Brad
Sitting at home, I’m feeling pretty darn good. I’ve spent the afternoon with Scott and Kayla. We wrote and distributed fifty-five fake gossip items about the three of us.
I’m sure that will be enough—no matter what the gossip is about, the blogger releasing all these stories will just be washed away in the flood we created.
Fuck you, whoever you are. You and the asshole leaking information. Fuck you both.
Shauna’s coming over for dinner. Actually, she’s bringing dinner. Chinese food from my favorite restaurant.
I’m really looking forward to some egg rolls and some pork low mien tonight.
I’m flipping channels on my big screen plasma TV, looking for a something with a sci-fi flare that I can watch until she gets back.
I’m kinda hoping this one movie, the space movie with the giant bugs, is on. Every time I flip by it, I end up watching it. It gets me. Every damn time, it gets me.
Unfortunately, I’m not finding it. Lots of teen drama movies are on. Not even the good kinds with a touch of horror, just the sappy, whiny kinds.
When I was that age, I was busy playing video games and hitting on the hottest girls in class, not crying and moping about. Times sure have changed.
I can hear Shauna’s car pull in the driveway. My stomach growls. Just in time.
“Hey, Shauna. Your timing is absolutely perfect. I’m just—”
Shauna runs into the living room. I’ve never seen her so happy or excited before. You’d think she won the lottery.
“You were just getting ready to give me an all-expense paid vacation to the Caribbean. Don’t protest—I’m right.”
“Wait? Was I?” I say, smiling.
“And you are gonna rent me one of those luxury jets so me and my family can fly in style.”
“Whoa. Really?”
She places the food down on my kitchen table, and while retrieving her phone from her oversized purse, she nods. “Yeah, really.”
Sitting at the table, I’m both intrigued and hungry, so I unpack the food while asking, “What did you do to deserve all this? Did you get me extra egg rolls?”
“I did better. So much better,” she says, pointing to her phone. “I got answers.”
“Answers?” It suddenly occurs to me what she’s speaking about and why she’s so happy. “Answer-answers? You found out who?”
“I did.”
“Holy shit, Shauna.” I stand up so quickly, I spend everything on the table into motion, nearly spilling my food and drink. “Who? Spill it! The info, I mean.”
“Ian and Ed are the blind item sources. The blogs have been paying them for dirt.”
“Ian and Ed. Those motherfuckers!” I slam my open hand down on the table, shaking everything there again. “I can’t fucking believe it.” Well, fuck, it makes sense, doesn’t it?
Shauna paces back and forth as she continues, clearly trying to expel all the energy inside her. “And you’ll never guess how I found out, Brad.”
“How?”
“I found out from talking to Shelby.”
“Shelby?” I wrinkle my brow. “My Shelby? I mean my X-Shelby. My ex-girlfriend, Shelby?”
“Yes.”
“How the hell?”
Shauna stops; gathering herself a moment. “Shelby is dating a friend of mine. I never told you that?”
“Um…no.”
“Well, she is. She’s very happy. I mean, they are very happy.”
I shrug at her comment. “Great… So….”
“So, Ian and Ed told Shelby, thinking she would love hearing how they are destroying your career. But Shelby isn’t bitter because she is happy in her new relationship. Happier than she’s ever been.”
Her words both irk and excite me. Mostly irk.
Ed and Ian. Shelby happier than ever.
What the fuck. I need to call Scott. He’s gonna love this.
“So what do you think?” Shauna says. “Did I earn my vacation?”
She did. She earned it and more.
“Shauna, you earned a month’s worth of time off. Contact my assistant”—I’m teasing now, but it’s the honest truth—“have her set you up. All expenses paid for!”
“You think your assistant will be jealous?” she says, laughing.
“Nah.”
Shauna looka at me funny; I’m forgetting something. Oh, right.
“And I’ll rent you a luxury jet too.”
She cheers and gives a loud “Woot!”
“One month. What will you do for a whole month?”
“Two weeks is fine, Brad. You wouldn’t be able to survive without me for more than that. A month? I’d come back and you’d be jobless, broke, starving, and—”
“Naked.”
“Exactly.”
Walking around the table, I put my hand up for a high-five. “You’re the best, Shauna.”
SLAP!
“We’re the best, Brad. We make an excellent team. Like Batman and Robin.”
I smirk, and she smirks back. I know what that means. “That makes me Robin, doesn’t it?”
“It sure does, Brad.”