Chapter 5
The days passed, and Katryn rode before Tarkesh on the Gila. The journey that should have been endless and monotonous, with spurts of panic over her impending nuptials, was instead fascinating because of Tarkesh. They talked about everything. Her family, his family, his interests, his place in dragon society, her unique position in the weretiger political structure.
She couldn’t keep a wistful note from her tone when she spoke of Vesperi. She spoke to him of things she’d never told another soul, not even Mahlia. Something in her reached out to him, trusted him to guide her in this foreign world that was now her home.
She stared into the fire that danced before her. They’d made camp for the fourth day. Tomorrow they would be in the capital. Fear skittered down her spine. What would she do when she mated to another man? Would she be allowed to keep male friends? She didn’t know. Even with all Tarkesh had told her about the planet and culture, she still knew so little.
A small, bitter sigh slid from her. Damn her father for keeping this from her, for never bothering to spare a moment of his time for her. Would she ever belong here? Would she ever get beyond the fact that she was raised in another culture among a people that were not her own? She’d do her best—that was all she could do. Despite her assurances to herself, she couldn’t quiet the unease that rippled over her skin. She hated the uncertainty of it. So many variables she didn’t know. At least in the intricate dance that made up weretiger politics, she knew the steps. Here she was off balance, tentative. She clenched her jaw, frowning. Her temper was on edge this evening, and she didn’t want to speak to anyone, didn’t trust herself not to lash out.
She shook herself from her dark thoughts when she heard footsteps crunch against the soft sand. The camp looked like a smaller version of the tent city at the landing site, the sides of the fabric tents snapping in the wind.
“We’ll be in the capital at midday tomorrow.” Baleel approached to kneel on the other side of the fire. He reached out his hands to warm them in the heat. Like Vesperi, night on Harena brought chilly temperatures. Tonight was especially frigid, the stiff breeze lashing through her clothing. She shivered and sank deeper into the folds of her cloak.
“Fine. I’m heartily sick of the great monster I have to ride. I’m sure it will serve as a stringy meal for some poor caravan soon enough.” She winced at the tart bite in her voice. She really shouldn’t associate with anyone this evening in this kind of temper, but she couldn’t bring herself to close herself in with her own thoughts in her tent.
“You remind me of Adriana more every day. Not just your features, which bear a distinct family resemblance, but your bearing, your attitude.”
“She is hardheaded then?” A grudging smile tugged at her lips. Baleel had kept her company almost as much as Tarkesh these last few days. He was a calm, quiet man, but she found she liked him. She could easily see why he and Tarkesh would be friends. And at this point, it was more than obvious how much she liked Tarkesh. Another reason for her ill humor. He had kept his hands to himself since that first day. She was grateful and frustrated about it at the same time. She wanted him. Learning more about him in the last days had only increased her attraction, and she knew she shouldn’t give in to it again. She could so easily lose her heart to him, and she might never recover from it. She owed it to herself to give her mating to Lord Nadir her best effort, and loving Tarkesh would help no one.
Baleel laughed, returning her attention to their conversation. “Yes, but in the best way.”
“You are close to her? Do you know my…family well?” Just using the word family was enough to make her belly cramp. Hope pushed hard against her breast. Perhaps she wouldn’t have the happiest of marriages. Perhaps she would never have what Mahlia had, but she might know her family. She might grow to love them, become a part of them. Belong. As much as losing Mahlia hurt, as much as mating with a stranger stung, she refused to give in to despair. There had to be something good that came of returning to her home world. Her family might be it.
“I am working to convince Adriana that she should mate with me. And your family? Yes. They are allied to mine, but a mating between our matriarchies would benefit everyone.”
“She doesn’t want to be mated?” Or maybe she didn’t want to mate to Baleel. A pity, really. He seemed a good man.
“She will be mine. Have no doubt. She can fight forever, and I still will not relent in this.” His eyes flashed anger, hurt, steely determination. Something deeper lay between her cousin and this man than what was apparent at first glance. She didn’t want to pry, but he was upset, and she didn’t want to ignore what was so obvious.
Reaching out, she laid a hand over his for a moment. “Don’t relent. I don’t know her, but my dearest friend has a mate like that—one who would never give up on her, even when she had given up on herself. They needed each other. I—I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but I hope she deserves your devotion as much as my friend deserved her husband’s.”
“She does. Her life of late has not been kind to her. A man.” His fists clenched until the knuckles shown white against his dark skin. “A man who is fortunate he has never crossed paths with me.”
