Chapter 8
Landon
AFTER WE EAT DINNER AND get ice cream at the local parlor in town, we head to the bar. It isn’t much, but it has the best music and drinks in town.
As soon as we’re inside the bar, the music blasts and Ashley grabs my hand, dragging me to the dance floor. I remember how much she loves to dance and how good she is at it. We move together, like we’ve never missed a beat, and after a few songs, we leave the dance floor and head to the bar to get some drinks.
“Are you having fun?” she asks while we wait for our drinks.
“Yeah. It’s nice to get out and relax a little.”
Our drinks come and I watch the way she takes her wine glass and brings it to her lips, closing her eyes, and taking a sip. The way she’s holding her wine glass and drinking it has me mesmerized.
Shit, what the hell am I doing?
We need to leave soon. Putting space between us is important. I can’t confuse what we’re doing together. I have to continue keeping my distance, and ensuring she has everything she needs. I won’t neglect her in that aspect. Nights like these can’t happen again. The boundary line needs to be thick and black, apparent to her, and I need to stick with my plan. Being with Ashley will only bring me shit I’m not ready to deal with again.
“We should get going,” I tell her, and finish my beer.
“Now?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, okay.”
I don’t miss the defeat in her voice or the way her eyes dart away from me. I don’t place my hand on her back while we walk out. I keep a distance from her, the way it needs to be.
The drive back to my house is quiet until she asks, “What’s on your mind?”
I keep my eyes on the road when I answer her. “Why did you turn away that deal they were offering you?”
Ashley stills for a moment before answering. “Because no amount of money and promises were keeping me away from you. I chose you. I should’ve done that years ago. I’ll admit I was selfish and addicted to the spotlight. I loved being recognized and being pampered. Then it got harder and one day I woke up and realized how empty my life was because we weren’t together.”
I’m not sure what to say so I rest one hand on my thigh and relax my other hand on the steering wheel. Ashley’s hand rests on mine and I don’t move it away.
“Anything else on your mind?” she asks me.
“Thinking of the past and what you told me. I had fun tonight.”
“Yeah. Me, too. Thank you for going out and dancing with me.”
“No problem.”
As soon as we’re back home, we both head to our rooms and change out of our clothes into something else before meeting outside. The temperature dropped a little, but it’s still humid out.
I’m sitting on a chair when I hear the door open and close and see Ashley wearing leggings and a loose shirt.
My old shirt.
I watch her sit down next to me; neither of us says anything. The moments we’re sharing are nice, but I need to be realistic. She’s not going to be comfortable living this small-town life, and I don’t plan on leaving Mason.
It’s not lost on me that she’s staring, her eyes searing into me, trying to peel back all my layers. I refuse to turn my head and look at her. I can’t. It’s too much. Even though we spent tonight together, now that we’re home, the tension comes back, and I realize how heavy I feel.
“We’re alone, you know?” she says.
This is true. We are alone and I don’t miss the suggestion in her tone. We could be spending time together, skin on skin, and reconnecting. My dick hardens with the memory of being inside her, of feeling complete. Whole. I would have given Ashley the world. The universe. All the stars in the sky. But I know better now, and I need to remain in control.
Ignoring the pang in my chest, I get up from my chair and head inside the house without letting her know I’m calling it a night. I take the stairs, one by one, and enter my bedroom. The windows in my room face the backyard. My heart wrenches in my chest, and it’s taking everything in me to not go back to her.
A knock on my door gets my attention, and before I can say anything, it opens with Ashley standing in the doorway.
“Are you okay?” I ask slowly.
She rushes in and wraps her arms around my waist, placing her head on my chest. My arms stay by my side. I don’t move.
“Ashley?”
She pulls herself away but remains close, her eyes are shut and I’m not sure what she’s about to say. We’re silent for a few moments. Standing here in the dark with her brings some sort of comfort. The pain is still there and I’m doing everything I can to protect my heart. But the contentment is something I can’t explain.
Or I don’t want to.
“Every night before I went to bed, I sat by the window of my apartment, watching the lights of the city. New York was everything I wanted. I became someone because you believed in me, and it’s that belief that pushed me to be more than a pretty face on the cover. Young women looked up to me, and after my second year, I made changes to advocate for women around the world. It was empowering.”
As much as I want to listen to her talk about the years she spent away from me hurts too much. I can’t stand here, breathing her in, and seeing her without wanting to break down like a damn pussy.
“Landon?”
“Yes?” I answer her.
“I never stopped thinking about you.”
I sigh, letting my head fall forward. Her fingers weave through my hair like she used to do.
“I can’t do this tonight,” I tell her with a hitch of pain to my tone. “You need to leave.” The words leave my lips and I instantly see the hurt in her eyes that causes my walls to chip away.
Ashley doesn’t move away from me. “I know I hurt you. What I want is a second chance to prove my love for you is real and strong.”
We stare at one another in the dark room with just the moonlight through the window. Her silhouette shadows the walls and I can see every curve of the body that I still long for. She’s so fucking beautiful.
My body misses her.
I can’t see her like that or think of her of being my home. It’s irrelevant. She’ll always be beautiful in my eyes, but she broke my heart, and it no longer works. I’m shutting all my feelings for her down.
Permanently.
“Ashley. Go.” It takes everything in me to say those two words.
“Okay, Whiskey. Even though I’m leaving right now, doesn’t mean I’m giving up.”