well, I can’t say it’s only been you, Ashley,” he tells me with a straight face, and I’m ready to crumble. “To make you feel better, those other women didn’t matter. You’re my home and you’ll always be my home.”
“I know,” I mutter and rest my forehead on his chest. “I understand that you sought other women. It kills me to think they got to touch you and feel you. Now that I’m back, you better believe no one will have the pleasure of you again.”
I hear the shuttering of his breaths and it’s breaking me in half. How am I supposed to convince him to trust me again? To let me back in?
“I love you. I love that you built this house. I love that you’ve done so well for yourself. During the time we were apart, I never stopped thinking about you. I never stopped wondering how you were doing.”
“I wish you had come back sooner.”
I sigh and move my hand from his so I can wrap my arms around his waist. “I signed a contract that kept me from coming home. Once I was done with Shawn, I focused on modeling, and trying to make a difference to young girls around the world. After a little bit, I placed my focus on design.”
I pause for a few moments to recollect my thoughts. “I came back when I heard about your mama and daddy passing away. Kemper called me and told me to get down here as soon as I could, so I did. I stayed for the day and got on the next flight to New York as soon as the services were over.”
His body stills and I want so badly to comfort him, so I wrap my arms around him and hold tight. I need this and I know, deep down, he needs this too. I want to take away his pain and fill those holes with love again.
“I stayed in the back of the church and listened to your beautiful words. My heart broke for you. I wanted to comfort you the way you used to comfort me, but I was ashamed. I was there, babe.”
“Then why didn’t you come see me? Why, Ashley? You knew that without my parents, I had no one. I had to handle everything on my own, without anyone to support me. I had to pack up that house alone.”
“Because I was selfish. There was still so much for me to learn and accomplish. I wanted to find my place, and when I did, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted. Fame isn’t for me. But I had people who looked up to me and commitments to fulfill.” I lean back to look at him and am shocked that he’s staring back at me. “As soon as I could, I didn’t renew my lease, I packed my clothes, and came home. I was staying with Mama, until she told me it was time to leave.”
“Your mama kicked you out?”
I don’t answer and simply keep my gaze on him.
“Why?” he asks.
“She said if I want something, I have to go get it. She didn’t really kick me out, more like encouraged me to do what I should’ve done, so I am.”
“What do you want to do?”
I hesitate before answering his question. We’ve been apart for too long for me to beat around the bush. Landon deserves my full honesty. “I want to live here. With you. And build our future together.”
Landon’s even sexier than before. He’s tall, fit, and keeps a slight scruff on his face. His dark hair’s a little shaggy, and immediately I wonder how soft it would be when I slide my fingers through it like I did before.
When I try to reach for his hair, Landon stops me, steps back, and shakes his head. “You want to live here?”
“Yes.”