“I believe you.” She wanted to ask who the man was and what he had done to Adriana, but she didn’t. It wasn’t her place. And if she’d learned anything among the gossipmongers in the Vesperi court, it was to keep her own counsel and to guard her privacy with ferocious zealotry. Opening up to Tarkesh had been wonderful and frightening all at once. Speaking of Mahlia’s private matters was completely out of character for Katryn, but Baleel had looked so…lost and upset. She sighed. He reminded her of Varad after his son had died. Sad, hurting, but refusing to give in to the pain. Katryn missed her friends. She was so homesick for Vesperi it made her heart ache at times. The smell of the Dead Sea, the cool gardens in the lower caverns, the white sands, and marble halls…it was all she had ever known, and she found herself longing for the familiarity of it.
Baleel straightened and flicked a glance over her shoulder. Her nostrils flared to catch whoever approached her from behind. A guard. She didn’t know his name. He approached her to stand directly behind her, invading her personal space. She shifted, uncomfortable, but he didn’t move, so she stood to face him. He flashed a friendly smile before sliding his hands up the scales on her arms. She shuddered at the unwilling pleasure that arced through her system at the contact. Rage at his arrogance slammed into her. How dare he make sexual advances on her? Jerking back, she hissed an angry warning, her hot temper from earlier resurfacing with a vengeance.
“What do you think you’re doing?” She felt her control spinning away, and her scales rippled up her shoulders to spread over her body. Her mouth opened to shriek in draconic fury. The man paled beneath his dark tan and scrambled back, his hands raised in placation. Her emotions boiled up, untamable, unstoppable. Change was upon her.
Tarkesh appeared from nowhere, and his hands closed over her shoulders to hug her against his wide chest. “Shh…Katryn. Calm down. He meant no offense. It’s often a greeting, a bonding between dragons to touch scales.”
“Well, I was not raised among dragons, and I do not care to be touched unless I ask.” She jerked away, rejecting his touch. He flinched.
“After that reaction, I’m certain it will not happen again.”
She shook her head, unfocused terror and blind rage coursing through her as she backed away, shaking her head wildly. “I’m not trying to be difficult…I’m just not accustomed—”
“To dragon customs? I know. You are unique. Lovely. It’s all right, Katryn. Everything is going to be all right.” Tarkesh reached for her again, and she hissed, backing away.
“Don’t touch me.”
He dropped his hands to his sides, his eyebrows winging up. “Katryn, please. Be—”
“No. Just leave me be.” She knew her words and actions were unreasonable, but she couldn’t help it, couldn’t stop now. Her fists balled at her sides, a sign of her anger at all the things she couldn’t control in her life now. Of all the things she was ignorant of, all the things she should know and didn’t. Spinning away, she ran as fast as her legs would carry her. She needed to escape, to be alone. Her chest felt tight, her control stripping down to nothing but animalistic urges. She dropped to her hands and knees in the sand, gasping in ragged breaths. Moaning, she fumbled with her robes, stripping them away until she lay naked on the grainy earth. Her back arched in reflex, the smooth purple scales glinting in the moonlight as they spread over her entire body. She closed her eyes, twisting in the ecstasy of change. Sucking pops sounded overloud in the quiet of the night. Her bones retracted, reformed her body into the reptilian shape of her dragon side. She hissed, her voice clicking as the breath slipped passed her throat.
Digging her toes into the sand, she moved with great speed over the terrain. Her body was built to thrive in desert conditions. Away, away. She wanted away from everyone and everything. She didn’t even want to smell the faintest trace of them on the wind. Her emotions were too raw, too painful. Tonight showed so clearly how ill prepared she was to live among dragons. Embarrassment and dread burned through her. What would they all think of her? What would they say about her actions tonight? Tigers were acutely aware of their peers and the opinions of others. Judging, jostling for position, everything counted for or against something. One wrong move could destroy a reputation forever. And she’d no doubt failed tonight. Failed as a dragon, failed as a woman, failed to keep control. Failed. She didn’t want to return, didn’t want to face how poorly they would think of her.
Her breath sobbed out, and still she fled from all of them, from herself. She crested a dune and collapsed, panting. She curled into herself, wrapping her tail around her body. She missed her friends, missed a world she understood. People she understood. Would she ever fit here? Could she? Doubts flooded her mind and pressed down on her chest until she couldn’t breathe. Burrowing into the sand, she let the pleasant feel of it scraping over her scales distract her from her misery. She wished she could reach out to someone, connect with someone. Who would understand? She was alone, apart. Just as she’d always been. She sighed, rolling her eyes at the self-pity she was wallowing in. It wasn’t like her, but how the dragons in her caravan would react to her social misstep was one more thing she didn’t know. Would they gossip about it with other dragons when they reached the capital? Or would this be nothing to them, and her reaction now was simply an overreaction based on what she knew of the weretiger culture? Again, she didn’t know. An impatient hiss slid past her throat. Lying there would not make it easier for her to return.
She unfurled herself from the sand, stretched, and began the long walk back. Her haste had taken her a long way from the caravan. Bending her nose close to the ground, she followed her own scent back the way she had come. It was slow going. The desert wind tried to confuse her. She had to backtrack twice before she caught the smell of the caravan—and Tarkesh. His scent called to her, and for once she followed her instincts, her heart. She had already humiliated herself publicly, and she was through worrying what they would think of her. The constant strain of it weighed on her chest. For tonight, she would be free.
Following Tarkesh’s enticing scent to his tent, she slipped through the delicate folds of saltwater silk at the doorway. He lay with his hands propped behind his head on a soft pile of furs and silk. His eyes were closed, and his chest rose and fell in the slow rhythm of sleep. She shuddered at the sight of his beautiful form. He was naked, all well-defined muscles and smooth dragon scales.
Tarkesh.
He jerked upright. His nostrils flared as he sucked in a deep breath. His eyes snapped to her, wildness in their depths. The dark irises bled out to the corners of his eyes. His lip lifted to bare his fangs. Then he blinked. His gaze dropped to her, his irises reformed. Katryn?
Twisting, he moved to sit on the side of the bedding. She moved forward and, with each step, shifted back into her human shape. She stretched her arms above her head, settling into the new form. His eyes widened as he took in her naked body, sliding down to focus on her breasts, the thatch of hair between her legs, the glint of scales that lined her thighs. Her nipples beaded under his perusal, lust flooding her system. Heat built between her legs, and her pussy grew slick with juices. She cupped her hands around her breasts, tweaking the tight nipples. A groan slid from his throat, and she watched as his cock rose long and hard from the nest of dark curls between his thighs. She wanted him, wanted to feel that cock thrusting in her sex. His eyes dropped to half-mast as her fingers slipped between her thighs to stroke the heated cream that coated her pussy lips.
He gazed up at her, awareness and passion lighting his eyes. She arched toward him, letting her feet carry her to him.
“Katryn—”
She lifted her hand to his lips to stop him. “No. Touch me. I want to feel your hands on me, Tarkesh. My choice. One last time.”
His tongue flicked out to suck her fingers into his mouth, licking the juices from her hands. She shivered at the feel of his soft lips closing over her fingertips. When she leaned in to kiss him, he pulled back to meet her gaze. “Katryn, before we do this, you need to know—”
She cut him off; she didn’t want to know. Didn’t want any excuses, any deterrents. She just wanted this with him. Now. Her lips pressed to his, and she thrust her tongue into his mouth. They came together in a hot clash of lips and teeth and tongue. He tried to lean away, so she slid her hands down the cool smoothness of his scales. He went rigid, jerking under her touch. He groaned, his strong arms snapping around her to yank her onto his lap. She smiled against his mouth, knowing she had won. Her legs straddled the lean musculature of his thighs. The head of his cock nestled against the heat of her sex. She arched, rubbing her wetness over his hard flesh. His hands dropped to her hips, drawing her closer.
He shuddered and lay back to stretch out beneath her. His hips lifted to rub the bulbous head of his cock along her slit. Katryn, I think—
Love me tonight, Tarkesh. That’s all I need. I don’t want words. Please.
Indecision showed in his eyes. Eyes that glazed with hot, hard lust. She watched his struggle to focus as she rotated her pelvis to increase the friction of his flesh on hers. But—
An impatient hiss bubbled up in her throat. Why could he not just do what she begged of him? Desperation raced through her. She didn’t want to talk about this, didn’t want logic or reason, or she would stop. And she needed this, needed to feel. Her heart squeezed, and desperation twisted tight within her. She shoved it away. No. Don’t think, don’t stop, just don’t.
Thrusting her hips forward, she seated herself fully on his cock. They both groaned. He closed his eyes and arched beneath her, a deep flush running under his dark tan. He groaned deep in his chest, and his hands settled on her thighs. She sucked in a sharp breath as his fingers grazed the scales that ran diagonally from the outside of her thighs to the insides of her knees. Freezing in place, she waited to see what he would do with her sensitive flesh.
“Tarkesh,” she whispered.
“Yesssss?” He drew out the word in a low hiss. His eyes opened to meet hers, a wicked glint in their depths. His claws extended from his fingers, and he raked them lightly down her thighs. “Is something wrong?” he teased.
“Yes. Harder, faster. Please, Tarkesh.” She shuddered, wrapping her arms around herself to slip her hands up and down the scales on her arms. Tarkesh pressed against the scales on her thighs, caressing her flesh. One hand moved around to slip between her buttocks. He moved against her wet pussy lips, stroking her with his cock and his fingers. Her breath caught as he pulled back to press a finger against her anus. He swirled her own moisture over the tight ring of muscle. She shuddered as he pushed in, thrusting deep. His finger pressed against the head of his cock through the thin wall of flesh that separated them. She ground her hips down, exploding over the edge of orgasm.
“Katryn.” He gritted her name between clenched teeth. Throwing his head back, his fangs bared, and his eyes bled to black. A draconic roar ripped from him, and she echoed the sound as another hot wave of pleasure slammed into her, dragged her under with its force.
Her heart beat hard and fast, emotion she couldn’t name banding her chest. Goddess above, this was perfection. She craved this feeling, wanted it to never end. How could she go to a loveless, lifeless marriage after knowing how sweet it could be with a man she cared about so deeply? Pain and gratitude warred for dominance within. She was so lucky to have ever known something so good, so sweet, but the pain of losing something—something she’d never imagined having—so quickly after finding it was past bearing. The unfairness of it threatened to strangle her of breath. Life wasn’t fair. She’d learned that at a tender age when her mother had died and her father had treated her as an inconvenience. No, life was never fair, and it never would be. Duty and passion didn’t often coincide, and they certainly weren’t about to begin now.
Something in the way she reacted to Tarkesh was unique, special. Sweet. She needed it, needed him, needed the way he made her feel. She wanted that intense emotion forever. Her heart stuttered, realization slamming into her. She loved him. How had it happened so fast? How had he become so necessary to her? This was a disaster. She was to be mated in a matter of hours to another man. Goddess help her. She squeezed her eyes closed over a flood of tears. How could this have happened? All the men she had known, all the Turns she had been having sex, no one had ever touched her so deeply. Why him? Why now? Why couldn’t he be Lord Nadir?
Anger at herself, at her rebellious heart, at Tarkesh for being so wonderful, slammed into her. Tears welled in her eyes. Helpless, hopeless. She rolled herself away from him and curled into a ball, letting bitter words trip from her lips. “Tell me, am I to be the fourth wife or fifth in Nadir’s harim?”
He jolted and sat up to lean over her, but she refused to look at him. “Neither. Lady Katryn, I think you are under a misconception of what a harim is.”
She sniffed. “Isn’t it a man who is mated to many women?”
“It can be—”
“Ha. You see?” She flashed him a triumphant look, but she found no pleasure in being right.
He chuckled, stroking a single finger along the very edge of her scaling so that half of his touch moved on her skin and half on her scales. She shivered. “It can be a man with two wives, or it can be a woman with two husbands.”
“But only three people? Never more?” She shifted on the blankets and finally faced him.
He shook his head. “No. The point of a harim is to ensure a mating that can produce offspring. Dragon children are rare.”
“I didn’t know that.” She was quiet for a long moment. “So, I am joining Lord Nadir and his current mate in a harim. And if he needs me to be able to breed, then he must be mated to another male or mated to a sterile female. Would I…would I be expected to bed the wife as well?”
He sucked in his cheeks, a dimple tucking into the left one. “You don’t care for women?”
“I am not attracted to women, no. Only men.” She folded her arms, and his gaze landed on her plumped breasts.
He cleared his throat, the smile dropping from his face as heat filtered into his dark eyes. “That is fortunate, then. Nadir is mated to a male dragon.”
“And do they…do they like women, or are they just mating with me because they have to?” She arched under his gaze, no longer caring what the answers to her questions were. She had no choice in any of this, but she had choices tonight. And she wanted Tarkesh again, now.
He dipped his head to lick along the edge of her arm and over the curve of her breasts. The wet stroke touched both scales and sensitive flesh. Hot pleasure flooded her pussy. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sweetness of his touch. “I do not pretend to know all of Nadir’s thoughts, but I do know he is physically attracted to women, though he has never—”
“Tarkesh.” A cool, rough voice sounded from outside the tent. Katryn had her mouth open to ask a question, but Tarkesh lifted a hand to still her words.
“Yes, Baleel?”
“I am sorry to interrupt, but a missive has arrived from Nadir.”
Tarkesh groaned and rolled to his feet to fetch whatever message her soon-to-be mate had sent. Cold fingers of reality stroked over her skin. Her mate. With whom she would bond tomorrow. And she was in the bed of another man. Guilt and shame rolled over her in a suffocating wave. Goddess help her. While Tarkesh spoke to Baleel, she jerked to her feet and forced herself to exit the tent from the rear. She shivered as the chill wind hit her naked flesh. It was common for wereanimals to be nude in public—they couldn’t take their clothes with them when they shifted—but she hurried along just the same, afraid one look at her would tell anyone what they needed to know. She was betrothed to one man and in love with another. A sob caught in her throat as she threw herself into her own pallet on the floor of her tent and buried her face in the saltwater silk coverings.
She was in love, and she’d never been more miserable in her entire life.